timewasting | OPEN POST 2020.

[ indeed, the little stuffed crow is immediately seized upon and shoved into her mouth with a happy babble of delight, and inej looks over from her work of cutting carrots with a warm look. ]

No, she can keep the spoon.

[ for when Ella decides she wants it again, anyway, as she shifts her sights to the fish she bought earlier in the day. ]

We are going to need to replace that toy soon, I think, the poor thing’s head is going to come off.

[ or at least need some stitches, with how frequently Ella has it in her grasp. ]

[ Really, he hadn't anticipated her loving the crow so much. They'd already gone through a few animals—she's been interested for a bit and then seemingly needed to be in a specific mood before considering them again. The crow, though, is almost always received with enthusiasm. And only infrequently launched with a cry of frustration. ]

Might have to grab a few extras from the place we got it, if she's going to keep murdering it affectionately.

[ Just then, she takes it out of her mouth, thrusting it towards him. He takes it and hops it down her leg, which gets him a loud squeal of excitement. ]

[ the shriek of excitement causes inej to grin to herself as she sets the fish in the pan to bake, tossing in some vegetables alongside it. the good thing about living on an island (and, by now, inej has identified at least ten things that are beautiful about living on kerch) is a neverending supply of fresh seafood.

as she does that and slides it into the oven, she turns to wash her hands, meticulously drying them (a habit) with a dish towel before wandering back over to the breakfast nook in the corner, depositing the towel on the counter before slipping her arms around kaz's shoulders from behind, resting her chin on his shoulder as she watches ella try to grab the crow, just out of her reach.

sometimes, inej can't quite believe she's real, either. but she is, full of life and delight. and very determined to grab the head of the floppy bird that looks like it's seen better days. ]

I wasn't aware you could murder something with affection.

[ amused. ]

[ As usual, he's aware of Inej and whatever she was up to. His attention is pulled away though, towards Ella as she makes a grab for the bird that's just out of her reach. He hops it back up her leg when Inej comes over, looping her arms around his shoulders.

Leaning a bit into the embrace, he pulls the bird away just before Ella tries to grab it again, lightly poking her cheek with the soft beak. Her face scrunches up instinctively, though there's no tears. Just a quiet babble. ]

Might be possible. We'll see how our feathered friend looks in a couple weeks.

[ Ella makes another grab for it and he lets her have it, quirking a smile when she raises it up and back down in an awkward attempt to mimic the hopping. ]

I never thought I would enjoy this.

[ inej has a sneaking suspicion that their feathered friend will look terrible in a few weeks, as ella bounces it on her leg before stuffing the bird back into her mouth, watching her parents with wide, dark eyes. and inej dips her head a little to press her lips against kaz's temple, squeezing him loosely in a hug. ]

You are a good father.

[ warmly, eyes on ella, who kicks her feet a little, from her position in the pillow. ]

Part of that includes enjoying it, I think.

[ Hands now free of a stuffed bird, he loosely grips her forearm, running his thumb along it. He tips his head back, simply enjoying the peaceful moment; Ella seems quite occupied with drooling all over the toy instead of fussing to get her parents' attention. ]

Well, I do have the best partner.

[ No, he is not taking criticism at this time. ]

Some days, it seems unreal. [ He reaches his other hand out, gently curling around Ella's foot. So tiny. Years ago, he wouldn't have wanted anything to do with this. Children were soft, vulnerable. A nuisance and a detriment at the same time.

Now he can be convinced to do basically anything with one look from Ella. That will probably cause many headaches in the future. But for now, she doesn't want much. ]

[ she seems to kick her foot reflexively, when kaz takes it, a muffled slew of babbling being spoken around the head of the crow in her mouth, and inej hums to herself in agreement. ]

It does.

[ for a lot of reasons. for one, it's taken so long to get here. for another, children seemed like such a far-fetched idea for so long that inej hadn't really considered it possible. but here she is, happily kicking her feet without a real care in the world. healthy and cared for and loved. ]

I didn't know it was possible, to love something so much.

[ finally, before inej ducks to press her lips against his cheek, tone warm as she begins to unfold her arms from around his shoulders, so she can check on dinner. ]

[ The string of muffled babbling makes him smile, especially since she seems so keen to say something. Just while still happily gumming the poor stuffed bird. ]

I didn't think it was possible to love more than one person so much. [ It's not that he's a selfish person. Or incapable of love—despite what he thought for so long. He's just guarded, typically. His relationships with his friends have certainly improved with the years. They're definitely at a point where he isn't afraid to call them friends, both to himself or out loud.

