timewasting | OPEN POST 2020.

[ there's a tenuous moment when he pushes his hips against her where she stills, to allow the feeling to wash over her, before she sighs into his hair, comfortable. ]

I love you more.

[ she says quietly, with a soft laugh as she rocks her hips a bit more firmly, to feel him slide against her, a soft noise of pleasure escaping as she does so.

she's content to get used to this first, before she tries anything further, but she feels the itch underneath her skin, to keep going. still, she's figured out by now that slow and gentle tends to be the way to get anything accomplished. rushing is only going to lead to catastrophe. ]

Hmm, debatable.

[ Well, she certainly puts up with more. He runs the backs of his fingers up her sides when she stills, releasing a breath when she sighs into his hair, clearly not about to spring away.

Instead, she's rocking against him again, making him groan softly at the contact. Not only the friction from the motion but just the sheer idea that she's doing this. Trying it out, however slow and careful—rushing into it headlong is just a bad idea, as they've found out. He shifts his hips a little bit but tells himself to try and stay still. To let her set whatever pace she needs. ]

Stop showing my hair all your affection and come kiss me.

Mmm . . .

[ it's a thoughtful hum as she places a deliberate kiss against his temple, the roll of her hips stilling to nearly non-existent as she considers his request. ]

I don't think you get to tell me what to do.

[ she decides, pressing another kiss to his temple as she rolls her hips again, murmuring in his ear: ]

I would say you lost the privilege, but you never really had it to begin with.

[ Where she kisses him is deliberate, it has to be, especially when paired with the hum of her thinking. Considering.

And clearly ready to ignore his words entirely.

It should be more annoying but she is right. Even as a lieutenant with her as someone unranked, he hadn't ever really bossed her around. What she ended up doing was solely because she decided to. He shouldn't have expected that to change in the bedroom.

So he changes tactics and goes with what he should've said at the start: ]

Come kiss me, please?

[ ah, his last resort. and inej settles back a little bit to press her forehead against his, ducking down to lightly brush her lips against his. ]

One day, you will learn some hint of manners.

[ she repeats quietly, amused as she adjusts herself in his lap, reaching a hand down beneath her legs to slowly stroke him, eyes bright with a certain mischievous glint. ]

Maybe I'll withhold kisses until you do.

[ Well, it isn't the kiss he was hoping for but it is a more direct kiss. Beggars can't be choosers.

He has a comment ready in response, something about having learned some things already. Except then she's touching him, the curl of her fingers so unexpected that his hips arch, and he breathes out a quiet sigh. ]

You wouldn't. [ There's no heart in the retort, focus clearly elsewhere. Though, an amendment: ] You might.

[ She could be rather stubborn. Kaz slips his hands back to her legs, brushing his palms up to her hips and back down. He tilts his chin up for another kiss, this one just as light as hers. ]

I would.

[ with a soft laugh, as she returns his kiss, though she soon gives him a proper kiss, as she slowly strokes him, murmuring: ]

But I wouldn't last very long.

[ she does love him. and his stupid, worthless, conniving, arrogant, charming, smug, attractive face.

as she strokes him, she gently rocks her hips, to continue moving against him and to also get into a slightly better position. and she presses him against her entrance, just a bit, to test her limits, and she exhales slowly at the sensation, pressing her forehead against his.

no memories, not yet. just a sudden want.

but she adds, softly, as she kisses the corner of his mouth. ]

I like your face a little too much to stop completely, I think.

[ Ok yeah, she would.

But she does eventually give him a proper kiss, something he presses into without hesitation. It's so he can concentrate on that and not lose himself in the slow way she's stroking him.

Because he really would like to last.

When she pulls away from the kiss, he turns his focus to touching her, fingers skimming up her sides and then cupping her chest. He lets out a small moan when she moves, sliding him right against her entrance. No move is made though, as much as he's tempted to push his hips up, waiting for her to take the first step. ]

That's– that's good. [ Concentrating is hard.

