timewasting | OPEN POST 2020.

[ kaz was right, of course, but the weight in her chest was no less heavy for knowing it. perhaps the best way of helping nina was to stay put . . . but if anyone could steal through ravka unnoticed, it would be inej.

she tables the thought for now; it's clear she's lost in her thoughts for at least a few moments, but her vision clears once they near the harbor. the ocean lapping at the docks, and the wraith moored near the end.

the ship, honestly, looks decent upon first glance . . . except the whole missing a mast thing. it's cracked, brought down by the winds, and kind of bolted together through some creative woodworking that inej and her crew had cobbled together. there's also a crack in the hull, but inej doesn't look too bothered, as they come into view of her ship.

she does, however, gently squeeze kaz's fingers, in reassurance, before saying: ]

I think the crew went into town as soon as they were able, so it should be relatively empty.

[ no one in ketterdam is stupid enough to try and steal the wraith. ]

[ She falls quiet and he leaves her to her thoughts, undoubtedly worried about Nina. Not that he isn't—they'd gotten close on the Van Eck job, to his surprise. But Inej had a much closer relationship with the grisha, the two of them practically attached at the hip. Both of them had gone from Ketterdam on their own pursuits. Who knows when they'd be in the same spot again? Hopefully Ravka didn't swallow Nina whole.

Reflexively, when the Wraith first comes into view, his first words are: ]

Where is your mast? [ Okay, she told him they hit some bad weather but this is hard to take in. And well, he supposes there's a mast-like shape. They were lucky to get it cobbled together enough, otherwise they'd be dead in the water.

Those damn saints better keep up the luck, otherwise he's going to have a bone to pick with every single one of them. ]

After a shock like that, I'd want my feet on dry land as quickly as possible, too.

[ ah, well. a better reaction than anticipated.

truthfully, inej had been devastated when the storm passed and the damage was assessed. they were luckily close enough to a port town that inej could pay someone to tow them in, and they had managed to throw together something in order to get safely to ketterdam. but overall, she felt furious with herself that she had misread the skies, that she hadn't taken in sail quickly enough, that she had made a mistake.

once she allowed herself to feel angry with herself over such things, she remembered something crucial, which was: ]

Sometimes you have to learn to fall without a net.

[ and the sea had paid her dearly, for thinking she knew what she was doing. she's still learning, and it was a hard lesson to learn. but her beloved ship will be fine, and that was what matters most.

so inej keeps moving down the dock, tugging kaz along, her hand still intertwined with his. ]

I have repurposed portions of the ship belowdeck, into more living quarters. Temporary, for survivors that need to be brought to port.

[ liberation, for the little girls like inej. ]

No one was hurt, in the storm. Not even the children.

[ so, honestly. a win is a win, in her book. ]

No faster way to learn. [ He says dryly, knowing full well what that's like. In one case, literally. In a number of other cases, somewhat figuratively. His whole entire run in the Barrel has been filled with mistakes, things he learned from as he went.

At the very least, he feels like he's making less of them, lately. It's entirely possible he'll look back on this time in a few years and think he'd been an idiot, though. That is, if he's still around by that point. One never knew in the Barrel. ]

How do they take it? [ Surely, there's relief when they're pulled from slaver hands. But he can't imagine the fear goes away, even with the promise of being returned to homes. He knows even when he had Jordie upon arriving in Ketterdam, he'd been afraid, unsure of what was going to happen. ]

They probably think you're one of those saints. [ He follows her tugging, still warmed by being able to touch her like this. ]

[ no faster way to learn, indeed. but at his question, inej hums to herself, trying to figure out the best way to put it. ]

The first time, I accidentally scared them. [ it's a rueful confession, because while inej has a massive heart, it's also been a long time since she was a child, if she ever was one to begin wtih. and a lithe teenager appearing from nothing from the shadows with a finger to her lips and a knife in her spare hand could inspire fear in even the bravest of men. ] Now, I remove the threat first, before searching the cargo hold for people.

