[ Part of him feels the nerves after he kisses her palm. But, he meets her gaze and smiles, noting the flush on her cheeks. It's barely visible against her darker skin but he thinks he can make it out. Something about it gives her a charming look.
He doesn't expect the reciprocation and freezes briefly when she sits up and leans closer. When he realizes she's only kissing his forehead he relaxes again, the motion somehow soothing. Gentle. He tilts his cheek into her hand when she draws her thumb across it, eyes closing for a moment at the feel of her warmed palm. Her fingertips are still chilly. He doesn't care. ]
Maybe...it wouldn't be so bad. [ Because all the pitfalls are made up, aren't they? Even if his mind is repeatedly trying to convince him otherwise. ]
It'd be like Ravka. [ And not nearly as cramped. ]
[ he tilts into her touch, and her smile softens further before being replaced by something of a knowing look, as kaz slowly decides that he wants her to sleep in the same room. ]
I think your bed is twice the size of mine.
[ she points out, before she squeezes his fingers a final time before rising to her feet, careful to pull the blanket with her so kaz doesn't get tangled up in it and fall. ]
Your comforter is likely warmer than this blanket, too.
[ and, after she deposits it on the couch, inej holds out her hands to him so she can pull him up, amused. ]
Come on, your leg is probably better off lying down than sitting on the couch.
[ It's a good point, they will technically have more room between each other unlike they had in Ravka. Which is one of the pros he had considered earlier when he was deciding on what to do.
Well, it's sort of both. He did like when they'd accidentally end up cuddling because they didn't have much of a choice in her smaller bed. Here there's more space for them to move about but that also means they'd have to actively roll closer. Which he still can't decide he wants– too nervous about the change in their relationship. He doesn't think she's going to ask for anything more than sleeping or even sleeping close to each other, but he's still worried. Irrationally. Because it's not like she wouldn't ask him. ]
It's definitely warmer. [ He'd pulled his thicker blanket and comforter out a little after he'd gotten back from Ravka– Kerch always got cold so fast. She offers a hand and he takes it, grabbing his cane with the other to make sure he didn't lose his balance. It's a short walk down the hall to his room. A strange thing to be going there so purposefully with Inej. They'd done this when they'd been drunk, but that had been more of a a logical thing. Neither of them had much balance at the time.
But this is different, something he thinks he can feel in the air before he steps in. ]
[ it does feel different, though inej doesn't feel any odd pressure in her chest that she usually associates with anxiety. she trusts him, wholly and completely, not to hurt her, or take advantage of her. and when he asks her if she needs to change, she shakes her head.
she hadn't changed into pajamas, necessarily, when she got home, but something close to it. warmer leggings and a larger shirt, comfortable and definitely something she can sleep in. ]
I am fine.
[ in reassurance, as she undoes her hair easily, shaking it out along her shoulders -- but she pauses before she gets into the bed, reaching out to catch his free hand, to squeeze his fingers, before pulling herself closer to him, sliding her arms around his waist for a hug as she tucks her face into his chest.
she remains that way for half a moment before turning her head to press her cheek against his shirt, so she can listen to his heartbeat, saying: ]
I missed you so much.
[ it's a quiet murmur, squeezing him gently.
she feels like she can't really say it enough, now that she's in the same space, again. ]
[ They'd both had some foresight to change into more comfortable clothes when they'd gotten home, it seems. A small relief, since that meant there wouldn't be any awkward changing or anything. Not like when he'd let her borrow his shirt all those months ago.
(Though he has to admit he'd like to see that again).
After stepping into the room, she undoes the braid in her hair, fingers combing out the waves. He wants to reach over and help. Or do that for her, but he doesn't know if that would be too much. So instead, he moves to fold the covers back and set his cane aside. It's easier to walk around in his room without it; he'd arranged the furniture so there was always something for him to lean on, just in case.
