timewasting | OPEN POST 2020.

[ At least this time around she seems to be contemplating whether she should or not. The judgmental arch of her brows has lowered. She hasn't walked away yet, though, and her fingers are gently stroking down his cheek. Which is a good sign, he thinks. It's a light enough touch that he has to suppress an involuntary shiver, feeling the urge to touch her spread like cream poured in coffee.

Especially as she just barely brushes her lips to his and then to his cheek. A tease. ]

You are my darling, though. [ And maybe he feels a twinge of knee-jerk embarrassment at saying it without his usual wry tone. It's just so...genuine. Something he's still adjusting to. ]

I have manners. [ Not often. And he isn't pushing himself too much. Though certainly, laying on his back is probably not the best position. At least his lack of movement means the aches have settled to a dull throb. In some aspects, it feels strangely good. ]

You have absolutely no manners.

[ with half a laugh, lightly playing with a loose lock of hair. she enjoys it when he’s like this, half undone and relaxed. he looks younger — or, well, his age. she supposed neither of them have ever been young, not after ketterdam seized their innocence.

still, it makes him feel vulnerable. seeing him like this. which she quietly adores.

so she does lower herself for a kiss — a real one, this time, her thumb stroking his cheek, before she murmurs: ]

I do like being your darling, though.

[ so he should be rewarded for that, at least. ]

Some. Occasionally.

[ The Barrel isn't known to raise polite young boys or girls. However, he does have a few things he won't budge on, no matter how much other Barrel bosses might sneer about it being stupid. Generally, they don't know much of anything, so he doesn't count their opinions.

Which, whatever. They don't matter right now because she's finally kissing him. And he presses into it a little, a rush of giddiness going through him. Today's a good day, despite everything. His hand pets down her back, palm settling on her hip. Once she pulls away, he licks his lips, as if chasing the impression. ]

You always have been. [ Even if he's been monumentally dumb about expressing it. ]

[ there's a slight grin, and inej ducks down again for another kiss, the movement soft and gentle, mindful that he's injured.

she can tell, that he wants more, to touch and feel, but he really should be mindful of his injuries. including his leg. which he isn't going to be happy about, inej preventing this from escalating into something that will absolutely cause him to cringe. so she pulls away, but she remains close, resting her forehead against his. ]

And you have always been a thorn in my side that has ground my last nerve until I wanted to strangle you.

[ she says quietly, amused, before she shifts to kiss his forehead again, affectionate. ]

But you are the treasure of my heart, regardless.

[ He does want more, despite the injuries. They're not that bad.

(Or perhaps he's just gotten used to ignoring certain levels of pain).

The smart thing to do would be to rest up and come back to the idea later, when there isn't a chance of making the bruising worse. Or reopening some tender wounds. They're bandaged but enough strain could get them to bleed again. He sighs a little after she pulls away, enjoying the kiss and maybe a bit wistful. ]

I try not to aggravate you as much as I do everyone else.

[ That's uh. Still a work in progress, obviously. ]

Humor me for a minute. [ He says, voice bright with an obvious idea. ]

[ she rolls her eyes at his first comment, returning to gently stroking his hair out of his eyes. and she's about to suggest that he close his eyes and take a nap when he decides

to continue to press his luck. ]

You see, right now, you are grinding my last nerve. Because you do not know when to quit.

[ informatively; she's clearly not angry or upset. but curiosity bites at her heels, and she tilts her head, eyes narrowing a little as she watches his stupid scheming face. ]

What, exactly, am I supposed to humor you with?

[ Not knowing when to quit is certainly one of his traits that's a double edged sword. Most of the time, it's useful—after all, it's how he's made it this far in the Barrel.

It also often annoys people. Or gets him into trouble. Which he then leans on the same trait to get him out of. A vicious cycle.

Though, she certainly isn't irritated, as much as he's being a pest. Instead, there's a curious tilt to her head. ]

Sit across my hips. [ Logically, it's just a better angle. ] I want to kiss you again.