And obviously, he loves Inej. Their relationship has been something to work at, making the outcome that much more important. Which, he supposes, has ended up with this: Ella, happy and carefree, loved immediately and fiercely. He'd been nervous about the decision, feeling both sure of being ready and also like being a parent was the last thing he could ever do.

Of course, he'd seen the progression over the months and when he finally looked at her tiny sleeping face, he'd fallen in love with her completely. That hasn't changed, even with her fussing and occasional stubborn screaming. He lightly brushes her cheek with the back of his finger, tipping his head a bit to the side when Inej kisses him. ]

Think she'll let us eat in peace? [ Always a gamble. ]

[ she offers him a warm smile, at to love more than one person so much, before she turns her attention to dinner. and it's true, really. inej has always known that she is capable of great love and adoration; it's receiving it, that has been the problem. now, she's comfortably at peace, with both loving and being loved.

and ella, who has been her greatest blessing, and the most beautiful thing she has ever accomplished, is definitely the most loved thing in her life.

that being said: ]

Absolutely not.

[ dryly, as inej tugs the oven open to check on the fish. ella tends to get hungry around now, and while she's been downright pleasant, inej knows it's only a matter of time before she decides that she wants food. and, really, inej is considering feeding her now before they eat, but ella seems to be having a fun time without being bothered. maybe they'll just test their luck a bit more.

soon, inej tugs the pan out of the oven to begin to plate their dinner. and, seemingly right on cue, ella's babbling turns to something of a fuss, though she's not crying. seemingly outraged that her mother is now out of her view, and inej tosses kaz a knowing look, as she arranges the food on plates. ]

I should have bet money.

[ as ella takes the opportunity to toss the crow at her father, her fussing turning into a delighted noise as it hits his chest. a fun new game. ]

[ It's true that usually around this time, Ella starts to fuss. As if she is upset by her parents eating dinner and not her. Or rather, upset that they're eating a different type of food, possibly.

And sure enough, one moment she's happily chewing on the bird's stuffed wing and then a switch flips as Inej walks towards the oven, slightly out of her purview. As soon as she leans down, Ella makes a discontented noise, frustrated that her mom is gone.]

Would've made a tidy profit. [ He doesn't get to continue that thought though, a stuffed bird plopping against his chest with a sudden shriek of delight following. Kaz does catch it before it hits the floor, sighing at the apparent entertainment that Ella is apparently getting out of this. While he's reluctant to give it back, knowing what the potential outcome is, he at least knows he'll be playing short distance catch with a spit covered stuffed animal.

As if on cue, he gives it back and she almost immediately throws it again, plopping it right into his lap. ]

Your throwing arm needs a little work.

[ indeed, throwing the animal is the new game of choice, though at kaz's throwing arm needs a bit of work, ella's face scrunches up slightly, because she hasn't gotten the animal back yet. and she seems to be inches from edging into fussing territory when inej sits down at the table, to set their plates down and to edge ella's pillow a bit further away from them both. ]

Let's see if we can eat before she decides she's officially had enough.

[ amused, as she reaches out a hand to tickle ella's stomach briefly, causing a shriek of delight and kicking feet before ella seizes inej's fingers, preventing her from having more than one hand.

it suits inej just fine; she only needs one to eat, and it gives kaz a chance of peace to eat on his own. ]

At least she's not eating real food yet; she would be throwing that at your shirt instead of the crow.

[ Ella's face scrunches up and he's ready for a small tantrum when Inej sits down and seems to take the wind out of those particular sails. Her mother safely back in view, she's back to being happily distracted by holding onto Inej's fingers instead of the bird. Kaz does put it next to her, just in case. ]

Maybe she'll hold off longer than the other day.

[ Which had been a grand total of perhaps a minute. One second, totally amused. And in the next, crying loud enough to be red in the face.

At least it was never boring around here anymore. Not that it had been a struggle before, but still.

Kaz doesn't dawdle on starting his dinner, knowing full well how poorly this could go. ]

I can't say I'm looking forward to it. [ He takes another bite, chews and swallows, then amends: ] Well, mixed bag.

[ Seeing her grow has been immensely rewarding, as much as it brings further complications. As it will continue to do until she's old enough to know better. ]

[ she manages about two mouthfuls of food before ella begins to fuss, and inej grins a little before setting down her fork, standing just enough to scoop ella up so she could sit in her lap, one arm looped around the baby's waist so she could hold ella against her while resuming dinner. ]

I want her to stay this size forever.

[ a little wistfully, as she takes another bite of her meal while ella pats her little hands against inej's arm, seemingly content now that she's being held. ]

She used to be tiny, and soon she'll have teeth.

