timewasting | OPEN POST 2020.

[ at the beginning of this process, inej had let herself buy little things. clothes, a stuffed toy, mostly, but nothing more pressing than that. but as the months stretched on, she buried them in the back of her closet and didn’t say another word about buying anything else, because there was little point.

now, though, it’s almost overwhelming, thinking about everything they’ll need. but there’s time, for that. and she tips herself forward to rest her forehead against his shoulder, exhaling, to let herself relax. ]

I feel stupid. For not putting it together.

[ being sick, and she had felt tired for at least the last two weeks. fatigued, even. and she feels like she could take a long nap now, honestly. ]

Hopefully feeling sick ends soon. I can do without falling asleep in the middle of the day, too.

[ annoying!! ]

[ She rests against his shoulder and he hugs her close, enjoying this moment. It's good to feel her relax, especially after the last couple of days where she'd been alternating between napping and being absolutely sick. ]

Don't be, this was the last thing you would've expected.

[ That either of them would've, really. Had he even considered it, he would've dismissed it out of hand, purely because of what had happened over the last year. ]

I know you're not going to like it but some of it will be unavoidable.

[ Like the fatigue. A body could only go through so much change before it protested. ]

[ she almost argues the point of I know you’re not going to like it, but there’s really no argument to be had because he’s right. annoyingly.

still, the hug is warm and comforting, and the anxiety and tension from the last year seems to just melt away. for the first time in awhile, inej thinks she can genuinely just rest.

if she’s not careful, she’ll fall asleep here. ]

I know, I know.

[ begrudgingly; he’s right!!! ]

At least he gave me something for the nausea. And a bag of other things, too. I left it in the kitchen.

I'll take a look.

[ Because he likes to know. Also he's just nosy in general, but she knows that.

He gives her one more squeeze before letting go, his hand loosely petting down her arm. Mostly to get her attention. ]

Come on, you look like you're about to pass out in my lap.

[ Not that he's complaining. But there are more comfortable places to nap. ]

I am not going to pass out in your lap.

[ with a roll of her eyes as she allows herself to straighten, though she does blink her eyes a bit suspiciously.

but taking a nap does sound nice, and so inej reluctantly untangles herself from him, rising to her feet. ]

But I will go lay down.

[ the walk had been tiring, and she did spend most of the morning in the bathroom miserable, so she likely should rest and drink water, anyway.

that being said, inej holds out her hands with a somewhat hopeful look. ]

Come with me?

[ There's a protest but he recognizes the sleepiness on her face. The way she'd blinked it away, as if it had caught her unawares.

He's not going to mention it though, because at least she's getting up and agreeing to lie down. Of course, that comes with the undeniable request for him to go with her. Which. Well, he's already sent a message along that he likely wouldn't be around today. Besides, he's just gotten some of the best news he's ever heard. And maybe he wants to cuddle his wife.

So he takes her one hand, grabbing his cane with the other and using it to push himself upright. ]

You drive a hard bargain.

[ As if he could've told her no. Leaning down, he kisses her forehead and gives her hand a squeeze before letting go. ]

I'll be there in a minute.

[ the kiss to her forehead sparks an instant smile, and inej takes the hint to make her way to their room. it takes almost no time at all for her to change into pajamas and undoing her hair, sinking into their bed with a sigh.

it’s when she lays down, though, that the weariness washes over her. and she tucks herself in, letting her eyes close for a precious few seconds to get comfortable before kaz comes in.

by the time he does so, inej is half asleep, but she says, a little sleepily, her eyes still closed: ]

Hurry up.

[ she wants to use him for a pillow and he’s being way too slow. ]

[ When she heads off to the bedroom, he makes his way to the kitchen. From one of the cabinets, he fishes out a pitcher, filling it with cold water—there's a glass on one of the side tables already, from earlier this morning.

By the time he gets into the room, she's tucked herself in, blanket pulled up almost to her chin. He huffs a laugh when she tells him to hurry up. Filling the glass on her side, he sets the pitcher down and then points at the cup. ]

Drink that, or you'll wake up with a throbbing headache.

