timewasting | OPEN POST 2020.

[ it can happen quickly, which is what’s so frustrating about it. she can be completely fine one moment and the next near tears and unable to breathe. she’s gotten better and nothing has been permanently damaged.

— well, mostly. she had the bright idea of trying to go down on him once, after going down on her was so successful. she had vomited for hours. she hasn’t been able to work up the nerve to try that again. not yet, anyway.

at any rate, she exhales slowly, as he enters her. the anticipation is the worst part, in fearing a reaction. but when he focuses on licking her too, it distracts her — and once her mind catches up, it feels too good to be anything but a positive experience. ]

Mmmmmhmm...

[ it’s a soft noise of approval, as he slowly fucks her — and she soon lays on her back completely, feeling a coiled warmth form in the bottom of her stomach as he continues to work. ]

I like that.

[ almost a little dazedly, drawing in a deep breath to let it out in a soft gasp as his fingers hit a particularly sensitive spot. ]

[ She exhales slowly and he can tell she's trying to relax. Thankfully, she does, letting herself drop back onto the bed with a quiet hum.

He licks her a little less gently, especially as she gasps, wanting to draw out that feeling. Of course he notes where he'd been touching her and doesn't hesitate to stroke the same place. Her encouragement has sent a spark down his spine and he is idly wishing he could get his pants off.

But he's also loathe to move from where he is. That wins out.

So as she clearly lets herself relax more, he gently slips another finger in. It's a tighter fit that has him moaning as he sucks her off, providing a distraction as much he's simply enjoying this. Now both fingers feel out for that sensitive spot, stroking gently as he finds it. He moves his other hand up to her abdomen, thumb tracing the dip with a soft touch. ]

[ the addition of another finger causes the muscles in her stomach to tighten, an involuntary movement as she tightens around him —- which only causes the sensation of kaz applying delicate pressure against her to increase.

the stroking feeling inside her causes another shuddered gasp to escape, the sound ending in a groan. somewhere in the back of her head, inej knows that this is usually where it falls apart . . . but it doesn’t.

instead, her breathing gets a little more uneven. part of her wants him to stop, not for any bad reason, but because she wants more than his fingers. . . and the other part wants him to keep going.

if she finishes now, she may not be able to do more. better to ride the high, right? ]

Wait -

[ she says in a breath, controlling her breathing with a deep inhale. she doesn’t sound scared or freaked out whatsoever, but she definitely sounds like she’s trying to focus through the overwhelming wave of pleasure that’s rolling through her. ]

I want — [ how does she say this??? saints, the feeling of him inside her is distracting, and finding words at all, let alone in kerch, is difficult — ] I want you —- come onto the bed.

[ Her breathing goes unsteady but it doesn't sound like she's upset. Instead there's a gasp and a groan and she squeezes around his fingers, clearly enjoying the touch. He wants to see her come apart and is just thinking he wishes he could see her expression when she tells him to wait.

There's no panic in her voice so he doesn't pull away immediately, just pauses what he's doing and waiting. She clarifies that she wants him on the bed and really, who is he to say no? He slides his fingers out and sucks them clean when he sits back to admire the mess. It does give him a minute to recover some of his senses and once he does, he reaches for his nearby cane to pull himself up.

Kneeling for so long on just carpet had not been a good idea, so it might take a couple tries before he's up and joining her on the bed. ]

Hi. [ He says, echoing her greeting from earlier, right before he kisses her cheek. ]

[ there’s a grin, at the kiss to her cheek, before inej rolls over, straddling his hips neatly before ducking down to catch him in a proper kiss, sighing against his mouth.

( she isn’t sure why, but being able to faintly taste herself when she kisses him afterward scratches a very particular itch. ) ]

Hi.

[ she repeats softly with a slight grin, settling back on her heels just enough so she can unbutton the front of her dress. and as she does so, bare skin peeks out, and she remarks: ]

I did without the bra.

[ it’s said almost like an afterthought, as she leave the dress half undone, ready to be slipped out of before she dips down to press a kiss against his collarbone, hand dipping to delicately palm between his legs, the lightest of touches before she slowly undoes the button on his pants, murmuring: ]

I didn’t want to wear it for two hours just to take it off.

[ In a neat motion, she's got him on his back and is straddling his hips, pressing a better kiss to his mouth. Kaz sighs into it, liking that she doesn't balk at tasting herself. Or rather, actually seems to enjoy it.

