Last I checked. [ So that's one thing off the list. Definitely off the list, since he takes meticulous care in his appearance. Being on the streets had meant he couldn't look weak. And being in finance meant much the same— he's young and too many would doubt his skills at first glance if he wasn't careful.
She draws him out of the cruel necessities with a huff of a laugh. ]
I can tell you now I don't sparkle.
[ Ridiculous. ]
I know where you sleep, you'd think there'd be at least one bite mark already. [ Being his roommate and all, she was the closest. Although: ] Or perhaps I'm saving you for last.
[ she muses; saving her for last, that is. the image of kaz brekker somehow managing to sneak into her room without her noticing is laughable, at best; she can hear his cane before anything else.
though, he can walk without it, most of the time. she's seen him hobble around the apartment without its assistance. but he still walks loudly, compared to her. she can still hear him coming. ]
I guess I should sleep with a stake underneath my pillow from now on . . . or hide it somewhere else, where you can't find it. So I can defend myself from your villainous behavior.
[ but she can't make it through the last part with a straight face, her lips twitching as she finishes the last of her noodles. ]
[ Her little smile is infectious and he ends up with a similar curl to the corner of his mouth. After finishing his scallion pancake: ]
Or you'll just have to make sure you don't invite me in. [ That's a vampire thing, isn't it? Being invited in. Usually it was done through guile or sheer obliviousness on the human's part. ]
I'm a villain with courtesy, it seems. [ He grins at her, the buzz of the alcohol taking the sharp edge off it. ]
[ oh, his grin. it causes a turn in her stomach, a warm flutter. his grin lights up his features and makes him much less severe looking. and his eyes become brighter . . . he's cute.
which isn't relevant to vampire hunting. or their dinner. or their conversation at all. and she squashes that thought with a laugh, before pointing out: ]
You invited me in.
[ she reminds him, as she closes her now empty noodle container. ]
But you are allowed in my room; I trust you not to drink my blood.
[ She leans forward and there's a surge in the pit of his stomach. One that's torn between delight and disgust. The latter is his usual reception to most touching, especially of skin, though there's a bit of disgust with himself for moment of wanting.
She's been through enough. And they're just friends, besides. ]
When, not if? [ Doesn't that sound like a promise?
He leans forward to help stack the containers and gather the napkins, motions a bit slow because he definitely still feels the dizziness of drink. ]
As poor an idea as it is, I'm tempted to sleep here. [ Getting up to go to his room feels like a monumental effort. ]
[ she asks with a grin as she gets up with a wobble to deposit the empty containers on the table. but when kaz says he's tempted to sleep on the couch, she turns to him with arched eyebrows. ]
Your leg is going to kill you.
[ she chides, holding out her hands to him, to help him up. ]
Come on, I can help you get to bed.
[ maybe. she will do her very best. it might be a total failure, given how off-balance she feels, how warm and heavy her limbs are. but she also has full control over both her legs, so hopefully that will help kaz make it. and she adds, with a slightly cheeky grin: ]
I was the top gymnast in Ravka, you know; I can definitely walk in a straight line to your room.
[ Is he looking forward to it? There's definitely that part of him that is taking the theoretical biting and running with it. Not so much the vampiric biting though. Just the whole part with her mouth being near his neck.
Thankfully, there's just a small beat of silence while he furiously tries to think of how to answer. And then the subject has switched to something safer. ]
I can get up. [ Well, mostly. There's a combined use of his cane and her held out hand that gets him back to standing. He sways, alcohol making him unsteady, and the light grip on her hand tightens a fraction. ]
If we both topple, neither of us are speaking of it.
[ What happens after being drunk stays in this house. ]
[ she says informatively, grinning a bit as he sways. she soon (somewhat uncoordinatedly) steps over to loop an arm around his waist, to support him a bit more, tilting her head up with a grin. ]
Come on, limp this way.
