timewasting | OPEN POST 2020.

[ there's a soft snort to herself, at the concept of anyone else breaking into kaz brekker's office and living to tell the tale. of course kaz would hire someone who could do that; he had hired her, after all.

she watches him pick up the stuffed lion, running his thumb over the nose. she allows him the private moment of contemplation, lets him continue of his own accord, before she moves to stand, the movement effortless. graceful. silent. ]

Only one? [ feigned disappointment, as she moves to lean her hip against his desk, a bit closer to him, now, her arms crossing over her chest. ] I hope it was good.

[ she pauses, before inclining her head toward the window. toward the darkening city of ketterdam. ]

Has anyone bothered you?

[ read: has pekka truly left him alone? ]

You know the press, moving on to the next thing within an hour.

[ Ketterdam in particular liked its gossip fresh. He wonders if that's due to the proximity of everyone to the Barrel or if it's an odd cultural thing about the Kerch. Eternally nosy and putting their business in everyone else's. ]

I saved it, if you want to read it. [ He's trying for nonchalance, as though that's the reason he carefully pruned it from the page. And not because he wanted to occasionally re-read it, a little glow of pride flickering somewhere in his veins at what she managed to accomplish in so short a time. Scaring the hell out of slavers all over as soon as she'd gotten onto the ocean.

She tips her head towards the window and his fingers curl, barely enough to make the leather of his gloves creak; he stifles the urge to brush some of her displaced hair away from her neck. ]

Aside from those idiots in the Razorgulls, no. They've been more nuisance than any kind of threat, you know most of them can't even string two coherent thoughts together.

[ That's being generous.

He glances down, words sifting to the tip of his tongue. So many things he wants to say but can't. Instead: ] What was it like?

[ small comforts, then. not that inej legitimately thought for a moment kaz brekker would be in danger without her watching his back, but the concern lingered. kaz was overconfident and brash and, quite frankly, stupid on occasion, for all of his brilliance and conniving. but he seems to be in one piece, thriving.

without the ghost of pekka rollins nipping at his heels.

the fact that kaz has the story from the post causes an odd warmth in her chest, one that she would have dismissed as childish and stupid a few months ago, but she seizes upon it now, allowing it to permeate her being for a few seconds. she doesn't comment on the story yet (though she will want to read it; instead, inej meets his eyes, letting his question wash over her.

what was it like. ]

What was what like?

[ innocently enough, though the expression on her face makes it clear that she knows exactly what kaz is talking about. but before he can say anything else, she continues, her tone unassuming: ]

If you mean ensuring that Pekka never purchases another little girl to sell for profit in Ketterdam again, it was a passable way to spend the evening.

[ :) ]

[ He's not sure how she feels about the article, her expression edging towards neutral. Happy, maybe. Before she left, he thinks he would've known– but no, that's not true is it? Almost every step of their relationship he's read her wrong in a million ways, his judgment clouded by revenge, by denial, by sheer and unadulterated stupidity.

No longer does he have the first two as a defense, with Pekka neatly out of the picture and well, he gave up on pushing away soon after she'd told him to get his act together.

The stupidity is a pretty big factor in all of his current problems, though. Hm. ]

I'm certain he'll be haunted by his decisions for the rest of his life. [ And haunted by the knowledge that either one of them were waiting with jaws wide open to crush him if he should show his face again. Shaking his head, he clears that away, intent on leaving Rollins in the past. ]

That isn't what I meant. [ He knows that she knows, but it bears saying out loud. Because he can finally move on, think about a future, think about the name she's carving for herself with each passing wave. ]

[ indeed, and him saying it out loud, neatly bypassing news of pekka in lieu of asking about her, is the passing of the unintentional test. and, finally, inej grants him a proper smile, exhaling in a soft laugh.

what is it like. sailing under her own control, searching out her own destiny, and planning out her own future. it's overwhelming to think about, but in the end, inej can only think of one thing, to sum up how she feels, and how the last few months have treated her: ]

I can finally breathe.

