wraithes: (010.)
unarmored. ([personal profile] wraithes) wrote in [community profile] timewasting2020-09-27 05:30 pm

modern au kanej.

a cute gif will go here eventually.
ketterdamn: (think about it)

[personal profile] ketterdamn 2020-10-29 06:19 pm (UTC)(link)
[ He feels a bit reassured, both when she squeezes his hand and when she mentions that she's new to this as well. There hadn't been any reason she could do this while in Heleen's employ. Not only from a lack of time but also: anyone visiting that place hadn't been interested in a healthy relationship. He frowns briefly, thinking of the awful men she had to endure.

When she sets her cheek on his shoulder, he tilts his head, chin resting along her hairline. It's...nice. To be held like this. ]


Me too. I've wanted this for a while but— [ He'd been too nervous. Too afraid of messing up a friendship he loved for what it was. ]
ketterdamn: (lain)

[personal profile] ketterdamn 2020-10-29 09:04 pm (UTC)(link)
[ How she knows, exactly, he isn't sure. Well, it could just simply be that he's been obvious. He has no idea how she was reading his reactions.

Or maybe she was feeling very similarly, so she can understand what he's getting at. How long, he wonders. Have they been on the same wavelength for months? It's certainly felt that way. Even as soon as a couple months had passed, he thinks, of her moving in. He just hadn't wanted to acknowledge it from the fear.

And of course, she has good advice. As usual. So he quirks a small smile and takes a slow, deep breath in, willing his heart rate down. ]


Not the most ideal way to end a date. Or a night in general.

[ There, he said it. That makes it official, signed and sealed: an actual date. He turns his head, pressing his cheek to her hair, letting out an equally slow breath. It feels like his nerves are thrumming less as he concentrates on not panicking. ]

What do you want to watch tomorrow?
ketterdamn: (what)

[personal profile] ketterdamn 2020-10-30 12:01 am (UTC)(link)
[ She hums and keeps stroking her thumb on his palm and there's something soothing about the combination. The hum he can feel against his chest, strangely comforting. ]

it hasn't done us wrong yet. [ Well– ] Except that last one, I thought you were going to fall asleep sitting up.

[ Yes, he noticed. But he was touched that she trooped through it. He might've also gotten distracted watching her through the latter half of it. Or just how close was too close to sit next to her.

He thinks he'll much prefer what they're doing now, nearly her entire body weight pressed against his side. A thought occurs to him and he goes still, wondering if he should say anything. It's entirely possible he's doing what he usually does: making a mountain out of a molehill. ]


Did you– were you going to stay in your room? [ His face flushes as soon as the words are out. Which is silly, because they'd shared her smaller bed for almost two weeks straight. And she's stayed in his bed once, when they'd both gotten too drunk. It'd been totally fine and would remain that way.

Probably. Trying to convince himself of that it is a bit difficult. ]
ketterdamn: (huddle)

[personal profile] ketterdamn 2020-10-30 01:19 am (UTC)(link)
[ He's overthinking this. He almost had to be, because that's what he does with everything. Sometimes, it's helpful—at work, he carefully tracks patterns and thinks through plans, trying not to miss details.

With people and anything outside of work, he's been held back by sheer nerves. Chances are if Inej had waited for him to say something, they would've been waiting forever. And now he's anxiously thinking of everything that could go wrong, despite it having been completely fine when he'd visited Ravka. So he isn't sure if he feels relieved or annoyed (at himself) when she suggests it might be a good idea to stay separate. His nerves find relief, in a way, some of the pressure lessened by her smile and the gentle way she brushes some of his hair away from his face.

The other part of him, the one that wants to be close and is rather eager about this whole arrangement feels nothing but disappointment. A constant internal fight, really. ]


Like cats. [ Saving up energy to yawn and nap. He gives her a smile that hopefully isn't stiff, catching her hand carefully before she pulls it away. Tilting his head, he gently presses a kiss to her palm before he can second guess himself. ]
ketterdamn: (rare)

[personal profile] ketterdamn 2020-10-30 09:55 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Part of him feels the nerves after he kisses her palm. But, he meets her gaze and smiles, noting the flush on her cheeks. It's barely visible against her darker skin but he thinks he can make it out. Something about it gives her a charming look.

