timewasting | OPEN POST 2020.

[ There's a shudder that runs through him when her hand closes around his cock, hips tilting forward instinctively. He props himself up after a beat, stroking fingers through her hair, knowing she sometimes drifts away trying to do this. They've both gotten better about touching, but her ghosts were a different sort. Harder to shake in certain aspects.

Soon enough, the slightly distant look on her face disappears; she hums, he relaxes a fraction. Though that doesn't last long, all of his nerves alight when she licks, and he exhales sharply, hips tilting forward again. ]

[ there are certain things she still can't do. the first time kaz finished in her mouth, she threw up for what felt like hours, and hadn't slept that night. she hasn't been able to successfully do that since, something about the taste and the motion prompting a physical reaction, followed by trembling and no sleep.

she had felt terrible. she still sort of does, not ever wanting to ruin the balance they've crafted for themselves. but everything is a work in progress, including her own progress.

this specific act is something that she's still working on, a tenuous balance of pleasure and anxiety. now, she knows when she's had enough, and inej is slow and purposeful in her ministrations, careful to avoid the things that she knows will trigger her memories, and focusing on what won't, instead.

like kaz gently stroking his fingers through her hair. no one in her memories ever did that. it was much more aggressive, in grabbing. she still doesn't like her hair pulled.

so she focuses on licking before enclosing her mouth over him, sucking gently as she runs her tongue around the tip. ]

[ He remembers the first time she'd tried this and how awful it had gone. She'd been determined to give it a go and he'd been stupid enough think that was enough reassurance. It had ended poorly, sitting on the bathroom floor with her while she shivered and retched. The shivering hadn't subsided much through the rest of the night while he held her; they hadn't been triggered by anything physical like a chill.

The whole situation is still tenuous and he keeps sliding his fingers through her hair, running the tips along her scalp, keeping the loosened strands away from her face. It's soothing to do and he knows it seems to help keep her grounded, being so different from her memories.

When she puts her mouth over him and sucks, he tilts his head back with a soft groan, pleasure sliding under his skin in a wave. He strokes his hand down her shoulder and arm, cupping his fingers over hers, thumb dragging over the knuckles. ]

[ the feeling of his hand running through his hair causes an exhale against him, the movement soothing. it's gentle, and reassuring, and it puts her in the safe space. and it encourages her to continue to run her tongue around the tip before she pulls off of him, moving to shift back up.

she drags her lips along his stomach before she settles her hips on top of his, sighing to herself to find her focus again.

she can really only do so much, before she feels the prickling of the urge to gag in the back of her throat. but something is better than nothing, and so she dips down to kiss his jaw softly, gently rocking her hips against his, relishing in the feeling of him between her legs. not quite taking him in yet.

this, for some reason, is much easier to conquer than the rest. ]

[ The soft sigh is a good sign—she isn't about to disappear—and he shifts his hips a bit when she slides her tongue across the tip, an instinctive twitch from the sensitivity.

She moves soon after and he can't say he regrets it, not when she's dragging a kiss up his stomach and settling her weight across his hips again. And he definitely can't complain about her being closer now, easier to hold. He settles one hand on her waist, the other coming to her cheek as he tilts his head to kiss her properly.

His hips roll up towards hers, cock pushing through her folds in a slow and lazy way. Both hands drop to her hips, tugging her down to meet his and he makes a noise against her mouth. ]

[ she returns the kiss in earnest, particularly as he slides against her. this feels more in her control, and as his hands drop to her hips to pull her closer against him, she grins against his mouth.

truthfully, she could spend hours kissing him slowly and rocking against his hips. but as she slides against him, her breath hitches as he drags against her in precisely the right way, and she leans back slightly to reach between her legs, to guide him as she takes him in.

and with that, she purposefully rolls her hips a bit more aggressively, using her weight to press him into the mattress as she presses her hands against his chest to stabilize herself, a sharp gasp escaping as she does so.

this part never really gives her hesitation. ]

[ There's no real hesitation from her once she's in his lap; he can feel the smile pressed against his mouth. It's taken time to get to this point but once they figured out this was the best way—with her on top—things had gone much easier.

The other way around he couldn't do for too long, the particular angle and weight on his one leg causing it to cramp. Badly. And she had frozen up if he leaned in too much, bad memories crashing over her face in the most obvious way. Once, she'd been determined and annoyed at him ignoring his leg that she had flipped him over easily and that had been the solution they'd been looking for.

Like this, she gets to set the pace. As she does now, sliding his cock in and rolling her hips with a purpose. The hand on his chest has him flopping back on the pillow and he pushes his hips up to meet hers, sliding in deep. She looks good when she lets out a gasp, features going just slack enough with pleasure. One hand brushes up her middle and cups a breast, teasing a nipple into stiffness. The other drops, fingers delicately tracing the inside of her thigh. ]

[ being in this position means she can stop whenever she wants, not haunted by memories of men who pinned her against a mattress and did as they pleased. none of them ever allowed her the space to be in charge, or to do what she wanted. it was never really on her terms.

now, it is. and how she feels matters, and what she gets out of this experience matters. and as she drives her hips into his again, relishing the feeling of him inside her, the feeling of his hands against her thigh and chest, she lets out another gasp, stabilizing herself with a hand against his chest.

it's rare, that she lets herself totally lose control, in . . . well, much in life. but she's in a good mood, this morning. ]

[ His hands keep teasing, touch light, the one on her chest sliding from one side to the other. The one on her thigh skates up, through the curls and just over where she's most sensitive.

