But he does pause, considering it and her reasons and possible worries. The Kerch are a bit prudish, that's certain. They put stock in blood lines and a certain amount of professionalism. For the former, it's something they're still working against and has gotten better. And for the latter, well, it's a National point of pride.
It means that something like sex work is frowned upon. That the people who choose it or end up in it are wild and beneath notice. Someone to sneer at, rather than be offered any kind of assistance out or have rights written.
So, he can understand why she would be afraid of how people would perceive her. Though he thinks Jesper would eat a shoe before he ever said a negative thing about her. Same could be said for Wylan or Nina. ]
Anyone who would think poorly of you afterwards isn't worth it.
[ He reaches over, folding his fingers over hers. ]
[ her eyes flicker upward as his weight shifts, and kaz's fingers squeeze her own. the words are meant to make her feel better, and to a certain extent, they do. but he also doesn't know, though inej clings to his reassurance as she draws in a quiet breath. ]
I wish I could be as confident.
[ it's said in a breathy laugh, and inej tugs her hand away from kaz's fingers to brush a loose piece of hair out of her face. ]
I can't even count how many times I've been sold.
[ certain memories stand out more than other ones. certain men, inej will never forget. she sees them sometimes, wandering the streets of ketterdam. it always strikes her with a bolt of panic in her throat, and inej immediately ducks into a different building. even though they have no license to her anymore. ]
[ She didn't ask to be bought and sold. Judging from the little she's told him, she hadn't known much Kerch at all when she arrived. Certainly not enough to understand a contract.
Even if she had, it had been confusingly written. Purposely made to sound enticing or fair when it was the exact opposite. Heleen would have owned her for years and Inej would not have ever been able to dig herself out. Not until Heleen decided she was no longer useful—which he doesn't even want to think about. Because it's repulsive, first and foremost. But also because this is Inej, who he's found he cares deeply for. ]
Look at me. [ He tilts his head, trying to catch her gaze. ] I'd hunt down every single person who hurt you and dump them in the harbor if I could get away with it.
[ she does look at him, meeting his gaze. his sincerity causes a weight to settle in her throat, and her lips curve into a faint smile before she reaches out to gently cup his cheek with a hand, running her thumb along the curve of his face. ]
I know.
[ and she means it, her tone genuine, albeit soft, before she lets her hand slip from his face back into her lap, to find his hand again, gently squeezing his fingers. ]
I didn't want it. [ saying this is physically difficult, for some reason. but she doesn't want kaz to hear it for the first time in tomassen's office. it should come from her directly, shouldn't it? ] She used to make me lie, about how old I was. And when it first started, I would do nothing but cry, and was punished for it.
[ and inej scoffs to herself, running her thumb over his knuckles. ]
Because it ruins the illusion, if your exotic fourteen year old date is sobbing while they are being violated. So I stopped crying. Started to pretend that I enjoyed it, so it would end faster. And she is going to say that I agreed to it because I never said no.
[ When she cups his cheek, he puts his hand over hers, tilting his face into her touch. He keeps ahold of her hand when she drops it back down, giving her fingers a return reassuring squeeze. ]
I know.
[ Considering her circumstances. His hand stays in hers as she keeps going, not quite going into detail. But it's more than she's talked about before—he's asked a few questions here and there but he's never pressed. It's fresh, after all. And even if it had been less fresh, it was too personal.
The thing is...he'd already been furious with Heleen, early on. When he had read her contract and when he'd gotten a decent idea on how she'd been treated. He feels his stomach start to drop out when she talks about how old she was, how Heleen told her to lie.
And how she did lie. To survive both Heleen and the awful clients. His stomach seems to level out again and it leaves that cold anger sticking to the back of his throat, something he hasn't felt for a while. Not since Tomassen had gone over all the detailed charges of exactly what Rollins had done. It's nearly the same, here. The pins and needles shock and the feverish anger following as soon as it sinks in.
He swallows it, jaw working as he finds his words. ]
She's going to wish for death after all this is done. [ But that would be too kind, wouldn't it? So there is something grimly satisfying about wanting to watch Tomassen help strip her of everything. Her awful empire, her credibility, her power.
