timewasting | OPEN POST 2020.

[ her fingers pause, in brushing through his hair, at the quiet statement, though the movement soon continues as she listens. it’s still somewhat rare, that he talks about that portion of his life. she’s pretty sure it’s because it’s so far removed and not because it’s particularly painful, but — ]

He may still. [ mildly, as she presses her lips against his forehead. ] I don’t think I’ve had breakfast in bed yet.

[ mostly because they haven’t had . . . a bed. or a kitchen. but whatever.

but she hums to herself, thinking.. ]

Have you ever thought about going back?

He probably would've grounded me for a year for calling you an investment.

[ Seriously, what had he been thinking? Aside from the sheer panic at the idea that he liked Inej way more than he had ever intended. The panic had turned all of his logic off. ]

I went back, once. There's still a small bit of land to my name, mostly so I didn't get shot for visiting a grave. The rest was sold, a young family lives there now.

[ He'd gone back to set a marker for Jordie, next to their parents. There would never be a body, but at least it was something. ]

[ a soft “hrm” into his hair, at the first part. certainly not his finest moment. but she’s long since let go of that frustration and anger, now that she has had the time to find her own purpose, and kaz his.

not to mention the fact that her father would probably push kaz brekker off a building if he knew kaz had called her an investment, but inej has kept all of that to herself. ]

I would like to pay my respects one day.

[ murmured, thoughtful. ]

It’s always sounded beautiful, from what you’ve said.

[ He recognizes the exact tone of her hum. And can agree with that general sentiment—not his best moment by a long shot. Since then he's...gotten better, slowly conquering his fear of showing any kind of softer emotion. ]

I'll take you in spring, some time. Mum planted a lot of flowers on the one field and they've spread out. [ As far as he knows, the land was sold but went unoccupied for a bit. No one liked to move straight into a house after a tragic death. That meant everything on the property grew to its own liking, going every which way. ]

[ it’s difficult, being alone. particularly so young. you’re essentially left to your own survival, in ketterdam. inej had been taken when she was thirteen and sold to heleen when she was barely old enough to understand what being in a brothel entailed. there’s no mercy for the weak, here.

but they made it. and have a house, and can do whatever they please. but ghosts are hard to shake. particularly the kind ones. ]

I would love that.

[ after a moment of contemplation, allowing her eyes to close, to soak up the relaxation, the warmth, and the present. ]

We should take some of the plants and bring them here.

[ Surviving in Ketterdam isn't easy. It's worse for the ones like them—stolen away from family or simply without any, left to fend for themselves. The streets didn't care.

Yet, somehow they both made it. There's scars (both visible and not) but they're alive. And they have a house, a future, things to look forward to. He had always figured he'd be content after taking down Rollins, but he'd never considered happiness. That would've been too much to ask for.

But here he is, laying on his partner's chest, feeling like nothing else mattered. ]

Yeah? [ The question is less of an ask and more a clarification. Maybe a bit of surprise. Even moreso because his voice wobbles on the brief syllable. ] I suppose I could learn some gardening.

[ with her eyes closed, she doesn't see his expression. but she catches the wobble of his voice, and her head tilts slightly, listening carefully to see if it returns. but his voice soon returns to its familiar rasp, though inej knows she's hit a nerve.

hm. ]

No one will even notice they are gone.

[ with quiet confidence, her eyes still closed. ]

And it sounds as if they grow best when left to their own devices, so they sound perfect.

[ Honestly, he barely remembers his mother. He has vague memories of a small portrait in the house; she had dark eyes and darker hair, a warm smile that didn't show her teeth. More of what he thinks of are the things Jordie or his father would tell him, the latter wearing his grief like a cloak and trying his best to muddle through it.

Back then, he hadn't ever understood why his father looked so exhausted all the time. Now, he gets it.

So even though he can't remember how her voice sounded or what it felt like to be rocked to sleep, he associates those flowers with her. And probably will, forever, much like Inej thinks of geraniums and her mother at the same time. It's strangely an emotional memory. Part of place he can move while the rest stays exactly where it is. There's a few moments where he's silent, swallowing around the sudden grief.

Wasn't this supposed to get easier, with time? ]

There's so many of them, we'd have to dig up half a field for someone to notice. [ He says, finally, briefly squeezing her tight. ]

[ she can sense the change in energy, from him. the feeling of him swallowing, and finally him hugging her tightly. she can usually read him like a book, but it's hard to parse through his silent thoughts when she can't see his face. so she draws conclusions, resting her chin on top of his head, her eyes blinking open to look out the window of their bedroom. ]

I am not going anywhere.