[ There's a bit of fussing, when Ella seemingly doesn't like the crumb of attention she's getting. Inej solves it by putting her in her lap. He smiles at this, amused by Ella's face just barely peeking up over the edge of the table. Small fingers are curled along Inej's arm, head tilted back so she can try and see more. ]

Hard to believe she fit so easy in my hands only a few months ago.

[ She'd been so small, fitting across his outstretched hands with only a bit of overlap. Well, Inej's parents had warned them that she'd grow fast. ]

I'm sure she's going to be thrilled about growing them in. [ He hopes he's prepared for more frustrated crying. At the very least, they know she has a healthy set of lungs. ]

[ indeed, she used to be so tiny . . . and she still is, inej supposes, but as ella squeezes inej's arm with her little fingers, as she watches her parents eat dinner. ]

I think it's starting to begin.

[ a little wryly, as ella has dipped her head a little to chew inej's arm, making an odd gurgling noise as she kicks her feet. inej remains still to let ella essentially drool on her arm, picking up her fork to resume dinner with her spare hand. ]

Growing up is exhausting work.

[ she says, as she pops another bite into her mouth, gently bouncing ella with a movement of her leg, to keep the infant entertained. the movement is rewarded with a giggle. so far, so good, as ella continues to babble. ]

What do you think her first word is going to be?

[ He watches as Ella drools all over Inej's forearm and thinks, not for the first time, that he's glad he's beaten most of his aversions to touch. It rarely comes up anymore; his last bad reaction is nearly two years in the past. They both developed some habits in trying not to set it off, things that have stayed despite the need for it waning.

Basically, he's just glad to know when Ella decides to drool all over him, he won't be going into a panic attack. ]

It was bad enough for the years I do remember. [ Going from not quite teenager through those years and into adulthood had been rocky. Even moreso in factoring that they'd grown up in the Barrel. At the very least she won't have to deal with that harsh place. ]

Hopefully it'll be one of us. But it'll probably be something surprising, like "bird". [ Considering her deep affection for the stuffed crow, it seems likely. ]

[ she would be lying, if she hadn't been concerned at first. children don't really have an understanding, of trauma or how to best avoid triggers. ella in particular loves being held and is tactile, constantly grabbing and wanting to be hugged. but so far, so good, for the most part.

inej sets down her fork after finishing most of her dinner, shifting to pick up ella a bit more, turning the infant around so ella could properly see her mother's face. there's a momentary protest, at not being able to chew on her arm anymore, but ella is soon distracted by a kiss to her nose and a grin, and the baby immediately grabs for inej's shirt, tugging a bit sharply as inej settles ella against her chest. ]

I think it is going to be no.

[ a little dryly, as she presses her lips to the top of ella's head, running her hand along the baby's back. there's no hair for ella to grab, as she put it up, but that doesn't stop her from trying. ]

Or food, food is another one.

[ They'd both been concerned at first. Even during the time before she'd been born, he'd been nervous about it; his history with touch has been a rough one. And while he's gotten so much of it out of his system in the years spent with Inej and getting more used to casual touch, having a grabby child was a different thing altogether.

And Ella, as children went, was very into being connected with her parents. Thankfully, he's gotten used to her touch and no longer has the same hesitance he had when she was first born. ]

"No" is a good first word. [ Ah. So practical. It would also make sense for a child coming from the both of them– so stubborn. ]

I'm almost surprised she hasn't already said that one. [ Though he's well aware that stage is bit of ways off. She's currently grabbing at Inej's shirt, though she hasn't started yelling from hunger. Which is relieving since she's given them enough time to finish their own dinner. A sometimes rarity. ]

No is a very good word.

[ in agreement, amused as she gently runs her fingers along ella's back up to her head, brushing the baby's hair with her fingers. and she's about to comment about food when ella tugs at her shirt again, a little more insistently, this time.

she's being remarkably good, tonight. the nap must have done her some good. but inej lifts ella up to peer at the baby's face, brow furrowing as if she was inspecting her very closely . . . and ella soon lets go of the shirt to press a hand against inej's cheek with a gurgle. ]

I think . . . pajamas are in order. Maybe a bath. And dinner.

[ thoughtfully, before she peers over ella's head at kaz, amused. ]

Can you put the dishes in the sink for me while I get her ready?

[ There's another tug on her shirt, this one more insistent than the last one and he feels like a small fussy tantrum is coming on. Inej heads it off by holding her up and she gets a tiny hand on her cheek, a happy gurgle as opposed to a mad screech. ]

In that order? [ Will she hold out long enough to sit through a bath? Hard to say. ]

Want me to wash up? [ Normally she does, a habit they've formed, but he asks. Just in case. They don't have nearly as much time anymore so getting things done where they can is a thing that's cropped up.

