[ it's bizarre, really, as inej relaxes into the mattress. every memory she has of intimacy is an awful one. certain clients stand out more than others. the ones that specifically requested her were usually the most repulsive. none of them cared about how she felt, and inej remembers how disgusted with herself she felt, if her body reacted outside of her control. it was always something she loathed.
it was always violating. it usually hurt. most of them wanted her to be submissive and obey their every wish, and buy into the fantasy of the obedient suli girl that would do whatever was asked of her.
it isn't that way with kaz, though. she can't remember a single time that kaz had ordered her to do something. even if he asks her to do something, it's rarely, and with great thought. even now, when he's in control, inej knows that the control really lies with her. if she asked him to stop, he would stop, without hesitation. he would take care of her if she needed him to.
so when he presses forward, and explores her further with his tongue, she expects to feel anxiety, or panic. but instead, all she feels is warmth, and an involuntary groan escapes her as she presses her head back into the mattress, letting the feeling wash over her.
maybe relaxing and letting it happen isn't so bad after all. ]
no subject
it was always violating. it usually hurt. most of them wanted her to be submissive and obey their every wish, and buy into the fantasy of the obedient suli girl that would do whatever was asked of her.
it isn't that way with kaz, though. she can't remember a single time that kaz had ordered her to do something. even if he asks her to do something, it's rarely, and with great thought. even now, when he's in control, inej knows that the control really lies with her. if she asked him to stop, he would stop, without hesitation. he would take care of her if she needed him to.
so when he presses forward, and explores her further with his tongue, she expects to feel anxiety, or panic. but instead, all she feels is warmth, and an involuntary groan escapes her as she presses her head back into the mattress, letting the feeling wash over her.
maybe relaxing and letting it happen isn't so bad after all. ]