[ and she catches his gaze again, her smile morphing into something a bit more fond.

she isn't entirely sure where they stand either, but inej knows two things: (1) that she is not a liar (by birth, not by trade) and (2) that kaz brekker (whether he likes it or not) is the reason she is free.

so honesty, for the boy who (again, whether he likes it or not) saved her, is worth speaking into existence, her tone warm: ]

But it is good to see you, Kaz. [ and, just as easily as breathing, she continues: ] I have missed being able to see you.

[ terribly, but she keeps that part to herself. ]

[ Oh. There's the laugh. Or at least, a version of it. The sound makes his chest ache from how much he missed it, missed her, as she seems to relax, her smile less tense around the corners of her mouth.

Her reply isn't the detail he wants, but it does resonate. That ship had granted her purpose and true freedom, to go wherever it is she wanted. Like taking that first desperate breath after coming up from the water. He knows that feeling, backwards and forwards; closing the chapter on Rollins felt the same way. After she'd told him it was done, he'd braced himself for some sort of retaliation from the Kaelish Barrel boss.

And when none came, he'd felt weak at the knees from the full realization that it really was over. Nearly a decade in the making and he could finally start his life without Rollins hanging around his neck.

Which meant he could also stand to pay more attention to the people who'd made it possible. To stop acting like their presence was purely business. He was the most vicious boss in the Barrel now– admitting to having a few friends wasn't going to kill him. Though Inej's current honesty might, from how his heartbeat speeds up.

Before he can overthink his words, before he can mask over what they really are: ]

I missed you. [ Every day. So much, too much. ]

[ the words earn kaz a real smile, a small grin, even.

the bar for kaz brekker has always been insultingly low, which makes all the tiny attempts more worth it, and all the sweeter for tasting. and inej knows (saints, she knows) that kaz misses her, but hearing it makes it all the more wonderful.

she wants to hug him, or hold his hand, but doing so seems a bit . . . much. instead, she takes half a step forward and reaches out a hand to gently fix the collar of his shirt, smoothing it neatly.

it's a tiny act of intimacy, and closeness, but it's enough, for now. ]

Did you really save the story from the Post?

[ amused, eyes bright. ]

[ Her grin is infectious and frankly, he doesn't feel the need to stop the small smile that turns up one corner of his lips. There's no one else here but them (and the crows, the nosy bastards). Though he thinks, as he takes in the brightness of her smile, let everyone see. Who gives a fuck? ]

I did. The journalist was actually pretty good. [ He lets her adjust his collar, relaxing his shoulders a bit and leaning just a hair towards the touch. Nervously, he catches her hand before she totally withdraws it, running a gloved thumb over the backs of her fingers. Just because. ]

[ the movement nearly catches her off guard, but Inej doesn’t pull her hand away. she lets him hold it, running his thumb over her fingers, and her grin softens as she gently squeezes his hand in return.

some part of her was afraid it would be... wrong, when she came back. but no, they’ve fallen right back where they left off. ]

What did they get wrong?

[ because kaz has said “pretty good,” and while that’s high praise from him, it still means they missed the mark somewhere. ]

Edited 2020-05-21 02:06 (UTC)

[ She doesn't take her hand away, instead giving his own a squeeze that feels reassuring. Comfortable. And now he's kicking himself a little, wishing he'd been braver and taken his gloves off before coming upstairs. Inej deserves every vulnerable bit he can give her. Piece by piece. ]

They said Specht was captain. [ Damn Kerch. He snorts at this dredged up fact, briefly letting go of her hand to retrieve the clipping. Kaz sets his cane to lean against the side of his desk and then goes around it, pulling open one of the drawers. The article is laid out on the desk, reinforced with backing board so it wouldn't get crushed.

Correcting his mistake from earlier, he loosens his gloves and pulls them off, setting them next to the stuffed lion. ]

How long are you staying?

[ kaz's hand slips from her grasp, but inej soon follows after him, watching him lay out the article . . . preserved with the backing board so that it wouldn't get crumpled. the detail causes the curve of her mouth to twitch upward, because the attention to detail in making sure it doesn't get harmed is very on point for kaz.

her eyes move over the article, devouring the detail with a glance as she reads. news of the wraith (the ship, this time, not the girl) disrupting slaving routes and causing slavers to tell stories of a ghost in the night that threatened to cut them down if they continued their barbaric practices . . . and while, indeed, the article gets the captain wrong, the people of ketterdam will know exactly who is running the show.

no one else can strike fear in the hearts of men like the wraith. that's enough, for her.

the removal of the gloves doesn't escape her notice, but inej doesn't comment upon it. instead, she continues to read the article, though she does answer kaz's question as she does so: ]

We encountered a storm, a few weeks ago, that caused some amount of damage. We will need to repair it, and restock our stores . . . collect information on new routes that need to be destroyed. And the crew needs a break.