When she pulls away, he doesn't grin but he does flash her a smile, one that becomes a surprised look. Both at her remark and the physical proof of her bared chest. She's never been very big but for some reason the sight undoes him every time.

(Probably just because it's her). ]

That's just sensible. [ He slides his hands up her sides to her chest, thumbs tracing along the bared curves along the top. Of course, his touch seems to pause as she cups him, a small sound working it's way out of his throat. It's so light it could barely count as a touch. But he's so keyed up that it doesn't matter.

Recovering some of his wits, he sits up enough to pull his shirt the rest of the way off, dumping it over the edge of the bed. Before he lies back down, he leans in to kiss her neck, right over her pulse. ]

[ she hums to herself at the feeling of his hands on her chest, the lips against her neck. she undoes his pants with a deft motion, sighing to herself as she dips her hand into his pants, trailing her fingers along his cock through his underwear.

he’s hard, and inej makes an executive decision. ]

I want these off.

[ she shifts her weight a bit further down, which means pulling away from him, but with a purpose as she gets off of him long enough to shed her dress completely. and when she does that, she moves to help tug his pants down, pressing a lingering kiss against his neck.

Once they’re totally off, she’ll get back on top of him again. but while he does that, she murmurs against his neck: ]

Remember, you can’t touch yourself.

[ just in case he thought that game was over. ]

[ He sighs when she finally gets his pants undone, hips lifting a bit into the soft touch. And then she's saying she wants the trousers off, clearly not taking no for an answer.

Not that he would stop her, it's about time the damn things came off. When she moves off of him, he pushes both pants and underwear over his hips, only slightly distracted by watching Inej unbutton her dress. He's glad for the help when she comes back over; his knee doesn't want to bend very much right now.

All of that falls by the wayside once she's resettled and his hands slide up her thighs and hips to curve against her waist. ]

No touching, I got it. [ As much as it's tempting, at least he can touch her. Which he keeps doing, one hand slipping up to gently cup her breast, brushing his thumb over the nipple. ]

[ oh, his leg is hurting. and she's about to ask if he's okay after she's resettled (careful not to put too much weight on his leg) when he shifts his attention to touching her again. it reassures her that he's fine -- or, at least, it's not so bad to stop.

he'll very likely regret this decision in the morning, but that's a problem for the future, not the present.

so she settles herself on his lap, the movement gentle as she returns her hands to his face, kissing him gently, resting her forehead against his. ]

I want to try.

[ she murmurs, and the confidence wavers just enough to show in a slight frown, her thumbs running along his cheeks, mostly to reassure herself. she doesn't look stressed or upset, but there's a definite hesitation, because: ]

But I don't want to ruin our night.

[ it's mostly the fear of ruining this feeling, of warmth and love and attention, with the unpredictable resurgence of her memories. ]

[ He returns the kiss just as gently, rubbing his nose to hers affectionately when she presses their foreheads together. His hands slide to her waist and up her back, more of a comfort than a tease. ]

If you want to try, we can try.

[ Unlike Inej, he doesn't feel the same type of hesitation. But then, his flare ups come from a different source, one that's been somewhat easier to conquer once he'd figured out the trick.

Inej's demons are a different sort. Some days they can't even get this far, but she's determined to keep going. ]

It won't be ruined. We made some progress. [ He slowly pets his hands down her back, searching for the right words. ] I'm just happy you're here. If it takes us years, then fine. If we never get there, that's fine too.

[ his words spark a faint smile, and sends a warmth through her that causes her to lean forward to kiss him again, shifting to slide her arms around his neck for a tight hug, exhaling slowly as she relaxes.

it's such a stupid thing, in the long run. because it is meaningless, in the end. being able to do this. and truthfully, it's not so much of a need, for her to be able to do this, but because she shouldn't have to sacrifice anything else to her past. she's already given enough.

she'll return to her attempt in a moment, but she wants to be lazily affectionate, first. ]

[ She kisses him and he kisses her back, shifting a little underneath her when she slides her arms around his neck. He smoothes his hands slowly up and down her back, fingers tracing the shape of her shoulder blades and the gentle slope of her spine.

Clearly, she's thinking. And soaking up some affection, which he's happy to give. Tilting his head, he presses his cheek to her hair and loops his arms around her middle, giving her a squeeze and then simply holding on.