[ He crosses back over to his side, setting his cane against the night stand and toeing his slippers off before sliding in next to her with a quiet sigh. ]

[ she opens her eyes a little at the sound of water, and she pushes herself up to drink the glass without a complaint. (or, at least, much of one; she does sigh in resignation at being disturbed from the comfort of her bed.)

once she drinks (most of) the glass and sets it back down, she promptly stretches her arm across his chest and tucks her head onto his shoulder, her legs folding up against his side as she sighs, comfortable. ]

I love you.

[ it’s murmured, content and happy. ]

[ At least she gets through most of the glass, so he doesn't chastise her for not finishing all of it. That should be enough to make sure she doesn't wake up fuzzy-headed.

Though it's also possible he's distracted from being annoying and completionist when she rolls over, using his shoulder as a pillow like she usually does. He can't really be irritated with her right now, not when she's pressed so close and when he's still thinking about their conversation on the couch. A baby in their future. A guarantee, because he cannot think of the alternative—what it would do to Inej, it would be heartbreaking.

So he tucks those what-ifs away, curling his arm around her shoulders instead, tilting his head down to press his lips to her hairline. ]

I love you too, mama. [ Might as well start getting used to that huh. ]

[ she tilts her head, smiling into his shirt. she’s not really sure if it’s the kiss to her head or his comment or maybe a combination of the two, but she feels her eyes suddenly become wet, and she tucks her face into his shoulder properly, a small laugh escaping. ]

I’m so scared.

[ she murmurs, running a hand along his side. ]

But it is a good scared. Mostly.

[ there’s the lingering thought in the back of her head that this still just isn’t meant to be, but she’s trying to focus on the present, not an imaginary future. ]

I’m already ready to meet them.

Me too.

[ Even though he's the one that broached the topic. There's still so many niggling fears. A lot of them about safety because Ketterdam isn't a shining beacon of security. And they've both made so many enemies over the years, despite a lot of the antagonism dropping away in the wake of their reputations.

But, he'd wanted to try and she had too. And as much as he's anxious, there's a lining of happiness. An eagerness, just like she says. ]

I hope they have your good sense. [ It would likely make their life easier, as he's always complicating his own with his decisions. ]

We have a fifty percent chance on that one.

[ a bit wryly, her eyes closed, fingers lightly moving along his side as she thinks.

most importantly, though: ]

They will come out perfect regardless. Even with the attitude problem.

[ the attitude problem is a guarantee, with the two of them for parents. ]

[ He laughs lightly at the mention of an attitude problem. Because it's true and unavoidable. Both of them are headstrong people, which means it was likely to be passed on.

Even if it wasn't, living with two stubborn parents in an equally stubborn city was more than enough for them to learn the trait. ]

You'll finally have someone smaller than you around.

That only means you will be outnumbered.

[ without missing a beat, though she does prod her fingers gently into his side, as punishment for his utter lack of manners. ]

Your days are numbered, Kaz Brekker.

Oh no— [ He starts, the words colored by the grin pulling at the corners of his mouth. ]

—surrounded by the people I love, what a tragedy.

[ Such a brat!!! ]

You say that now.

[ mildly, unbothered by his bratty behavior, her eyes still closed, enjoying the feel of his heartbeat underneath her hand. ]

Wait until you have a daughter.

You say that as if I wouldn't be thrilled.

[ A small baby girl. For some reason, he's very attached to the idea. Not that he'd be upset if it was a son. It's just. A different kind of attachment.

And neither of them are particularly keen on finding out, not until the baby is born. The surprise is worth it, even if it's annoying to navigate getting clothes that are more neutral. It's not as though the Kerch dislike surprises but...the merchers have a tendency to want to know what their heir is going to be. So they can make formal announcements or whatever the hell they do.

Instead, as the months start going by, Inej writes her parents to tell them the news. Another letter subsequently gets sent off to Zenik, though neither of them are sure how quickly she'll get it. They break the news to Jesper and Wylan over dinner; Jes decides to celebrate by getting him as drunk as possible.

(It works, he has some regrets the following morning. The only upside is knowing his friend is suffering equally a couple blocks away).

Inej seems to vacillate between wanting to be touched constantly or wanting him to be at least three feet away. There's no real in between. Somehow, they make it work for sleeping at least. Though she has surprised him a handful of times by waking him in the middle of the night for something. Whether it was wanting to be kissed or for a cup of ice cream, there's no rhyme or reason.

