[ Time had seriously dragged by. Not only from the fretting about getting everything squared away but also– he'd spent so much of it keenly missing her presence. He doesn't know why he thought it would be easier than it had been the first time. Because it seriously hadn't been. If anything, it had been worse.
So he's eagerly soaking up her touches now, the jumble of anxiety he'd been holding onto really starting to dissipate. ]
We can go for groceries, when you want. I brought what was left for Lizabeta, just in case. [ If they'd gotten stuck at the airport or something, that would not have gone over well for the little bird.
Who is steadfastly ignoring all of this to sleep, still.
Tilting his head down, he presses a careful kiss to her hairline, the gladness of being here starting to truly settle in. ]
I should probably let you finish what you were doing.
[ the kiss to her hair prompts another soft smile, and inej pushes herself up onto her toes so she can press her lips to his cheek. ]
You should go take a hot shower and rest.
[ a hot shower sounds good to her, too, but kaz is the one who just spent a ton of time on a plane. he could probably use the shower and the nap. and inej loosens her hold around his waist only to lean up again for another kiss, this time gently brushing her lips against his. ]
It will not take me long to put away what I was cleaning, but you should rest until we go get some food.
[ and inej gently nudges him in the direction of the bathroom. ]
The bathroom is already clean, so everything you should need should be in there.
[ He's still getting used to the casual affection. It's not just the vague, squirming discomfort from the occasional skin to skin contact that startles him. No, it's just that he's gone so long without anything like it. Even the hugs—he'd forgone them for years, always too worried it would make him ill.
But he can't say he really minds the change. The kiss she brushes onto his cheek is...warming. ]
Alright. [ No argument here, because he does feel wrung out. Not only from a night spent tossing and turning but from an entire day gone to going through the airport. And then anxiously staying awake on the plane itself.
Washing away the weird and stale plane stickiness sounds immensely appealing. As does the imminent nap after. Maybe he'll get some actual rest with Inej being nearby.
He does lean in for one more soft kiss before he lets her go to head off towards the bathroom. Showering is a quick and spaced out affair, the hot water doing wonders on the stiffness in his shoulders. Soon enough, he's dried off, changed, and crashed out on her bed, extremely ready to embrace sleep for once.
At some point, he thinks he hears her rinse off as well, but he's too tired to keep track. ]
[ she lets him wash up, focusing on cleaning the rest of her apartment. he seems to go straight from the shower to bed, which doesn't really surprise her. the last time she had come back to ketterdam, kaz had slept in. inej has a sneaking suspicion he doesn't sleep as well as he says he does when she isn't around.
in the middle of cleaning, she gets a facetime call from her mother, and inej balances her phone on the sink so asena can see her. their conversation is brief, but inej tells asena (with no small amount of warmth) that kaz surprised her, and is going to stay in ravka for the next handful of months. and to inej's surprise, asena actually seems . . . well, happy is probably the wrong word. pleasantly surprised might be better.
she instructs inej that she expects them both for dinner. inej manages to buy another night of time. give kaz the chance to recover from the jet lag, and asena reluctantly agrees. after that, inej hops in the shower to wash up, changing into loose pajamas, and drying off her hair as much as she can before stepping into the bedroom.
kaz is appropriately passed out, his hair something of a mess, face partially tucked into the pillow. adorable, really. her lips twitch into a faint smile before she gets into bed herself, running a hand along his back lightly, meant to be soothing as she murmurs: ]
What am I going to do with you?
[ though he did cross half the planet in order to stay with her. so inej supposes she can give him a pass on being a mess. just this once. ]
[ Consciousness completely blacked out, he doesn't come to until he feels the bed dip with added weight. It's a familiar shift and he knows it's Inej. She's taken a shower and has carried the smell of her shampoo with her into the room. The pull of sleep isn't strong enough to ignore her light touch though, and he sighs, carefully turning so he can face her.
Dimming sunlight is streaming in through the gaps on either side of her curtains, partially illuminating her face. It's catching right near her eyes, making the color of them go from a warm brown to golden. Radiant. In the complete opposite, he's certain he looks a mess. He'd laid down with damp hair and with the heaviness of sleep, he can feel the imprint of a pillow crease on his cheek. ]
You could come closer. [ His voice is tougher than usual, coming out of sleep. Gentle though, as it normally is with her. ]
[ his hair is absolutely all over the place, and he indeed has a pillow crease on his cheek, with causes her lips to twitch into a slightly bigger smile. how cute. ]
I could.
[ thoughtful, as she reaches out to card her fingers through his hair, to gently comb it back into something resembling order. it's mostly a failure. ]
You are going to need to learn Ravkan.
[ she murmurs, her voice quiet, almost encouraging him to go back to sleep. and she scoots herself a little closer, so he can wrap his arms around her middle to use her lap as a pillow, if he so chooses. it's a little too early for her to properly go to sleep, content to read a little before retiring. but she wants to do so by being close to him. ]
[ There's another sigh, this one slow as she pushes her fingers through his hair. It feels incredibly good. Comforting, even. ]
Never been lost in my life.