This is what she deserves all the time. Everyday, if he could give it. Really, it's this that he misses when she's gone, more than anything else. Just being able to hold her close is enough, is more than he thought he'd ever get, especially with this much skin exposed.

But he can understand why she wants to try. Not only to create better memories of touch but because her old ones don't deserve to rule her forever. It's the same reason he keeps pushing through his fears, why he'd dared to break it through exposure. She should have all of him and he'll give her that, no matter what that ends up looking like. ]

[ the hug prompts a soft sigh, comfortable, before she pulls away just enough to kiss him again, though this time, she adds a purposeful roll of her hips, slow and gentle. ]

I love you.

[ she murmurs against his lips, shifting to kiss his cheek gently. she feels comfortable, and loose-limbed, and warm, and safe. so maybe tonight will be a good night after all. ]

[ The roll of her hips is slow, almost gentle, but that doesn't stop the flare of heat under his skin. He groans a little into her kiss, body reacting eagerly to the change. ]

I love you too.

[ More than anything or anyone else, that he's certain of. He doesn't add it though, feeling a bit like it's too much. That all the other words behind it will spill out—how he wouldn't care if Ketterdam burned to the ground if it meant he'd still have her.

Slipping his hands back down, he sets them on her waist as he returns her earlier motion, hips lifting to press up. Dipping his head down, he kisses her neck and nuzzles the spot after, a smile curving his mouth. ]

[ there's a tenuous moment when he pushes his hips against her where she stills, to allow the feeling to wash over her, before she sighs into his hair, comfortable. ]

I love you more.

[ she says quietly, with a soft laugh as she rocks her hips a bit more firmly, to feel him slide against her, a soft noise of pleasure escaping as she does so.

she's content to get used to this first, before she tries anything further, but she feels the itch underneath her skin, to keep going. still, she's figured out by now that slow and gentle tends to be the way to get anything accomplished. rushing is only going to lead to catastrophe. ]

Hmm, debatable.

[ Well, she certainly puts up with more. He runs the backs of his fingers up her sides when she stills, releasing a breath when she sighs into his hair, clearly not about to spring away.

Instead, she's rocking against him again, making him groan softly at the contact. Not only the friction from the motion but just the sheer idea that she's doing this. Trying it out, however slow and careful—rushing into it headlong is just a bad idea, as they've found out. He shifts his hips a little bit but tells himself to try and stay still. To let her set whatever pace she needs. ]

Stop showing my hair all your affection and come kiss me.

Mmm . . .

[ it's a thoughtful hum as she places a deliberate kiss against his temple, the roll of her hips stilling to nearly non-existent as she considers his request. ]

I don't think you get to tell me what to do.

[ she decides, pressing another kiss to his temple as she rolls her hips again, murmuring in his ear: ]

I would say you lost the privilege, but you never really had it to begin with.

[ Where she kisses him is deliberate, it has to be, especially when paired with the hum of her thinking. Considering.

And clearly ready to ignore his words entirely.

It should be more annoying but she is right. Even as a lieutenant with her as someone unranked, he hadn't ever really bossed her around. What she ended up doing was solely because she decided to. He shouldn't have expected that to change in the bedroom.

So he changes tactics and goes with what he should've said at the start: ]

Come kiss me, please?

[ ah, his last resort. and inej settles back a little bit to press her forehead against his, ducking down to lightly brush her lips against his. ]

One day, you will learn some hint of manners.

[ she repeats quietly, amused as she adjusts herself in his lap, reaching a hand down beneath her legs to slowly stroke him, eyes bright with a certain mischievous glint. ]

Maybe I'll withhold kisses until you do.

[ Well, it isn't the kiss he was hoping for but it is a more direct kiss. Beggars can't be choosers.

He has a comment ready in response, something about having learned some things already. Except then she's touching him, the curl of her fingers so unexpected that his hips arch, and he breathes out a quiet sigh. ]

You wouldn't. [ There's no heart in the retort, focus clearly elsewhere. Though, an amendment: ] You might.

[ She could be rather stubborn. Kaz slips his hands back to her legs, brushing his palms up to her hips and back down. He tilts his chin up for another kiss, this one just as light as hers. ]

I would.

[ with a soft laugh, as she returns his kiss, though she soon gives him a proper kiss, as she slowly strokes him, murmuring: ]

But I wouldn't last very long.