[ finally, inej looks up to look at kaz, a smile gracing her features again. ]

A month, maybe longer, depending on how long it takes to collect what I need.

[ As she reads, he relaxes a bit more, shrugging his coat off and draping it over the back of his chair. He hesitates, then rolls his sleeves up neatly, simultaneously glad for the opportunity to unwind and nervous about having this much skin exposed. Sure, he held her bare hand before she'd left, but that was months ago. A small touch now after so long could have him choking up as usual.

Glancing at Inej, with her head tipped down and braid threatening to slip over her shoulder, he thinks it's worth the risk.

He busies himself with tidying up some of the papers and books he'd left out on the desk, setting the books on the corner in a neat stack. The papers are settled into a couple different drawers—filed and for later. When she answers, he feels that small grip of worry at the mention of a storm. Inej can certainly handle any slaver or ship, but the weather is a cruel mistress. Anything could happen out at sea and he has to remind himself she made it back in one piece. It's fine. ]

Maybe you can enjoy Ketterdam as a tourist for once. I suppose you'll be staying with Wylan and Jesper? [ Their place does have more room, after all. ]

[ when she's finished reading the article, inej's eyes shift to watch kaz shrug out of his coat and move around the room to busy himself with cleaning, organizing. he's nervous, and he wears it well as he slips papers with secrets into his desk.

wylan and jesper. inej needs to see them, check and see how much money jesper has gambled away, and whether wylan is having any luck in curbing jesper's more problematic traits. but staying with them seems a bit silly, when kaz is here by himself.

besides: ]

I doubt I can move through this city as a tourist.

[ her tone is a bit dry, lips pursing together to hide the smile. even though the wraith may not patrol the city in her spare time on a daily basis anymore, word spreads quickly. no gambling hall or restaurant will treat her like a normal tourist, not when the wraith has come back to ketterdam. ]

And I would rather stay here, if that is okay.

[ she catches his gaze. ]

Someone has to feed the crows.

[ obviously. ]

[ That's probably true. The both of them are too recognizable to move through the streets of Ketterdam without most people knowing who they were. Inej in particular has a reputation that makes the residents of the Barrel in particular very uneasy, her placid looks hiding an array of knives and a silent step.

If he hadn't become painfully aware of where she was all the time, he'd be nervous around her too. Well, ok, he is nervous around her right now, but for entirely different reasons. ]

But your room— [ He hadn't been able to hold onto it, after she left. Keeping an empty room was a bit silly. And difficult, when trying to house as many Dregs as possible.

Wait.

His gaze slides towards the open doorway to his room, eyebrows lifting. ]

Up here? [ If he sounds unsteady it's because he is, breathing going a little funny from the implication. ]

[ she stepped too far.

there were days when existing with kaz was easy, and there were days when it was difficult. today is an easy day, but it's still rife with landmines and the like. walking the tightrope without a net is something she is good at, but mistakes happen, and she has to overcorrect.

she honestly hadn't meant sharing a room with him; taking some corner of the building with a cot was more than enough for her, while the ship was being repaired, and then she could return to her own quarters. no one would be stupid enough to bother her, and she felt more comfortable here -- because even though wylan and jesper were beloved friends, and family, they could both be . . . loud. a bit much. and escaping into nothingness when she needs a break would be something kaz understands, and not necessarily jesper or wylan.

but kaz connects the wrong dots. which was her own fault, really. and inej opens her mouth to immediately correct him and apologize, but something inside her stalls.

inej is patient. but kaz sometimes needs a gentle push. and so she arches her eyebrows, almost incredulous at the insinuation, when she decides to do what she knows will get a result.

goad him.

because he's an idiot. ]

Can the King of the Barrel not get another bed on short notice?