Beyond that, he can't get over how proud he is of Inej, for surviving, for pulling through to now. And to still want to go into this trial despite everything. ]
[ he's upset. she can tell by how he clenches his jaw, the flintiness of his eyes, the tone of his voice. she lets out a slow breath at his comment, because that very may well be true. but inej isn't entirely sure she wants heleen dead. it feels wrong, to wish death on someone, even someone as evil as heleen.
she squeezes his fingers again, more to find her focus than anything else. maybe being so worried was silly after all. he seems to be nothing but supportive and kind and caring. he might even love her, despite the damage and the baggage. ]
I might never be able to have a normal relationship, because of what she's done.
[ she murmurs after a moment or two of silence, idly playing with his fingers, trying to remain in the present. and not think about the clamor of memories in the back of her mind, lingering there. the feeling of manicured fingernails against her face, forcing inej to look. or the feeling of hands coasting along her shoulders, removing whatever silks heleen had forced her into that day.
her eyes flicker toward him, seeking out his gaze, a slight frown on her lips. ]
Are you really okay with that?
[ with the panic, the nervousness around intimacy, the nightmares. ]
[ He slowly and carefully drags his thumbs along the backs of her fingers, keeping her hands cupped in his. Really, he wants to reach over and hug her, but the angle is a bit awkward. There's also a matter of him wanting her to finish her thoughts. And both of them being able to see the other's expression. It's important, he thinks, right now. ]
I have you, normal doesn't matter.
[ Besides, what's normal? Everyone's relationships are different, catered to how they specifically work together. Besides, he doesn't think he could be with someone who didn't understand how precarious touch can be. Someone free of those reservations would be too difficult to relate to.
The two of them get it. He doesn't mind waiting and working it out with her. And if they never get to "normal", he's been more than happy with what they've been able to achieve. Waking up to her in the morning warms him to the very ends of his nerves. ]
[ the staggering relief that washes over here at the simple statement is . . . overwhelming, almost. because she believes him, in that he truly doesn't care if they never do anything past what they've already accomplished, so long as he has her.
it causes a bolt of warmth through her chest, focusing right in the middle, as inej tugs her hands away from his . . . only to lean forward, cupping his face in her hands to kiss him gently. ]
I adore you.
[ she murmurs against his lips, shifting upward a bit to press her lips against his forehead, letting her eyes close for half a moment to collect herself.
she had no idea how much of a burden she was carrying on her shoulders until kaz reassured her that it was unnecessary. she feels as if she could sleep for a year. ]
[ The relief is nearly palpable, showing in the way her shoulders relax and the tension around her eyes seems to lessen. Her worry may not be gone entirely, he knows something like this sticks with a person, but it's at least temporarily assuaged. And she knows how he feels, seems to know it's the truth.
He isn't quite expecting the soft kiss but he doesn't shy from it, quirking a small, soft smile as he returns it. Covering one of her hands, his thumb strokes over the knuckles, content for the moment. Then he draws away slightly, patting her knee lightly. ]
Come here. [ If she'll let him, he wants to hold her in his lap. An extra layer of reassurance and affection. ]
[ when he pulls away, inej's brow furrows, expression slightly questioning, almost silently asking if he is alright . . . but then he beckons her forward, to sit closer. or, rather, on him. which she's hardly going to complain.
she moves easily, settling herself into his lap, tucking her head underneath his chin with a sigh of comfort. she feels . . . exhausted, really, and inej lets her eyes close. ]
I have not felt like myself in so long.
[ she says quietly, resting her cheek against his chest, soaking in the warmth and the feeling of his heartbeat. ]
I was starting to think I was going to die in that place.
[ It takes a bit of maneuvering to get them both settled on the couch with her in his lap. But once they do, it's comfortable and warm. Her slight weight is leaned up against his front and he loosely wraps his arms around her middle. Like this, he can feel her relax, the absence of anxiety making her sound exhausted. ]
We should probably thank Jes. [ Even if they'll never hear the end of it. He is, after all, the one who decided to pester Inej for her number. And to treat her like an old friend—as he usually liked to do to people he got on with at first brush.