She takes his hand before he can sit in bed, pulling them closer, wrapping her arms around his middle in a hug. There's a familiar freeze, anxiety and suddenness both taking hold. It's as she turns her head that he focuses on how warm she is, sliding his arm across her shoulders to return the gesture. Sort of. It's definitely awkward. ]
I thought about you every day. [ How much he wanted to simply sit and watch shows with her. Or have those mornings on the weekends when they'd be doing things independently in the same space—him reading and her doing stretches or trying to catch a string of cute pictures of Lizabeta. The visit to Ravka, he'd thought, would make it easier to miss her less. It had really done the opposite, making his apartment feel empty when he'd gotten back. ]
[ he's so tense, and inej remains still as he slowly hugs her. it's an awkward movement, to be sure, but she squeezes him a little bit, hugging him a little closer to her, enjoying the contact. ]
Good thoughts, I hope.
[ she says in amusement before she lifts her head, tilting it back to rest her chin on his chest, to look up at him with a warm smile. ]
You are safe, you know.
[ it's said gently, letting her hand gently rub his back, trying to be soothing as she remains close. wanting some of that tension and anxiety to bleed out of him, as much as possible. ]
It is not going to change overnight. [ the tension, and anxiety. the fear. certain kinds of touching are still difficult, and inej knows that patience is required to really master all of it. and she squeezes him around the waist again, her smile soft. ] And that is okay.
[ To her credit, some of the tension does bleed out of him when she gives him another squeeze. It's a reassuring one, rather than anything demanding. Not that he expected she would demand anything, she's always been very understanding of personal space.
Still. It's nice to have in practice, here. ]
Yeah. [ Mostly good thoughts. Plenty that had strayed into salacious territory, which makes a faint blush color his cheeks. The rest had been him worrying; either about her at school or about their relationship. The latter becoming a familiar ping pong between pros and cons of being more than friends.
Which she solved rather neatly by asking instead. And by assuaging his anxieties as she does now, telling umm things aren't going to change overnight and that it was fine.
He lets out a slow breath, looping both arms around her shoulders to return the hug a bit less awkwardly. ]
Okay. Alright. [ He can live with that. No pressure. This is all at their own pace. And this here is something they can both be relatively comfortable with. ]
Ladies first. [ He gives her a small smile, letting go of her shoulders so she can move. Whenever she slides into her spot, he turns the lights out and joins in next to her. Close but not too close. He lies on his back so he can stretch both legs out, though he tilts his head her way, barely making out her profile in the dim light. ]
...I missed this.
[ For all the anxiety that had plagued him about it in Ravka, he'd gotten used to having her in the same bed. ]
[ the second iteration of the hug is a lot better, and inej's lips curve into a slight grin before she squeezes him once more, letting go to head to bed at his ladies first.
his bed is ridiculously comfortable, and as she lays down and the light goes out, inej waits until she feels the weight of kaz sinking into the mattress. she rolls onto her side to be able to look at him, barely making out his features in the dark room. she nearly misses what he says, the i missed this.
it causes her to reach out, gently brushing her fingers against his arm with a soft smile. ]
I did too.
[ which was something of a surprise to her. having someone else in her bed always nauseated her, before. typically because the evenings where someone did spend the night, the evenings that heleen had essentially rented her out for an overnight visit, were always the worst. inej had perfected the art of the fake smile or laugh, to make the time go by faster, but it had never reached her eyes. she doesn't feel the urge to pretend, with kaz.
she lets her arm remain slightly stretched, but no longer touching. ]
Can I ask you something?
[ she says, shifting a bit further into her pillow. ]
[ Something about her feeling the same way is warming. Not only from them being on the same page, which he hadn't been entirely sure of, but also the fact that she felt safe enough to be this close. He's never brought it up, knowing everything was too fresh, but he at least has some idea on what she'd gone through with Heleen. Strange men sharing her bed because it was her job. Pretending for the sake of the check and so Heleen didn't take her rage out on her.
Or even worse: so the client didn't take out their displeasure on her either. Every now and again he thinks about that awful place. Mostly when the legal proceedings are grinding away as they usually do. It's a horrific but effective reminder not to quit.
(Not that he's usually suffered motivationally once he's decided something. But still).