He doesn't expect the reciprocation and freezes briefly when she sits up and leans closer. When he realizes she's only kissing his forehead he relaxes again, the motion somehow soothing. Gentle. He tilts his cheek into her hand when she draws her thumb across it, eyes closing for a moment at the feel of her warmed palm. Her fingertips are still chilly. He doesn't care. ]


Maybe...it wouldn't be so bad. [ Because all the pitfalls are made up, aren't they? Even if his mind is repeatedly trying to convince him otherwise. ]

It'd be like Ravka. [ And not nearly as cramped. ]
ketterdamn: (think about it)

[personal profile] ketterdamn 2020-10-31 01:37 am (UTC)(link)
[ It's a good point, they will technically have more room between each other unlike they had in Ravka. Which is one of the pros he had considered earlier when he was deciding on what to do.

Well, it's sort of both. He did like when they'd accidentally end up cuddling because they didn't have much of a choice in her smaller bed. Here there's more space for them to move about but that also means they'd have to actively roll closer. Which he still can't decide he wants– too nervous about the change in their relationship. He doesn't think she's going to ask for anything more than sleeping or even sleeping close to each other, but he's still worried. Irrationally. Because it's not like she wouldn't ask him. ]


It's definitely warmer. [ He'd pulled his thicker blanket and comforter out a little after he'd gotten back from Ravka– Kerch always got cold so fast. She offers a hand and he takes it, grabbing his cane with the other to make sure he didn't lose his balance. It's a short walk down the hall to his room. A strange thing to be going there so purposefully with Inej. They'd done this when they'd been drunk, but that had been more of a a logical thing. Neither of them had much balance at the time.

But this is different, something he thinks he can feel in the air before he steps in. ]


Do you need to change?
ketterdamn: (huddle)

[personal profile] ketterdamn 2020-11-01 04:00 pm (UTC)(link)
[ They'd both had some foresight to change into more comfortable clothes when they'd gotten home, it seems. A small relief, since that meant there wouldn't be any awkward changing or anything. Not like when he'd let her borrow his shirt all those months ago.

(Though he has to admit he'd like to see that again).

After stepping into the room, she undoes the braid in her hair, fingers combing out the waves. He wants to reach over and help. Or do that for her, but he doesn't know if that would be too much. So instead, he moves to fold the covers back and set his cane aside. It's easier to walk around in his room without it; he'd arranged the furniture so there was always something for him to lean on, just in case.

She takes his hand before he can sit in bed, pulling them closer, wrapping her arms around his middle in a hug. There's a familiar freeze, anxiety and suddenness both taking hold. It's as she turns her head that he focuses on how warm she is, sliding his arm across her shoulders to return the gesture. Sort of. It's definitely awkward. ]


I thought about you every day. [ How much he wanted to simply sit and watch shows with her. Or have those mornings on the weekends when they'd be doing things independently in the same space—him reading and her doing stretches or trying to catch a string of cute pictures of Lizabeta. The visit to Ravka, he'd thought, would make it easier to miss her less. It had really done the opposite, making his apartment feel empty when he'd gotten back. ]
ketterdamn: (think about it)

[personal profile] ketterdamn 2020-11-02 12:05 am (UTC)(link)
[ To her credit, some of the tension does bleed out of him when she gives him another squeeze. It's a reassuring one, rather than anything demanding. Not that he expected she would demand anything, she's always been very understanding of personal space.

Still. It's nice to have in practice, here. ]


Yeah. [ Mostly good thoughts. Plenty that had strayed into salacious territory, which makes a faint blush color his cheeks. The rest had been him worrying; either about her at school or about their relationship. The latter becoming a familiar ping pong between pros and cons of being more than friends.