[ she says, nudging him a bit toward the direction of his bedroom. the floor feels a lot less steady than it should be, her footsteps purposeful, but a bit exaggerated, almost as if inej isn't entirely sure the ground beneath her is solid.
( they will make it, she says silently to herself. it isn't that far. ) ]
[ If he causes them to fall he definitely won't want to talk about it. The sheer idea is mortifying enough to feel like it bolsters him through some of the dizziness as they start heading to his room.
Well, it's the mortification and the warm press of her against his side. He's glad the lights in the house are dimmed because he can feel some color working its way into his cheeks. Stop being ridiculous, he thinks, because it's just an arm looped around his middle. They were closer, on the couch.
It takes much of his focus to walk the short distance, even with help. There's a brief moment in the hallway where he sways off-balance, cane point landing harshly as he leans towards the wall so they don't fall over. ]
Why did I let Jes convince me to drink more? I'm going to strangle him.
[ as she sways with him toward the wall, tightening her grip around his middle just a bit to set him straight again with a grin. her hip bumps into his, and she adjusts her weight to pull him back straight up. they were nearly to his room -- just a few more feet.
it's a crooked line, walking to his room, but she reaches out to open the door, pushing it open with the tips of her fingers. she's been inside his room once or twice, mostly to just duck her head in to ask what he wants for dinner or if he wants to watch a movie. but she's never actually spent much time in here.
so she (wobbling slightly) moves him toward the bed so he can sit on the bed before she does the same, half-tripping and flopping backwards onto the mattress with a laugh, the room spinning pleasantly. ]
Yeah, well, morning will tell how successful he was.
[ The pleasant buzzing under his skin takes his usual grumpiness out of his words. Instead he sounds more amused by the idea.
Set straight by Inej, he pulls himself away from the wall and they keep going the few more steps to his room. It's a weaving kind of walk, one he's grateful to have both Inej and his cane for. The cane point lets him know where the ground is, which is hard to concentrate on with his head spinning like it is.
Soon enough, they make it to his room and he carefully sits on the edge of it as she flops back inelegantly. While she's flopped, he struggles a bit to toe his shoes off but eventually gets it, kicking them under the bed. All he wants now is out of this damn suit. The hazard of joining the group for drinks after work: he doesn't have time to change. Nor does he usually want to, since it's never a situation where he ends up this drunk and thoroughly uncomfortable in his button up.
After the shoes, he pulls his jacket and tie off, tossing them onto the nearby chair. It takes several uncoordinated tries to get the buttons undone on his shirt but he manages it and tosses that in the direction of the chair as well. As for whether it makes it, he'll see in the morning. He'll get his trousers off in a minute but this is better at least. With a sigh, he flops back onto his pillows. ]
[ she's about to comment that she could fall asleep right here when she hears movement, and she pushes herself up onto her elbows a bit to see what kaz is doing. which is getting undressed.
at first, there's an uncomfortable curl of anxiety that rolls throughout her being, beginning in her throat and working its way down to her stomach. but she soon squashes it, dismissing it entirely, forcing the memories at bay, because this is so ridiculously unlike anything she's ever experienced before. kaz is her friend (and, quite frankly, her protector). he expects nothing from her.
still, she can't help but watch, and she feels a faint warmth rise in her cheeks as he drops back onto his pillows, with no shirt. he's in incredible shape, she observes. and has very nice arms. he could probably lift her with no effort at all, even without full use of his leg.
that train of thought is derailed at his question, and inej blinks herself back into focus. ]
[ Now that he's settled against the pillows, he feels the drowsiness start to catch up. The world is still spinning a bit but he feels pretty alright. His room is cooler—or maybe it's just the lack of clothes—and it feels nice. ]
I said, are you going to make it? [ As in back to her room. Did she partially fall asleep there for a second? It's funny to think about. ]
[ oh. a valid question. and a silent invitation? is he asking her to stay here? again, there's a roll of anxiety through her, and again, inej dismisses it in hand. kaz isn't any of those men. he never would be.
so inej mulls that over before she stretches her arms slightly, scooting herself up a bit further so she can sink into the pillows, too. she had already kicked her shoes off in the living room. and she supposes she should change into pajamas, but . . . that was a lot of effort. ]
I don't know.
[ mildly, as she rolls onto her side to face him with a grin. ]
[ Maybe this is a bad idea. Or maybe he's crossed a line, because she seems to hesitate before giving him an answer.
Which—he should've known better, than to leave it as an open invitation. He's familiar enough with the work she'd done for Heleen to understand it could be a sore spot. It's not like they know each other so well to be sharing a bed without it being a loaded situation.
Or maybe he's just making something out of nothing. Because then she's flopping on the pillows and making herself comfortable.
Carefully, he sits up and hobbles to his dresser, digging out two shirts and a pair of sleeping pants. One of the shirts gets tossed to her, aimed right at her face. It hits the pillow instead. ]
If you're going to make yourself at home, here.
[ He sits on the end of his bed, turned away as he pulls his own shirt on and changes into the more comfortable pair of pants. ]
[ the shirt hits the pillow and she rolls her eyes (a bit dramatically) at the make yourself at home . . . but she grabs the shirt, about to ask him to turn around when he does it without asking.
it causes her to shed her own shirt and bra, tugging on the (very oversized) shirt. it smells like his soap, which causes a faint smile as she tucks her nose into the collar. she decides to keep her pants on -- they're comfortable anyway. it won't matter if she sleeps in them. ]
You are really tall.
[ she says, matter-of-factly, the longer sleeves of the shirt falling well over her hands as she laughs to herself, tugging them up fruitlessly before she falls back into the pillows. ]
Any girlfriend of yours must have had fun, stealing your clothes.
[ lucky girl. or boy. whichever. it doesn't really matter. ]
[ They finish changing right around the same time and he quirks a bit of a smile when she comments on his height. He hears her flop on the pillow and uses that cue to turn around and move to do the same, briefly stopping to pull his covers down so he can crawl under them.
It's in the brief silence as they're both laying there that he feels a tinge of embarrassment at her question. That isn't quite a question. Statement? Whatever. ]
Wouldn't know, haven't had one.
[ Neither boy or girl. There hadn't been time, before. Or money, for that matter. Or circumstances. Basically his life has been a wreck up until recently.
And then he just simply didn't want to be touched. ]
she watches him for a moment before she shifts a bit, to slide underneath the comforter too. and she returns to rolling on her side to look at him, offering a warm smile. ]
I haven't either.
[ for a lot of reasons. surviving took up most of her energy. and even if it didn't, who would want to date someone who worked where she did? used and damaged goods that people throw away when they're done with them. which is something she's tried to put in perspective, lately. that she isn't used or damaged, so on and so forth. but she didn't exactly feel she was prime dating material, at the time. and still doesn't, to a certain extent.
but her tone shifts from warm to somewhat dry: ]
I didn't think any boy would want to stick around after meeting Heleen, anyway.
[ talk about introducing your significant other to the nightmare that is your "parent." ugh. though her actual parents would like kaz, she thinks to herself. he's smart, and handsome, and cares deeply about her. -- doesn't he?
she squashes that line of thought immediately, and a laugh escapes as she makes herself comfortable in the pillow. ]
[ She admits to not having had one either and it...makes sense. It's also weirdly relieving, in a way. Because this is one spot where Jesper could never understand him. His friend was charming and handsome, as well as good-natured. People were drawn to him like sun to flowers. And he was always willing to go on a date, see how it panned out, have a little fun.
The fact that he's been with Wylan for almost a year now says volumes about their relationship, quite frankly. ]
They wouldn't have deserved you if the idea of Heleen was enough to make them run.
[ She's monstrous but that's even more reason to hold one's ground.
But if they're sharing, into the darkness of his room: ]
I don't like people touching me. [ And touching is a pretty significant part of a relationship, isn't it? It's at direct odds with what he'd want. But stepping over those hurdles is almost too much to bear.