[ "remove the threat" is a lovely way of saying "make grown men beg for their lives and cry for mercy," but inej has always been kinder than most. ]

And I do not think they think that.

[ she knows he's just being himself, but the correction still stands!! as they approach the wraith. ]

I think they are simply grateful to sleep somewhere without chains, until they can return home.

There's already been some grumbling in the West Stave.

[ He's yet to find where the exact discontent is, since it seems to be a generalized sentiment. Good, let those brothel owners be upset. When they inevitably get angry enough about Inej routing all of their plans, he'll ruin them even more. Just like Tante Heleen. ]

Well, that's definitely true. [ He does think she's being too humble as usual. She doesn't know the effect she has on people.

Or maybe he's biased.

As they come up to the ship, he notes more of the damage, frowning to himself at it. Clearly, it's still floating, but the storm had done quite a bit. In his mind, he can practically hear Specht's worry over it all. ]

So then, Captain, give me the tour.

[ the news that there's grumbling in the west stave brings a satisfied grin to her face, and while she doesn't say it, it's clear that inej feels good about that piece of information.

she immediately moves up the ramp onto the wraith properly, bumping shoulders with kaz as they move along the deck. ]

There isn't much to see up here.

[ admittedly; it looks like a normal deck! but she'll move toward a door, to head below deck. ]

I had a secret hold installed that can be accessed through the captain's quarters. [ to hide people, if necessary. ] But other than that, the layout remains the same.

Smart.

[ More exits are usually a good thing, especially if they're hidden away. They both know the value of having a means to escape. Or hide something (or someone).

As they head below deck, he reluctantly lets her hand go, the more cramped spaces making it difficult to stay connected. As annoying as that is, it's strangely nice to know it was circumstance that had him letting go and not the sickly feel he's used to getting. ]

How long did it take to reconfigure?

[ letting go of her hand is bittersweet, but inej keeps him close as they move down into the underbelly of the ship. it's a relatively open space, for a ship, but as inej ducks underneath a beam, she gestures to a few different rooms and compartments. ]

Not long. [ coin tends to make men move faster than not, and inej had really just gotten rid of a cupboard area to expand upon a secret area. she doesn't point out where the secret door is, not yet; kaz can figure it out on his own.

instead, inej moves through the space easily, pushing open a door to show the repurposed captain's quarters -- the largest living quarters on the ship, now built into multiple bunks and an impromptu armory. ]

The survivors sleep here, when they're on board. [ with a small smile toward kaz, inclining her head toward the beds, which appear to be able to collapse back against the wall, with a quick movement -- easy to hide, if needed. ] The crew and I take ... [ and she gestures toward the opposite end of the underbelly of the ship, where a few more doors exist. ] -- those rooms, there. I have my own room.

[ more to keep her sanity, than anything else. ]

And the kitchen is that way, and we eat wherever we can.

[ it's a small ship, but it's hers, and that's what matters. ]

[ Generally, he has a pretty good memory for spaces, so he notes some of the differences in the layout once they're below deck. The lower lighting casts unfamiliar shadows on everything– he'd seen it in the daylight, when he first went to inspect it. Some parts are obviously more worn in a good way– it's a ship that sees frequent use by people who genuinely love it. He pokes his head into the repurposed quarters, nodding in approval at the changes.

Collapsible bunks and a small armory to go with it. Prepared, just in case. ]

I imagine having your own space is necessary in cramped quarters.

[ The Slat is busy and seems to always have people crowding the hallways. That would be doubly true for a ship like this that doesn't have the opportunity to expand like a building does. What space they have is what they have to work with. ]

It looks good, there's some smart precautions. [ He means it, he's impressed. But did he expect anything less from her? ]

[ there's a soft noise of agreement, as she moves to light a lantern, which she sets up a bolted down table against the wall, to cast a bit more light in the room. having her own space is necessary. solitude is needed, sometimes.

but as kaz offers the compliment, inej tosses him a grin before she moves to open the door to her own private quarters -- so she can fetch her things to bring back to the slat -- speaking as she does so. ]

So your concerns can be put to rest?