That one stutters on the downwards arch as she lets her weight drop onto him more aggressively, the pressure of it making him breath a groan out, his hips hitching up to meet her pace. Both of them are carefully controlled people in their own ways; she's wrapped herself in silence, in the cloak of shadows, a ghost on the edges of someone's periphery. And he's slid on a mask of comfortable brutality, controlled cruelty where needed– nothing and no one got to see Dirtyhands with a hair out of place.

Except Inej, who he's allowed to see it all: the tremble of his hands on damp skin, the soft parts the Barrel would gleefully rip to shreds. And she's let him see the same, as she does right now, her control dropping away to simply enjoy this. ]

That's it. [ He encourages, tone raspier than usual, his attention rapt on her expression. ]

[ peeling away her own armor has been more difficult than expected. she had been so reluctant, to share stories of the menagerie. for a few reasons, the least of which it was difficult to talk about. it's violating, to think of herself that weak and powerless. and she never wants anyone to see her that way, particularly him.

not that he does. inej is pretty sure kaz lets other people know inej could kill him without even trying, which only causes more people to move out of her way when she walks down the street . . . on the rare occasions that she does. but it's still hard, to let those soft parts show, even if she does do it more frequently than kaz does.

not that she would ever tell jesper or wylan, about the menagerie. but nina knows. (nina knows most everything.)

at his words, an odd feeling snakes up her spine, and inej exhales, her breath hitching near the end as his fingers become a bit more persistent. and she rolls her hips again, her fingers digging into his skin slightly as she presses herself down into him, closing her eyes with another gasp as she focuses on the feeling.

relishing it, and enjoying it. ]

[ He remembers when she first told him something from the Menagerie. She hadn't even gone into the worst parts, the ones that involved the greedy men who frequented. Instead, it had been about what Heleen made her wear, how she had her hair a certain way, face made up, bracelets hanging from her wrists. Like a doll dressed up. It had pissed him off at Heleen all over again.

Because there's still days where she's reluctant to wear a dress, associating it too much with her time at the Menagerie. Most of the time, she wears it only around him, indoors.

It just reminds him how much she's pushed through to get to this point, being able to close her eyes and not lock up immediately. Instead, she's taking exactly what she wants, her fingers digging in. He finally slides his fingers between her legs, rubbing her clit lightly. His hips slant up as he does, sinking a fraction deeper, making him let out a sigh. ]

[ she would rather wear pants and a button-down shirt, if she has to dress casually, than a dress. she's slowly pushing herself to expand her comfort level, when it comes to close. and she's mostly comfortable wearing them indoors, but outside, she feels this uncomfortable clawing of anxiety underneath her skin.

she had tried once, in going out to dinner, and had been miserable through most of it. she had to ask to go back to the room and change before they explored the nightlife of the port, which he did without question or complaint. even though it was something of a walk.

but it's getting better. she used to avoid walking on the streets west stave altogether because walking through it made her feel unable to breathe. she stuck to the rooftops whenever she visited nina at the white rose, after she had escaped the menagerie. now, she walks through the west stave without any hesitation whatsoever, because no one can touch her, now.

she purses her lips together at the feeling of his fingers gliding over her, her mouth opening after a moment in a silent gasp, the noise stuck in her throat. her movements are beginning to get a little less controlled and purposeful and more erratic as she edges closer to the finish. ]

[ She's getting closer, her hips rocking more erratically as she lets go of the control. The motions cause a similar reaction for him, as he feels her starting to clench up, the friction causing that coiling sensation in his gut to tighten. He doesn't try to slow her down, just rubs her without teasing, letting out a soft moan when he dips his fingers lower and they come away wet.

His other hand slides down her arm, catching her wrist so he can bring her palm up to his mouth for a kiss. He presses a line of them into her skin, brushing his lips across the delicate part on the inside of her wrist and up to her fingertips. Then he's catching her gaze as he pulls two of her fingers in his mouth, tongue curling around them. ]

[ she isn’t sure what causes her to tumble over the edge, whether it’s the hand between her legs or the feeling of his tongue against the tips of her fingers, but the feeling is immediately as the muscles in her stomach suddenly clench. and an involuntary shuddered groan escapes as her hips continue to move through the wave of pleasure, determined to have him finish, too.

as she continues to move against him, she pulls her hands away from him to dip down, and kiss him properly, a gasp against his mouth as her body is pressed a bit more flush against his. ]

[ As her muscles tighten up, he breathes out sharply, snapping his hips up to chase the feeling. His hand does keep rubbing her through it, only stopping as she leans forward, his attention getting pulled into the kiss.