She isn't anxious or upset here and that's what matters. ]
[ honestly, of all the boys to fall in love with, inej is fairly certain she lucked out with someone who really didn't like to touch. at least she doesn't need to worry about wandering hands.
inej doubts kaz sees it that way. and so she keeps that idle thought to herself. instead, her tone becomes a little light, almost teasing: ]
How upset would you be if I planned you a birthday party?
[ because she would be here, for his birthday. as cold and miserable as it usually is, weather-wise. it seems something to celebrate, while she was in town. and she knows jesper and the others would love to celebrate, too.
the problem is the resident birthday boy loathes a fuss. and parties in general. but she thinks he might tolerate a dinner. ]
[ Honestly, he isn't sure what she's going to ask. Is it about the touch thing? Is it about their friendship? He dreads the first one, even if he thinks she won't ask. She's good about respecting privacy.
So he is surprised when she asks something so light and teasing. He can't stop the huff of a laugh that comes on the heels of a short, relieved exhalation. ]
[ she says seriously, though the deadpan is ruined by the sound of a slight laugh at hearing kaz's own breathy laugh, grinning a little into her pillow. ]
Inviting half the town . . . letting Jesper control the guest list is a must.
[ she is clearly teasing, at this point. she will likely just treat him to a quiet dinner in the corner of his favorite restaurant. but she'll have fun planning the imaginary party anyway. ]
You gonna get me a ringmaster costume with all that?
[ He retorts but is obviously amused by the picture she's described, his grin leaking through his words. Six big tops? All the people he's ever met wouldn't even fill one. The people he'd actually want there would fill considerably less. That is, if he even had a party. Which he won't. Probably. ]
[ as a response to both statements, curling her legs up a bit more to get comfortable. she's fairly certain that kaz knows just as well as she does that there is not going to be a huge party. mostly because kaz won't show up to one, inej thinks. uncomfortable with the attention. or just entertaining a lot of people at once. he seems to prefer his quiet and solitude.
for the most part, anyway. he did say he had missed having her around. ]
All the cake that you could eat, too.
[ she also knows that kaz has a certain distaste for quite a lot of sugar, and would rather skip the whole birthday cake ordeal. she also can't quite envision him blowing out candles to make a wish. ]
[ He does indeed know she's not going to throw him a party like that. For one, he wouldn't even show up. For two, he's not entirely sure any of his friends would be too comfortable with such an event. Jesper and Nina maybe but their respective partners could only handle so much.
Kaz shifts around a bit, turning in her direction, putting them closer together. The anxiety from earlier seems almost silly now because he feels so comfortable. ]
If you said pie, I could almost be sold. [ While he's not exactly one for sweets, he does have a sort of nostalgia for tarts and pies. His father made plenty when he'd been younger. ] I'd let Nina take the cakes.
[ She gets blissful when she walks past the fancy patisseries with the decorative cakes and tiers. Would be awful to keep her from it. ]
[ ah, nina does love cake, and inej is certain she wouldn't complain an ounce if she was allowed kaz's birthday cake to herself. but the line of thought is distracted a little, when she feels kaz roll onto his side to face her, moving a little closer. getting slightly more comfortable. ]
Pie, then.
[ inej thinks she can manage that, in this imaginary birthday party that is absolutely not going to happen. or maybe some of it can happen in parts. she thinks a quiet movie night at home with their friends would be acceptable to him, and not too overwhelming.
besides, she can always go out to dinner with him on his actual birthday. just the two of them. which sounds perfect, honestly. ]
I do not think Nina would complain too much if she had pie instead of cake, anyway.
No, she probably wouldn't. [ If there was a sweet to be had, she wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth.
All this does make him wonder what exactly Inej has up her sleeve. Because it certainly isn't elaborate like what they've been discussing. Honestly, he'd be most fine with neither of them going anywhere and just spending time reading or catching up on movies. Especially now that there's an entirely new facet to them being able to spend time around each other. This being sort of like it: close, without the nerves of being unsure what their relationship was. There's still nerves, of course, but that's just his life in a nutshell.