So he simply doesn't put himself in a situation where it'll come up. Jes calls it giving up. He likes to think of it as pragmatic. ]
[ her expression softens slightly, as he talks, and something warm stirs inside her at they wouldn't have deserved you. it's . . . sweet, to say the least. but she says nothing, as he keeps talking, understanding what he means without going into detail. ]
I don't really like people touching me, either.
[ which seems like a fairly obvious statement, given what she's escaped from, but hugs can feel restrictive. like she wants to disappear, rather than being touched one more moment. especially by men. but she feels safe, around jesper and wylan and kaz. matthias is a work in progress, though inej is half convinced matthias is afraid of her, for whatever reason. and nina, of course, is allowed to hug inej whenever she likes. ]
Have you thought about getting help for it? The touching.
[ she doesn't ask why he hates it; inej, even drunk, knows some questions just aren't to be asked. if kaz wants to tell her, he will. ]
There are people who can help with that. Doctors. I see one every week; it helps.
[ There's another sense of relief when she says she doesn't like being touched either. Considering what Heleen had her doing, he can't blame her at all for feeling that way. Just thinking about all those strange hands makes his skin crawl.
It also makes him feel slightly furious, underneath the drunken tired haze. But, he supposes, this was why he brought Heleen to court. Or is attempting to. ]
A bit. [ Tomassen had suggested it. Especially since part of the case had been mental and emotional damages. Such a clinical way to put it. ]
It's never been that pressing. [ He'd wanted to get a job and stable housing first. And now he works long hours. By the time he gets home, he doesn't want to think about going out again. Or attempting to socialize with strangers in order to date.
There's also the matter of him being a difficult personality. Frankly, he's saving him and others from the trouble. ]
It's less about not wanting to be touched and more about why.
[ which is a lot harder, she thinks. and she rolls a little closer, puffing out a breath as she readjusts into the pillow. she's starting to feel the pull of sleep, but it feels wrong, to drift off in the middle of the conversation.
instead: ]
I talk a lot about what happened, when I go. But it's not because I want to be able to touch people, it's because . . . I am tired of letting it control me. The feelings.
[ and she reaches out a hand, laying it on the bed, palm up. his for the taking, if he wants it. ]
[ She mentions it being more about the why and he feels himself cringe, just a bit, getting hit by a flicker of a memory. Of too soft and waterlogged skin, the chill of water on his wrists. Her voice seems to get louder and clearer as she turns and even though it's too dark to see anyone's face, he turns away and lets out a small, shaky sigh into his pillow.
Subsequently, he doesn't take her hand. ]
Maybe. [ It seems insurmountable. And she's probably right, that it would help to talk about it. But the idea of giving it voice to a complete stranger is nearly paralyzing. He can scarcely think about it for himself. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
wraithes) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
timewasting2020-09-27 05:30 pm
no subject
She draws him out of the cruel necessities with a huff of a laugh. ]
I can tell you now I don't sparkle.
[ Ridiculous. ]
I know where you sleep, you'd think there'd be at least one bite mark already. [ Being his roommate and all, she was the closest. Although: ] Or perhaps I'm saving you for last.
[ To keep his cover, clearly. ]
no subject
[ she muses; saving her for last, that is. the image of kaz brekker somehow managing to sneak into her room without her noticing is laughable, at best; she can hear his cane before anything else.
though, he can walk without it, most of the time. she's seen him hobble around the apartment without its assistance. but he still walks loudly, compared to her. she can still hear him coming. ]
I guess I should sleep with a stake underneath my pillow from now on . . . or hide it somewhere else, where you can't find it. So I can defend myself from your villainous behavior.