[ Unlike his usual requests, though, he adds: ] If you want to.

[ They're still figuring out what works and what doesn't, after all. ]

[ she raises her eyebrows slightly, at his request, and she glances at his body, weighing out the risks.

there is always a risk, when they engage in something like this. but he seems to be fine, and inej really has no idea what sets her off and what doesn’t. it tends to happen suddenly and without warning.

there’s also the matter that he’s injured. but that’s his own fault.

so inej shifts a little, easily straddling his hips, resting most of her weight on her knees. and for a tenuous moment, inej tests her own capacity, but feeling no anxiety (yet), inej looks down at him with an amused expression. ]

Alright?

[ she weighs practically nothing so even if she was fully resting on his hips, he would probably be fine. ]

Edited 2020-08-15 00:57 (UTC)

[ There's a bit of tension hanging between them, as there usually is when they try something new. She seems to be weighing whether it's worth it, taking his injuries into account as well as her own memories. It's just a quick flick of her gaze but it's one he's gotten used to. He's sure his expression says something similar whenever she asks him to touch her differently.

Eventually, she swings one leg over, perfectly balanced as always. An involuntary flush colors his cheeks, mind going a bit sideways as he looks at her. Blinking, he clears that away and sits up a bit, ignoring the pinch of bruises. He leans in to kiss her, one hand just above her knee. It's gentle at first, a continuation of where they left off. ]

Yes, definitely. [ Murmured against her mouth before he kisses her again, clearly wanting. ]

[ he moves and she frowns against his mouth a little — but he confirms that he’s fine, and the pain clearly isn’t bothering him that much. so she returns the kiss gently, taking his face into her hands. it feels . . . Fine, so far. good, even. there isn’t even a tug at her anxiety, or her memories, like this. not like when kaz leans over her in the morning, or lays on her.

something to analyze later. ]

We are not doing much more than this.

[ she warns, running her thumbs over his cheeks, before she kisses him again, murmuring: ]

You just got stitches, someone has to be the responsible adult.

[ She hasn't settled much of her weight across his hips but what little he can feel is...well, it's nice. He likes the solidity and her knees bracketing on either side.

There's also the realization she hasn't pulled away or felt tense at all. Interesting. ]

Hmm, alright. [ Honestly this is good. Different and affecting him more than he thought it would. He kisses her again, hand sliding from her knee to her hip, processing the idea as much as he's simply enjoying this. ]

[ normally, when they’ve tried this in the past, she’s had to stop the moment she feels his hands edging near her waist, her stomach. but like this, she doesn’t feel any spark of fear or anxiety. instead, she grins a little into his kiss, deepening the kiss a little as she presses forward. ]

You’re not listening very well.

[ she murmurs, shifting to loop her arms around his neck. as if she’s actually stopping him at all. ]

[ She stays right where she is, even when his hand settles on her waist. There's no immediate negative response, not like the one they've gotten used to the few times they've tried this.

Of course, none of them had featured her technically on top like this. Maybe they're onto something. Certainly, he can't complain. Not when he can keep the weight off his leg and kiss her at the same time. ]

Someone's encouraging me. [ He retorts, though there's absolutely no heat in it. Instead, he presses another deep kiss to her lips, the corner of his mouth quirked up enough that she's sure to feel it. His hand moves from her hip up along her side—slowly, carefully, staying above the fabric. As much as he's tempted to lift the hem, this was daring enough for one day. ]

[ she’s accepted, by now, that being gentle and slow is the easiest way to get through this. and as much as part of her wants to keep going, and let him tug up her shirt, and push him down against the bed, inej knows that she likely can’t do that. not yet.

but as his hands start to wander, her breath catches a little — anticipating a sudden seizing panic and terror in her chest, but nothing comes. she only feels warm, and happy, and — perhaps most importantly - safe.

so she presses her forehead to his with a breath, to collect her senses for a moment, before saying (a little surprised): ]

I am okay.