[ she's only teasing a little, as she slips into her quarters. ]

[ As she heads into her quarters, he leans against the doorway, not wanting to get in the way. She has an actual room to herself, but that doesn't mean too much on a small ship. Two people in one spot can feel cramped.

He does peek in though, noting the little bit of decoration, the useful map pinned to one wall, the woven looking bedspread. It's very her. ]

Not exactly. [ Look, he'd worry even if Ghezen himself were looking after the ship. Ok, maybe Ghezen is a bad choice, he's not known to be very selfless.

The saints, then. Doubt is in his nature. ]

Maybe if the whole ship were in a protective bubble. [ Not possible but a guy can dream. ]

[ she doesn't have very many belongings, so packing clothes into a bag is a quick process. she already has her knives on her person, never leaving anywhere without them. but once she closes the bag and buckles it up, shouldering it with ease.

she moves back toward the door, grabbing another bag by the door, which she hands to kaz with a warm smile, reaching out with a hand to gently touch the side of his face, in the briefest of caresses, before she adds, her tone a bit dry: ]

I am my own protective bubble.

[ and she slips past him. ]

Waffles?

[ you owe her dinner, sir. ]

[ When she hands him the bag, he takes it, settling it over one shoulder. Her brief touch is a surprise but not an entirely bad one and he tilts his cheek into it. The fact that it doesn't last long is both a blessing and something he wants to curse. Frankly, he's not sure he could handle more than that, but he always wants to. ]

Usually, yes. [ Maybe not against storms or a raging sea but he doesn't want to belabor the point (for once). Inej knows how to take care of herself, as much as he always finds himself worrying about her. He supposes a close call with Van Eck stealing her away is enough to warrant such a reaction. ]

Enough to make up for the months without them. [ He smiles, just a bit, following her out. Now that he knows the layout of the ship, it's quicker as they head off of it and back towards the Barrel. The night crowd is out in fuller swing, gathered around doorways, their raucous laughter echoing out into the harbor. ]

You'll want to visit Jesper and Wylan sooner rather than later, otherwise they're going to accuse me of being selfish.

[ Which. He is? But he really doesn't want to deal with either of them knocking his door down in the morning over it. ]

I will visit them after we eat.

[ it’s an easy promise to make, and inej catches his hand again as they walk, the city coming to life as the sun vanished behind the horizon. she treasured wylan and jesper dearly, but it hadn’t been a question, on who she would visit first.

she would rather wylan and jesper be annoyed at kaz for monopolizing her time than the reverse. and inej knew that wylan and jesper would understand, unequivocally, why she had headed straight for the slat. she could deal with their complaining, because it would be in jest.

which reminds her: ]

And I am sure they will complain more about my lack of souvenirs from my travels than your selfishness.

[ children. though inej does have a looted gun from a slaver ship that jesper can keep. but seeing as Kaz is the one who brought them up, inej finds a chance to wheedle information out of him, and inej casts him glance, arching her eyebrows.. ]

I’ve heard Jesper has avoided the halls.

[ where she heard this, she won’t say.

( she totally asks her sources who dig up information on slavers to check and make sure her friends aren’t dead and/or in debt. ) ]

[ She takes his hand again as they walk and he braces himself momentarily for the feel of water around his ankles. There's a quiet breath of relief, lost in the din of a passing group whose chatter permeates the air. Maybe he'll be braver, later, if his mind is going to cooperate so well. ]

They can complain all they want—you're back, that's what matters.