Reaching out carefully, mostly because he can't see much in the dark, he traces his fingers along her palm and down her wrist, stopping when he gets to the pulse point. ]
[ it's said simply, her hand still as kaz slowly explores her palm, fingers resting lightly on her wrist. the gentle motion causes a small upward turn of her lips, and inej allows her palm to lay flat, so kaz can rest his wrist comfortable against her fingers. ]
Did you know that I can read palms?
[ she asks after a moment of silence, gently running a finger along his own wrist, a faint smile in her tone. ]
I could tell your future.
[ her grandmother used to try and teach her. inej never really quiet had the patience for it. the sitting still in a chair, listening to her grandmother go on, and on, and on about tradition. she had always itched to go outside and explore, or climb a tree, or go with her father to town. but she had learned, sort of. after much badgering from her mother to respect her elders. ]
[ He suppresses the shiver from the touch on his wrist. It's a light thing, somewhat expected and still strange. Not unpleasant though, he's finding. It makes him want to hold her hand, like they had done earlier. ]
I'd like it if it's with you. [ And boy is he glad the lights are out, because the words just sort of. Are out there now. Somehow his usual filter had blipped out of existence. That seemed to happen often around her. Maybe it's the comfort of knowing she would understand? He's anxious around her but it's different thrum of anxiety than the usual. ]
[ the comment causes a smile to appear, and so inej pushes herself up onto an elbow to gently take his hand, running her fingers along his palm. feeling along the different lines and crevices. ]
Well.
[ she says, as if she were actually reading his palm. impossible, really, in the darkness of the room. but she does trace her finger along his palm, idly remembering what her grandmother taught her when she was little. which, incidentally, was a lot. too bad inej has forgotten a lot of it . . . more of a taste for dance and art than palm reading and fortune telling. ]
This . . . [ as she traces a line with a finger. ] Mmm . . . it seems to say that you will find love, if you have not already. [ which isn't necessarily a lie, though it would be easier to tell if she could actually see his hand. ] And that your future is bright and prosperous.
[ it could mean wealth, though inej doesn't really seem to think so. and so she rests her hand in his, idly curling her fingers around his own, running her thumb over his knuckles. ]
A fairly good chance of healing from whatever causes your shoulders to be so tense.
[ The bed dips slightly as she shifts her weight, clearly sitting up a bit more. Another little shiver goes through him as her fingertips trace along his palm and his own fingers twitch from the odd sensation. It's nearly ticklish.
Honestly, he can't tell how much she knows or doesn't know. Or whether palm reading has any legitimacy. Though he supposes it doesn't really matter. She tells him he'll find love—as if he hasn't already. Even if thinking that makes him nervous. He thinks he might be in love with her. It just seems so early to say such a thing, especially out loud.
Though he feels nothing but warmth when she curls her fingers over his. So maybe it is love. ]
Healing from stress? Seems unlikely in my work. [ That isn't it, exactly. It's easier to make light of the tension than to go into detail. He gently tugs her hand closer, cheek pressing to the back of it. ]
Healing from whatever is causing the tension in your shoulders.
[ it's not prying, but a quiet correction, because while inej is certain his job does cause stress, she is also certain that what nips at kaz's heels is a little more complicated than his work.
he tugs her a little closer, and inej scoots herself a bit closer. not touching him, aside from kaz pressing the back of her hand to his cheek. he feels warm, and inej lays back down, resting her head on the pillow to watch him, letting him hold her hand against his cheek. ]
I think you are going to start to feel better.
[ she continues, turning her hand a little in his own to run a thumb over his cheek, lips curving upward into a faint smile. ]
[ She does correct him, which at first makes him feel anxious. As if there's a hidden hint that she wants him to say something about it. But she doesn't press beyond that and he wrestles with the nerves for a few beats, trying to convince himself that it's fine. She wasn't asking for his entire backstory. If there's anyone who would understand deep scars, it would be her. ]
Maybe. [ With the stress of not knowing where they stood being out of the way, he probably will start feeling less nervous about accidentally crossing a line. Well, he'll still be worried about it, because she hasn't had an easy time of things. Especially not physical things. And despite his current issues with touch, he's still anxious that he might accidentally set her off.