[ His eye for detail and good memory usually meant he was fine with directions. Still, she has a good point: learning Ravkan certainly wouldn't be a bad thing. Especially if he's looking at staying for a longer period of time. If the three months really works out with work and otherwise, he could be committing to an even longer period. Inej's entire run of school, maybe.
Speaking of Inej, he moves to curl his arms around her middle, head pillowed on her lap. Another shift a moment later and he settles one hand on her thigh, finally settling. ]
Missed this. [ Two weeks and he's been an actual mess. ]
[ he takes his time getting comfortable and once he finally is, kaz is squarely in her lap. she takes the opportunity to continue stroking his hair into place, amused at his comment. ]
Never?
[ that sounds unlikely. but he's here now, and comfortable, and seemingly ready to just go right to sleep once again. though his murmur about how he missed this strikes some level of concern, in her. worried about how he must have been doing in kerch. ]
I am glad you are here.
[ she says after a moment, brushing her fingers along his temple. ]
[ Well, maybe a few times? None of those moments particularly stick out in his mind though.
He has been lost, however, on a more metaphorical sense. Losing his dad and Jordie basically back to back had not been easy. If Tomassen hadn't stepped in to take his case, he's not sure where he would've ended up. ]
Easier to sleep with you around. [ Which had surprised him entirely. He's always liked his space. Even before everything with Jordie, he hadn't been an overly touchy child.
But after he'd spent that week and some change sharing her bed here, that had certainly shifted. It'd been difficult to readjust. Her staying for as long as she did over the holiday had only made it worse.
Or better? He isn't sure.
Because as soon as she'd left, he'd spent that night tossing and turning. Eventually he ended up in the middle of the bed as a way to trick himself—he couldn't feel the absence of weight on the other side nearly as well. He'd also gone back to his usual sleeping pattern. Which meant a lot of going to bed late or waking up at odd hours and staring at his clock. ]
Think your parents will mind? [ Jardani perhaps not. Her mother, Asena, though. She might lay some judgment at his feet. Normally he would fret about it but he's currently fighting the pull of sleep too much to give it thought. ]
They are thrilled you are here; I spoke to Mama while you were in the shower.
[ she says honestly; she can tell when her mother is genuinely annoyed or is just pretending to be bothered, and kaz being in ravka is definitely the latter.
besides, it isn't as if inej would trade this for approval. kaz's arms wrapped around her waist and him fighting off sleep while lying in her lap. she had never thought physical affection properly existed, before she fell into this whole new adventure. she treasures it, truthfully. and she would rather have kaz here, sharing her room, than in some hotel across the city where she wouldn't be able to spend as much time with him.
she hums softly to herself as she brushes his hair out of his eyes. she can tell that he's close to sleep, fighting to stay awake to talk to her. inej considers calling him out on it, but instead: ]
She wants to treat you to dinner, and show you around her neighborhood so you have a real tour.
[ which sort of surprised inej, though inej is fairly certain her father has to do with asena's mild change of heart. she can hear jardani saying let her live her life, asena in the background, mildly chiding. ]
[ Honestly, he never thought he'd be into so much affection. He's always kept himself apart from other people—whether on purpose or accident. His personality, he knows, can be a difficult one. He's polite, civil, but that can hardly be termed as nice. And it isn't as though he has a fun sense of humor to take the edge off.
So he's had very few friends and even fewer prospects of a partner. Not that he'd really been looking. Jes had told him he was a cold person a lot of the time. And he figured that sort of thing would carry over into a relationship.
But, here he is with his head in Inej's lap, content to let her comb her fingers through his hair. If he weren't so tired, he'd like to sit up next to her, pressed close while they read. Or as they've done a few times in Kerch: her pulled into his lap.
There's been the occasional and underlying desire to do more than that, of course. It's hard to ignore—another surprise on his part, really. But he is more than content with this, just spending time being close to each other. ]
Is it dinner or a banquet? [ Last time, Asena had remarked he didn't eat enough. And had apparently made enough for a family of eight rather than the four of them. Kaz is fairly sure he's never seen so much food in one spot. ]
When does she want us over?
[ While her mother certainly unnerves him a bit, it's no use trying to wiggle out of a visit. Besides, he does like Jardani. Despite the odd knowing look he seemed to have on his face the first time Kaz had met him. ]
Possibly both. [ she says with no small amount of amusement. asena does love to entertain, for as much as she grumbles about inej and kaz's bizarre relationship. ] And immediately, but I think she can wait until you recover from jet lag.
[ he seems ridiculously comfortable and sleepy right now. it would be a shame do disturb that for the sake of dinner, even though inej is sure he could stand to eat something. she remains quiet for a bit, continuing to gently stroke his hair, letting him relax against her.
not for the first time, inej idly thinks to herself that she really wouldn't mind doing this for the rest of her life. ]
I'm really glad you are here.
