timewasting | OPEN POST 2020.

[ She kisses his cheek and her gives her a small smile, nearly instinctive at this point. He likes these quiet moments, where all three of them are in the same place. Ella, he finds as he glances down, is happily sucking on her fingers, not a single fidget to be felt. How long did she even nap?

He slowly smoothes his hand along her small back, feeling her relax after she re-settles. So small and so precious. ]

I feel less haggard, so it seems like it. [ Though he thinks he could probably drop right off again. That just depended on whether Ella got bored of her current situation or not. Maybe his sleepiness will translate over to her in this instance, instead of the other way around.

Then again, trying to get her back down for the night might prove impossible if she takes another nap. ]

I thought you'd be gone longer. [ It's not accusatory, just curious. ]

[ he does look a little less tired, which is good. and ella looks content and relatively awake, so she likely had a good nap, too. but at kaz's last statement, she hums to herself before she shifts to pet his hair back, tone thoughtful. ]

I wanted to come back home.

[ admittedly, shifting her attention to ella, letting her fingers brush a loose lock of hair out of the baby's eyes. ]

It was nice to be alone for a little bit, but I kept thinking about whether she missed me.

[ clearly, the answer is "no," given how relaxed ella is, which makes the anxiety feel a little silly, in retrospect. ]

I think she just wanted me to stop moving.

[ He'd tried rocking her to sleep, earlier, but him being up and about seemed to agitate her more. Or maybe he was just looking for something to make sense of her generalized crankiness. It's not like she could tell them what was on her mind just yet. Part of him looks forward to the day she does start forming coherent words.

Another part wants to hang onto her being so small and babbly for as long as possible. Even now, as she pulls her fingers out of her mouth and proceeds to pat it against his shirt. ]

Do you want her? [ Since it seems like she's settling in with them both. ]

[ being small is exhausting, is what inej has discovered, in motherhood. sometimes, ella just did not want to be soothed or satisfied, and eventually just needed to scream her frustrations before falling asleep. and inej knows that, soon-ish, ella will rouse herself to frustration once again -- she hadn't eaten in a few hours, at least.

for now, though, she seems content to just lay on kaz's chest and relax, kicking her little feet as she squirms her way into being comfortable. and while inej always loves holding her and having a quiet moment with her daughter -- ]

She looks comfortable.

[ she murmurs, a faint smile appearing as inej reaches out a hand, to let ella wrap her (spit-covered, strong) fingers around her index finger. ]

Besides, someone has to make dinner, and you look very busy.

[ Ella fidgets, legs kicking fruitlessly. As if she's trying to swim in the air. It's not fussing that seems to be prelude to a tantrum though, just a regular squirming as she continues to get used to her limbs.

Of course, he has learned not to underestimate said limbs, having gotten kicked directly in the face at least once. Her grip is strong as well, despite how tiny her fingers are. He smiles a bit when she reaches out for Inej, curling a small fist around her index finger.

Hopefully, she'll be able to extract herself from the grip without making her upset. ]

We're both pretty comfortable, honestly. [ His leg needed a break anyway and it feels good to have it stretched out. ] I'm just here to assist whatever she's busy doing.

[ Which seems to be reflexively letting go and grabbing his shirt with her other hand. Such a tough life. ]

She does look like she needs a lot of assistance.

[ amused, as Ella continues to kick her feet, tugging (a bit fruitlessly) on inej’s finger. she knows she should let them rest and start to make dinner, but she’s enjoying the moment of relaxation and quiet. ]

It is hard work, building strength . . . She might crawl, soon.

[ as she lets ella tug her hand forward, the baby releasing Inej’s finger onto to grasp another one, tiny fingers finding her wedding ring. and, while inej watches ella’s fingers explore the metal, she adds: ]

Saints help us all.

It didn't seem like she wanted any, earlier.

[ He huffs a small laugh at this, despite it always being stressful whenever Ella decides she's going to fuss. Or start yelling at the top of her lungs. Who knew such a small person could be so loud? ]

She's determined. I'm surprised she hasn't already. [ Though he figures it's a bit too early for it. She hasn't developed quite enough strength to pull herself along. Thankfully. Some days, he feels like he's still reeling that she's even here. He isn't ready for her to start doing things independently. ]

Let's just hope she doesn't try to start climbing walls too early.

It is only a matter of time.