[ she does love him. and his stupid, worthless, conniving, arrogant, charming, smug, attractive face.

as she strokes him, she gently rocks her hips, to continue moving against him and to also get into a slightly better position. and she presses him against her entrance, just a bit, to test her limits, and she exhales slowly at the sensation, pressing her forehead against his.

no memories, not yet. just a sudden want.

but she adds, softly, as she kisses the corner of his mouth. ]

I like your face a little too much to stop completely, I think.

[ Ok yeah, she would.

But she does eventually give him a proper kiss, something he presses into without hesitation. It's so he can concentrate on that and not lose himself in the slow way she's stroking him.

Because he really would like to last.

When she pulls away from the kiss, he turns his focus to touching her, fingers skimming up her sides and then cupping her chest. He lets out a small moan when she moves, sliding him right against her entrance. No move is made though, as much as he's tempted to push his hips up, waiting for her to take the first step. ]

That's– that's good. [ Concentrating is hard.

Sighing, he tilts his head to the side, kissing a line up her jaw and ending at her cheek. His fingers tease her nipples, gently at first and then tweaking them. ]

[ his hands on her chest distract her from the task at hand, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. she gently rocks her hips, sighing into his temple as he kisses her jaw.

it’s either do it, or don’t. a decision has to be made, on her part, and inej nearly loses her nerve, as she feels him just barely enter her. there’s a tenuous moment where she almost balks, but she steels her nerve, instead returning her focus to his fingers straying along her chest as she slowly takes him.

for a harrowing moment, inej feels her chest seize, an involuntarily repulsion grabbing hold of her senses. and she dips her head forward, forcing herself to focus in the moment. it’s overwhelming, but once inej sorts through what she is feeling, she discovers a few things.

one, she hasn’t had a flashback. two, the repulsion is fading. and three, she can see the scar along kaz’s jaw, right by his neck, from her vantage point against his shoulder. which means she’s still focused in the moment, and not stuck in her memories.

so after she’s still, letting herself absorb and sort through the emotions, inej exhales into his shoulder before rolling her hips slowly, taking him the rest of the way with a soft groan into his shoulder, a hitch in her breath. ]

You feel good.

[ she whispers into his shoulder, rolling her hips again. ]

[ The rock of her hips feels good as much as it's tempting and he echoes her sigh as he dips his head to kiss her neck.

It's increasingly difficult to not squirm when she starts to lower herself, slipping his cock inside. He moves his hands down, petting her sides, comforting as much as just keeping in touch. This is further than they've gotten before. Well, mostly. She hasn't leapt straight away, nor does her breathing change.

When she dips her head forward, he rubs one hand along the back of her neck and to her shoulder blades. Making sure she has something to ground her.

And then she seems to relax, exhaling against his shoulder and rolling her hips again, sliding the rest of the way down. He lets out a low groan, arching his hips a small fraction, unable to stop the movement. ]

Ah, fuck, Inej. [ Before, he thought maybe this was overrated. That so many people just talked it up because it was a thing to do. Now he's not so sure.

Because this is Inej and they've never done this before and they've worked hard to get to this point. It almost feels surreal.

It also feels good.

He tugs her a little closer, arms circling around her middle and pressing his cheek to her neck. ]

[ the memories don’t come, and as kaz wraps his arms around her middle and murmurs her name, she finds that they wouldn’t have a foothold on her even if they did. it’s not the touch that keeps her grounded, really, but hearing her name.

names were stripped from you, in the menagerie. inej is pretty sure only heleen knew her name, and she never used it. she only knew it because the lynx couldn’t sign a contract but inej ghafa could.

at any rate, she feels . . . okay, right now. and as he pushes up into her, a soft gasp escapes, and she involuntarily rolls her hips in return, continuing to slowly ride him, groaning to herself when he’s buried deep.

it’s a bizarre mixture of feeling, the repulsion fading (but still clinging, a tightening in her throat as she feels him slide in and out of her) and melting into pleasure, each roll of her hips producing another soft noise out of her as she loops her arms around him in return. she can deal with repulsion, on that specific part. that can be worked on. she can get through that.

because, really, so far, so good. occasionally really good, as being pressed together causes the friction to rub just right, a muffled moan pressed into his neck. still slick and sensitive from earlier. if she focuses on that, she can get through this. ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject