[ There's absolutely no resistance when she pulls his arm over her middle. She runs her fingers along his forearm and a pleasant shiver runs through him. A small part of him inwardly squirms at it but it's easily ignored in favor of how nice it feels to be near her.
He settles in, ruminating on how fast and slow this has gone. It's been about a year since he got that first text. If someone had told him this where he'd be, he would've thought they were crazy. And yet, here they are.
She moves again, forehead resting against his chest and he curls his arm tighter around her middle. Tilting his head down, he presses a kiss to the top of her hair, thinking about how he was glad that Jes had dragged him to that bar. And that his friend had managed to get Inej's number to pass on. ]
I am too. [ He lets out a little sigh and settles again, content with how close they are. ] Comfortable?
[ he's warm, and she can feel his heartbeat through his shirt as she relaxes. he asks if she's comfortable, and it tugs at something in her chest for some reason. ]
Mhm.
[ it's soft, curling her fingers a little into his shirt, allowing her eyes to close as she focuses on the thrum of his heart, and how his shirt has a specific smell of the soap he likes to use. it's an odd feeling, feeling . . . what, comfortable? safe? probably both. ]
I have never felt safe, being held like this before.
[ she says after a long moment of silence, the words slipping out, surprising her. but once it's in the air, inej feels a small weight dissipate in her chest. and she tucks her face a bit more into his chest, her tone a little muffled. ]
[ He'd never considered himself someone who was protective. Loyal, yes, because as much as he gives Jesper shit, he wouldn't just leave him hanging. But for the most part, he let his friends pick their battles.
With Inej it's decidedly different. There's always a swell of anger when a man decides to whistle at her while they're walking. He knows Inej can handle herself but ultimately, he's more than willing to throw a punch if it would do any good. Or at least shut the person up.
It's discouraging bad behavior, isn't it?
He feels a similar aggravation at her comment. All those men who'd treated her so poorly, they deserved the worst. He gives her a reassuring squeeze, resting his chin on her head so his words aren't muffled. ]
I do too. [ Even six months prior. Six months less time for her to deal with all the shit Heleen put her through. ] Though, I wasn't a very pleasant person, early on.
[ And if they'd somehow met when he was still going through the trial, he doubts he could've done anything at all. He wasn't even remotely stable then, in more ways than one. ]
[ he pulls her closer, somehow, squeezing her. it's comforting, and she's quiet, listening to his breathing, his raspy voice into her hair. her lips twitch slightly, at the thought of kaz not being a very pleasant person.
truthfully, he really isn't one now. though inej adores his company, and finds him smart, and funny (in a quiet way), and charming, the kaz that she knows is very different than the kaz everyone else seems to know. he pries off the mask a little bit, with her (and the rest of their little group of friends, but mostly with her). but kaz without friends to keep him in line and force him to come out . . . it makes her a little sad, truth be told, but all the warmer for knowing he's perfectly fine now.
well. sort of. he still won't go to therapy. inej is slowly working on it, gentle pushes when he's being cooperative. one day, maybe. ]
I think I still would have liked you.
[ she says, tilting her head up just enough so she can brush her lips against his jaw, the movement soft and barely there. a small little dose of affection, before she resumes her spot, comfortable against his chest. ]
Your worst is likely far better than her best.
[ she doesn't need to specify who her is. inej is pretty certain kaz will understand. ]
Maybe. Would've told me off more. [ Way more. The end of the trial had given him some stability. And with it, his temper leveled out some. He'd gone from vicious to generally grouchy. Though both, he suspects, stem from his awful nerves. With maybe a bit of a predisposition to being annoyed easily.
None of that is cropping up now. Especially not when she brushes a small kiss to his jawline, causing his mouth to quirk up. There's a small fluttery feeling in his chest that follows, brief and pleasant. ]
Tomassen said he should have a date lined up soon. Everything slowed at the turn of the year.
[ They were creeping ever forward to bringing Heleen down. Well, not just her but her entire operation. And probably more than a few of her higher profile clients. Kerch didn't need their government officials lacking even more morals. ]
[ inej rather likes kaz's attorney. tomassen strikes her as someone who likely has children, or very much wants them, with warm eyes, but a clever wit. he had been the utmost gentleman when inej had first talked to him, and though inej typically doesn't talk about anything relating to the menagerie, tomassen had managed to relax her enough to get her to spill the story in about half an hour.
kaz hadn't been there, which probably helped. she's still mortified to have him know the whole truth. but tomassen was also just exceptionally convincing. she can see why kaz likes him, and vice versa. but even the warm and genial attorney had looked uncomfortable, when inej had told him the truth. and that discomfort had soon morphed into something of a dull fury as he explained her rights.
maybe that was where she had first thought he must have children. the expression had reminded her of her father, when inej had told him the truth. she hadn't asked, in that first meeting. their meetings past that were less stressful, and more friendly. she had dropped off a small christmas gift at his office, when she was in ketterdam, and tomassen had asked a very pointed question at how things were going with kaz. inej still isn't sure if tomassen knows they're together yet or not.
at any rate: ]
I know. [ she sighs into his shirt, because it is a relief, that it is inching closer. but: ] He told me that I have to be questioned by their attorney in a few months or so.
You should practice. [ Well, she probably knows that already. ] More than you think you'll need to.
[ Not much could've really prepared him for the intensity of getting grilled by Rollins' lawyer. Because despite Kaz's own caustic attitude and generally flint-eyed stare, he'd felt shaky afterwards. As if someone had shoved all his foundations off center. Tomassen had helped him prepare but it came down to the fact that he could never be pointed and mean enough.
Though he suspects even if he could, there's something different and deeply personal about it unfolding in real time. ]
We'll get you through it. [ Him, Tomassen, Jesper, Nina, Wylan—everyone, he's sure, will be more than willing to offer their support. Her parents as well, which would be something he didn't have going into his own drawn out case. He smoothes his hand along her back slowly, both affectionate and comforting. ]
[ it's warming, really. the knowledge that she isn't going to have to do this alone. the feeling of kaz's hand along her back soothes further, and she tucks herself a little bit closer, thinking to herself. running through what is to come in her mind. ]
Tomassen told me that they are going to try and make it sound like I didn't start working in the Menagerie until I was old enough to do so. And that I did it voluntarily.
[ the thought makes her skin crawl. ]
I think we are going to practice those questions when I go back to Kerch. And a medical exam, to help prove they are lying. Whatever that means.
[ inej is sure there's physical damage somewhere, but the thought of an exam makes her skin crawl and her stomach turn over. but if it will help bring down heleen, then she would do whatever it took to prevent another story like her own. ]
Your contract has dates on it, so not sure how they'll get away with spinning that one.
[ Though he knows they'll try. Say it's a fake, that the documents were altered. Anything to drag out the proceedings. And while Kaz doesn't usually believe in too many people, he knows Tomassen will eventually make them look like fools in court. He'd watched it unfold with Rollins, after all, who had a towering confidence in his stranglehold on certain sectors of the city.
Heleen, he's sure, probably feels similarly. That she has too much of a power base to be toppled. It's not true, naturally. Because the truth is what will cut the foundations of her arguments away.
Unfortunately, Inej is caught in the middle of it. With a spotlight on her. Kaz wishes he could stand in her place, but he's really along to give his side of things. He can't tell Inej's story for her. ]
He'll find good examiners. [ Professionals. Kaz had to deal with his own set of uncomfortable exams, though they were more mental than physical. Tomassen had made it as painless as possible. ]
[ she murmurs, before she can give herself an opportunity to change her mind.
truthfully, kaz being there may make it worse. not that he would intend to do so, but because inej doesn't want kaz to know. it's entirely irrational; kaz is far from stupid, and he knows what happened, vaguely. but details are different, and maybe some tiny part of her is terrified he will think differently of her once he knows the truth. or decide that this brief foray into romance isn't worth the difficulty of dealing with the reality of what inej has experienced.
the thought causes a twist in her chest, and inej closes her eyes, focusing on the firm sound of his heartbeat through his shirt. ]
Can we sleep in tomorrow?
[ she asks quietly, knowing full well that she is not going to sleep in, but would very much like to stay in late with him in bed. doing nothing else but resting in the early morning light. ]
[ It really not difficult to go with her to both of those appointments. Work will be understanding. And if they weren't, he would go anyway. Some things are just more important, which is weird coming from him; he's nearly a workaholic. Or rather, he's on the slow recovery from being one.