Sighing, he tilts his head to the side, kissing a line up her jaw and ending at her cheek. His fingers tease her nipples, gently at first and then tweaking them. ]

[ his hands on her chest distract her from the task at hand, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. she gently rocks her hips, sighing into his temple as he kisses her jaw.

it’s either do it, or don’t. a decision has to be made, on her part, and inej nearly loses her nerve, as she feels him just barely enter her. there’s a tenuous moment where she almost balks, but she steels her nerve, instead returning her focus to his fingers straying along her chest as she slowly takes him.

for a harrowing moment, inej feels her chest seize, an involuntarily repulsion grabbing hold of her senses. and she dips her head forward, forcing herself to focus in the moment. it’s overwhelming, but once inej sorts through what she is feeling, she discovers a few things.

one, she hasn’t had a flashback. two, the repulsion is fading. and three, she can see the scar along kaz’s jaw, right by his neck, from her vantage point against his shoulder. which means she’s still focused in the moment, and not stuck in her memories.

so after she’s still, letting herself absorb and sort through the emotions, inej exhales into his shoulder before rolling her hips slowly, taking him the rest of the way with a soft groan into his shoulder, a hitch in her breath. ]

You feel good.

[ she whispers into his shoulder, rolling her hips again. ]

[ The rock of her hips feels good as much as it's tempting and he echoes her sigh as he dips his head to kiss her neck.

It's increasingly difficult to not squirm when she starts to lower herself, slipping his cock inside. He moves his hands down, petting her sides, comforting as much as just keeping in touch. This is further than they've gotten before. Well, mostly. She hasn't leapt straight away, nor does her breathing change.

When she dips her head forward, he rubs one hand along the back of her neck and to her shoulder blades. Making sure she has something to ground her.

And then she seems to relax, exhaling against his shoulder and rolling her hips again, sliding the rest of the way down. He lets out a low groan, arching his hips a small fraction, unable to stop the movement. ]

Ah, fuck, Inej. [ Before, he thought maybe this was overrated. That so many people just talked it up because it was a thing to do. Now he's not so sure.

Because this is Inej and they've never done this before and they've worked hard to get to this point. It almost feels surreal.

It also feels good.

He tugs her a little closer, arms circling around her middle and pressing his cheek to her neck. ]

[ the memories don’t come, and as kaz wraps his arms around her middle and murmurs her name, she finds that they wouldn’t have a foothold on her even if they did. it’s not the touch that keeps her grounded, really, but hearing her name.

names were stripped from you, in the menagerie. inej is pretty sure only heleen knew her name, and she never used it. she only knew it because the lynx couldn’t sign a contract but inej ghafa could.

at any rate, she feels . . . okay, right now. and as he pushes up into her, a soft gasp escapes, and she involuntarily rolls her hips in return, continuing to slowly ride him, groaning to herself when he’s buried deep.

it’s a bizarre mixture of feeling, the repulsion fading (but still clinging, a tightening in her throat as she feels him slide in and out of her) and melting into pleasure, each roll of her hips producing another soft noise out of her as she loops her arms around him in return. she can deal with repulsion, on that specific part. that can be worked on. she can get through that.

because, really, so far, so good. occasionally really good, as being pressed together causes the friction to rub just right, a muffled moan pressed into his neck. still slick and sensitive from earlier. if she focuses on that, she can get through this. ]

[ She hasn't balked, not like she has in the past when they've tried this, but that doesn't soothe that bit of worry in the back of his mind. He wants her to enjoy herself, which is always a touch and go thing when it comes to being intimate.

Still, it seems like some things are going right. Her gasp when he pushes up, for one, and her arms looped around his neck, encouraging. He takes it slow, the roll of his hips to meet hers a careful thing. Really, it's nice in a way, like there's no rush and they can just enjoy this.

(There isn't a rush, despite his body aching to).

Turning his head, he presses soft kisses to her neck and up to her temple. His hands smooth up her thighs, one settling on her hip. The other he works between them, fingers brushing near her clit as he pushes up. ]

[ part of her wants this to last forever, and part of her wants it to be over as soon as possible. it's an odd dichotomy, but inej focuses on the parts that she likes. like the feeling of his hand between them, which sparks a shuddered gasp as he pushes up into her. or his lips against her neck, which is a personal favorite. all things that she knows that she likes, versus the one thing that she's still struggling to determine if she hates.