[ as she gently strokes his hair, humming to herself. both in general (in death, in leaving port, in removing herself from his life) and: ]

So we have all the time in the world to dig.

[ He can't say he's handled her leaving very well over the years. It's something he'd gotten used to, but the edge of paranoia never left. That middle of the night wondering if he was going to see her again. And Kaz knows he can't keep her off of the ocean forever, not until she's decided to retire (if ever).

So, her staying for the foreseeable future is an immense relief to his nerves. Something that washes through him a second time. Because at least for a number of months, she'll be here, longer than her usual stays. It helps to think about it, settling his emotions. Like silt sinking back to the bottom of a river.

Carefully, he sits up, taking her face in both his hands and brushing a soft kiss across her mouth. ]

[ she adjusts her arms as he sits up, blinking. almost nervous she toed the line too much, and inej opens her mouth to ask if he's alright when he takes her face in his hands, and kisses her.

ah. so everything is fine.

she smiles into the kiss, returning it gently, reaching up to run her fingers along his forearms. and she considers leaving it there before she lets her eyes glance around the room, though she doesn't move to remove his hands from her face. ]

We have to decorate this empty house.

[ and probably get out of bed. ]

If we are going to make the outside beautiful, the inside should probably match.

[ His thumbs gently swipe across her cheeks and there's a very small shiver as her fingers slide along his forearms. It's a comforting touch and the shudder is clearly not one of discomfort.

Unfortunately, she does have a point. They need a table and chairs for the dining room. Some more groceries for the kitchen. A few other things he'll need to list out when he isn't distracted by her face. ]

Well, you're in here currently. That beats the outside by a mile. [ what a nerd ]

[ she blinks, at the statement. clearly not expecting that. and it only takes a few moments before a laugh bubbles up, and her cheeks feel suspiciously warm, and slightly red. ]

You are ridiculous.

[ but she is grinning a little. ]

And I am not a table.

[ boi stop ]

[ At her laugh, he grins wide, sliding his hands down to her neck and resting them at the junction of her shoulder. Is she blushing? It's so rare to see and a streak of delight goes through him. ]

Well, I'd rather eat you than on you. [ Ah. No, he can't say he'll tire of it. ] But it would be nice not to have to stand while having dinner.

[ He guesses, reluctantly pulling away. ]

[ that comment earns a swat to his head, clearly not meant with any real amount of frustration or anger, as it's accompanied with another laugh. and a distinctly pink tinge in her cheeks. ]

I take back any insinuation I made of you being a gentleman.

[ with a huff, as she unfolds her legs to get to her feet, moving off the bed to collect her nightshirt. ]

I am taking a bath so we can go buy a table.

[ he's the worst!!!!!! ]

[ He doesn't duck out of the way of her swat in time, taking the cuff while still grinning. She's not one that's easy to embarrass so it's always extra amusing when he manages it. Which is why his laugh accompanies her as she gets up from bed and picks up her shirt.

And while he does miss her being so close, he can't complain about watching her lean over or walk steadily to the bathroom. Her long hair sways as she goes, a tantalizing brush along her back.

Breathing out a sigh, he gets up and collects his pants from the floor, draping them over the end of the bed. Soon enough, he's showered off and sitting on the bed in his shirttails and underwear, concentrating on massaging out the twinge in his leg. If it gets worse, he'll just have to find places to rest along their route. And probably only one trip to the Barrel and back, if needed. It's days like this he wonders if he should've let that damnable Tailor do her work. He couldn't do it, though. The injury was a part of him as much as his hair color and height. Just the idea of walking freely felt so jarring, wrong, erasing everything he'd done to incorporate it into his life.

So, he's stuck doing this and hoping it decides not to get worse. ]

[ she cleans herself up quickly, though her hair takes the most time, as per usual. and she comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her, to move to the closet, when she notices kaz rubbing his leg. and she frowns, but focuses on tugging on her underwear and pants, finishing getting dressed by finding a white button-down shirt, sliding into it and buttoning it up as she moves over, her hair tied up in a loose bun to avoid her hair dripping on her shirt. ]

The shower didn't help?

[ their list of things to do today may have been ambitious, given his leg. and she recalculates the route she was going to take inside her head, to find a shorter route. ]

Twinged as I was getting out.