He also had managed to drag Kaz out that one night. Without any of those things, he never would've gotten Inej's text and let her stay because of her heat being out. Then where would they be? He isn't sure she would've died. At least, not without a fight, but she would certainly be in more dire straits as time went on. There's only so much people can take. And with the work she was in, there was only so long she would be considered desirable, which makes his stomach turn in disgust. ]
He was very insistent that I take pity on his socially awkward friend.
[ her tone is rueful, clearly not serious, as inej fully relaxes at the feeling of his arms around her waist. it is truly by sheer happenstance that they met. and inej couldn't feel more grateful, or secure, or safe. or loved, really.
it's an odd thing, feeling loved, after so long without it. ]
I am glad that you kept my number, though.
[ inej had half suspected kaz would just delete it, because he was clearly not very interested in the bar. or, at least, not to inej's perception. her hand rests on his arm, thumb gently running along the sleeve of his shirt. ]
Lizabeta would never have been so spoiled.
[ inej is certain the little bird misses her biggest fan, back in ravka. ]
[ His tone is lightly chagrined, though he does find it amusing. How many times has Jes said the same thing over the years? It's not exactly untrue, though he could have used a lot less numbers. His friend always took him saying more than three words to someone as him being interested. ]
A national tragedy. [ Not being able to spoil Lizabeta, whom he adores. Kaz has never considered himself a pet person but he really does love that little bird. Especially when she sits by his neck and dozes off. He can hear her tiny, sleepy peeps. ]
Good thing you kept my number, too.
[ He'd been convinced she would delete it soon after that initial awkward conversation that had gone maybe three lines. ]
[ the comment prompts a chuckle, and inej tilts her head up just enough to brush a kiss against his cheek, right where his jawline begins, tone amused. ]
Why would I delete it?
[ honestly, as inej resettles herself, comfortable and content to just remain in his arms for the rest of the evening. ]
I thought you were cute.
[ and polite, and charming. and harmless. it was really the harmless part, that had endeared her the fastest. ]
Well, ok, she hadn't seemed like the type to give her number out of sheer pity, so there had to have been something. But still, he feels his face warm from the comment, unused to hearing such things. Most of the time, his personality was the first thing people noticed. In the case of the very rare possible date, according to Jesper anyway, he was incredibly standoffish.
That had always seemed enough to keep people away or simply uninterested. ]
Too awkward. It's happened before.
[ Not that he took it personally. Why should he? It was what it was. ]
inej tries to envision kaz on a date with someone that isn't her. and she can definitely see how he would be . . . well, awkward. or cold, or standoffish, to people he doesn't know. he's not exactly talkative, and tends to say the most without saying very much at all. even when they went out to dinner in ravka, he was mostly content to remain quiet and just enjoy her company, which suits inej just fine.
someone like nina, though, would probably drive kaz up a wall, and vice versa. he's probably fortunate that he wound up with inej after all. ]
Well, I am glad they deleted your number.
[ selfishly, it means that kaz was hers, and not theirs. ]
If they did not bother to get to know you, then they were not worth the time anyway.
[ A grin lights up his face when she says she was glad that they'd deleted his number. In truth, he's glad as well, because that means they have each other now. Seems like they're both feeling a bit possessive. He gives her a short squeeze, tipping his chin down to brush a kiss to her forehead. ]
None of them came with Lizabeta, either.
[ How he adores that little bird. In fact, he misses her soft tweets right now. They'd left her in the care of her parents. Who he's sure will take good care of her, despite Asena being wary of how much she freely flaps about. ]
[ the kiss to her forehead prompts a warm smile, but the comment causes a laugh to escape, allowing her eyes to close as she rests her cheek a bit more soundly against his chest. ]
I am glad she was the deciding factor.
[ though inej remembers the look on his face when she initially showed up with the bird. he hadn't exactly been thrilled. that had worn off quickly, as it were.
still, she relaxes, listening to his heartbeat, relishing the feeling of his arms around her middle. something she never thought she'd enjoy. it causes a warmth in her chest, radiating right down to her toes. that regardless of what happens in her conversation with tomassen, kaz will still care about her.
she loves him, she decides. the thought isn't surprising to her. just a statement of fact. one that she idly considers voicing out loud, for a moment. she had almost said it on new year's, but that had felt way too soon, when she was breathless and laughing after kissing him in the corner after midnight.
[ He smiles against her hairline, the sound of her soft laugh a bit infectious. It's not as if she laughs rarely—it's just that he's glad to hear it. ]
She tipped the scales in your favor.
[ Even if he'd been completely unsure when he first saw her standing at his door with the bird in her cage. That unsurety had lasted all of two days, a record for someone or something worming its way into his good graces.
Though maybe the same could be said of Inej. He wants to say it had taken longer to really feel as strongly as he does about her. Even now, he thinks he might be in love with her, despite it seeming all too soon to say as much. Part of him wants to admit it while the other part is anxious. As usual. That it's simply too early on, that this is something of that honeymoon phase of a relationship.
Then again, he can't recall anyone he's felt this strangely comfortable around. That alone counts for so much. ]
Where to?
[ Not a bad idea. Certainly they'll want to celebrate. And probably get away from all of this.
There's also something warming about her thinking so far ahead with the two of them in mind. ]
[ admittedly; she's never really taken a vacation before, but she thinks she would like it if she were with him. a week or two relaxing with no distraction. catch up on reading and television and enjoy each other's company.
maybe the beach, which would be warm, and which would allow him to not wear a shirt.
she idly thinks about that for a moment. ]
Let's go to the beach.
[ she decides, eyes still closed, tone thoughtful.
[ Honestly, he's never been one for vacations. Most of his time off has been spent at home, catching up on things that fell by the wayside whenever he was working. And prior to a few years ago, he didn't have the money to go anywhere. He supposes that habit has simply carried over.
But, perhaps unsurprisingly, he's now looking forward to going on a trip with her. Someplace they can experience together. So of course she suggests the beach, which has him partly cringing. Not that she knows his weird history with bodies of water.
At the same time, his mind does remind him that she'd likely end up in a bathing suit. Or one of those beach dresses; they'd look flattering on her, as so much does. It doesn't quite quash the mix of anxiety and revulsion he has at being near the ocean. ]
Maybe.
[ He knows he sounds a bit closed off. Though he isn't sure how much he wants to get into. ]
[ she can feel the shift in his mood, how he gets tense. it isn't a large amount, he isn't panicked, but something about the beach is causing him to retreat into his own head.
it causes her to pause, and inej pulls away enough to shift her weight, so she can look at him properly. and inej gently takes his face in her hands, smiling quietly before leaning forward to give him a soft kiss. ]
Or we can go to a cave.
[ she murmurs, shifting to kiss his cheek. ]
Far, far away, with no internet or television. No connection to Ketterdam. Maybe in a corner of Shu.
[ and inej returns to give him a single, chaste kiss, eyes a little more bright. ]
The point being that does not matter where, as long as I can celebrate with you.
[ He knows she can feel him freeze up. Being pressed this close jt would be impossible for her to ignores and he wishes he had tried to measure his reaction a little better.
Though he doesn't pull away when she cups his face in her hands. And he does tilt his face a bit into the kiss when she presses in. It does a bit to soothe the bad memories, despite it being touch. Mostly because it gives him something to focus on that isn't a bad memory. Of water going up and over his head. ]
Shu Han has gardens.
[ Famous ones, all year round. They're well known for their decorative arbors and arrangements. He remembers seeing some photos that almost looked unreal when his office had a merger party at a photography gallery a couple years ago. ]
There's time to plan. [ It might be over in a blink. But for now, they can look over destinations. In some ways, it's quite fun to consider.
[ she murmurs, running her thumbs along his cheek once before letting her hands drop to his shirt, idly fiddling with the buttons. part of her is curious, why the ocean seems to be a sore subject, but she knows some things are just best left to time, to be able to talk about. she's barely told kaz anything (tonight being the first actual details, and even then, not very many), and she feels tired. setting a good pace seems to be the way, with things like this.
but the air still feels heavy, and so inej sighs heavily to herself (clearly done so on purpose), almost exasperated as she straightens his shirt with purpose. ]
I mostly just wanted to have an excuse for you not to wear a shirt.
[ idly, as she slides a finger along the collar of his shirt. it feels bold, to say, and part of her almost balks at saying it, but having kaz blush and be uncomfortable for that feels better than whatever is nipping at the back of his mind. ]
I suppose that means I will just need to be creative, in Shu Han.