At least for now both of them are in a comfort zone. ]
I just took one. When I went to see you in Ravka.
Edited (Omfg words missing why) 2020-11-04 21:42 (UTC)
[ amused, gently running her thumb over his cheek again before allowing her hand to rest in his hand. not retracting it, but allowing it to remain close. ]
That was a few months ago, and I can guarantee you have done nothing but build more stress in your life since.
[ which worries her, him being here by himself. though he reassures her that he's fine and they talk almost every night, inej pokes and prods jesper for more information. and jesper, cagey as always, only tells inej that kaz misses her. which is useless information, because inej already knows that. ]
You could just come to Ravka with me.
[ she says thoughtfully. lizabeta would be able to go too, seated in a little carrier on his lap. she would be unhappy with the flight, but she is a quiet little bird. most of the time, anyway. ]
[ It's not that he's against the idea. It's just...he doesn't take breaks so often. Which probably accounts for why he carries so much stress all the time. Well, why he has it on top of his past issues. Which have gotten slightly better but still are a long way from great. ]
I've been fine. [ Though the idea of not having to worry about Inej being so far away is very tempting. There's also the point she brings up about his sleeping habits. Which are, quite frankly, awful. He'd slept incredibly well when he stayed with her in Ravka. And now he could potentially cuddle while they slept.
Also, they wouldn't be fighting a six hour difference. ]
I'll see what the office says about longer term remote work.
[ No promises. But he would like to fall asleep like they are now, holding hands, for longer than just her break. ]
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timewasting2020-09-27 05:30 pm
no subject
He doesn't expect the reciprocation and freezes briefly when she sits up and leans closer. When he realizes she's only kissing his forehead he relaxes again, the motion somehow soothing. Gentle. He tilts his cheek into her hand when she draws her thumb across it, eyes closing for a moment at the feel of her warmed palm. Her fingertips are still chilly. He doesn't care. ]
Maybe...it wouldn't be so bad. [ Because all the pitfalls are made up, aren't they? Even if his mind is repeatedly trying to convince him otherwise. ]
It'd be like Ravka. [ And not nearly as cramped. ]
no subject
I think your bed is twice the size of mine.
[ she points out, before she squeezes his fingers a final time before rising to her feet, careful to pull the blanket with her so kaz doesn't get tangled up in it and fall. ]
Your comforter is likely warmer than this blanket, too.
[ and, after she deposits it on the couch, inej holds out her hands to him so she can pull him up, amused. ]
Come on, your leg is probably better off lying down than sitting on the couch.
no subject
Well, it's sort of both. He did like when they'd accidentally end up cuddling because they didn't have much of a choice in her smaller bed. Here there's more space for them to move about but that also means they'd have to actively roll closer. Which he still can't decide he wants– too nervous about the change in their relationship. He doesn't think she's going to ask for anything more than sleeping or even sleeping close to each other, but he's still worried. Irrationally. Because it's not like she wouldn't ask him. ]
It's definitely warmer. [ He'd pulled his thicker blanket and comforter out a little after he'd gotten back from Ravka– Kerch always got cold so fast. She offers a hand and he takes it, grabbing his cane with the other to make sure he didn't lose his balance. It's a short walk down the hall to his room. A strange thing to be going there so purposefully with Inej. They'd done this when they'd been drunk, but that had been more of a a logical thing. Neither of them had much balance at the time.
But this is different, something he thinks he can feel in the air before he steps in. ]
Do you need to change?
no subject
she hadn't changed into pajamas, necessarily, when she got home, but something close to it. warmer leggings and a larger shirt, comfortable and definitely something she can sleep in. ]
I am fine.
[ in reassurance, as she undoes her hair easily, shaking it out along her shoulders -- but she pauses before she gets into the bed, reaching out to catch his free hand, to squeeze his fingers, before pulling herself closer to him, sliding her arms around his waist for a hug as she tucks her face into his chest.
she remains that way for half a moment before turning her head to press her cheek against his shirt, so she can listen to his heartbeat, saying: ]
I missed you so much.