[ Uh. Well. That's a little more honest than usual but he isn't taking it back, annoyed as he is at the prospect of complaints that there weren't little gifts. He can understand the eagerness but he's really just relieved she made it back in one piece, especially after seeing the damage to her ship firsthand. ]

You heard right. [ From where, he's curious, but it figures she would have her own network. News is hard to come by at sea. Having good informants when she docks would make sense. And maybe he feels a bit warmed by the fact that she's clearly keeping tabs, even when she's so far out of reach. ] Seems Wylan's curbed most of his gambling compunctions.

[ there's a roll of her eyes at the perceived annoyance in his tone, but she squeezes his hand, because the honesty is still caught . . . even through the petulance.

the news about jesper is welcome, though. she catches bits and pieces, to keep tabs on her loved ones, and to remain knowledgeable about ketterdam. the politics of the city are constantly moving, and knowing that kaz is still in charge and pulling the strings is a comfort, when she's away.

they will be fine without her, just as she will be fine without them. at least, not every single day. ]

Jesper is lucky, to have him.

[ she says after a moment, amused at the thought of wylan physically dragging jesper from the gambling halls. the poor boy needs a raise. but as they continue walking (taking, indeed, the long way) further into the city, she moves a bit closer, so that their shoulders bump as they walk, her expression shifting from amused to something a bit more internalized, and inward.

inej has this city memorized. it is her city, as much as it is anyone else's. but she rarely walked the streets; no, the wraith moved in the shadows. she couldn't really remember the last time she walked through ketterdam. mostly because she was always determined to avoid the menagerie. to avoid haleen.

now, that isn't really a concern. because the menagerie has been effectively shut down, but more importantly, inej is free. no one owns the note on her soul anymore, and for the first time, she can just stroll down the street without the spectres of the past haunting her steps.

it's a humbling thought. and a freeing one. and for half a moment, inej rests her cheek against kaz's arm as they walk, both in silent thanks and a moment of reflection.

she doesn't need to hide. not anymore. ]

[ Jesper really is lucky to have Wylan. To have someone more understanding of how he operates– and isn't willing to take advantage of it. Kaz knew he'd been doing that, feeding his bad habits and encouraging him into them because it benefited him. He realizes now it'd been a shitty thing to do and he has a lot to do to make up for being a bad friend.

(Which. Is still weird to think about any of them in that context, but that's what they are).

When she drifts a little closer, he adjusts his stride, letting their shoulders touch as they go. It's... nice, not having to fill the space with chatter and he's missed this. Before, it'd been pretty often that he would be doing paperwork and she would be sitting on the window sill, drinking in the sun as he crunched numbers. Now it's a slightly different kind of silence, though not still not uncomfortable– their dynamic changed as soon as he'd kept his gloves off for her.

And really, it shifted even more in that aftermath. She was her own person in every aspect, no longer bound by any contract. He doesn't feel the pull of Rollins' betrayal with every waking step.

As for Jordie– he's finally accepting the grief. He hadn't had a chance to, after he dragged himself out of the harbor. There'd only been the shock, the need to survive. He can't say he's better, but it's a small step to try and let go– something he's been historically bad at. ]

If you decide to drink the coffee, you'll be up for two days. [ Kaz finally breaks the quiet as they turn the corner, objective in sight. It's a simple looking place with a white painted wooden sign hanging over the door. In the window are small pastries set out on decorative trays; it doubles as a bakery during the afternoons. He gets the door, gesturing her in. ]

[ inej, as it were, does not order the coffee but makes a mental note to herself to do so before she leaves. instead, she orders waffles, and resists the urge to eat them on the way back to the slat, though the smell is tempting.

the meal is ate mostly in silence, as they drop off Inej’s things in Kaz’s office and make their way to the roof. it’s enjoyable, and quiet, and gives inej the chance to really allow the fact that she is back to sink in. on the roof of the slat with Kaz, listening to him explain the next plan, the next score, and offering suggestions when needed. but eventually, the waffles were eaten, and it was time for inej to visit jesper and wylan.