[ but she can't make it through the last part with a straight face, her lips twitching as she finishes the last of her noodles. ]
no subject
Or you'll just have to make sure you don't invite me in. [ That's a vampire thing, isn't it? Being invited in. Usually it was done through guile or sheer obliviousness on the human's part. ]
I'm a villain with courtesy, it seems. [ He grins at her, the buzz of the alcohol taking the sharp edge off it. ]
no subject
which isn't relevant to vampire hunting. or their dinner. or their conversation at all. and she squashes that thought with a laugh, before pointing out: ]
You invited me in.
[ she reminds him, as she closes her now empty noodle container. ]
But you are allowed in my room; I trust you not to drink my blood.
[ without permission, anyway. ]
no subject
It feels like it's more potent now that he's had too many drinks. He feels a pull to lean forward and kiss her. Which. Would be awkward. ]
So does that make you the vampire in disguise? Should I be worried for my neck?
[ (A quiet niggling thought passes through that he doesn't think he'd mind too much if she did bite a little.) ]
no subject
[ she says, amused and lighthearted, leaning forward half an inch to grin, deliberately showing her teeth. no pointy incisors, incidentally. ]
You can sleep with one eye open, Kaz Brekker.
[ but it’s said with a laugh as she unfolds her legs to collect the empty containers, shaking her head a little. ]
I promise it’ll be painless when I suck your blood.
no subject
She's been through enough. And they're just friends, besides. ]
When, not if? [ Doesn't that sound like a promise?
He leans forward to help stack the containers and gather the napkins, motions a bit slow because he definitely still feels the dizziness of drink. ]
As poor an idea as it is, I'm tempted to sleep here. [ Getting up to go to his room feels like a monumental effort. ]
no subject
[ she asks with a grin as she gets up with a wobble to deposit the empty containers on the table. but when kaz says he's tempted to sleep on the couch, she turns to him with arched eyebrows. ]
Your leg is going to kill you.
[ she chides, holding out her hands to him, to help him up. ]
Come on, I can help you get to bed.
[ maybe. she will do her very best. it might be a total failure, given how off-balance she feels, how warm and heavy her limbs are. but she also has full control over both her legs, so hopefully that will help kaz make it. and she adds, with a slightly cheeky grin: ]
I was the top gymnast in Ravka, you know; I can definitely walk in a straight line to your room.
no subject
Thankfully, there's just a small beat of silence while he furiously tries to think of how to answer. And then the subject has switched to something safer. ]
I can get up. [ Well, mostly. There's a combined use of his cane and her held out hand that gets him back to standing. He sways, alcohol making him unsteady, and the light grip on her hand tightens a fraction. ]
If we both topple, neither of us are speaking of it.
[ What happens after being drunk stays in this house. ]
no subject
[ she says informatively, grinning a bit as he sways. she soon (somewhat uncoordinatedly) steps over to loop an arm around his waist, to support him a bit more, tilting her head up with a grin. ]
Come on, limp this way.
[ she says, nudging him a bit toward the direction of his bedroom. the floor feels a lot less steady than it should be, her footsteps purposeful, but a bit exaggerated, almost as if inej isn't entirely sure the ground beneath her is solid.
( they will make it, she says silently to herself. it isn't that far. ) ]
no subject
[ If he causes them to fall he definitely won't want to talk about it. The sheer idea is mortifying enough to feel like it bolsters him through some of the dizziness as they start heading to his room.
Well, it's the mortification and the warm press of her against his side. He's glad the lights in the house are dimmed because he can feel some color working its way into his cheeks. Stop being ridiculous, he thinks, because it's just an arm looped around his middle. They were closer, on the couch.
It takes much of his focus to walk the short distance, even with help. There's a brief moment in the hallway where he sways off-balance, cane point landing harshly as he leans towards the wall so they don't fall over. ]
Why did I let Jes convince me to drink more? I'm going to strangle him.
no subject
[ as she sways with him toward the wall, tightening her grip around his middle just a bit to set him straight again with a grin. her hip bumps into his, and she adjusts her weight to pull him back straight up. they were nearly to his room -- just a few more feet.
it's a crooked line, walking to his room, but she reaches out to open the door, pushing it open with the tips of her fingers. she's been inside his room once or twice, mostly to just duck her head in to ask what he wants for dinner or if he wants to watch a movie. but she's never actually spent much time in here.
so she (wobbling slightly) moves him toward the bed so he can sit on the bed before she does the same, half-tripping and flopping backwards onto the mattress with a laugh, the room spinning pleasantly. ]
Made it.