The gasp and press of her chest to his is what has him tipping over the edge, a drawn out groan muffled against her mouth. His hips jerk up with it a few more times before the wave passes, leaving him to pant against the side of her neck. He slides his hands up her legs and sides, eventually threading his fingers together loosely at the small of her back. ]

[ it takes a moment or two for her to catch her breath, but she soon chuckles into his hair at the feeling of his hands along the small of her back. and she shifts just enough to kiss him again, in a much lazier and gentle way, enjoying the closeness, the feeling of warmth washing over her. ]

I guess we need to get up now.

[ she murmurs against his lips.

she doesn’t sound too inclined to do that. ]

[ It might get slightly uncomfortable in a few minutes, once they both calm down. Purely because of that sticky feeling that happens in the aftermath—her solid weight laying over top of him is not anything he can complain about.

Especially not as she kisses him, back to a slow and lazy pace, one he returns with a smile pressed to her lips. ]

Who says we need to do anything of the sort? [ He asks, planting his hands on her sides, lifting her a bit to turn over. Like this, he kisses her jaw and neck, rubbing his cheek against her collarbone. ]

[ she helps lift herself up with her knees and lays down comfortably next to him, grinning a little at the kisses to her jaw and neck. and she closes her eyes to enjoy the feeling, humming softly to herself. ]

Maybe not now.

[ she acquiesces, threading her fingers through his hair. ]

In a bit.

[ He keeps going a bit further down, brushing his lips along her sternum. His arm loops around her middle, angled so he can place his palm flat between her shoulder blades.

Then he's pressing his face into her chest, tilting his head so one cheek rests against the side of a breast. Is it the most comfortable pillow? No. Does he care? Also no. Besides, it's soothing to listen to her heartbeat, the pulse of it slowly returning to normal, as she threads her fingers through his hair. He lets out a long sigh, content where he is for now. ]

In a bit. [ Kaz agrees, voice half muffled from where he is. ]

[ he rests against her, and inej rolls her eyes a little, because men. but she remains still, before tugging their comforter over them both. she continues to card her fingers through his hair, her heartbeat slow and steady. he’s warmth, and comfortable.

and, really, they don’t have to rush. because this is their house, and there is no need to rush to the bath to get it first. and once that realization sinks in, inej hums, smoothing out his hair.

she feels completely relaxed, her muscles loose. it’s a nice feeling. ]

There’s a shower and a bath.

[ she muses. ]

We could get ready at the same time if we wanted to.

[ The blanket is draped over them and he fidgets just a bit until he's perfectly comfortable. Then he fully relaxes, closing his eyes as he listens to her steady breathing. She's warm and he feels a bit hazy, the full alertness of arousal having dropped away.

Normally, he would feel bad about wasting this much time. Because they've both definitely missed out on using the bathroom at the Slat from lazing about. Sometimes by mere seconds, which had always been a frustrating venture. Here, they don't have that problem as she points out.

Technically it would've been less of an issue if he could just. Share a shower with her. But even thinking about it makes his skin crawl. That's still a difficult line to cross, though on his good days he's gotten as far as washing her hair and rinsing her back. Anything further left him a shaking mess.

It's not like it's his only option now though. ]

You won't have to fight Roeder at the door.

[ she doesn’t press, about the water. or sharing space in that way. washing her hair had happened through multiple attempts and of his own suggestion. but she lets him set the pace, for that. it’s not like it’s necessary or a needed fixture in their lives, anyway.

at his comment, though, inej huffs to herself. ]

I won that fight.

[ it’s hard to defeat the wraith in a tight hallway, particularly when she can climb the wall as if she can stick to it and flip into the bathroom without batting an eye. ]

[ And what a fight it had been. Not entirely much of one, despite Roeder being one of the more flexible of the Dregs.

No one could beat the Wraith at her own game, after all. ]

I know, I had to watch him try to recreate that flip for a month afterwards.

[ Though he has to give credit where it's due: Roeder had made it up half the wall in his attempts. Since then, he's made it a little further than that, which is something. ]

He shouldn’t have tried to lock me out of the shower.

[ she doesn’t feel too bad, about serving a slice of humble pie. most people in the slat know who she is and what she’s capable of, but every so often, someone tries to test their luck. even in something as silly as beating her to the bathroom.

still, she brushes her lips against his forehead in thought. ]

A gentleman would have let me go first.

[ though roeder had apologized, subsequent to the humiliation. she’s pretty sure it was because he didn’t want to find out why inej was actually called the wraith. ]

Anika's always had more of the brains.

[ Roeder was very good at taking direction. And Pim was mostly there to look scary in case someone tried to do something stupid at the club.

It's why, of the group that stayed after he usurped Per Haskell's position, Anika had ended up as lieutenant. Sometimes she got a little mouthy but she generally had good points.

(And maybe, in Inej's absence, he had needed someone to question his ideas. Even just a little bit). ]

If you're looking for a gentleman in the Barrel, you're in the wrong place.

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