[ she hears what he says, but it takes a moment or two to process it. the years of "work" that inej thought was whittling away her debt is useless. she's essentially just worked for free. or been abused for free, is probably the better term.
she mulls that over in her head, lets it wrap around her. and slowly, piercing through the numbness is a latent rage that has been twisting around and building in her chest for the last handful of years that she has been trapped in this city. her fingers curl into fists in her lap as she stares at them, nails digging into her palm.
the two options that kaz proposes both seem worthless. she cannot afford either of them, and there isn't any real safety in ketterdam if she disobeys heleen. again. inej is surprised, truthfully, that she hasn't found out where inej is hiding, though inej was at the menagerie today. in some attempt to get back into good graces. or to just get enough money to find another room.
now, though, it seemed pointless. there was no amount of money that would satisfy heleen, so continuing to play her game seemed pointless. if death was the price for freedom, then that sounded like a good deal, to her. there was no paying out the contract, or getting free. inej would just need to run.
where, who knows. but she wouldn't be returning to that place for another moment more. and for a moment, inej considers just . . . not showing up. but something in her, like a taunt bow string, snaps.
so she forces herself to uncurl her fingers from fists, reaching over to collect her phone, unlocking it with a swipe of her fingers as she searches for heleen's number. the motion is automatic, and inej's hands are shaking faintly as she dials, but she stops herself from actually calling. instead, she sucks in a breath, trying to place out what she wants to say . . . but she soon locks her phone again.
think, inej. because acting rashly and out of anger isn't going to get you out of this situation. and once she thinks, she realizes that she doesn't really have much of anything to prove that she's paid heleen anything. venmo transactions for rent, and the contract, and that's about it. and even if inej calls heleen and tells her to go directly fuck herself, it won't fix the problem that heleen owns the rights to inej ghafa as long as she remains in the city.
most importantly: ]
She is going to have me killed if I run.
[ finally, her voice something of a soft whisper. an admission, one that inej doesn't sound too afraid by. that option doesn't sound too bad, in the face of what her life is going to be if she continues to do as she's told. ]
no subject
she mulls that over in her head, lets it wrap around her. and slowly, piercing through the numbness is a latent rage that has been twisting around and building in her chest for the last handful of years that she has been trapped in this city. her fingers curl into fists in her lap as she stares at them, nails digging into her palm.
the two options that kaz proposes both seem worthless. she cannot afford either of them, and there isn't any real safety in ketterdam if she disobeys heleen. again. inej is surprised, truthfully, that she hasn't found out where inej is hiding, though inej was at the menagerie today. in some attempt to get back into good graces. or to just get enough money to find another room.
now, though, it seemed pointless. there was no amount of money that would satisfy heleen, so continuing to play her game seemed pointless. if death was the price for freedom, then that sounded like a good deal, to her. there was no paying out the contract, or getting free. inej would just need to run.
where, who knows. but she wouldn't be returning to that place for another moment more. and for a moment, inej considers just . . . not showing up. but something in her, like a taunt bow string, snaps.
so she forces herself to uncurl her fingers from fists, reaching over to collect her phone, unlocking it with a swipe of her fingers as she searches for heleen's number. the motion is automatic, and inej's hands are shaking faintly as she dials, but she stops herself from actually calling. instead, she sucks in a breath, trying to place out what she wants to say . . . but she soon locks her phone again.
think, inej. because acting rashly and out of anger isn't going to get you out of this situation. and once she thinks, she realizes that she doesn't really have much of anything to prove that she's paid heleen anything. venmo transactions for rent, and the contract, and that's about it. and even if inej calls heleen and tells her to go directly fuck herself, it won't fix the problem that heleen owns the rights to inej ghafa as long as she remains in the city.
most importantly: ]
She is going to have me killed if I run.
[ finally, her voice something of a soft whisper. an admission, one that inej doesn't sound too afraid by. that option doesn't sound too bad, in the face of what her life is going to be if she continues to do as she's told. ]