[ with much satisfaction.
( his bed is very comfortable, hm. ) ]
no subject
[ The pleasant buzzing under his skin takes his usual grumpiness out of his words. Instead he sounds more amused by the idea.
Set straight by Inej, he pulls himself away from the wall and they keep going the few more steps to his room. It's a weaving kind of walk, one he's grateful to have both Inej and his cane for. The cane point lets him know where the ground is, which is hard to concentrate on with his head spinning like it is.
Soon enough, they make it to his room and he carefully sits on the edge of it as she flops back inelegantly. While she's flopped, he struggles a bit to toe his shoes off but eventually gets it, kicking them under the bed. All he wants now is out of this damn suit. The hazard of joining the group for drinks after work: he doesn't have time to change. Nor does he usually want to, since it's never a situation where he ends up this drunk and thoroughly uncomfortable in his button up.
After the shoes, he pulls his jacket and tie off, tossing them onto the nearby chair. It takes several uncoordinated tries to get the buttons undone on his shirt but he manages it and tosses that in the direction of the chair as well. As for whether it makes it, he'll see in the morning. He'll get his trousers off in a minute but this is better at least. With a sigh, he flops back onto his pillows. ]
Made it. Are you going to make it?
no subject
at first, there's an uncomfortable curl of anxiety that rolls throughout her being, beginning in her throat and working its way down to her stomach. but she soon squashes it, dismissing it entirely, forcing the memories at bay, because this is so ridiculously unlike anything she's ever experienced before. kaz is her friend (and, quite frankly, her protector). he expects nothing from her.
still, she can't help but watch, and she feels a faint warmth rise in her cheeks as he drops back onto his pillows, with no shirt. he's in incredible shape, she observes. and has very nice arms. he could probably lift her with no effort at all, even without full use of his leg.
that train of thought is derailed at his question, and inej blinks herself back into focus. ]
What?
[ she missed the question, whoops. ]
no subject
I said, are you going to make it? [ As in back to her room. Did she partially fall asleep there for a second? It's funny to think about. ]
Or are you going to take a nap where you sit?
no subject
so inej mulls that over before she stretches her arms slightly, scooting herself up a bit further so she can sink into the pillows, too. she had already kicked her shoes off in the living room. and she supposes she should change into pajamas, but . . . that was a lot of effort. ]
I don't know.
[ mildly, as she rolls onto her side to face him with a grin. ]
I think your bed is more comfortable than mine.
no subject
Which—he should've known better, than to leave it as an open invitation. He's familiar enough with the work she'd done for Heleen to understand it could be a sore spot. It's not like they know each other so well to be sharing a bed without it being a loaded situation.
Or maybe he's just making something out of nothing. Because then she's flopping on the pillows and making herself comfortable.
Carefully, he sits up and hobbles to his dresser, digging out two shirts and a pair of sleeping pants. One of the shirts gets tossed to her, aimed right at her face. It hits the pillow instead. ]
If you're going to make yourself at home, here.
[ He sits on the end of his bed, turned away as he pulls his own shirt on and changes into the more comfortable pair of pants. ]
no subject
it causes her to shed her own shirt and bra, tugging on the (very oversized) shirt. it smells like his soap, which causes a faint smile as she tucks her nose into the collar. she decides to keep her pants on -- they're comfortable anyway. it won't matter if she sleeps in them. ]
You are really tall.
[ she says, matter-of-factly, the longer sleeves of the shirt falling well over her hands as she laughs to herself, tugging them up fruitlessly before she falls back into the pillows. ]
Any girlfriend of yours must have had fun, stealing your clothes.