[ it’s a soft reassurance, almost more for her sake than his, as she allows her arms to remain loosely looped around his neck, still straddling his hips. and she considers that for a moment, that she feels okay, before she shifts to press her lips against his cheek. ]

Kiss my neck.

[ she wants to test this a little bit more, despite her earlier warnings of not wanting to push him too much. it’s rare that she feels relaxed and in control like this. she may as well take advantage of the moment.

but she does add, a little more quietly: ]

Gently.

[ she’s figured out the hard way that anything even remotely construed as aggressive sends her into a panic. ]

[ He hears her breath catch and pauses, pulling away a bit and setting his hand by her knee on the bed. They've tried this enough times that he's used to specific sounds, warning signs.

Except she doesn't move, instead pressing her forehead to his. She doesn't feel tense either, her weight still a relaxed thing settled across his hips. And then she's confirming that she's alright. Perhaps the catch in her breath had simply been one of anticipation for once.

She doesn't leave him to wonder too much about that, lips pressing to his cheek and requesting more. Really, she doesn't have to tell him twice. And as much as there's something thrilling about her actually asking for something, he feels his own pull of hesitation. Because they tried this, how many years ago, in the bathroom at the Geldrunner. She had lifted her chin just enough and he'd come so close.

They're different now, though. So he answers her with kisses to her cheek and jaw, before brushing a soft one to the side of her neck. His hand settles on her knee, thumb swiping gently along her thigh. ]

Okay? [ Her murmurs the question against her skin, checking in to be sure. ]

[ she stills, at the feeling of his lips against her neck, and there’s a tenuous moment where inej is convinced it’s going to fall apart. but . . . it doesn’t. her breathing is normal, and kaz is still within her space, relaxed — or as relaxed as he ever is. she can always feel a run of tension through him, when they attempt something like this, though inej is more convinced that he’s concerned about her reaction versus any dark memories he’s dealing with.

so, after a heartbeat or so of pause — ]

Mhm.

[ it’s a soft noise of reassurance, before she shifts her arms to loop around him a bit lower, to hold him a little closer, her fingers pressing (lightly) against his back. ]

It’s fine.

[ she almost sounds a little surprised, at that, but she shifts to kiss his temple, with a slight grin, as she relaxes a bit more fully, the tension of anticipation now gone. and, because encouragement is usually a good thing: ]

It feels nice.

Edited 2020-08-15 15:53 (UTC)

[ They're both still as they sort out whether things are alright. After a beat, she relaxes some more and he doesn't feel the pull of the harbor, despite how close he is to her neck.

So, it seems like they can try a bit more.

He smiles when she says it feels good, leaning in to brush another kiss to the same spot. There's a shaky exhale after, from the way her fingers press against his back. It's a light touch, nothing aggravating, but it's enough pressure along a couple bruises. Instead of a flinch, though, it feels strangely good, scratching at something beneath the surface.

There's another gentle kiss to her neck before he finally asks, quietly: ]

Can you do that again?

[ the feeling of lips against her neck is pleasant, and she hums to herself softly as she runs her fingers along his back, kissing his temple again, and inej is considering shifting back to his lips when kaz exhales shakily. and she pauses, to ask if he was alright, when kaz asks her the question. ]

Hm?

[ the sound is questioning, as she pulls away just enough to catch his eyes, expression quizzical as she shifts her hands to run along his arms. ]

Do what again?

[ she hadn't kissed him in any particular way or anything like that. or really done much, remaining still while he moved and explored. ]

[ Oh. Oh no. He can barely make sense of it in his own head and now she's looking at him, expression quizzical. Her touch is soothing at least, but his stomach twists itself into a knot as he works to find the words.

Because it's not like it's a normal thing to ask for. And he wonders if he should just take it back. Ask for something else instead.

But he has a feeling she'll know he isn't being entirely truthful. She can always tell when he puts up his armor again; something about the flicker of his expression tips her off.

