timewasting | OPEN POST 2020.

[ she would rather wear pants and a button-down shirt, if she has to dress casually, than a dress. she's slowly pushing herself to expand her comfort level, when it comes to close. and she's mostly comfortable wearing them indoors, but outside, she feels this uncomfortable clawing of anxiety underneath her skin.

she had tried once, in going out to dinner, and had been miserable through most of it. she had to ask to go back to the room and change before they explored the nightlife of the port, which he did without question or complaint. even though it was something of a walk.

but it's getting better. she used to avoid walking on the streets west stave altogether because walking through it made her feel unable to breathe. she stuck to the rooftops whenever she visited nina at the white rose, after she had escaped the menagerie. now, she walks through the west stave without any hesitation whatsoever, because no one can touch her, now.

she purses her lips together at the feeling of his fingers gliding over her, her mouth opening after a moment in a silent gasp, the noise stuck in her throat. her movements are beginning to get a little less controlled and purposeful and more erratic as she edges closer to the finish. ]

[ She's getting closer, her hips rocking more erratically as she lets go of the control. The motions cause a similar reaction for him, as he feels her starting to clench up, the friction causing that coiling sensation in his gut to tighten. He doesn't try to slow her down, just rubs her without teasing, letting out a soft moan when he dips his fingers lower and they come away wet.

His other hand slides down her arm, catching her wrist so he can bring her palm up to his mouth for a kiss. He presses a line of them into her skin, brushing his lips across the delicate part on the inside of her wrist and up to her fingertips. Then he's catching her gaze as he pulls two of her fingers in his mouth, tongue curling around them. ]

[ she isn’t sure what causes her to tumble over the edge, whether it’s the hand between her legs or the feeling of his tongue against the tips of her fingers, but the feeling is immediately as the muscles in her stomach suddenly clench. and an involuntary shuddered groan escapes as her hips continue to move through the wave of pleasure, determined to have him finish, too.

as she continues to move against him, she pulls her hands away from him to dip down, and kiss him properly, a gasp against his mouth as her body is pressed a bit more flush against his. ]

[ As her muscles tighten up, he breathes out sharply, snapping his hips up to chase the feeling. His hand does keep rubbing her through it, only stopping as she leans forward, his attention getting pulled into the kiss.

The gasp and press of her chest to his is what has him tipping over the edge, a drawn out groan muffled against her mouth. His hips jerk up with it a few more times before the wave passes, leaving him to pant against the side of her neck. He slides his hands up her legs and sides, eventually threading his fingers together loosely at the small of her back. ]

[ it takes a moment or two for her to catch her breath, but she soon chuckles into his hair at the feeling of his hands along the small of her back. and she shifts just enough to kiss him again, in a much lazier and gentle way, enjoying the closeness, the feeling of warmth washing over her. ]

I guess we need to get up now.

[ she murmurs against his lips.

she doesn’t sound too inclined to do that. ]

[ It might get slightly uncomfortable in a few minutes, once they both calm down. Purely because of that sticky feeling that happens in the aftermath—her solid weight laying over top of him is not anything he can complain about.

Especially not as she kisses him, back to a slow and lazy pace, one he returns with a smile pressed to her lips. ]

Who says we need to do anything of the sort? [ He asks, planting his hands on her sides, lifting her a bit to turn over. Like this, he kisses her jaw and neck, rubbing his cheek against her collarbone. ]

[ she helps lift herself up with her knees and lays down comfortably next to him, grinning a little at the kisses to her jaw and neck. and she closes her eyes to enjoy the feeling, humming softly to herself. ]

Maybe not now.

[ she acquiesces, threading her fingers through his hair. ]

In a bit.

[ He keeps going a bit further down, brushing his lips along her sternum. His arm loops around her middle, angled so he can place his palm flat between her shoulder blades.

Then he's pressing his face into her chest, tilting his head so one cheek rests against the side of a breast. Is it the most comfortable pillow? No. Does he care? Also no. Besides, it's soothing to listen to her heartbeat, the pulse of it slowly returning to normal, as she threads her fingers through his hair. He lets out a long sigh, content where he is for now. ]

In a bit. [ Kaz agrees, voice half muffled from where he is. ]

[ he rests against her, and inej rolls her eyes a little, because men. but she remains still, before tugging their comforter over them both. she continues to card her fingers through his hair, her heartbeat slow and steady. he’s warmth, and comfortable.

and, really, they don’t have to rush. because this is their house, and there is no need to rush to the bath to get it first. and once that realization sinks in, inej hums, smoothing out his hair.

she feels completely relaxed, her muscles loose. it’s a nice feeling. ]

There’s a shower and a bath.