[ read: relax. ]

[ Tense silence stretches between them after his question. He isn't sure what to make of the flicker of her expression, how she starts to say something and then stops, clearly rethinking her words. Every passing second has him more torn about the possibility. It isn't like he's never been alone with her in the room before. Plenty of those times he's been half dressed and oblivious.

Now his mind is jumping several steps ahead, going from sharing a space to sharing a bed and he's thankful he isn't one to blush. And that the dimming light from the window have cast enough shadows to hide any color on his face, if it should show.

Ok, that's enough nonsense. Her verbal prod is enough to stop the frantic trip of his thoughts, pulling him back to the present. Away from wondering what it would be like to press his cheek to the back of her neck. ]

I'll see what I can do. If your things are on the ship, I can have them brought over. [ It's not a long trek from the harbor, but she deserves the rest. ] In the meantime, I've more to do, so you can use this room if you want some silence.

[ there he is.

inej can fetch her own things, but she does appreciate the offer. she'll accept it, once she finishes dealing with kaz brekker . . . who has decided that he has work to do, and is willing to relinquish this space to her if she needs it to decompress.

it's a kind offer, and one that she'll likely take. soon. but for now: ]

Come with me, to the ship.

[ he's not getting away that easily. ]

And pick up dinner along the way. We can eat on the roof.

[ so he can sulk in silence or something, and not be bothered by the general public. ]

[ He might've been trying to escape. It's stupid, as usual, but it's what he has when he can feel himself floundering. They've known each other for years and he feels like he doesn't know her at all in so many ways, the dynamic having shifted so drastically before she left.

Frankly, he doesn't do well with what he doesn't know. His hand pauses halfway to his cane, considering her counter offer. There's a valid excuse to duck away– a pile of papers all clamoring for his attention. Dregs to check in with. Gambling tables to look over.

At the very least, he knows himself well enough that none of those things would actually happen, attention drifting back to the niggling of her presence between his shoulder blades. So he nods, agreeing to the first. The Wraith might be in something of disrepair but he is interested to see what changes it's gone through now that it's been lived in. ]

There's a new place, if we go the long way. [ They've quickly made their way up the list of favored waffle stops as far as he's heard. He'd thought of Inej and Nina when it opened, knowing the latter would've had a detailed report on the exact texture of said waffles. ]

I had it replaced, you won't need to step over those shingles anymore. [ For years, there'd been a few loose ones and they'd have to pick their way carefully over them. After the windfall from the Van Eck job, he'd gotten the whole thing replaced, knowing it desperately needed. He gestures for her to lead on, adamantly keeping his gloves where they are on the desk. ]

[ his acquiescence prompts another smile, and inej moves around the desk toward him, collecting his gloves and coat without a second thought. as if the movement is natural to her, and she holds out the coat for him to take with a smile.

the harbor can be chilly, though the sun is peaking through the clouds today. his coat will probably be needed to ward off the chill. but not the gloves, which are slid into her pocket. ]

Wise.

[ in regards to the replacement of the shingles, which inej has never tripped over, but she's had to slow herself down for kaz once, or twice, or six times. offered a hand many times to make sure he doesn't fall to his death, which was always refused with a stubborn roll of his eyes and a littany of grumbling that inej ignored. ]

We wouldn't want you to fall off the roof.

[ again. ]

[ He takes the coat, draping it over his shoulders for now. And maybe he's a little thankful that she's considered taking the gloves along. His stubbornness in keeping them off for her is likely to backfire. As though diving into the deep end before learning to swim in the shallows.

Opening the door, he lets her go first. ]

I'm not performing that same trick twice. [ Once was more than enough. Still, he doesn't regret keeping the tailor from fixing his leg. It's just who he is, now. Changing the break would feel too weird.

As they make their way downstairs, he's glad that most of the Dregs seem occupied with other activities, the hallways scarce. The first floor is the loudest, with the most coming and going, and he only stops for a minute to leave Anika in charge. She looks like she wants to say something about the whole scenario, but he turns away before any of it can be given voice. No, he really doesn't need anyone pointing out Inej is back, not when it would mean so many of the Dregs clamoring to hear her stories.