( distantly, part of her is frustrated that she's not enjoying all of it. that she should be as invested and present as possible. but that's not realistic, and inej knows that it's likely that she'll need to have a long quiet day tomorrow processing and having quiet time with him. but that's a problem for tomorrow. )

instead, inej pushes herself a little more, in moving against him a bit more sharply, sighing into his neck at the feeling of his fingers. she can feel a pooling heat in the bottom of her stomach. a pressure building. but she forces herself to keep her motions consistent, though she does speed up a little bit. incrementally. ]

A little more.

[ she manages quietly, as she rocks into him again, fingers digging into his back just a little bit as she seeks out his fingers again, her face all but buried into his neck as she focuses. ]

[ Concentration is the hard part here. And he knows he has to keep his focus to a certain extent, wanting to keep himself from doing something that will startle her out of the moment.

Because she seems like she's enjoying herself, at least a little bit. Or maybe more than a little, if her sigh against his neck is any indication. Everything about this feels good but that small sigh is like putting oil to the flame. She digs her fingers in and asks for more and he can't help but oblige.

So he touches her more firmly, fingertips rubbing her clit with the intention of getting her off. He pushes his hips up a bit more sharply, letting out a short moan as he sinks in. There's a familiar coil of tension in his gut, one that he's been toeing the line on since he'd gotten on his knees to suck her off. ]

Inej, I'm close. [ That deserves a warning, right? ]

[ she wants to acknowledge that she heard him, that she understands, but she's so focused on the feeling of his fingers between them that words fail her. because she can feel that pressure building, too, and her own motions speed up a little, her movements a little less precise.

she tumbles over the edge fairly quickly after she picks up the pace, a shuddered gasp into his neck ending in a soft moan as she tenses, tightening around him as she digs her fingers in. the sensation is dizzying, and she's suddenly much more aware of the feeling of him inside her.

it's overwhelming nearly to the point of wanting to stop, but inej continues to move, to try and push him over the edge, too. ]

It's fine.

[ she says in a breath, forcing the words out as she continues to move, wanting him to finish where he is. not wanting to move away, yet. ]

[ She doesn't say anything but picks up her pace, rocking her hips down with less careful precision. It's with near abandon and as much as it's now hard to focus on anything other than how it feels, he's glad she's clearly enjoying this part.

Really enjoying, since it's only a few moments more before he feels her tense up. Something he's familiar with but is entirely different when they're like this. He gasps at the sudden friction, hips pushing up as she comes. She keeps moving and he can feel the inner tension pull taut like a bowstring. And then it snaps, leaving him groaning out her name, both hands pulling her hips flush to his.

After a few beats, he loops his arms around her middle, just holding her with his cheek pressed to her hair. ]

[ it takes a few moments for her to collect her senses, as she takes into account his arms looped around her middle, pressing his cheek against her hair. and she finally exhales, dipping her head to press into his shoulder, catching her breath.

the realization of what happened falls over her like a wave. that she managed to get through it without anything horrible happening. and that now it's done.

it's hard to really put a finger on it, what she's feeling. it's relief, mostly, before she lifts her arms to wrap her arms around his neck in a tight hug, burying her face into his shoulder with a shuddered breath.

she's not tense or upset, necessarily, but overwhelmed. and relieved. ]

[ His mind is hazy for a few moments, a blanket of nothing but pleasant feelings. He takes a few slow breaths in and out, trying to clear away the rest of the haze so he can concentrate.

It still feels like there's a buzzing under his skin but soon he feels like he can think straight. Inej has curled her arms around his neck for a tight hug and he gently squeezes her back, moving one hand up to smooth through her hair. Her breath comes out shaky and he frowns, worried. ]

Inej? [ Is she overwhelmed? Upset? Does he need to pick her up and move her? ]

[ she draws in a deep breath, letting it out slowly at hearing her name. she feels an odd twitching in her legs, the after-effects of coming down from the high, she vaguely recognizes. and the hand in her hair is familiar and comforting.

part of her wants to cry, but she'll fight to the death before she allows herself to do that. she isn't even sad, or upset, but she feels that suspicious prickling in the corners of her eyes.

so, soon: ]

I am fine.