[ it's a quiet murmur, squeezing him gently.
she feels like she can't really say it enough, now that she's in the same space, again. ]
no subject
(Though he has to admit he'd like to see that again).
After stepping into the room, she undoes the braid in her hair, fingers combing out the waves. He wants to reach over and help. Or do that for her, but he doesn't know if that would be too much. So instead, he moves to fold the covers back and set his cane aside. It's easier to walk around in his room without it; he'd arranged the furniture so there was always something for him to lean on, just in case.
She takes his hand before he can sit in bed, pulling them closer, wrapping her arms around his middle in a hug. There's a familiar freeze, anxiety and suddenness both taking hold. It's as she turns her head that he focuses on how warm she is, sliding his arm across her shoulders to return the gesture. Sort of. It's definitely awkward. ]
I thought about you every day. [ How much he wanted to simply sit and watch shows with her. Or have those mornings on the weekends when they'd be doing things independently in the same space—him reading and her doing stretches or trying to catch a string of cute pictures of Lizabeta. The visit to Ravka, he'd thought, would make it easier to miss her less. It had really done the opposite, making his apartment feel empty when he'd gotten back. ]
no subject
Good thoughts, I hope.
[ she says in amusement before she lifts her head, tilting it back to rest her chin on his chest, to look up at him with a warm smile. ]
You are safe, you know.
[ it's said gently, letting her hand gently rub his back, trying to be soothing as she remains close. wanting some of that tension and anxiety to bleed out of him, as much as possible. ]
It is not going to change overnight. [ the tension, and anxiety. the fear. certain kinds of touching are still difficult, and inej knows that patience is required to really master all of it. and she squeezes him around the waist again, her smile soft. ] And that is okay.
[ just so he knows. ]
Bed?
no subject
Still. It's nice to have in practice, here. ]
Yeah. [ Mostly good thoughts. Plenty that had strayed into salacious territory, which makes a faint blush color his cheeks. The rest had been him worrying; either about her at school or about their relationship. The latter becoming a familiar ping pong between pros and cons of being more than friends.
Which she solved rather neatly by asking instead. And by assuaging his anxieties as she does now, telling umm things aren't going to change overnight and that it was fine.
He lets out a slow breath, looping both arms around her shoulders to return the hug a bit less awkwardly. ]
Okay. Alright. [ He can live with that. No pressure. This is all at their own pace. And this here is something they can both be relatively comfortable with. ]
Ladies first. [ He gives her a small smile, letting go of her shoulders so she can move. Whenever she slides into her spot, he turns the lights out and joins in next to her. Close but not too close. He lies on his back so he can stretch both legs out, though he tilts his head her way, barely making out her profile in the dim light. ]
...I missed this.
[ For all the anxiety that had plagued him about it in Ravka, he'd gotten used to having her in the same bed. ]
no subject
his bed is ridiculously comfortable, and as she lays down and the light goes out, inej waits until she feels the weight of kaz sinking into the mattress. she rolls onto her side to be able to look at him, barely making out his features in the dark room. she nearly misses what he says, the i missed this.
it causes her to reach out, gently brushing her fingers against his arm with a soft smile. ]
I did too.
[ which was something of a surprise to her. having someone else in her bed always nauseated her, before. typically because the evenings where someone did spend the night, the evenings that heleen had essentially rented her out for an overnight visit, were always the worst. inej had perfected the art of the fake smile or laugh, to make the time go by faster, but it had never reached her eyes. she doesn't feel the urge to pretend, with kaz.
she lets her arm remain slightly stretched, but no longer touching. ]
Can I ask you something?
[ she says, shifting a bit further into her pillow. ]
no subject
Or even worse: so the client didn't take out their displeasure on her either. Every now and again he thinks about that awful place. Mostly when the legal proceedings are grinding away as they usually do. It's a horrific but effective reminder not to quit.
(Not that he's usually suffered motivationally once he's decided something. But still).
She isn't anxious or upset here and that's what matters. ]
Hm?
no subject
inej doubts kaz sees it that way. and so she keeps that idle thought to herself. instead, her tone becomes a little light, almost teasing: ]
How upset would you be if I planned you a birthday party?