The upside is at least he's used to strange sleeping patterns, so it isn't a huge adjustment. Not as much as she's had to make, her entire early morning routine thrown off on some days. When she does sleep, it's soundly and she drops off almost immediately. Like she had done earlier, as soon as he'd turned over to spoon her.

Whether she stayed asleep would remain to be seen. ]

[ it’s a bizarre adjustment, pregnancy. mostly because inej is so used to being in control and right now, she’s very much not. but overall, it hasn’t been terrible, and as the weeks stretch on, she’s surrendered herself to the idea that her body just isn’t hers, anymore.

sleep is a struggle, though. she has odd dreams, though thankfully nothing too horrible. they do tend to wake her up, though, and roll over to seek comfort or something of the sort from Kaz, who is usually willing to oblige.

on this night, though, when she blearily stirs to consciousness, kaz’s arm around her waist. it’s hard to get comfortable, now, with being officially showing. and she’s about to just sigh and bury her face back into her pillow when she feels an odd jab in her side.

she blinks, and shifts her hand to her stomach, gently running her fingers over the gentle curve, confused. maybe Kaz accidentally prodded her . . . but it happens again, right underneath her fingertips, and it suddenly hits her with a rush of adrenaline and delight. ]

Kaz.

[ it’s a whisper, as she runs her hand over her stomach again, trying to find the sensation again. ]

Are you awake?

[ she can tell he’s very much not, his face buried in her hair, but he will be done. ]

[ Kaz is most certifiably not awake. But her rushed whisper draws him out of his sleep, breaking through the curtain of pleasant unconsciousness.

He doesn't open his eyes at first, too tired and still very much ready to go back to sleep. ]

Hm?

[ At her second nudge, he does finally crack his eyes open, blinking away the bleariness. ]

What? What is it? [ There's no annoyance, just words slurring together as he tries to wake. ]

[ the poor thing is definitely not awake, but at his mumbled question, inej takes him by the wrist and guides his hand to her stomach, placing his palm against the curve as she waits.

and sure enough, after a few moments, there’s another tiny blip of movement. ]

I think the baby is moving.

[ her voice is still a quiet whisper, almost as if speaking too loudly would make the baby stop. ]

Did you feel it?

[ She takes him by the wrist and he just figures she's going to drag him closer somehow. As though they aren't quite close enough.

(Dimly, he's aware there's a bit of space between, so maybe she has the right of it).

Instead, she's laying his hand on her middle, her palm on top of his. After a few beats of confused silence, he feels a motion under his fingers. A small but pronounced movement. Like a kick.

He comes more awake all at once, finally clueing in. ]

Oh. [ There they are, alive and well, perhaps just as fussy as their parents. ]

[ she remains still, until he reacts, and inej grins, tilting her head back a little so she can look up at him, though she still keeps his hand pressed against her middle. ]

You do?

[ in a hushed tone, eyes bright. ]

You feel it?

[ There's another movement, this one less pronounced. A shift like they're trying to get comfortable.

He props himself up on his elbow, keeping his hand where it is, mirroring her grin. ]

Someone's fussy. [ But he's clearly excited, just as much as she is. And there's the overwhelming affection, which has him leaning down to kiss her temple, his palm smoothing along the curve of her stomach. ]

[ indeed, the movement soon quells to something a bit less obvious, as the baby seems to settle into whatever position they deem comfortable. whatever it is, it’s not necessarily comfortable for inej, who has an odd pinching sensation now in her back.

but she doesn’t seem to care, at the kiss to her temple, and she shifts a little to lay on her back — which alleviates some of the discomfort — grinning up at him as if she’s won the lottery. ]

They moved.

[ it’s a hushed, gleeful statement. the lack of movement had honestly been anxiety inducing. Inej had worried that something was wrong. her mother had assured her countless times over that it was just too early, but inej hadn’t been able to shake the fear from the back of her mind.

and inej pauses before shifting kaz’s hand again, resting a little bit more left, where the tiniest fluttering of movement could be felt. nothing as pronounced as the kicking, but still there. and at the movement, inej feels a sudden weight in her throat before she shifts her hands to cover her face, her voice muffled: ]

I can’t cry, I am going to have a headache if I cry...

[ crying seemed to happen at the drop of a hat, now, frustratingly enough, but this time is at least in joy. and relief. ]

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