[ she murmurs, brushing back his hair one last time before resting her hands on the arm loop around her waist, a faint smile appearing. ]
But I think you are going to need to move a little so I can lay down.
[ Her mother certainly does like to see them fed. Even the times he'd had dinner with Jesper's family he doesn't remember ever seeing so much. Though he wonders if Asena has always been that way or if it's a way for her to try and make up for years lost. Possibly both.
He is grateful though, that she's at least willing to let him recover his senses after flying. Asena seems demanding sometimes but perhaps not as much as he imagined.
It's silent for a few beats and he can feel himself starting to drift again, her touch soothing. When she speaks up, he rouses enough to respond, though he doesn't open his eyes. ]
I'm glad I came. And that Anika told me she'd lock me out of the office if I didn't.
[ He hadn't needed too much nudging but that really had been a final straw.
Slowly, he does pull himself away from where he'd curled around her, giving her some space to lie down with him. Of course, that space doesn't last terribly long. He ends up close to her again. Both because he wants to be and because her bed honestly isn't very wide. ]
Never thought this would happen.
[ Just generally. But with Inej as well, despite them sharing her bed when he visited last time. It's a decidedly different feeling now. ]
[ she slides down into bed easily, once kaz moves around a little. and inej lays on her back, though she does reach out to tug his arm over her middle again, wanting him to remain close. she runs her hand along his forearm, thinking over what he said. never thought this would happen . . .
it's honestly an odd thing, feeling close like this. she's never had a problem in making friends, really, but finding love was out of the realm of possibility. she, too, never thought it would happen. maybe for different reasons than kaz, but she had never really envisioned anyone wanting her. heleen had frequently told her that she was damaged goods whenever inej had threatened to leave. who would want to spend their time with someone that had been used and tossed away? or view her as anybody other than what she had done.
kaz hadn't, though. why, inej really has no idea. she still isn't entirely sure why he helped her in the first place, other than it being the supposed right thing to do. something about his own past that still isn't clear to her. all the same, he hadn't judged her, or mocked her, or thought her stupid. he had just simply helped. and when inej had told him how she felt, he had responded in kind, because he liked her for who she is.
the thought causes her to roll slightly, so she can tuck her face into his chest, making herself comfortable with his arm still looped around her middle. and once she's properly held again, she murmurs: ]
I am glad it happened with me, then.
[ saints knows she would probably be dead by now. or, at the very least, alone and miserable. ]
[ There's absolutely no resistance when she pulls his arm over her middle. She runs her fingers along his forearm and a pleasant shiver runs through him. A small part of him inwardly squirms at it but it's easily ignored in favor of how nice it feels to be near her.
He settles in, ruminating on how fast and slow this has gone. It's been about a year since he got that first text. If someone had told him this where he'd be, he would've thought they were crazy. And yet, here they are.
She moves again, forehead resting against his chest and he curls his arm tighter around her middle. Tilting his head down, he presses a kiss to the top of her hair, thinking about how he was glad that Jes had dragged him to that bar. And that his friend had managed to get Inej's number to pass on. ]
I am too. [ He lets out a little sigh and settles again, content with how close they are. ] Comfortable?
[ he's warm, and she can feel his heartbeat through his shirt as she relaxes. he asks if she's comfortable, and it tugs at something in her chest for some reason. ]
Mhm.
[ it's soft, curling her fingers a little into his shirt, allowing her eyes to close as she focuses on the thrum of his heart, and how his shirt has a specific smell of the soap he likes to use. it's an odd feeling, feeling . . . what, comfortable? safe? probably both. ]
I have never felt safe, being held like this before.
[ she says after a long moment of silence, the words slipping out, surprising her. but once it's in the air, inej feels a small weight dissipate in her chest. and she tucks her face a bit more into his chest, her tone a little muffled. ]
[ He'd never considered himself someone who was protective. Loyal, yes, because as much as he gives Jesper shit, he wouldn't just leave him hanging. But for the most part, he let his friends pick their battles.
With Inej it's decidedly different. There's always a swell of anger when a man decides to whistle at her while they're walking. He knows Inej can handle herself but ultimately, he's more than willing to throw a punch if it would do any good. Or at least shut the person up.
It's discouraging bad behavior, isn't it?
He feels a similar aggravation at her comment. All those men who'd treated her so poorly, they deserved the worst. He gives her a reassuring squeeze, resting his chin on her head so his words aren't muffled. ]
I do too. [ Even six months prior. Six months less time for her to deal with all the shit Heleen put her through. ] Though, I wasn't a very pleasant person, early on.