[ because she would be here, for his birthday. as cold and miserable as it usually is, weather-wise. it seems something to celebrate, while she was in town. and she knows jesper and the others would love to celebrate, too.
the problem is the resident birthday boy loathes a fuss. and parties in general. but she thinks he might tolerate a dinner. ]
no subject
So he is surprised when she asks something so light and teasing. He can't stop the huff of a laugh that comes on the heels of a short, relieved exhalation. ]
That depends. What are you thinking?
no subject
[ she says seriously, though the deadpan is ruined by the sound of a slight laugh at hearing kaz's own breathy laugh, grinning a little into her pillow. ]
Inviting half the town . . . letting Jesper control the guest list is a must.
[ she is clearly teasing, at this point. she will likely just treat him to a quiet dinner in the corner of his favorite restaurant. but she'll have fun planning the imaginary party anyway. ]
no subject
[ He retorts but is obviously amused by the picture she's described, his grin leaking through his words. Six big tops? All the people he's ever met wouldn't even fill one. The people he'd actually want there would fill considerably less. That is, if he even had a party. Which he won't. Probably. ]
He'll invite half of Novyi Zem.
no subject
[ as a response to both statements, curling her legs up a bit more to get comfortable. she's fairly certain that kaz knows just as well as she does that there is not going to be a huge party. mostly because kaz won't show up to one, inej thinks. uncomfortable with the attention. or just entertaining a lot of people at once. he seems to prefer his quiet and solitude.
for the most part, anyway. he did say he had missed having her around. ]
All the cake that you could eat, too.
[ she also knows that kaz has a certain distaste for quite a lot of sugar, and would rather skip the whole birthday cake ordeal. she also can't quite envision him blowing out candles to make a wish. ]
no subject
Kaz shifts around a bit, turning in her direction, putting them closer together. The anxiety from earlier seems almost silly now because he feels so comfortable. ]
If you said pie, I could almost be sold. [ While he's not exactly one for sweets, he does have a sort of nostalgia for tarts and pies. His father made plenty when he'd been younger. ] I'd let Nina take the cakes.
[ She gets blissful when she walks past the fancy patisseries with the decorative cakes and tiers. Would be awful to keep her from it. ]
no subject
Pie, then.
[ inej thinks she can manage that, in this imaginary birthday party that is absolutely not going to happen. or maybe some of it can happen in parts. she thinks a quiet movie night at home with their friends would be acceptable to him, and not too overwhelming.
besides, she can always go out to dinner with him on his actual birthday. just the two of them. which sounds perfect, honestly. ]
I do not think Nina would complain too much if she had pie instead of cake, anyway.
no subject
All this does make him wonder what exactly Inej has up her sleeve. Because it certainly isn't elaborate like what they've been discussing. Honestly, he'd be most fine with neither of them going anywhere and just spending time reading or catching up on movies. Especially now that there's an entirely new facet to them being able to spend time around each other. This being sort of like it: close, without the nerves of being unsure what their relationship was. There's still nerves, of course, but that's just his life in a nutshell.
Reaching out carefully, mostly because he can't see much in the dark, he traces his fingers along her palm and down her wrist, stopping when he gets to the pulse point. ]
You don't really have to plan anything.
no subject
[ it's said simply, her hand still as kaz slowly explores her palm, fingers resting lightly on her wrist. the gentle motion causes a small upward turn of her lips, and inej allows her palm to lay flat, so kaz can rest his wrist comfortable against her fingers. ]
Did you know that I can read palms?
[ she asks after a moment of silence, gently running a finger along his own wrist, a faint smile in her tone. ]
I could tell your future.