He's not sure what the examination will entail, though he has a vague idea. Both that and the practice with Tomassen will be exposing. Like prodding at the most tender spots. Exhausting. Inej has already dealt with so much unwanted contact that he figures the exam will be even more uncomfortable. The least he can do is try to offer some moral support. ]
I don't know, miss rooster, can we? [ She is the one that usually wakes with the dawn. Kaz has rarely seen her sleep past it. And even then, she typically isn't sleeping, just kind of lightly dozing or laying with her eyes closed, too comfortable to get up and going. ]
[ her lips curve into a faint smile, at the question, because it is true. she wakes up first, and typically waits for kaz to rouse himself to consciousness, careful not to move a muscle while he continues to sleep. he's definitely not a morning person. she finds it endearing, on most days. ]
You can.
[ she corrects. fair enough, she will not sleep in. ]
Maybe a better word for it would be 'stay in bed longer than usual.'
[ He can feel her smile and mirrors it with one of his own. They both know he isn't going to complain about sleeping in. Because he actually will; he doesn't actually wake up until closer to ten in the morning, even if he's out of bed before then. Coffee helps. ]
Not opposed.
[ More time to cuddle and give her kisses in the morning? Oh what cruelty. ]
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timewasting2020-09-27 05:30 pm
no subject
He settles in, ruminating on how fast and slow this has gone. It's been about a year since he got that first text. If someone had told him this where he'd be, he would've thought they were crazy. And yet, here they are.
She moves again, forehead resting against his chest and he curls his arm tighter around her middle. Tilting his head down, he presses a kiss to the top of her hair, thinking about how he was glad that Jes had dragged him to that bar. And that his friend had managed to get Inej's number to pass on. ]
I am too. [ He lets out a little sigh and settles again, content with how close they are. ] Comfortable?
no subject
Mhm.
[ it's soft, curling her fingers a little into his shirt, allowing her eyes to close as she focuses on the thrum of his heart, and how his shirt has a specific smell of the soap he likes to use. it's an odd feeling, feeling . . . what, comfortable? safe? probably both. ]
I have never felt safe, being held like this before.
[ she says after a long moment of silence, the words slipping out, surprising her. but once it's in the air, inej feels a small weight dissipate in her chest. and she tucks her face a bit more into his chest, her tone a little muffled. ]
I wish I had met you sooner.
no subject
With Inej it's decidedly different. There's always a swell of anger when a man decides to whistle at her while they're walking. He knows Inej can handle herself but ultimately, he's more than willing to throw a punch if it would do any good. Or at least shut the person up.
It's discouraging bad behavior, isn't it?
He feels a similar aggravation at her comment. All those men who'd treated her so poorly, they deserved the worst. He gives her a reassuring squeeze, resting his chin on her head so his words aren't muffled. ]
I do too. [ Even six months prior. Six months less time for her to deal with all the shit Heleen put her through. ] Though, I wasn't a very pleasant person, early on.
[ And if they'd somehow met when he was still going through the trial, he doubts he could've done anything at all. He wasn't even remotely stable then, in more ways than one. ]
no subject
truthfully, he really isn't one now. though inej adores his company, and finds him smart, and funny (in a quiet way), and charming, the kaz that she knows is very different than the kaz everyone else seems to know. he pries off the mask a little bit, with her (and the rest of their little group of friends, but mostly with her). but kaz without friends to keep him in line and force him to come out . . . it makes her a little sad, truth be told, but all the warmer for knowing he's perfectly fine now.
well. sort of. he still won't go to therapy. inej is slowly working on it, gentle pushes when he's being cooperative. one day, maybe. ]
I think I still would have liked you.
[ she says, tilting her head up just enough so she can brush her lips against his jaw, the movement soft and barely there. a small little dose of affection, before she resumes her spot, comfortable against his chest. ]
Your worst is likely far better than her best.
[ she doesn't need to specify who her is. inej is pretty certain kaz will understand. ]
no subject
None of that is cropping up now. Especially not when she brushes a small kiss to his jawline, causing his mouth to quirk up. There's a small fluttery feeling in his chest that follows, brief and pleasant. ]
Tomassen said he should have a date lined up soon. Everything slowed at the turn of the year.