[ And if they'd somehow met when he was still going through the trial, he doubts he could've done anything at all. He wasn't even remotely stable then, in more ways than one. ]
[ he pulls her closer, somehow, squeezing her. it's comforting, and she's quiet, listening to his breathing, his raspy voice into her hair. her lips twitch slightly, at the thought of kaz not being a very pleasant person.
truthfully, he really isn't one now. though inej adores his company, and finds him smart, and funny (in a quiet way), and charming, the kaz that she knows is very different than the kaz everyone else seems to know. he pries off the mask a little bit, with her (and the rest of their little group of friends, but mostly with her). but kaz without friends to keep him in line and force him to come out . . . it makes her a little sad, truth be told, but all the warmer for knowing he's perfectly fine now.
well. sort of. he still won't go to therapy. inej is slowly working on it, gentle pushes when he's being cooperative. one day, maybe. ]
I think I still would have liked you.
[ she says, tilting her head up just enough so she can brush her lips against his jaw, the movement soft and barely there. a small little dose of affection, before she resumes her spot, comfortable against his chest. ]
Your worst is likely far better than her best.
[ she doesn't need to specify who her is. inej is pretty certain kaz will understand. ]
Maybe. Would've told me off more. [ Way more. The end of the trial had given him some stability. And with it, his temper leveled out some. He'd gone from vicious to generally grouchy. Though both, he suspects, stem from his awful nerves. With maybe a bit of a predisposition to being annoyed easily.
None of that is cropping up now. Especially not when she brushes a small kiss to his jawline, causing his mouth to quirk up. There's a small fluttery feeling in his chest that follows, brief and pleasant. ]
Tomassen said he should have a date lined up soon. Everything slowed at the turn of the year.
[ They were creeping ever forward to bringing Heleen down. Well, not just her but her entire operation. And probably more than a few of her higher profile clients. Kerch didn't need their government officials lacking even more morals. ]
[ inej rather likes kaz's attorney. tomassen strikes her as someone who likely has children, or very much wants them, with warm eyes, but a clever wit. he had been the utmost gentleman when inej had first talked to him, and though inej typically doesn't talk about anything relating to the menagerie, tomassen had managed to relax her enough to get her to spill the story in about half an hour.
kaz hadn't been there, which probably helped. she's still mortified to have him know the whole truth. but tomassen was also just exceptionally convincing. she can see why kaz likes him, and vice versa. but even the warm and genial attorney had looked uncomfortable, when inej had told him the truth. and that discomfort had soon morphed into something of a dull fury as he explained her rights.
maybe that was where she had first thought he must have children. the expression had reminded her of her father, when inej had told him the truth. she hadn't asked, in that first meeting. their meetings past that were less stressful, and more friendly. she had dropped off a small christmas gift at his office, when she was in ketterdam, and tomassen had asked a very pointed question at how things were going with kaz. inej still isn't sure if tomassen knows they're together yet or not.
at any rate: ]
I know. [ she sighs into his shirt, because it is a relief, that it is inching closer. but: ] He told me that I have to be questioned by their attorney in a few months or so.
You should practice. [ Well, she probably knows that already. ] More than you think you'll need to.
[ Not much could've really prepared him for the intensity of getting grilled by Rollins' lawyer. Because despite Kaz's own caustic attitude and generally flint-eyed stare, he'd felt shaky afterwards. As if someone had shoved all his foundations off center. Tomassen had helped him prepare but it came down to the fact that he could never be pointed and mean enough.
Though he suspects even if he could, there's something different and deeply personal about it unfolding in real time. ]
We'll get you through it. [ Him, Tomassen, Jesper, Nina, Wylan—everyone, he's sure, will be more than willing to offer their support. Her parents as well, which would be something he didn't have going into his own drawn out case. He smoothes his hand along her back slowly, both affectionate and comforting. ]
[ it's warming, really. the knowledge that she isn't going to have to do this alone. the feeling of kaz's hand along her back soothes further, and she tucks herself a little bit closer, thinking to herself. running through what is to come in her mind. ]
Tomassen told me that they are going to try and make it sound like I didn't start working in the Menagerie until I was old enough to do so. And that I did it voluntarily.
[ the thought makes her skin crawl. ]
I think we are going to practice those questions when I go back to Kerch. And a medical exam, to help prove they are lying. Whatever that means.
[ inej is sure there's physical damage somewhere, but the thought of an exam makes her skin crawl and her stomach turn over. but if it will help bring down heleen, then she would do whatever it took to prevent another story like her own. ]
Your contract has dates on it, so not sure how they'll get away with spinning that one.
[ Though he knows they'll try. Say it's a fake, that the documents were altered. Anything to drag out the proceedings. And while Kaz doesn't usually believe in too many people, he knows Tomassen will eventually make them look like fools in court. He'd watched it unfold with Rollins, after all, who had a towering confidence in his stranglehold on certain sectors of the city.
Heleen, he's sure, probably feels similarly. That she has too much of a power base to be toppled. It's not true, naturally. Because the truth is what will cut the foundations of her arguments away.