So he swallows some of the nerves, glancing towards one her hands on his arm, a blush clearly working its way onto his face. ]

Press the bruises. [ Somehow, the blush goes redder. ]

[ he's not looking at her, which causes her brow to furrow . . . and then he begins to turn red, and half-mumbles press the bruises, which causes her to blink. and she opens her mouth to say something, before she closes it, to run it through her mind quickly. ]

You --

[ but as she says it, it seems to connect in her head. because while the menagerie is a horrific period in her life, inej did learn things. things like how to survive, when you had no other choice. and what people requested -- things that they enjoyed, that they specifically requested, when they came to heleen's hellish paradise. and once she draws the connection between what she had been doing and how he reacted . . . ]

Oh.

[ a bit knowingly, and maybe a tiny bit amused, as she takes his (warm) face into her hands, running her thumbs over his cheeks, meant to be reassuring, as she presses her lips against his in a brief kiss. ]

You do not have to be embarrassed.

[ as she shifts to gently kiss his forehead. ]

It is a simple request.

[ Expressing himself is still a work in progress. It's not that he's necessarily bad with words– he certainly used them to rout Per Haskell. And broker so many deals.

Just. The whole vulnerability thing is hard. Especially when it comes to something that feels very embarrassing. Or feels like maybe it should be wrong. Who gets pleasure from pain?

But instead of recoil, she sounds...knowing. The reality of it sinking in with her tone. Her hands come up to his face and it's a reassuring touch, some of his tension bleeding away. Only some, of course. Though it gives way to confusion as he flicks his gaze up to meet hers. ]

Is it? [ There's still some color in his cheeks, the embarrassment fresh. ]

[ she grins a little, at his confusion. not that inej finds it satisfying, kaz being embarrassed, but it’s very rare (in her perspective) that inej knows something kaz does not. ]

It is.

[ tone soft, in reassurance, as she leans forward to kiss him gently, slipping her hands to his back again. and as she presses forward, she (very lightly and gently) drags her fingers along a bruise. and she pulls away a little, to kiss his jaw. ]

Some people get pleasure from pain.

[ There's no denying the reaction this time, as she lightly drags her fingers across the edge of a bruise. Another blush rises in his cheeks but it's not one of embarrassment; he lets out a sigh instead of the low moan that wanted to come out, still coming to terms with her being completely okay with this. ]

It's not strange? [ His chin tilts as she kisses his jaw and he slides his hand up her leg to her hip. A grounding sort of touch. ]

[ the sigh and the movement of his hand along her thigh tells her that she did what he wanted, and inej hums to herself as she shifts to gently kiss his neck, as she runs her finger along the bruise again. ]

Strange, no.

[ as she kisses his neck again, a bit more firm this time. part of her wants to lower her full weight into his lap, to roll her hips against his, but she resists the urge.

that might be too much for both of them. maybe next time.

as she kisses his jaw: ]

But I am curious about how long this has been a reality.

[ they’ve really only stepped around having the “sexual attraction” talk. it’s really only a matter of time of beginning to explore one another that bodies reacted and the like. but something like this... hadn’t really been on the agenda. ]

[ She presses the bruise again and his head tips back as he lets out a small sound this time. The feeling has layered on top of the first touch, a skin deep pressure that slides through his veins. ]

I don't know. [ Well, he's a little distracted at the current moment. He wants her to push a bit harder, maybe shove him onto the bed and tell him to behave.

Which is possibly. Too much. ] A while?

[ A few years, at least. One of the few times he actually got himself off instead of ignoring it or taking a scathingly cold shower. He just remembers being frustrated, constantly pulling his mind away from the feel of his own skin. And then he'd rolled onto his side, which had been fresh with bruising from a fight; it'd gotten him to focus on the present.

(Later, he would think of Inej's capable hands doing the same thing. And then feel a bit guilty about it, after). ]

I like when you do it more. [ That definitely hits different. ]

OPEN POST 2020.

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