[ lucky girl. or boy. whichever. it doesn't really matter. ]
no subject
It's in the brief silence as they're both laying there that he feels a tinge of embarrassment at her question. That isn't quite a question. Statement? Whatever. ]
Wouldn't know, haven't had one.
[ Neither boy or girl. There hadn't been time, before. Or money, for that matter. Or circumstances. Basically his life has been a wreck up until recently.
And then he just simply didn't want to be touched. ]
no subject
she watches him for a moment before she shifts a bit, to slide underneath the comforter too. and she returns to rolling on her side to look at him, offering a warm smile. ]
I haven't either.
[ for a lot of reasons. surviving took up most of her energy. and even if it didn't, who would want to date someone who worked where she did? used and damaged goods that people throw away when they're done with them. which is something she's tried to put in perspective, lately. that she isn't used or damaged, so on and so forth. but she didn't exactly feel she was prime dating material, at the time. and still doesn't, to a certain extent.
but her tone shifts from warm to somewhat dry: ]
I didn't think any boy would want to stick around after meeting Heleen, anyway.
[ talk about introducing your significant other to the nightmare that is your "parent." ugh. though her actual parents would like kaz, she thinks to herself. he's smart, and handsome, and cares deeply about her. -- doesn't he?
she squashes that line of thought immediately, and a laugh escapes as she makes herself comfortable in the pillow. ]
You did, though. Stick around.
[ lucky her. ]
no subject
The fact that he's been with Wylan for almost a year now says volumes about their relationship, quite frankly. ]
They wouldn't have deserved you if the idea of Heleen was enough to make them run.
[ She's monstrous but that's even more reason to hold one's ground.
But if they're sharing, into the darkness of his room: ]
I don't like people touching me. [ And touching is a pretty significant part of a relationship, isn't it? It's at direct odds with what he'd want. But stepping over those hurdles is almost too much to bear.
So he simply doesn't put himself in a situation where it'll come up. Jes calls it giving up. He likes to think of it as pragmatic. ]
no subject
I don't really like people touching me, either.
[ which seems like a fairly obvious statement, given what she's escaped from, but hugs can feel restrictive. like she wants to disappear, rather than being touched one more moment. especially by men. but she feels safe, around jesper and wylan and kaz. matthias is a work in progress, though inej is half convinced matthias is afraid of her, for whatever reason. and nina, of course, is allowed to hug inej whenever she likes. ]
Have you thought about getting help for it? The touching.
[ she doesn't ask why he hates it; inej, even drunk, knows some questions just aren't to be asked. if kaz wants to tell her, he will. ]
There are people who can help with that. Doctors. I see one every week; it helps.
no subject
It also makes him feel slightly furious, underneath the drunken tired haze. But, he supposes, this was why he brought Heleen to court. Or is attempting to. ]
A bit. [ Tomassen had suggested it. Especially since part of the case had been mental and emotional damages. Such a clinical way to put it. ]
It's never been that pressing. [ He'd wanted to get a job and stable housing first. And now he works long hours. By the time he gets home, he doesn't want to think about going out again. Or attempting to socialize with strangers in order to date.
There's also the matter of him being a difficult personality. Frankly, he's saving him and others from the trouble. ]
no subject
[ which is a lot harder, she thinks. and she rolls a little closer, puffing out a breath as she readjusts into the pillow. she's starting to feel the pull of sleep, but it feels wrong, to drift off in the middle of the conversation.
instead: ]
I talk a lot about what happened, when I go. But it's not because I want to be able to touch people, it's because . . . I am tired of letting it control me. The feelings.
[ and she reaches out a hand, laying it on the bed, palm up. his for the taking, if he wants it. ]
You could be free, too.
no subject
Subsequently, he doesn't take her hand. ]
Maybe. [ It seems insurmountable. And she's probably right, that it would help to talk about it. But the idea of giving it voice to a complete stranger is nearly paralyzing. He can scarcely think about it for himself. ]
Night, Inej.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)