Unfortunately, Inej is caught in the middle of it. With a spotlight on her. Kaz wishes he could stand in her place, but he's really along to give his side of things. He can't tell Inej's story for her. ]
He'll find good examiners. [ Professionals. Kaz had to deal with his own set of uncomfortable exams, though they were more mental than physical. Tomassen had made it as painless as possible. ]
[ she murmurs, before she can give herself an opportunity to change her mind.
truthfully, kaz being there may make it worse. not that he would intend to do so, but because inej doesn't want kaz to know. it's entirely irrational; kaz is far from stupid, and he knows what happened, vaguely. but details are different, and maybe some tiny part of her is terrified he will think differently of her once he knows the truth. or decide that this brief foray into romance isn't worth the difficulty of dealing with the reality of what inej has experienced.
the thought causes a twist in her chest, and inej closes her eyes, focusing on the firm sound of his heartbeat through his shirt. ]
Can we sleep in tomorrow?
[ she asks quietly, knowing full well that she is not going to sleep in, but would very much like to stay in late with him in bed. doing nothing else but resting in the early morning light. ]
[ It really not difficult to go with her to both of those appointments. Work will be understanding. And if they weren't, he would go anyway. Some things are just more important, which is weird coming from him; he's nearly a workaholic. Or rather, he's on the slow recovery from being one.
He's not sure what the examination will entail, though he has a vague idea. Both that and the practice with Tomassen will be exposing. Like prodding at the most tender spots. Exhausting. Inej has already dealt with so much unwanted contact that he figures the exam will be even more uncomfortable. The least he can do is try to offer some moral support. ]
I don't know, miss rooster, can we? [ She is the one that usually wakes with the dawn. Kaz has rarely seen her sleep past it. And even then, she typically isn't sleeping, just kind of lightly dozing or laying with her eyes closed, too comfortable to get up and going. ]
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timewasting2020-09-27 05:30 pm
no subject
[ Time had seriously dragged by. Not only from the fretting about getting everything squared away but also– he'd spent so much of it keenly missing her presence. He doesn't know why he thought it would be easier than it had been the first time. Because it seriously hadn't been. If anything, it had been worse.
So he's eagerly soaking up her touches now, the jumble of anxiety he'd been holding onto really starting to dissipate. ]
We can go for groceries, when you want. I brought what was left for Lizabeta, just in case. [ If they'd gotten stuck at the airport or something, that would not have gone over well for the little bird.
Who is steadfastly ignoring all of this to sleep, still.
Tilting his head down, he presses a careful kiss to her hairline, the gladness of being here starting to truly settle in. ]
I should probably let you finish what you were doing.
no subject
You should go take a hot shower and rest.
[ a hot shower sounds good to her, too, but kaz is the one who just spent a ton of time on a plane. he could probably use the shower and the nap. and inej loosens her hold around his waist only to lean up again for another kiss, this time gently brushing her lips against his. ]
It will not take me long to put away what I was cleaning, but you should rest until we go get some food.
[ and inej gently nudges him in the direction of the bathroom. ]
The bathroom is already clean, so everything you should need should be in there.
no subject
But he can't say he really minds the change. The kiss she brushes onto his cheek is...warming. ]
Alright. [ No argument here, because he does feel wrung out. Not only from a night spent tossing and turning but from an entire day gone to going through the airport. And then anxiously staying awake on the plane itself.
Washing away the weird and stale plane stickiness sounds immensely appealing. As does the imminent nap after. Maybe he'll get some actual rest with Inej being nearby.
He does lean in for one more soft kiss before he lets her go to head off towards the bathroom. Showering is a quick and spaced out affair, the hot water doing wonders on the stiffness in his shoulders. Soon enough, he's dried off, changed, and crashed out on her bed, extremely ready to embrace sleep for once.
At some point, he thinks he hears her rinse off as well, but he's too tired to keep track. ]
no subject
in the middle of cleaning, she gets a facetime call from her mother, and inej balances her phone on the sink so asena can see her. their conversation is brief, but inej tells asena (with no small amount of warmth) that kaz surprised her, and is going to stay in ravka for the next handful of months. and to inej's surprise, asena actually seems . . . well, happy is probably the wrong word. pleasantly surprised might be better.
she instructs inej that she expects them both for dinner. inej manages to buy another night of time. give kaz the chance to recover from the jet lag, and asena reluctantly agrees. after that, inej hops in the shower to wash up, changing into loose pajamas, and drying off her hair as much as she can before stepping into the bedroom.
kaz is appropriately passed out, his hair something of a mess, face partially tucked into the pillow. adorable, really. her lips twitch into a faint smile before she gets into bed herself, running a hand along his back lightly, meant to be soothing as she murmurs: ]
What am I going to do with you?