[ she muses. ]

We could get ready at the same time if we wanted to.

[ The blanket is draped over them and he fidgets just a bit until he's perfectly comfortable. Then he fully relaxes, closing his eyes as he listens to her steady breathing. She's warm and he feels a bit hazy, the full alertness of arousal having dropped away.

Normally, he would feel bad about wasting this much time. Because they've both definitely missed out on using the bathroom at the Slat from lazing about. Sometimes by mere seconds, which had always been a frustrating venture. Here, they don't have that problem as she points out.

Technically it would've been less of an issue if he could just. Share a shower with her. But even thinking about it makes his skin crawl. That's still a difficult line to cross, though on his good days he's gotten as far as washing her hair and rinsing her back. Anything further left him a shaking mess.

It's not like it's his only option now though. ]

You won't have to fight Roeder at the door.

[ she doesn’t press, about the water. or sharing space in that way. washing her hair had happened through multiple attempts and of his own suggestion. but she lets him set the pace, for that. it’s not like it’s necessary or a needed fixture in their lives, anyway.

at his comment, though, inej huffs to herself. ]

I won that fight.

[ it’s hard to defeat the wraith in a tight hallway, particularly when she can climb the wall as if she can stick to it and flip into the bathroom without batting an eye. ]

[ And what a fight it had been. Not entirely much of one, despite Roeder being one of the more flexible of the Dregs.

No one could beat the Wraith at her own game, after all. ]

I know, I had to watch him try to recreate that flip for a month afterwards.

[ Though he has to give credit where it's due: Roeder had made it up half the wall in his attempts. Since then, he's made it a little further than that, which is something. ]

He shouldn’t have tried to lock me out of the shower.

[ she doesn’t feel too bad, about serving a slice of humble pie. most people in the slat know who she is and what she’s capable of, but every so often, someone tries to test their luck. even in something as silly as beating her to the bathroom.

still, she brushes her lips against his forehead in thought. ]

A gentleman would have let me go first.

[ though roeder had apologized, subsequent to the humiliation. she’s pretty sure it was because he didn’t want to find out why inej was actually called the wraith. ]

Anika's always had more of the brains.

[ Roeder was very good at taking direction. And Pim was mostly there to look scary in case someone tried to do something stupid at the club.

It's why, of the group that stayed after he usurped Per Haskell's position, Anika had ended up as lieutenant. Sometimes she got a little mouthy but she generally had good points.

(And maybe, in Inej's absence, he had needed someone to question his ideas. Even just a little bit). ]

If you're looking for a gentleman in the Barrel, you're in the wrong place.

[ well. that much is true. there's a severe shortage of kindness in ketterdam, though inej has had better luck than most in finding friends and a new family, after being ripped away from her home. and roeder isn't a bad person. inej rather likes him, really. his only sin was that he was just arrogant.

most people are, who underestimate inej. ]

I have had better luck in East Stave than in the West.

[ a bit dryly, resting her cheek against the top of his head. after all, for all their sweet words, the men who bought her in the menagerie certainly never bought her a house. or provide much of anything, really. ]

Those saints of yours were looking out for you.

[ West Stave was certainly full of awful people, predatory Madames looking to increase their profit and draw. It's not like East Stave has better people, they're just a different kind of terrible. Lying, cheating, murderous types.

In both, unfortunates can be found. Those who had to adapt to a bad crowd because of circumstances. Typically the East Stave has more of these, gambling being one of the biggest causes for a downfall. ]

My father would've come back to haunt me. [ He says a bit quietly, though there's an edge of amusement to it. Talking about Lij is still difficult sometimes, despite the years widening the gap. By the time he'd turned eighteen, he'd been living in Ketterdam longer than he had grown up outside of it. ] I don't remember mum very well, but he used to bring her breakfast every morning.

[ her fingers pause, in brushing through his hair, at the quiet statement, though the movement soon continues as she listens. it’s still somewhat rare, that he talks about that portion of his life. she’s pretty sure it’s because it’s so far removed and not because it’s particularly painful, but — ]

He may still. [ mildly, as she presses her lips against his forehead. ] I don’t think I’ve had breakfast in bed yet.