she gives Kaz his gloves before she leaves, with a small smile, before she moves along the rooftops. essentially drops down to the next level, and moves. making it to their house takes some time, but upon knocking on the door, and being greeted by a (very loud) jesper, who practically yells to the entirety of the city “INEJ!” and she is swept inside into a tight hug and roughly two hours of chattering with jesper and wylan.

they look good. and jesper enjoys the gun. (wylan does not.)

eventually, though, she makes her way back to the slat... and this time, inej slips through the front, to be immediately accosted by at least four dregs who demand her attention. and she’s happy to give it, saying hello to old friends, and stopping by anika to say hello properly before she’s sucked into another conversation about her travels.

by the time she finally detaches herself from the chaos, she is spent — particularly in terms of conversation. So she disappears, and eventually makes her way up to the third floor, brushing back her hood as she opens the door slightly, to see if Kaz is up here. ]

Kaz?

[ quietly, as she slips into the room, closing the door behind her. ]

I’m here.

[ He doesn't get the coffee either, though he's sorely tempted– the amount of work sitting on his desk would be easier to get through with the concentration afforded to him by caffeine. But, he isn't sure how long Inej will spend at Jesper and Wylan's and he's fairly sure she'll be annoyed if he remains holed up in his office when she gets back.

So he leaves it be, telling himself it's fine to let some of the paperwork sit. Dragging away from it is difficult, solely because he's a completionist. And perhaps a workaholic, as Jesper likes to remind him. The Barrel won't go up in flames if he spends time with Inej instead or only gets a small amount done in between her visits. If Anika were any bossier, she'd probably bar him from the office altogether for the rest of the month.

It's all passing thoughts before they're together on the roof, a longtime tradition that immediately puts him at ease. Ketterdam is a knife glittering in the dark from up here, the flicker of gas lamps almost like twinkling stars. As Inej leaves, he takes the gloves from her and they go straight into his coat pocket. He intends to keep them there as long as possible while she's here (and perhaps, afterwards as well; this has been a crutch for too long).

After she's gone, he coordinates getting her sleeping space worked out first and foremost and then ends up bombarded by questions from various Dregs. Some about the Wraith having returned, the rest about business and the excited chatter of news about the Black Tips' recent transfer of leadership. Eventually, he's able to wend his way back to his room to complete the club's numbers in relative silence. He's distracted throughout, strangely anxious about the conversation he's going to have to have when Inej gets back. ]

Waylaid by Anika and her crew, I'm sure. [ There's no jealousy, just a faint amusement. After all, she had come in the front, it was inevitable the rest of the Dregs would corner her for stories. ]

How was it?

Word spreads quickly.

[ it's said a bit dryly, resting her back against the door of the room. crossing the city had allowed her the opportunity to eavesdrop . . . on members of rival gangs who spoke too loudly, whispering that the wraith of ketterdam had returned. somehow, jesper and wylan were surprised when she turned up, but then again, perhaps it wasn't so much of a surprise... neither of them were the type to constantly have their ear to the ground.

but talking with the dregs had been enjoyable. even if they had been reluctant to let her slip into the shadows to escape. ]

I think nearly every gang west of this place knows I'm here... [ but she doesn't look too bothered by that fact; instead, inej pushes herself up off the door to stray closer to his desk, curious as to what he's working on. ] Did you finish what you intended to accomplish?

This city's full of gossips, that's why.

[ No, he's not necessarily excluding himself, even if he's more of a hoarder of information than one to go talking about it just to have a topic to chat about. He's sure by now at least half the city knows she's back and by tomorrow night, it'll likely be the entire place. Some of the newer merchers may not know what it means, but they'll be informed sooner or later. ]

Your reputation hasn't waned any in your absence, if you were wondering. [ In some ways, it's gotten bigger and scarier. The Wraith of Ketterdam now patrolling the oceans. The one who escaped. Who left a trail behind her no one had dared to touch. Kaz hasn't done anything to stop the talk. The less people who bother her when she comes back into town, the better. ]

Somewhat. There was an upset in the Black Tips that the entire downstairs had to tell me about. [ He says it a bit ruefully– it was good they were all sharing the information but trying to get a story straight was nearly hopeless in the excitement. Tomorrow morning, he'll get the cleared report from Pim, who was quite good at sorting through the bullshit.