[ though he did cross half the planet in order to stay with her. so inej supposes she can give him a pass on being a mess. just this once. ]
no subject
Dimming sunlight is streaming in through the gaps on either side of her curtains, partially illuminating her face. It's catching right near her eyes, making the color of them go from a warm brown to golden. Radiant. In the complete opposite, he's certain he looks a mess. He'd laid down with damp hair and with the heaviness of sleep, he can feel the imprint of a pillow crease on his cheek. ]
You could come closer. [ His voice is tougher than usual, coming out of sleep. Gentle though, as it normally is with her. ]
no subject
I could.
[ thoughtful, as she reaches out to card her fingers through his hair, to gently comb it back into something resembling order. it's mostly a failure. ]
You are going to need to learn Ravkan.
[ she murmurs, her voice quiet, almost encouraging him to go back to sleep. and she scoots herself a little closer, so he can wrap his arms around her middle to use her lap as a pillow, if he so chooses. it's a little too early for her to properly go to sleep, content to read a little before retiring. but she wants to do so by being close to him. ]
Otherwise you are going to get lost without me.
no subject
Never been lost in my life.
[ His eye for detail and good memory usually meant he was fine with directions. Still, she has a good point: learning Ravkan certainly wouldn't be a bad thing. Especially if he's looking at staying for a longer period of time. If the three months really works out with work and otherwise, he could be committing to an even longer period. Inej's entire run of school, maybe.
Speaking of Inej, he moves to curl his arms around her middle, head pillowed on her lap. Another shift a moment later and he settles one hand on her thigh, finally settling. ]
Missed this. [ Two weeks and he's been an actual mess. ]
no subject
Never?
[ that sounds unlikely. but he's here now, and comfortable, and seemingly ready to just go right to sleep once again. though his murmur about how he missed this strikes some level of concern, in her. worried about how he must have been doing in kerch. ]
I am glad you are here.
[ she says after a moment, brushing her fingers along his temple. ]
I rest easier knowing that you are doing well.
no subject
[ Well, maybe a few times? None of those moments particularly stick out in his mind though.
He has been lost, however, on a more metaphorical sense. Losing his dad and Jordie basically back to back had not been easy. If Tomassen hadn't stepped in to take his case, he's not sure where he would've ended up. ]
Easier to sleep with you around. [ Which had surprised him entirely. He's always liked his space. Even before everything with Jordie, he hadn't been an overly touchy child.
But after he'd spent that week and some change sharing her bed here, that had certainly shifted. It'd been difficult to readjust. Her staying for as long as she did over the holiday had only made it worse.
Or better? He isn't sure.
Because as soon as she'd left, he'd spent that night tossing and turning. Eventually he ended up in the middle of the bed as a way to trick himself—he couldn't feel the absence of weight on the other side nearly as well. He'd also gone back to his usual sleeping pattern. Which meant a lot of going to bed late or waking up at odd hours and staring at his clock. ]
Think your parents will mind? [ Jardani perhaps not. Her mother, Asena, though. She might lay some judgment at his feet. Normally he would fret about it but he's currently fighting the pull of sleep too much to give it thought. ]
no subject
[ she says honestly; she can tell when her mother is genuinely annoyed or is just pretending to be bothered, and kaz being in ravka is definitely the latter.
besides, it isn't as if inej would trade this for approval. kaz's arms wrapped around her waist and him fighting off sleep while lying in her lap. she had never thought physical affection properly existed, before she fell into this whole new adventure. she treasures it, truthfully. and she would rather have kaz here, sharing her room, than in some hotel across the city where she wouldn't be able to spend as much time with him.
she hums softly to herself as she brushes his hair out of his eyes. she can tell that he's close to sleep, fighting to stay awake to talk to her. inej considers calling him out on it, but instead: ]
She wants to treat you to dinner, and show you around her neighborhood so you have a real tour.
[ which sort of surprised inej, though inej is fairly certain her father has to do with asena's mild change of heart. she can hear jardani saying let her live her life, asena in the background, mildly chiding. ]
Apparently the one I gave was not good enough.
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So he's had very few friends and even fewer prospects of a partner. Not that he'd really been looking. Jes had told him he was a cold person a lot of the time. And he figured that sort of thing would carry over into a relationship.
But, here he is with his head in Inej's lap, content to let her comb her fingers through his hair. If he weren't so tired, he'd like to sit up next to her, pressed close while they read. Or as they've done a few times in Kerch: her pulled into his lap.
There's been the occasional and underlying desire to do more than that, of course. It's hard to ignore—another surprise on his part, really. But he is more than content with this, just spending time being close to each other. ]
Is it dinner or a banquet? [ Last time, Asena had remarked he didn't eat enough. And had apparently made enough for a family of eight rather than the four of them. Kaz is fairly sure he's never seen so much food in one spot. ]
When does she want us over?