[ she says as ella wraps her fingers tightly around inej's own, tiny little fingers scrabbling to try and get the ring off of her finger, tugging uselessly. ]

I think she is settling into a routine, at least.

[ it doesn't really feel like it, because ella's routine is still very much not convenient for either of them. but inej knows she'll wake up at around four because she is hungry, and lull herself back to sleep by seven. and then maybe another nap in the early afternoon, before she rouses herself for dinner, and then back to sleep again.

though, speaking of, inej shifts to gently kiss the top of ella's head. ]

Which means we should probably get up, before she falls asleep again.

[ otherwise ella definitely will not go to sleep. ]

Sort of. She was really trying to push into the late afternoon today.

[ So obstinate. But that was to be expected, really. It's a bit too early to fully tell but so far, she seems to be taking after him. For better or worse.

That said, she seems soothed, her wiggles calming as soon as Inej goes to kiss her head. There's a tiny sound, just a soft delighted syllable. Kaz doesn't exactly want to move her from her happy little perch, though he knows if she falls asleep again it truly will be awful for the rest of the night. She'll wake up hungry and just awake, full of energy and ready to yell about it.

Sighing, he picks her off his chest and sits up, feeling her squirming with the sudden motion. She doesn't cry though, just fusses until he's dragged himself to standing and then goes still, as if she knows it's a bad idea to move around so much while they're upright. ]

Want some company while dinner happens?

[ oh, he sounds vaguely grumpy, at getting up, and inej watches him adjust and stand with a slight grin before she rouses to standing herself, crossing around the bed toward them both. ]

Here, let me see, so you can get your cane.

[ warmly enough, as she (gently) pulls ella from her clinging to his shirt. and there's a momentary protest before ella quickly soothes herself again, as she rests against inej's chest. ]

Then we can make dinner, once -- no.

[ as ella's fingers immediately find her hair, inej's train of thought becoming abruptly derailed by untangling little fingers from her hair, which inej foolishly didn't put up or braid to enjoy her day out. and as inej detangles ella's fingers, she tosses kaz a mildly exasperated look, as she makes her way to the door. ]

Once we get her something to occupy her attention.

[ this brat!!!!! ]

[ Between the two of them, they manage to transfer Ella from his arms to Inej's. With only some protest. That in itself is a miracle, as she seems to usually pick her favorite place to be and wants to stay for a while.

Of course, it's only a split second before Ella is happily tugging on Inej's hair, finally free of its usual braid. Kaz goes to grab his cane as small fingers are patiently disentangled from long hair. ]

I'll keep her occupied. [ Before he follows them into the kitchen, he does grab a couple toys off of the bureau. Which will hopefully distract her long enough to get through dinner being made. He makes his way into the kitchen, taking a seat at the little breakfast nook off to the side. ]

Got her to stop pulling your hair?

[ it's really a matter of sleight of hand, if inej thinks about it. because once she makes her way to the kitchen and sets ella on the counter to sit while inej holds her up, her little fingers are still entrenched in her hair . . . until inej introduces a wooden spoon into the mix. and then, ella immediately becomes more interested in that, seizing onto the object to abruptly stick it into her mouth.

once that is done, inej can pass on ella to her father, though she ducks into the front foyer to collect a little sitting pillow, so ella can hang out on the table of their breakfast nook, if kaz wants a break from holding her. ]

I think she has given up the fight, for now.

[ a little dryly, as inej takes the moment to tie her hair up into a loose bun. she really should have done that before picking up the baby to begin with, but oh well. she seems content with the spoon, now, so inej can turn to the subject of dinner. ]

[ Ella is transferred to him after Inej gives her a spoon—clever trick, that—so that she'd stop pulling her hair. He sets her up on his good knee, so she can watch what was happening in the kitchen. Even if she doesn't know what any of it is, having a lot of things to look at will keep her occupied for a bit.

When Inej returns with the pillow, he thanks her quietly, intending to use it in a bit. Really, Ella weighs practically nothing, but it's nice to not have both hands full from time to time. ]

When she bores of the spoon, I'm sure she'll be looking for something else to grab.

[ She's just at that stage. And will probably remain there for a while, if Asena is right. Which she probably is.

He takes a moment to sit her up on the cushion, pulling a small stuffed bird out of his pocket and perching it on her shin. Immediately, her eyes go wide, one hand bopping it wholeheartedly on the fuzzy (bedraggled) head. Kaz smiles before he tugs the spoon and she gives it up, clearly enamored with her favorite creature. ]

I hope you don't need this for anything.

[ indeed, the little stuffed crow is immediately seized upon and shoved into her mouth with a happy babble of delight, and inej looks over from her work of cutting carrots with a warm look. ]

No, she can keep the spoon.

[ for when Ella decides she wants it again, anyway, as she shifts her sights to the fish she bought earlier in the day. ]

We are going to need to replace that toy soon, I think, the poor thing’s head is going to come off.

[ or at least need some stitches, with how frequently Ella has it in her grasp. ]

[ Really, he hadn't anticipated her loving the crow so much. They'd already gone through a few animals—she's been interested for a bit and then seemingly needed to be in a specific mood before considering them again. The crow, though, is almost always received with enthusiasm. And only infrequently launched with a cry of frustration. ]

Might have to grab a few extras from the place we got it, if she's going to keep murdering it affectionately.

[ Just then, she takes it out of her mouth, thrusting it towards him. He takes it and hops it down her leg, which gets him a loud squeal of excitement. ]

[ the shriek of excitement causes inej to grin to herself as she sets the fish in the pan to bake, tossing in some vegetables alongside it. the good thing about living on an island (and, by now, inej has identified at least ten things that are beautiful about living on kerch) is a neverending supply of fresh seafood.

as she does that and slides it into the oven, she turns to wash her hands, meticulously drying them (a habit) with a dish towel before wandering back over to the breakfast nook in the corner, depositing the towel on the counter before slipping her arms around kaz's shoulders from behind, resting her chin on his shoulder as she watches ella try to grab the crow, just out of her reach.

sometimes, inej can't quite believe she's real, either. but she is, full of life and delight. and very determined to grab the head of the floppy bird that looks like it's seen better days. ]

I wasn't aware you could murder something with affection.

[ amused. ]

[ As usual, he's aware of Inej and whatever she was up to. His attention is pulled away though, towards Ella as she makes a grab for the bird that's just out of her reach. He hops it back up her leg when Inej comes over, looping her arms around his shoulders.

Leaning a bit into the embrace, he pulls the bird away just before Ella tries to grab it again, lightly poking her cheek with the soft beak. Her face scrunches up instinctively, though there's no tears. Just a quiet babble. ]

Might be possible. We'll see how our feathered friend looks in a couple weeks.

[ Ella makes another grab for it and he lets her have it, quirking a smile when she raises it up and back down in an awkward attempt to mimic the hopping. ]

I never thought I would enjoy this.

[ inej has a sneaking suspicion that their feathered friend will look terrible in a few weeks, as ella bounces it on her leg before stuffing the bird back into her mouth, watching her parents with wide, dark eyes. and inej dips her head a little to press her lips against kaz's temple, squeezing him loosely in a hug. ]

You are a good father.

[ warmly, eyes on ella, who kicks her feet a little, from her position in the pillow. ]

Part of that includes enjoying it, I think.

[ Hands now free of a stuffed bird, he loosely grips her forearm, running his thumb along it. He tips his head back, simply enjoying the peaceful moment; Ella seems quite occupied with drooling all over the toy instead of fussing to get her parents' attention. ]

Well, I do have the best partner.

[ No, he is not taking criticism at this time. ]

Some days, it seems unreal. [ He reaches his other hand out, gently curling around Ella's foot. So tiny. Years ago, he wouldn't have wanted anything to do with this. Children were soft, vulnerable. A nuisance and a detriment at the same time.

Now he can be convinced to do basically anything with one look from Ella. That will probably cause many headaches in the future. But for now, she doesn't want much. ]

[ she seems to kick her foot reflexively, when kaz takes it, a muffled slew of babbling being spoken around the head of the crow in her mouth, and inej hums to herself in agreement. ]

It does.

[ for a lot of reasons. for one, it's taken so long to get here. for another, children seemed like such a far-fetched idea for so long that inej hadn't really considered it possible. but here she is, happily kicking her feet without a real care in the world. healthy and cared for and loved. ]

I didn't know it was possible, to love something so much.

[ finally, before inej ducks to press her lips against his cheek, tone warm as she begins to unfold her arms from around his shoulders, so she can check on dinner. ]

[ The string of muffled babbling makes him smile, especially since she seems so keen to say something. Just while still happily gumming the poor stuffed bird. ]

I didn't think it was possible to love more than one person so much. [ It's not that he's a selfish person. Or incapable of love—despite what he thought for so long. He's just guarded, typically. His relationships with his friends have certainly improved with the years. They're definitely at a point where he isn't afraid to call them friends, both to himself or out loud.

And obviously, he loves Inej. Their relationship has been something to work at, making the outcome that much more important. Which, he supposes, has ended up with this: Ella, happy and carefree, loved immediately and fiercely. He'd been nervous about the decision, feeling both sure of being ready and also like being a parent was the last thing he could ever do.

Of course, he'd seen the progression over the months and when he finally looked at her tiny sleeping face, he'd fallen in love with her completely. That hasn't changed, even with her fussing and occasional stubborn screaming. He lightly brushes her cheek with the back of his finger, tipping his head a bit to the side when Inej kisses him. ]

Think she'll let us eat in peace? [ Always a gamble. ]

[ she offers him a warm smile, at to love more than one person so much, before she turns her attention to dinner. and it's true, really. inej has always known that she is capable of great love and adoration; it's receiving it, that has been the problem. now, she's comfortably at peace, with both loving and being loved.

and ella, who has been her greatest blessing, and the most beautiful thing she has ever accomplished, is definitely the most loved thing in her life.

that being said: ]

Absolutely not.

[ dryly, as inej tugs the oven open to check on the fish. ella tends to get hungry around now, and while she's been downright pleasant, inej knows it's only a matter of time before she decides that she wants food. and, really, inej is considering feeding her now before they eat, but ella seems to be having a fun time without being bothered. maybe they'll just test their luck a bit more.

soon, inej tugs the pan out of the oven to begin to plate their dinner. and, seemingly right on cue, ella's babbling turns to something of a fuss, though she's not crying. seemingly outraged that her mother is now out of her view, and inej tosses kaz a knowing look, as she arranges the food on plates. ]

I should have bet money.

[ as ella takes the opportunity to toss the crow at her father, her fussing turning into a delighted noise as it hits his chest. a fun new game. ]

[ It's true that usually around this time, Ella starts to fuss. As if she is upset by her parents eating dinner and not her. Or rather, upset that they're eating a different type of food, possibly.

And sure enough, one moment she's happily chewing on the bird's stuffed wing and then a switch flips as Inej walks towards the oven, slightly out of her purview. As soon as she leans down, Ella makes a discontented noise, frustrated that her mom is gone.]

Would've made a tidy profit. [ He doesn't get to continue that thought though, a stuffed bird plopping against his chest with a sudden shriek of delight following. Kaz does catch it before it hits the floor, sighing at the apparent entertainment that Ella is apparently getting out of this. While he's reluctant to give it back, knowing what the potential outcome is, he at least knows he'll be playing short distance catch with a spit covered stuffed animal.

As if on cue, he gives it back and she almost immediately throws it again, plopping it right into his lap. ]

Your throwing arm needs a little work.

[ indeed, throwing the animal is the new game of choice, though at kaz's throwing arm needs a bit of work, ella's face scrunches up slightly, because she hasn't gotten the animal back yet. and she seems to be inches from edging into fussing territory when inej sits down at the table, to set their plates down and to edge ella's pillow a bit further away from them both. ]

Let's see if we can eat before she decides she's officially had enough.

[ amused, as she reaches out a hand to tickle ella's stomach briefly, causing a shriek of delight and kicking feet before ella seizes inej's fingers, preventing her from having more than one hand.

it suits inej just fine; she only needs one to eat, and it gives kaz a chance of peace to eat on his own. ]

At least she's not eating real food yet; she would be throwing that at your shirt instead of the crow.

[ Ella's face scrunches up and he's ready for a small tantrum when Inej sits down and seems to take the wind out of those particular sails. Her mother safely back in view, she's back to being happily distracted by holding onto Inej's fingers instead of the bird. Kaz does put it next to her, just in case. ]

Maybe she'll hold off longer than the other day.

[ Which had been a grand total of perhaps a minute. One second, totally amused. And in the next, crying loud enough to be red in the face.

At least it was never boring around here anymore. Not that it had been a struggle before, but still.

Kaz doesn't dawdle on starting his dinner, knowing full well how poorly this could go. ]

I can't say I'm looking forward to it. [ He takes another bite, chews and swallows, then amends: ] Well, mixed bag.

[ Seeing her grow has been immensely rewarding, as much as it brings further complications. As it will continue to do until she's old enough to know better. ]

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