He makes one last note on the ledger in front of him and blows on the ink to dry it, draping the ribbon bookmark down the middle before closing it up. Work put aside, he pulls himself out of his chair, a nervousness settling under his skin.

Come on Brekker, this should be a piece of cake.

(It isn't). ]

Your bed's ready. [ He starts, the words ending on a note that clearly says there's more. ] It's not exactly where you'd probably intend for it to be, though.

[ Which is to say: it's up here. His gaze tracks to the open doorway to his room before it drops back to her face, caution written all over. ]

[ she supposes it's a good thing, that her reputation remains the same. she can probably move through the city unchanged, now. no one will challenge her, if they're afraid of what lies in the dark.

her lips curve upwards slightly, at the news of the black tips, and the clamor of downstairs. people begging for the good favor of kaz brekker seems to also remained the same, from the last time she was in ketterdam.

but as kaz gets up, and talks, she can read the nervous energy within him. hesitation doesn't become kaz brekker, and her brow furrows slightly at what he says, before her gaze follows his own.

and, suddenly, the nerves make sense. ]

Why wouldn't it be?

[ a cautious testing of the waters, tilting her head slightly, catching his gaze. they've always shared space, whether it was on the roof top, or in the office, or camping in the midst of the van eck job.

she's going to steadily ignore how this is different, because it obviously isn't?? ]

[ It doesn't take her long to put the pieces together. Perhaps her intuition. Or perhaps just having known each other long enough that she can read him like an open book in moments like this. When he's willing to show his nerves and not close himself off, mask of ruthlessness firmly in place.

Her answer has him both triumphant and more nervous, a vicious cycle of one leading straight into the other. But it's fine, right? They've spent plenty of time sharing a space without anyone else nearby.

Except his stomach feels like it's turning itself into knots, knowing how close she'll be. Sleeping. He'll be able to turn over and see her in the middle of the night. She'll know his bad sleeping habits, how he has a tendency to kick all his blankets off.

Or what he dreads most: waking up from the feeling of drowning. It's an unpleasant enough experience when he's by himself. He knows she won't judge him—she has her own ghosts, but the mere idea of her seeing so much is hard to swallow. ]

Not as much privacy. [ It sounds a bit weak. Mostly because it's how he feels, despite the that greedy part of him being glad about the whole thing. No, he's not going to think about how she'll look with her hair down. Or what she's like first thing in the morning, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. ]

[ there's a beat of silence before she takes half a step forward, to bridge the gap between them.

kaz has difficulty with touch, but so does she. and in this moment, inej realizes that kaz has been trying, and been vulnerable, but she hasn't necessarily offered the same. perhaps because her life is such an open book to him; after all, kaz found her in the menagerie. it hardly takes a genius to put together what she had been through, in that hell. and kaz brekker surely wasn't an idiot.

inej takes another step closer, with a faint smile, as she looks up at him. she doesn't touch him, simply moves closer, and her voice is quiet. ]

This is not easy for me, either.

[ it's said gently. she doesn't bother defining what this is. but she does offer a hand, allowing him the space to take it, if he wants to do so. ]

But we keep each other safe, as we always have. [ it's said without hesitation, as easily as commenting on the midnight sky. ] This will be no different.

[ nightmares or not. inej has plenty of those. and she's steeled her resolve, that there will be no shame, if kaz sees her like that. he's already seen her at her worst, and best. there is no shame, in her, if he sees her somewhere in between. ]

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