There's a ship to see and dinner to be had, after all. ]

Aah, right. A trick.

[ you fell on your sorry ass because you slipped, you jerk.

inej lets kaz handle speaking to anika, and she moves toward the door without much hesitation, for much the same reason as kaz avoids speaking to anyone besides anika on their way out -- she will happily socialize with the dregs, but there is a time, and a place.

and right now, waffles are on the horizon.

she considers drawing her hood as she steps outside, but she doesn't bother as she begins toward the harbor with kaz, keeping pace with him easily. it's a beautiful night in ketterdam. they can take their time.

and now that they're walking, and moving through the city (their city), inej can legitimately answer the question kaz asked her earlier. ]

The sea is beautiful, but unpredictable.

[ she begins there, casting him something of a look, because kaz brekker's track record when inej ghafa experiences anything remotely dangerous that legitimately threatens her life (which is not much) is not a good one. but once she sends him the silent i'm fine, she continues, her tone is warm. ]

We ran into a storm, but we were close to shore. We patched up what we could, and then set sail for Ketterdam. [ and, most importantly: ] The Saints blessed us with clear horizons for the rest of the journey, but the repairs will ground us for a bit.

[ which would be frustrating, if it didn't mean inej couldn't spend time with kaz, jesper, and wylan while here. she desperately missed nina, and promised herself she would sail north. soon. ]

Waffles are hard to find on the open ocean, though.

[ especially good ones. ]

[ For Ketterdam, the weather isn't bad. It's actually approaching the vicinity of good, with no rain in sight and only a smattering of wispy clouds set against the darkened sky. Their path in the Barrel is lit by lamps, the light giving Inej a halo-ing effect when she passes underneath of them.

He really needs to stop staring.

Her silent reassurance works, in part because she knows him so well. And the other part because he's distracted by how good it feels to have her walking alongside him again. ]

Good thing you were so nearby. [ His stomach does an unpleasant turn, thinking about how bad it could've been if the ship had been further out to sea. That isn't what happened though, and he selfishly is glad he'll get to see her for so long. ]

What, can't get the gulls to drop them off?

No such luck.

[ with a laugh; the gulls would steal any waffles away from her even if they could. but Inej shakes her head slightly, moving on easily. ]

She’s a good ship. [ in reassurance, as they walk. the salt hangs in the air, beckoning them both closer as they near the harbor. ] She kept us safe until we got to shore.

[ but it was a good lesson in trusting the skies; Inej won’t run the risk again. ]

Other than that, I haven’t had any trouble. It’s been ... wonderful.

[ truly and blissfully wonderful. ]

[ Truthfully, the gulls were more likely to be dirty little thieves when food was involved. He's seen enough children have sweets stolen right from their fingers while walking along Ketterdam's rocky shoreline. It's an amusing image either way. ]

She had better. [ Kaz you can't threaten a ship??? There is the reassurance, though, that the Kerch generally know what they're doing when they build said ships, their merchants always demanding the best. In this case, it's worked out– Van Eck wouldn't have settled for anything less in his fleet. His insufferable personality is their fortune. Quite literally, in basically every aspect. ]

Inej– [ He starts, hand partway extended, as if he isn't sure of this decision. ] –I'm happy for you.

[ She deserves to hear it. ]

[ there’s only the barest hesitation before Inej catches his hand easily, squeezing his fingers exactly as she had before, offering him a proper grin. ]

I am too.

[ definitively, sure of herself, confident. inej walks with a certainty in her step that wasn’t there before, a brashness, with the knowledge that no matter what happens, her life is her own. And she can choose where she goes, and what she does, and what she wants. everything that happens tonight will be because she wants it to happen, and that is freeing indeed.

but she allows his fingers to slip from hers as they keep walking. he’s free to grab her hand again, but she doesn’t want to push her luck. not while they’re having a legitimately good time. ]

And I’m happy for you, too.

[ because she notices the ease in which he breathes now, without the demon of Pekka Rollins haunting his steps. ]

How have you been, since... [ well. all of that. ] I worried about you, while I was gone. About you being alone.

[ but judging from the halls, and the mentions of wylan and Jesper, maybe kaz hadn’t been so alone after all. ]

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