OPEN POST 2020.

[legalized]

【my ❝CALL ME OUT❞ post】
get my ass in gear.

♛ here is my muselist. ♛ post "calling" one of them out — you can do so by putting their name in the subject line! ♛ can be informal/formal/comment spam/crosscanon/explicit/whatever tickles your fancy! ♛ feel free to make up a scenario at the start, or wait to see where things go. meme code.

Comments

[wraithes]

[ her eyebrows arch slightly at that, and she mulls over the last name in her head . . . it makes sense, she supposes. to just ditch the old name and find a new one, to get rid of whoever that boy was that first came to ketterdam. and the tattoo on his arm makes more sense now, too. ]

You have always been just Kaz to me, anyway.

[ after a moment, before she reaches up to pull her hair all to one side of her neck, so he has easier reach of her hair, if he wants to continue to play with it, careful not to touch his hands with her own. ]

But your secret is safe with me.

[ as always. ]

Do you want me to make you tea? To help you go back to sleep.

[ketterdamn]

[ The corner of his mouth lifts as she moves her hair to drape over her shoulder. He runs his fingers through the strands, carefully working out a couple loose knots. His motion pauses at the bottom of her hair, fingertips just barely pressing against her back, the fabric of her shirt making it safer. ]

Thank you. [ And he knows that secret will follow her to the grave. Just as he keeps all of hers. ]

Okay. [ Something warm sounds...helpful. ] Can you come back to bed?

[wraithes]

[ she nods, at his request to come back to bed, a small smile in place before she stands, moving toward the kettle in the corner. it takes only a short amount of time to light the burner underneath it and make tea, inej depositing the cup on the bedside table near kaz before she moves to her own side of the bed.

first, though, inej fishes a pair of sleep pants out of her bag and tugs them on wordlessly. it looks a little silly, with the oversized shirt, but after she does that, she slips back into bed, careful not to touch as he sips his tea. ]

Thank you, for telling me that.

[ after a moment, not quite laying down, resting on her elbows as she watches him. ]

[ketterdamn]

[ He sits up and takes the cup, gently blowing across the top before taking a careful sip. It's a little too hot so he simply holds onto it for now, leaning against the headboard. ]

I should've said something a while ago.

[ Keeping it so close hadn't been fair to her. In a lot of ways, it had made it more difficult, not knowing the why. They could've avoided some accidents earlier on if he'd just said something.

But, it's all out on the table now at least. And he feels strangely relieved, despite the emotional drain. ]

[wraithes]

You need to stop doing that.

[ her tone is only slightly chiding, watching him hold his tea, leaning back against the headboard, letting him continue to relax.

and just in case he needs additional clarification, she continues, voice soft: ]

Dwelling on what should have happened instead of what did.

[ there's no real changing what has already transpired, so the only way to look is forward, and building upon what they have now. ]

[ketterdamn]

[ The tea cooling, he takes another careful sip. It seems to be helping him relax, the hot liquid settling the knots his stomach had twisted itself into. ]

I'm not very good at letting go.

[ Understatement of the century. Sometimes, that trait works out, like it did with taking down Rollins. Or when he puts together a scheme—he sees it through, doggedly.

But it also backfires, in instances like this. He also has a horrible track record of never saying goodbye, because that means letting go. However temporary or permanent that may be.

Unlearning that particular thing will take some time. He knows she's right though, it's not good to dwell. This at least is a step in the right direction. ]

[wraithes]

I know.

[ with a slight tilt of her head, the corner of her mouth tugging upward as she watches him drink his tea. it isn't often, that he's vulnerable and willing to talk with her, even now. so she wants to take advantage of the opportunity, while he's comfortable enough to do so. ]

But letting go doesn't mean whatever happened is gone forever. Or that it hasn't changed you, or shaped you. Letting go just means opening yourself to something new.

[ she could spend eternity, dwelling on what her life could have been, before the slavers. and she did, for a good amount of time. but clawing her way to freedom has allowed her to create a new narrative, a new story. she isn't sure whether or not it's a better one, but it's the one she has now, which is what's most important. ]

[ketterdamn]

[ There was no getting back his exact life before he came to Ketterdam, that he knows. And while he had wanted revenge on Pekka Rollins, he'd also known it wouldn't bring Jordie back. The dead remained dead.

But the anger had carried him through the years and it'd helped him get through some brutal days and nights spent in the Barrel. He remade himself in that time and now he's going through a similar process. Because Inej had given him an ultimatum: without armor or not at all. He thinks this time has been harder than the first, when he'd been building said armor to begin with.

Glancing over, he curls her hair around his finger again and thinks it's definitely worth it. ]

It's worked out so far.

[wraithes]

[ he plays with her hair, and her smile widens a little, at his comment. because it has worked out so far, even through the hard parts. and she knows that it will only continue to be hard, but the end product will be worth it, at the end of the struggle.

even now, he seems to be coming back to himself. nearly back to normal, though inej doesn't move to touch him, yet. it's best to let him set the pace, whenever he has an incident like this, and she's content to remain separate while he calms down, and drinks his tea. ]

I am proud of you.

[ quietly, her tone full of affection. ]

And I love you.

[ketterdamn]

[ He sips his tea and lets the silence elapse between them. Because it's comfortable, even if he feels a bit ragged. There's also the familiar desire to reach over and touch her, which had been completely possible up until an hour or so ago.

But he knows it's probably not a good idea right now. Even if the urge is overwhelming. He picks up a handful of her hair instead, kissing the strands in lieu of her cheek. ]

I love you too.