[ softly, as she shifts to press her lips against his temple, and she exhales before pulling away just enough to give him a gentle kiss. ]

But I think I need to get up.

[ she wants to go clean up. and then crawl into bed with him to spend the rest of evening curled up with him. ]

[ The deep breath doesn't shake and he feels some of the initial panic lower a few notches. It lets him take note of other things, like how his knee is starting to complain something fierce. From both his earlier decision and from being slightly bent while they've been laying here. He has a feeling it'll be annoying to get comfortable.

Worth it though. Definitely worth it.

When she speaks up, he's relieved and he searches her face for a moment before nodding. Overwhelmed then, maybe. She did just manage to jump over a huge hurdle. ]

I suppose. [ Kaz cradles her face with his hands when he returns her kiss and then lets her go. After kissing her cheek. ]

[ she's about to shift her weight when he cups her face with his hands to kiss her, and she smiles softly as he kisses her cheek. she returns it with one of her own, gently brushing her lips against his cheek before she carefully rises to her feet.

it only takes a handful of minutes to clean off in the bathroom, though she does so with the door closed. just in case she needs a moment or two to collect herself. but whatever surge of emotion that had happened earlier seems to have subsided, and she no longer has the urge to cry.

she's left with . . . she's not really sure, honestly. she knows that tomorrow is likely going to be difficult, but not in a panicked way. just . . . tired. but as she cleans herself off, she at least feels the last sticking pieces of repulsion leave. and idly, she realizes that the sticky aftermath is unsettling to her, too. something else to work on.

she comes back to bed soon enough, not bothering to shrug back into clothes. ( she had idly considered shrugging into a robe, just in case the contact was too much, but she decided against it at the last minute. ) and soon, she slides into bed underneath the comforter, and wastes no time in settling against him, tucking her face into his shoulder.

she's quiet for a few minutes, allowing herself to settle, the relaxation winning out over her nerves rattling underneath her skin, before she says, her voice soft: ]

The dress did wind up on the floor after all.

[ He gives her a little smile when she kisses his cheek. And once she's up, he takes a moment to sit up, stretching both of his legs out. The door to the bathroom shuts and he lets her have her space, keeping an ear out just in case everything started to catch up with her in a bad way.

Until then, he carefully rolls his ankle on his bad leg, trying to work some of the stiffness out from the bottom up. By the time she comes back out, he's resettled back onto the bed. Not quite flat on his back, needing to take some pressure off his still tensed leg. He sleepily curls an arm around her when she takes up her usual spot, both of them taking a couple moments to situate and get comfortable.

Embarrassingly, he's nearly dozed off by the time she says something, voice quiet in the room. ]

I am a man of my word. [ Ok, he hadn't promised he'd get it there but close enough. ] It's a good dress, though.

[ that sparks a smile, and she tilts her head up to gently kiss his jaw before returning to her normal spot, allowing her eyes to close as she gets comfortable. she can tell he's tired, and she can also tell that she is not going to be able to fall asleep for a little bit. which is okay; it doesn't feel like the type of restlessness that is prone to nightmares.

at any rate, he's not lying completely flat, and she knows it's because: ]

Your leg is bothering you.

[ quiet, as she 'tsks' to herself softly into his shoulder, the noise knowing, but a little chiding. she stretches her arm across his chest, to hold him gently as she makes herself comfortable, before she adds: ]

Stubborn as a goat.

[ honestly!!!! ]

[ He's tired, though his leg is bothering him enough he isn't sure if he'll stay asleep once he drops off. Some nights it's easier to ignore than others and tonight he hasn't figured out where the needle is going to point. ]

I don't know about you but I enjoyed myself. [ Kaz says, a bit smug and knowing. After all, he would've gotten her to come like that if she hadn't decided to be a little more daring. Despite being a brat, he snuggles closer, setting his hand on her waist. ]

[ she rolls her eyes a little at the comment, hearing the smugness in his tone. but as she draws a meaningless design on his chest with a finger, she considers what he said. ]

I did enjoy myself.

[ it’s quiet, but nonetheless heard, tucking her face a little more snugly against his shoulder.

and she had. most of it, anyway. ]

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