Either way, he pushes himself up to standing, starting to clean up. ]

I think we are going to try it in that order, but we might need to rearrange by the time we get to the bedroom.

[ mildly enough, as she rises to her feet -- but as she gets to her feet, ella's happy gurgling turns into fussing, a muted whine as inej shifts ella to lay a bit more comfortable against her chest, glancing toward the dishes. ]

You can just leave them in the sink. [ it's been a very long time, since kaz had a negative reaction to much of anything, but inej is pretty sure the reason why is because they don't test fate when they don't have to. and as she moves through the kitchen toward the hallway leading to their back bedroom, she adds: ] I'll be up early, anyway, so I can wash them, then.

[ ella tends to dictate inej's sleeping schedule, now, though inej is hopeful she'll sleep.

her hope dies a little, as ella's fussing from the kitchen to the bedroom turns into something a little bit louder, and inej has to rearrange her order of priority as she begins to get ready for bed. the bath is abandoned in lieu of getting ella into pajamas before she eats. and, thankfully, she's since mastered the art of feeding ella while also doing other things at the same time -- on this night, it's sitting near the sink of their bathroom to let it fill with warm water, so she can at least wash ella's face lightly before she goes to sleep.

thankfully, ella at least eats. and soon, she's all but passed out in inej's arms, feet kicking uselessly in a half-hearted squirm as inej gently washes her face, entering the bedroom after she's clean to gently deposit her into the bassinet in the the corner.]

There we go . . .

[ she murmurs, hands searching the bassinet gently to find the pacifier that had been thrown in protest earlier that day, placing it in ella's mouth as the baby sleepily blinks up at her, mumbling around it. and inej gently rocks the bassinet, voice quiet. ]

Now go to sleep.

[ please, for the love of all that is holy. ]

[ Kaz cleans up the rest of their brief dinner, rinsing off the plates before setting them in the sink. What's leftover gets put away, the baking dish joining the plates afterwards. He knows feeding time is a process best not disturbed, especially if Ella is starting to fuss, so he does his usual check on the back and front doors, satisfied when it's all locked up.

Eventually, he wends his way back to the room, just in time for Inej to be putting Ella in her bed. Whether she'll stay in it and sleep remains to be seen. He hobbles his way next to her, sliding a hand down her back and resting it at the base of her spine. ]

Any luck? [ Ella seems to be ready to doze off, blinking sleepily as she is. As Inej rocks the bassinet, she dozes off more, eventually going still aside from her deeper breathing. He steps away as quietly as possible, knowing this was such a tenuous thing. At the very least, she doesn't make any noise while he gets ready for bed.

And still appears to be silent when he flops onto it, satisfied but tired. ]

[ inej offers a soft noise of agreement, at kaz's question, letting him get ready for bed as she continues to gently rock the bassinet. and soon, ella lulls herself to sleep, her little chest rising and falling peacefully as she relaxes into her mattress. ]

Perfect.

[ quietly, as she edges backwards toward the bed. she's still not in pajamas, and so she silently steps around the bassinet toward the dresser, tugging open the drawer quietly to pull out a loose sleep shirt. and it takes only a few minutes for inej to tug that over her head, shedding her day clothes to the floor for now before she joins kaz on the bed, laying on her back with a massive exhale, relaxing into the mattress. ]

We shall see how long that lasts.

[ though she does seem pretty down for the count, which is good. ]

[ It's quiet now that Ella is down for the count, even as Inej steps over to the dresser to change. But then, she's always been silent on her feet; he doesn't see that going away any time soon.

He rolls towards her when she settles in, petting a hand down her arm before lacing their fingers together. Ah. This feels nice. They get their moments of affection in during the day, but sometimes it's few and far between. Most of their attention has rightfully gone to the incredibly cute baby just across the room. ]

A few hours would be nice. Half of one, at the very least. [ Enough to count as a long nap. Speaking of: ] I'll get up if she starts yelling.

[ He did manage to get some rest earlier. ]

[ the interlacing of their fingers prompts a faint smile, and inej rolls over a little bit to tuck her head into his shoulder, sighing to herself in comfort. ]

I will hold you to that.

[ it's half a joke. inej is going to wake up regardless, but if kaz wants to be the one to pick up the screaming infant, she won't complain.

still, he had dealt with her for the afternoon. which sounds like it had been a battle in and of itself. which reminds her: ]

Thank you for giving me a few hours today.

[ warmly, squeezing his fingers gently. ]

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