[ While her mother certainly unnerves him a bit, it's no use trying to wiggle out of a visit. Besides, he does like Jardani. Despite the odd knowing look he seemed to have on his face the first time Kaz had met him. ]
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[ he seems ridiculously comfortable and sleepy right now. it would be a shame do disturb that for the sake of dinner, even though inej is sure he could stand to eat something. she remains quiet for a bit, continuing to gently stroke his hair, letting him relax against her.
not for the first time, inej idly thinks to herself that she really wouldn't mind doing this for the rest of her life. ]
I'm really glad you are here.
[ she murmurs, brushing back his hair one last time before resting her hands on the arm loop around her waist, a faint smile appearing. ]
But I think you are going to need to move a little so I can lay down.
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He is grateful though, that she's at least willing to let him recover his senses after flying. Asena seems demanding sometimes but perhaps not as much as he imagined.
It's silent for a few beats and he can feel himself starting to drift again, her touch soothing. When she speaks up, he rouses enough to respond, though he doesn't open his eyes. ]
I'm glad I came. And that Anika told me she'd lock me out of the office if I didn't.
[ He hadn't needed too much nudging but that really had been a final straw.
Slowly, he does pull himself away from where he'd curled around her, giving her some space to lie down with him. Of course, that space doesn't last terribly long. He ends up close to her again. Both because he wants to be and because her bed honestly isn't very wide. ]
Never thought this would happen.
[ Just generally. But with Inej as well, despite them sharing her bed when he visited last time. It's a decidedly different feeling now. ]
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it's honestly an odd thing, feeling close like this. she's never had a problem in making friends, really, but finding love was out of the realm of possibility. she, too, never thought it would happen. maybe for different reasons than kaz, but she had never really envisioned anyone wanting her. heleen had frequently told her that she was damaged goods whenever inej had threatened to leave. who would want to spend their time with someone that had been used and tossed away? or view her as anybody other than what she had done.
kaz hadn't, though. why, inej really has no idea. she still isn't entirely sure why he helped her in the first place, other than it being the supposed right thing to do. something about his own past that still isn't clear to her. all the same, he hadn't judged her, or mocked her, or thought her stupid. he had just simply helped. and when inej had told him how she felt, he had responded in kind, because he liked her for who she is.
the thought causes her to roll slightly, so she can tuck her face into his chest, making herself comfortable with his arm still looped around her middle. and once she's properly held again, she murmurs: ]
I am glad it happened with me, then.
[ saints knows she would probably be dead by now. or, at the very least, alone and miserable. ]
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He settles in, ruminating on how fast and slow this has gone. It's been about a year since he got that first text. If someone had told him this where he'd be, he would've thought they were crazy. And yet, here they are.
She moves again, forehead resting against his chest and he curls his arm tighter around her middle. Tilting his head down, he presses a kiss to the top of her hair, thinking about how he was glad that Jes had dragged him to that bar. And that his friend had managed to get Inej's number to pass on. ]
I am too. [ He lets out a little sigh and settles again, content with how close they are. ] Comfortable?
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Mhm.
[ it's soft, curling her fingers a little into his shirt, allowing her eyes to close as she focuses on the thrum of his heart, and how his shirt has a specific smell of the soap he likes to use. it's an odd feeling, feeling . . . what, comfortable? safe? probably both. ]
I have never felt safe, being held like this before.
[ she says after a long moment of silence, the words slipping out, surprising her. but once it's in the air, inej feels a small weight dissipate in her chest. and she tucks her face a bit more into his chest, her tone a little muffled. ]
I wish I had met you sooner.
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With Inej it's decidedly different. There's always a swell of anger when a man decides to whistle at her while they're walking. He knows Inej can handle herself but ultimately, he's more than willing to throw a punch if it would do any good. Or at least shut the person up.
It's discouraging bad behavior, isn't it?
He feels a similar aggravation at her comment. All those men who'd treated her so poorly, they deserved the worst. He gives her a reassuring squeeze, resting his chin on her head so his words aren't muffled. ]
I do too. [ Even six months prior. Six months less time for her to deal with all the shit Heleen put her through. ] Though, I wasn't a very pleasant person, early on.
[ And if they'd somehow met when he was still going through the trial, he doubts he could've done anything at all. He wasn't even remotely stable then, in more ways than one. ]
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truthfully, he really isn't one now. though inej adores his company, and finds him smart, and funny (in a quiet way), and charming, the kaz that she knows is very different than the kaz everyone else seems to know. he pries off the mask a little bit, with her (and the rest of their little group of friends, but mostly with her). but kaz without friends to keep him in line and force him to come out . . . it makes her a little sad, truth be told, but all the warmer for knowing he's perfectly fine now.
well. sort of. he still won't go to therapy. inej is slowly working on it, gentle pushes when he's being cooperative. one day, maybe. ]
I think I still would have liked you.
[ she says, tilting her head up just enough so she can brush her lips against his jaw, the movement soft and barely there. a small little dose of affection, before she resumes her spot, comfortable against his chest. ]
Your worst is likely far better than her best.