[ It certainly sounds beautiful, though a sappy part of him thinks it would be hard pressed to beat the woman sitting in his lap. He's not sure how he was able to kid himself for so long on thinking he just liked her as a friend. Though certainly, he's glad they started that way. It makes this feel much closer, he thinks, than starting from zero and working their way up.
She shakes him out of his thoughts abruptly, her comment making color bloom in his cheeks before he can try and control the reaction. ]
Oh, is that all?
[ The fact she's entertained the idea of him stripping his shirt off in front of her is...well, he can't say he hates it. Even if he's completely embarrassed by how forthright she was about it. ]
If we go in summer, a button up is that last thing to wear.
[ Shu Han could get notoriously hot and humid. And he wouldn't have the excuse of going into an office where a more proper attire is necessary. Or helpful, if one sits basically under the A/C vent. ]
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timewasting2020-09-27 05:30 pm
no subject
But he does pause, considering it and her reasons and possible worries. The Kerch are a bit prudish, that's certain. They put stock in blood lines and a certain amount of professionalism. For the former, it's something they're still working against and has gotten better. And for the latter, well, it's a National point of pride.
It means that something like sex work is frowned upon. That the people who choose it or end up in it are wild and beneath notice. Someone to sneer at, rather than be offered any kind of assistance out or have rights written.
So, he can understand why she would be afraid of how people would perceive her. Though he thinks Jesper would eat a shoe before he ever said a negative thing about her. Same could be said for Wylan or Nina. ]
Anyone who would think poorly of you afterwards isn't worth it.
[ He reaches over, folding his fingers over hers. ]
no subject
I wish I could be as confident.
[ it's said in a breathy laugh, and inej tugs her hand away from kaz's fingers to brush a loose piece of hair out of her face. ]
I can't even count how many times I've been sold.
[ certain memories stand out more than other ones. certain men, inej will never forget. she sees them sometimes, wandering the streets of ketterdam. it always strikes her with a bolt of panic in her throat, and inej immediately ducks into a different building. even though they have no license to her anymore. ]
no subject
[ She didn't ask to be bought and sold. Judging from the little she's told him, she hadn't known much Kerch at all when she arrived. Certainly not enough to understand a contract.
Even if she had, it had been confusingly written. Purposely made to sound enticing or fair when it was the exact opposite. Heleen would have owned her for years and Inej would not have ever been able to dig herself out. Not until Heleen decided she was no longer useful—which he doesn't even want to think about. Because it's repulsive, first and foremost. But also because this is Inej, who he's found he cares deeply for. ]
Look at me. [ He tilts his head, trying to catch her gaze. ] I'd hunt down every single person who hurt you and dump them in the harbor if I could get away with it.
no subject
I know.
[ and she means it, her tone genuine, albeit soft, before she lets her hand slip from his face back into her lap, to find his hand again, gently squeezing his fingers. ]
I didn't want it. [ saying this is physically difficult, for some reason. but she doesn't want kaz to hear it for the first time in tomassen's office. it should come from her directly, shouldn't it? ] She used to make me lie, about how old I was. And when it first started, I would do nothing but cry, and was punished for it.
[ and inej scoffs to herself, running her thumb over his knuckles. ]
Because it ruins the illusion, if your exotic fourteen year old date is sobbing while they are being violated. So I stopped crying. Started to pretend that I enjoyed it, so it would end faster. And she is going to say that I agreed to it because I never said no.
no subject
I know.
[ Considering her circumstances. His hand stays in hers as she keeps going, not quite going into detail. But it's more than she's talked about before—he's asked a few questions here and there but he's never pressed. It's fresh, after all. And even if it had been less fresh, it was too personal.
The thing is...he'd already been furious with Heleen, early on. When he had read her contract and when he'd gotten a decent idea on how she'd been treated. He feels his stomach start to drop out when she talks about how old she was, how Heleen told her to lie.
And how she did lie. To survive both Heleen and the awful clients. His stomach seems to level out again and it leaves that cold anger sticking to the back of his throat, something he hasn't felt for a while. Not since Tomassen had gone over all the detailed charges of exactly what Rollins had done. It's nearly the same, here. The pins and needles shock and the feverish anger following as soon as it sinks in.
He swallows it, jaw working as he finds his words. ]
She's going to wish for death after all this is done. [ But that would be too kind, wouldn't it? So there is something grimly satisfying about wanting to watch Tomassen help strip her of everything. Her awful empire, her credibility, her power.
Beyond that, he can't get over how proud he is of Inej, for surviving, for pulling through to now. And to still want to go into this trial despite everything. ]
no subject
she squeezes his fingers again, more to find her focus than anything else. maybe being so worried was silly after all. he seems to be nothing but supportive and kind and caring. he might even love her, despite the damage and the baggage. ]
I might never be able to have a normal relationship, because of what she's done.
[ she murmurs after a moment or two of silence, idly playing with his fingers, trying to remain in the present. and not think about the clamor of memories in the back of her mind, lingering there. the feeling of manicured fingernails against her face, forcing inej to look. or the feeling of hands coasting along her shoulders, removing whatever silks heleen had forced her into that day.
her eyes flicker toward him, seeking out his gaze, a slight frown on her lips. ]
Are you really okay with that?
[ with the panic, the nervousness around intimacy, the nightmares. ]
no subject
I have you, normal doesn't matter.
[ Besides, what's normal? Everyone's relationships are different, catered to how they specifically work together. Besides, he doesn't think he could be with someone who didn't understand how precarious touch can be. Someone free of those reservations would be too difficult to relate to.
The two of them get it. He doesn't mind waiting and working it out with her. And if they never get to "normal", he's been more than happy with what they've been able to achieve. Waking up to her in the morning warms him to the very ends of his nerves. ]
no subject
it causes a bolt of warmth through her chest, focusing right in the middle, as inej tugs her hands away from his . . . only to lean forward, cupping his face in her hands to kiss him gently. ]
I adore you.
[ she murmurs against his lips, shifting upward a bit to press her lips against his forehead, letting her eyes close for half a moment to collect herself.
she had no idea how much of a burden she was carrying on her shoulders until kaz reassured her that it was unnecessary. she feels as if she could sleep for a year. ]
no subject
He isn't quite expecting the soft kiss but he doesn't shy from it, quirking a small, soft smile as he returns it. Covering one of her hands, his thumb strokes over the knuckles, content for the moment. Then he draws away slightly, patting her knee lightly. ]
Come here. [ If she'll let him, he wants to hold her in his lap. An extra layer of reassurance and affection. ]
no subject
she moves easily, settling herself into his lap, tucking her head underneath his chin with a sigh of comfort. she feels . . . exhausted, really, and inej lets her eyes close. ]
I have not felt like myself in so long.
[ she says quietly, resting her cheek against his chest, soaking in the warmth and the feeling of his heartbeat. ]
I was starting to think I was going to die in that place.
no subject
We should probably thank Jes. [ Even if they'll never hear the end of it. He is, after all, the one who decided to pester Inej for her number. And to treat her like an old friend—as he usually liked to do to people he got on with at first brush.
He also had managed to drag Kaz out that one night. Without any of those things, he never would've gotten Inej's text and let her stay because of her heat being out. Then where would they be? He isn't sure she would've died. At least, not without a fight, but she would certainly be in more dire straits as time went on. There's only so much people can take. And with the work she was in, there was only so long she would be considered desirable, which makes his stomach turn in disgust. ]
no subject
[ her tone is rueful, clearly not serious, as inej fully relaxes at the feeling of his arms around her waist. it is truly by sheer happenstance that they met. and inej couldn't feel more grateful, or secure, or safe. or loved, really.
it's an odd thing, feeling loved, after so long without it. ]
I am glad that you kept my number, though.
[ inej had half suspected kaz would just delete it, because he was clearly not very interested in the bar. or, at least, not to inej's perception. her hand rests on his arm, thumb gently running along the sleeve of his shirt. ]
Lizabeta would never have been so spoiled.
[ inej is certain the little bird misses her biggest fan, back in ravka. ]
no subject
[ His tone is lightly chagrined, though he does find it amusing. How many times has Jes said the same thing over the years? It's not exactly untrue, though he could have used a lot less numbers. His friend always took him saying more than three words to someone as him being interested. ]
A national tragedy. [ Not being able to spoil Lizabeta, whom he adores. Kaz has never considered himself a pet person but he really does love that little bird. Especially when she sits by his neck and dozes off. He can hear her tiny, sleepy peeps. ]
Good thing you kept my number, too.