[ her grandmother used to try and teach her. inej never really quiet had the patience for it. the sitting still in a chair, listening to her grandmother go on, and on, and on about tradition. she had always itched to go outside and explore, or climb a tree, or go with her father to town. but she had learned, sort of. after much badgering from her mother to respect her elders. ]
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[ He suppresses the shiver from the touch on his wrist. It's a light thing, somewhat expected and still strange. Not unpleasant though, he's finding. It makes him want to hold her hand, like they had done earlier. ]
I'd like it if it's with you. [ And boy is he glad the lights are out, because the words just sort of. Are out there now. Somehow his usual filter had blipped out of existence. That seemed to happen often around her. Maybe it's the comfort of knowing she would understand? He's anxious around her but it's different thrum of anxiety than the usual. ]
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Well.
[ she says, as if she were actually reading his palm. impossible, really, in the darkness of the room. but she does trace her finger along his palm, idly remembering what her grandmother taught her when she was little. which, incidentally, was a lot. too bad inej has forgotten a lot of it . . . more of a taste for dance and art than palm reading and fortune telling. ]
This . . . [ as she traces a line with a finger. ] Mmm . . . it seems to say that you will find love, if you have not already. [ which isn't necessarily a lie, though it would be easier to tell if she could actually see his hand. ] And that your future is bright and prosperous.
[ it could mean wealth, though inej doesn't really seem to think so. and so she rests her hand in his, idly curling her fingers around his own, running her thumb over his knuckles. ]
A fairly good chance of healing from whatever causes your shoulders to be so tense.
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Honestly, he can't tell how much she knows or doesn't know. Or whether palm reading has any legitimacy. Though he supposes it doesn't really matter. She tells him he'll find love—as if he hasn't already. Even if thinking that makes him nervous. He thinks he might be in love with her. It just seems so early to say such a thing, especially out loud.
Though he feels nothing but warmth when she curls her fingers over his. So maybe it is love. ]
Healing from stress? Seems unlikely in my work. [ That isn't it, exactly. It's easier to make light of the tension than to go into detail. He gently tugs her hand closer, cheek pressing to the back of it. ]
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[ it's not prying, but a quiet correction, because while inej is certain his job does cause stress, she is also certain that what nips at kaz's heels is a little more complicated than his work.
he tugs her a little closer, and inej scoots herself a bit closer. not touching him, aside from kaz pressing the back of her hand to his cheek. he feels warm, and inej lays back down, resting her head on the pillow to watch him, letting him hold her hand against his cheek. ]
I think you are going to start to feel better.
[ she continues, turning her hand a little in his own to run a thumb over his cheek, lips curving upward into a faint smile. ]
But you probably do need a long vacation.
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Maybe. [ With the stress of not knowing where they stood being out of the way, he probably will start feeling less nervous about accidentally crossing a line. Well, he'll still be worried about it, because she hasn't had an easy time of things. Especially not physical things. And despite his current issues with touch, he's still anxious that he might accidentally set her off.
At least for now both of them are in a comfort zone. ]
I just took one. When I went to see you in Ravka.
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[ amused, gently running her thumb over his cheek again before allowing her hand to rest in his hand. not retracting it, but allowing it to remain close. ]
That was a few months ago, and I can guarantee you have done nothing but build more stress in your life since.
[ which worries her, him being here by himself. though he reassures her that he's fine and they talk almost every night, inej pokes and prods jesper for more information. and jesper, cagey as always, only tells inej that kaz misses her. which is useless information, because inej already knows that. ]
You could just come to Ravka with me.
[ she says thoughtfully. lizabeta would be able to go too, seated in a little carrier on his lap. she would be unhappy with the flight, but she is a quiet little bird. most of the time, anyway. ]
At least that way I could ensure you sleep.
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[ It's not that he's against the idea. It's just...he doesn't take breaks so often. Which probably accounts for why he carries so much stress all the time. Well, why he has it on top of his past issues. Which have gotten slightly better but still are a long way from great. ]
I've been fine. [ Though the idea of not having to worry about Inej being so far away is very tempting. There's also the point she brings up about his sleeping habits. Which are, quite frankly, awful. He'd slept incredibly well when he stayed with her in Ravka. And now he could potentially cuddle while they slept.
Also, they wouldn't be fighting a six hour difference. ]
I'll see what the office says about longer term remote work.
[ No promises. But he would like to fall asleep like they are now, holding hands, for longer than just her break. ]
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