[ mostly because they haven’t had . . . a bed. or a kitchen. but whatever.

but she hums to herself, thinking.. ]

Have you ever thought about going back?

He probably would've grounded me for a year for calling you an investment.

[ Seriously, what had he been thinking? Aside from the sheer panic at the idea that he liked Inej way more than he had ever intended. The panic had turned all of his logic off. ]

I went back, once. There's still a small bit of land to my name, mostly so I didn't get shot for visiting a grave. The rest was sold, a young family lives there now.

[ He'd gone back to set a marker for Jordie, next to their parents. There would never be a body, but at least it was something. ]

[ a soft “hrm” into his hair, at the first part. certainly not his finest moment. but she’s long since let go of that frustration and anger, now that she has had the time to find her own purpose, and kaz his.

not to mention the fact that her father would probably push kaz brekker off a building if he knew kaz had called her an investment, but inej has kept all of that to herself. ]

I would like to pay my respects one day.

[ murmured, thoughtful. ]

It’s always sounded beautiful, from what you’ve said.

[ He recognizes the exact tone of her hum. And can agree with that general sentiment—not his best moment by a long shot. Since then he's...gotten better, slowly conquering his fear of showing any kind of softer emotion. ]

I'll take you in spring, some time. Mum planted a lot of flowers on the one field and they've spread out. [ As far as he knows, the land was sold but went unoccupied for a bit. No one liked to move straight into a house after a tragic death. That meant everything on the property grew to its own liking, going every which way. ]

[ it’s difficult, being alone. particularly so young. you’re essentially left to your own survival, in ketterdam. inej had been taken when she was thirteen and sold to heleen when she was barely old enough to understand what being in a brothel entailed. there’s no mercy for the weak, here.

but they made it. and have a house, and can do whatever they please. but ghosts are hard to shake. particularly the kind ones. ]

I would love that.

[ after a moment of contemplation, allowing her eyes to close, to soak up the relaxation, the warmth, and the present. ]

We should take some of the plants and bring them here.

[ Surviving in Ketterdam isn't easy. It's worse for the ones like them—stolen away from family or simply without any, left to fend for themselves. The streets didn't care.

Yet, somehow they both made it. There's scars (both visible and not) but they're alive. And they have a house, a future, things to look forward to. He had always figured he'd be content after taking down Rollins, but he'd never considered happiness. That would've been too much to ask for.

But here he is, laying on his partner's chest, feeling like nothing else mattered. ]

Yeah? [ The question is less of an ask and more a clarification. Maybe a bit of surprise. Even moreso because his voice wobbles on the brief syllable. ] I suppose I could learn some gardening.

[ with her eyes closed, she doesn't see his expression. but she catches the wobble of his voice, and her head tilts slightly, listening carefully to see if it returns. but his voice soon returns to its familiar rasp, though inej knows she's hit a nerve.

hm. ]

No one will even notice they are gone.

[ with quiet confidence, her eyes still closed. ]

And it sounds as if they grow best when left to their own devices, so they sound perfect.

[ Honestly, he barely remembers his mother. He has vague memories of a small portrait in the house; she had dark eyes and darker hair, a warm smile that didn't show her teeth. More of what he thinks of are the things Jordie or his father would tell him, the latter wearing his grief like a cloak and trying his best to muddle through it.

Back then, he hadn't ever understood why his father looked so exhausted all the time. Now, he gets it.

So even though he can't remember how her voice sounded or what it felt like to be rocked to sleep, he associates those flowers with her. And probably will, forever, much like Inej thinks of geraniums and her mother at the same time. It's strangely an emotional memory. Part of place he can move while the rest stays exactly where it is. There's a few moments where he's silent, swallowing around the sudden grief.

Wasn't this supposed to get easier, with time? ]

There's so many of them, we'd have to dig up half a field for someone to notice. [ He says, finally, briefly squeezing her tight. ]

[ she can sense the change in energy, from him. the feeling of him swallowing, and finally him hugging her tightly. she can usually read him like a book, but it's hard to parse through his silent thoughts when she can't see his face. so she draws conclusions, resting her chin on top of his head, her eyes blinking open to look out the window of their bedroom. ]

I am not going anywhere.

[ as she gently strokes his hair, humming to herself. both in general (in death, in leaving port, in removing herself from his life) and: ]

So we have all the time in the world to dig.

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