[ They were creeping ever forward to bringing Heleen down. Well, not just her but her entire operation. And probably more than a few of her higher profile clients. Kerch didn't need their government officials lacking even more morals. ]
no subject
kaz hadn't been there, which probably helped. she's still mortified to have him know the whole truth. but tomassen was also just exceptionally convincing. she can see why kaz likes him, and vice versa. but even the warm and genial attorney had looked uncomfortable, when inej had told him the truth. and that discomfort had soon morphed into something of a dull fury as he explained her rights.
maybe that was where she had first thought he must have children. the expression had reminded her of her father, when inej had told him the truth. she hadn't asked, in that first meeting. their meetings past that were less stressful, and more friendly. she had dropped off a small christmas gift at his office, when she was in ketterdam, and tomassen had asked a very pointed question at how things were going with kaz. inej still isn't sure if tomassen knows they're together yet or not.
at any rate: ]
I know. [ she sighs into his shirt, because it is a relief, that it is inching closer. but: ] He told me that I have to be questioned by their attorney in a few months or so.
no subject
[ Not much could've really prepared him for the intensity of getting grilled by Rollins' lawyer. Because despite Kaz's own caustic attitude and generally flint-eyed stare, he'd felt shaky afterwards. As if someone had shoved all his foundations off center. Tomassen had helped him prepare but it came down to the fact that he could never be pointed and mean enough.
Though he suspects even if he could, there's something different and deeply personal about it unfolding in real time. ]
We'll get you through it. [ Him, Tomassen, Jesper, Nina, Wylan—everyone, he's sure, will be more than willing to offer their support. Her parents as well, which would be something he didn't have going into his own drawn out case. He smoothes his hand along her back slowly, both affectionate and comforting. ]
no subject
Tomassen told me that they are going to try and make it sound like I didn't start working in the Menagerie until I was old enough to do so. And that I did it voluntarily.
[ the thought makes her skin crawl. ]
I think we are going to practice those questions when I go back to Kerch. And a medical exam, to help prove they are lying. Whatever that means.
[ inej is sure there's physical damage somewhere, but the thought of an exam makes her skin crawl and her stomach turn over. but if it will help bring down heleen, then she would do whatever it took to prevent another story like her own. ]
no subject
[ Though he knows they'll try. Say it's a fake, that the documents were altered. Anything to drag out the proceedings. And while Kaz doesn't usually believe in too many people, he knows Tomassen will eventually make them look like fools in court. He'd watched it unfold with Rollins, after all, who had a towering confidence in his stranglehold on certain sectors of the city.
Heleen, he's sure, probably feels similarly. That she has too much of a power base to be toppled. It's not true, naturally. Because the truth is what will cut the foundations of her arguments away.
Unfortunately, Inej is caught in the middle of it. With a spotlight on her. Kaz wishes he could stand in her place, but he's really along to give his side of things. He can't tell Inej's story for her. ]
He'll find good examiners. [ Professionals. Kaz had to deal with his own set of uncomfortable exams, though they were more mental than physical. Tomassen had made it as painless as possible. ]
I'll be there, when you go for both. If you want.
no subject
[ she murmurs, before she can give herself an opportunity to change her mind.
truthfully, kaz being there may make it worse. not that he would intend to do so, but because inej doesn't want kaz to know. it's entirely irrational; kaz is far from stupid, and he knows what happened, vaguely. but details are different, and maybe some tiny part of her is terrified he will think differently of her once he knows the truth. or decide that this brief foray into romance isn't worth the difficulty of dealing with the reality of what inej has experienced.
the thought causes a twist in her chest, and inej closes her eyes, focusing on the firm sound of his heartbeat through his shirt. ]
Can we sleep in tomorrow?
[ she asks quietly, knowing full well that she is not going to sleep in, but would very much like to stay in late with him in bed. doing nothing else but resting in the early morning light. ]
no subject
[ It really not difficult to go with her to both of those appointments. Work will be understanding. And if they weren't, he would go anyway. Some things are just more important, which is weird coming from him; he's nearly a workaholic. Or rather, he's on the slow recovery from being one.
He's not sure what the examination will entail, though he has a vague idea. Both that and the practice with Tomassen will be exposing. Like prodding at the most tender spots. Exhausting. Inej has already dealt with so much unwanted contact that he figures the exam will be even more uncomfortable. The least he can do is try to offer some moral support. ]
I don't know, miss rooster, can we? [ She is the one that usually wakes with the dawn. Kaz has rarely seen her sleep past it. And even then, she typically isn't sleeping, just kind of lightly dozing or laying with her eyes closed, too comfortable to get up and going. ]
no subject
You can.
[ she corrects. fair enough, she will not sleep in. ]
Maybe a better word for it would be 'stay in bed longer than usual.'
no subject
Not opposed.
[ More time to cuddle and give her kisses in the morning? Oh what cruelty. ]