Which she solved rather neatly by asking instead. And by assuaging his anxieties as she does now, telling umm things aren't going to change overnight and that it was fine.

He lets out a slow breath, looping both arms around her shoulders to return the hug a bit less awkwardly. ]


Okay. Alright. [ He can live with that. No pressure. This is all at their own pace. And this here is something they can both be relatively comfortable with. ]

Ladies first. [ He gives her a small smile, letting go of her shoulders so she can move. Whenever she slides into her spot, he turns the lights out and joins in next to her. Close but not too close. He lies on his back so he can stretch both legs out, though he tilts his head her way, barely making out her profile in the dim light. ]

...I missed this.

[ For all the anxiety that had plagued him about it in Ravka, he'd gotten used to having her in the same bed. ]
ketterdamn: (leather)

[personal profile] ketterdamn 2020-11-02 01:23 am (UTC)(link)
[ Something about her feeling the same way is warming. Not only from them being on the same page, which he hadn't been entirely sure of, but also the fact that she felt safe enough to be this close. He's never brought it up, knowing everything was too fresh, but he at least has some idea on what she'd gone through with Heleen. Strange men sharing her bed because it was her job. Pretending for the sake of the check and so Heleen didn't take her rage out on her.

Or even worse: so the client didn't take out their displeasure on her either. Every now and again he thinks about that awful place. Mostly when the legal proceedings are grinding away as they usually do. It's a horrific but effective reminder not to quit.

(Not that he's usually suffered motivationally once he's decided something. But still).

She isn't anxious or upset here and that's what matters. ]


Hm?
ketterdamn: (rare)

[personal profile] ketterdamn 2020-11-02 02:56 am (UTC)(link)
[ Honestly, he isn't sure what she's going to ask. Is it about the touch thing? Is it about their friendship? He dreads the first one, even if he thinks she won't ask. She's good about respecting privacy.

So he is surprised when she asks something so light and teasing. He can't stop the huff of a laugh that comes on the heels of a short, relieved exhalation. ]


That depends. What are you thinking?
ketterdamn: (what)

[personal profile] ketterdamn 2020-11-02 10:37 pm (UTC)(link)
You gonna get me a ringmaster costume with all that?

[ He retorts but is obviously amused by the picture she's described, his grin leaking through his words. Six big tops? All the people he's ever met wouldn't even fill one. The people he'd actually want there would fill considerably less. That is, if he even had a party. Which he won't. Probably. ]

He'll invite half of Novyi Zem.
ketterdamn: (triumph)

[personal profile] ketterdamn 2020-11-03 01:33 am (UTC)(link)
[ He does indeed know she's not going to throw him a party like that. For one, he wouldn't even show up. For two, he's not entirely sure any of his friends would be too comfortable with such an event. Jesper and Nina maybe but their respective partners could only handle so much.

Kaz shifts around a bit, turning in her direction, putting them closer together. The anxiety from earlier seems almost silly now because he feels so comfortable. ]


If you said pie, I could almost be sold. [ While he's not exactly one for sweets, he does have a sort of nostalgia for tarts and pies. His father made plenty when he'd been younger. ] I'd let Nina take the cakes.

[ She gets blissful when she walks past the fancy patisseries with the decorative cakes and tiers. Would be awful to keep her from it. ]
ketterdamn: (lain)

[personal profile] ketterdamn 2020-11-03 06:46 pm (UTC)(link)
No, she probably wouldn't. [ If there was a sweet to be had, she wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

All this does make him wonder what exactly Inej has up her sleeve. Because it certainly isn't elaborate like what they've been discussing. Honestly, he'd be most fine with neither of them going anywhere and just spending time reading or catching up on movies. Especially now that there's an entirely new facet to them being able to spend time around each other. This being sort of like it: close, without the nerves of being unsure what their relationship was. There's still nerves, of course, but that's just his life in a nutshell.

Reaching out carefully, mostly because he can't see much in the dark, he traces his fingers along her palm and down her wrist, stopping when he gets to the pulse point. ]


You don't really have to plan anything.

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