[ And he wasn't about to get right back in. Though while hot water would help the muscles relax, sometimes it was still painful. Walkable, but with a weird jarring sensation. He knew when he could push through it and when propping his leg up for the day was in his future. Today he would just have to be careful.

He's worked most of the tension out so he cautiously tests his weight as he gets up to put trousers on. There's still a pull right around the knee—which meant less moments without the cane. Kaz finishes dressing, sitting on the edge of the bed once the pants are on to thread his tie and shrug on the vest and coat. ]

We'll mostly be around here, I'm not concerned.

[ inej has never treated kaz differently, because of his injury. any time that he wanted to do something, his leg was the last consideration she had. kaz knew his limits, and while he frequently ignored them, it wasn't really inej's place to tell him what he could or could not do.

that didn't mean she didn't pay attention to when he needed to rest, though, or point out when he was being stupid. and she had a feeling today was going to be one of those days, as she finishes getting dressed and pulling on her shoes. once she's done with that, inej collects his cane for him, so he has it when he stands. ]

We have no need to leave this district today.

[ in agreement, eyes flickering to his leg. ]

Anything at the Club can wait until tomorrow.

[ or inej can go herself to investigate anything going wrong, but she'll keep that suggestion to herself. ]

Anika's running the show, she'll send someone if it's dire.

[ And over time, she's gotten to be a better judge of when things were about to blow up. In the beginning, she had panicked over some of the smaller stuff, still green on what constituted as an emergency. At the very least, he'd planned for it, figuring being handed the reins was a big step. ]

Won't be able to check out that place near the harbor for spices. [ That can be put off another day, unless she felt like going herself. He takes his cane from her gratefully, using it to lever himself up. It doesn't hurt to stand, which is a good sign. Reaching over, he puts his hand on her cheek briefly, affectionately. ]

I'm not going to push it.

You will.

[ a bit dryly, though she reaches up to cover his hand with hers, and pulls it away only to briefly kiss the palm of his hand. ]

But I will be here to tell you that I warned you.

[ as per usual. but inej will collect a bag to slide over her shoulder, carrying their coin or whatever else they’ll need for their excursion. ]

What do we absolutely need to buy today?

Alright, I won't push it much.

[ On bad days, he usually has to push a little, even if it's just to get himself upstairs in the Slat. Sitting totally idle isn't a thing he can do, not even when he has someone he can pass the reins to.

Having his own place does mean he's afforded that luxury a bit more– he can rest without the paranoia that it was going to get out to everyone. ]

Table, chairs, probably some plates and silverware. There's a few in the cabinets, but I brought them from the Slat.

[ He hadn't wanted to pick out all the place settings.

Heading for the door, he holds it open for her, ready to set out. They can get breakfast on the way. ]

[ an easy enough list, most of which can be delivered without much effort on their part. and she moves through the door easily, waiting for him before setting off down the street. ]

We also need more food.

[ thoughtfully, keeping pace with kaz, her steps a little slower than usual -- though his gait is naturally much longer than hers, and inej has gotten used to walking quickly, in order to keep up with everyone. it's really only thanks to kaz's limp that inej doesn't have to powerwalk to keep up with him. ]

The ability to make our own coffee would be nice.

[ it's in thinking of what they do every day that inej realizes they really do need . . . a lot of stuff. ]

But I think the plates and table and chairs are the most important thing.

[ He remembers to lock the door before they go, wiggling the handle just to double check. Then he's re-joining Inej as they start down the street. ]

A coffee press would be nice. [ That goes on the mental list, something extra to keep an eye out for. Really, he'd known decorating the house would be a big task but now he's realizing just how much of one it is. Somewhat daunting. In the Slat, he'd never had to think about it much, never having the space for things. And most of the furniture coming with the place. ]

Should probably start writing things down as we think of them.

Probably.

[ a hum of agreement, as she takes his hand as they walk, easily intertwining their fingers. but it's an exciting adventure, she thinks, as they leave the residential district and into the market area proper, full of shops and artisans and craftsmen, eager to take their money.

and as she thinks about the rest of their house . . .]

I would like an armchair.

[ and an ottoman, for kaz and his leg. which leads into other things that would be helpful, like more blankets and pillows.

and the more items she thinks of, the more she's decided on: ]

Maybe we should go into a store and see what they have, and build our list that way.

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