[ she doesn't need to specify who her is. inej is pretty certain kaz will understand. ]
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None of that is cropping up now. Especially not when she brushes a small kiss to his jawline, causing his mouth to quirk up. There's a small fluttery feeling in his chest that follows, brief and pleasant. ]
Tomassen said he should have a date lined up soon. Everything slowed at the turn of the year.
[ They were creeping ever forward to bringing Heleen down. Well, not just her but her entire operation. And probably more than a few of her higher profile clients. Kerch didn't need their government officials lacking even more morals. ]
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kaz hadn't been there, which probably helped. she's still mortified to have him know the whole truth. but tomassen was also just exceptionally convincing. she can see why kaz likes him, and vice versa. but even the warm and genial attorney had looked uncomfortable, when inej had told him the truth. and that discomfort had soon morphed into something of a dull fury as he explained her rights.
maybe that was where she had first thought he must have children. the expression had reminded her of her father, when inej had told him the truth. she hadn't asked, in that first meeting. their meetings past that were less stressful, and more friendly. she had dropped off a small christmas gift at his office, when she was in ketterdam, and tomassen had asked a very pointed question at how things were going with kaz. inej still isn't sure if tomassen knows they're together yet or not.
at any rate: ]
I know. [ she sighs into his shirt, because it is a relief, that it is inching closer. but: ] He told me that I have to be questioned by their attorney in a few months or so.
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[ Not much could've really prepared him for the intensity of getting grilled by Rollins' lawyer. Because despite Kaz's own caustic attitude and generally flint-eyed stare, he'd felt shaky afterwards. As if someone had shoved all his foundations off center. Tomassen had helped him prepare but it came down to the fact that he could never be pointed and mean enough.
Though he suspects even if he could, there's something different and deeply personal about it unfolding in real time. ]
We'll get you through it. [ Him, Tomassen, Jesper, Nina, Wylan—everyone, he's sure, will be more than willing to offer their support. Her parents as well, which would be something he didn't have going into his own drawn out case. He smoothes his hand along her back slowly, both affectionate and comforting. ]
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Tomassen told me that they are going to try and make it sound like I didn't start working in the Menagerie until I was old enough to do so. And that I did it voluntarily.
[ the thought makes her skin crawl. ]
I think we are going to practice those questions when I go back to Kerch. And a medical exam, to help prove they are lying. Whatever that means.
[ inej is sure there's physical damage somewhere, but the thought of an exam makes her skin crawl and her stomach turn over. but if it will help bring down heleen, then she would do whatever it took to prevent another story like her own. ]
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[ Though he knows they'll try. Say it's a fake, that the documents were altered. Anything to drag out the proceedings. And while Kaz doesn't usually believe in too many people, he knows Tomassen will eventually make them look like fools in court. He'd watched it unfold with Rollins, after all, who had a towering confidence in his stranglehold on certain sectors of the city.
Heleen, he's sure, probably feels similarly. That she has too much of a power base to be toppled. It's not true, naturally. Because the truth is what will cut the foundations of her arguments away.
Unfortunately, Inej is caught in the middle of it. With a spotlight on her. Kaz wishes he could stand in her place, but he's really along to give his side of things. He can't tell Inej's story for her. ]
He'll find good examiners. [ Professionals. Kaz had to deal with his own set of uncomfortable exams, though they were more mental than physical. Tomassen had made it as painless as possible. ]
I'll be there, when you go for both. If you want.
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[ she murmurs, before she can give herself an opportunity to change her mind.
truthfully, kaz being there may make it worse. not that he would intend to do so, but because inej doesn't want kaz to know. it's entirely irrational; kaz is far from stupid, and he knows what happened, vaguely. but details are different, and maybe some tiny part of her is terrified he will think differently of her once he knows the truth. or decide that this brief foray into romance isn't worth the difficulty of dealing with the reality of what inej has experienced.
the thought causes a twist in her chest, and inej closes her eyes, focusing on the firm sound of his heartbeat through his shirt. ]
Can we sleep in tomorrow?
[ she asks quietly, knowing full well that she is not going to sleep in, but would very much like to stay in late with him in bed. doing nothing else but resting in the early morning light. ]
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[ It really not difficult to go with her to both of those appointments. Work will be understanding. And if they weren't, he would go anyway. Some things are just more important, which is weird coming from him; he's nearly a workaholic. Or rather, he's on the slow recovery from being one.
He's not sure what the examination will entail, though he has a vague idea. Both that and the practice with Tomassen will be exposing. Like prodding at the most tender spots. Exhausting. Inej has already dealt with so much unwanted contact that he figures the exam will be even more uncomfortable. The least he can do is try to offer some moral support. ]
I don't know, miss rooster, can we? [ She is the one that usually wakes with the dawn. Kaz has rarely seen her sleep past it. And even then, she typically isn't sleeping, just kind of lightly dozing or laying with her eyes closed, too comfortable to get up and going. ]
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