[ He'd been convinced she would delete it soon after that initial awkward conversation that had gone maybe three lines. ]
no subject
Why would I delete it?
[ honestly, as inej resettles herself, comfortable and content to just remain in his arms for the rest of the evening. ]
I thought you were cute.
[ and polite, and charming. and harmless. it was really the harmless part, that had endeared her the fastest. ]
no subject
Well, ok, she hadn't seemed like the type to give her number out of sheer pity, so there had to have been something. But still, he feels his face warm from the comment, unused to hearing such things. Most of the time, his personality was the first thing people noticed. In the case of the very rare possible date, according to Jesper anyway, he was incredibly standoffish.
That had always seemed enough to keep people away or simply uninterested. ]
Too awkward. It's happened before.
[ Not that he took it personally. Why should he? It was what it was. ]
no subject
inej tries to envision kaz on a date with someone that isn't her. and she can definitely see how he would be . . . well, awkward. or cold, or standoffish, to people he doesn't know. he's not exactly talkative, and tends to say the most without saying very much at all. even when they went out to dinner in ravka, he was mostly content to remain quiet and just enjoy her company, which suits inej just fine.
someone like nina, though, would probably drive kaz up a wall, and vice versa. he's probably fortunate that he wound up with inej after all. ]
Well, I am glad they deleted your number.
[ selfishly, it means that kaz was hers, and not theirs. ]
If they did not bother to get to know you, then they were not worth the time anyway.
no subject
None of them came with Lizabeta, either.
[ How he adores that little bird. In fact, he misses her soft tweets right now. They'd left her in the care of her parents. Who he's sure will take good care of her, despite Asena being wary of how much she freely flaps about. ]
no subject
I am glad she was the deciding factor.
[ though inej remembers the look on his face when she initially showed up with the bird. he hadn't exactly been thrilled. that had worn off quickly, as it were.
still, she relaxes, listening to his heartbeat, relishing the feeling of his arms around her middle. something she never thought she'd enjoy. it causes a warmth in her chest, radiating right down to her toes. that regardless of what happens in her conversation with tomassen, kaz will still care about her.
she loves him, she decides. the thought isn't surprising to her. just a statement of fact. one that she idly considers voicing out loud, for a moment. she had almost said it on new year's, but that had felt way too soon, when she was breathless and laughing after kissing him in the corner after midnight.
soon, maybe. ]
After the trial, could we take a vacation?
[ she asks quietly, eyes still closed. ]
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She tipped the scales in your favor.
[ Even if he'd been completely unsure when he first saw her standing at his door with the bird in her cage. That unsurety had lasted all of two days, a record for someone or something worming its way into his good graces.
Though maybe the same could be said of Inej. He wants to say it had taken longer to really feel as strongly as he does about her. Even now, he thinks he might be in love with her, despite it seeming all too soon to say as much. Part of him wants to admit it while the other part is anxious. As usual. That it's simply too early on, that this is something of that honeymoon phase of a relationship.
Then again, he can't recall anyone he's felt this strangely comfortable around. That alone counts for so much. ]
Where to?
[ Not a bad idea. Certainly they'll want to celebrate. And probably get away from all of this.
There's also something warming about her thinking so far ahead with the two of them in mind. ]
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[ admittedly; she's never really taken a vacation before, but she thinks she would like it if she were with him. a week or two relaxing with no distraction. catch up on reading and television and enjoy each other's company.
maybe the beach, which would be warm, and which would allow him to not wear a shirt.
she idly thinks about that for a moment. ]
Let's go to the beach.
[ she decides, eyes still closed, tone thoughtful.
sounds blissful, honestly. ]
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But, perhaps unsurprisingly, he's now looking forward to going on a trip with her. Someplace they can experience together. So of course she suggests the beach, which has him partly cringing. Not that she knows his weird history with bodies of water.
At the same time, his mind does remind him that she'd likely end up in a bathing suit. Or one of those beach dresses; they'd look flattering on her, as so much does. It doesn't quite quash the mix of anxiety and revulsion he has at being near the ocean. ]
Maybe.
[ He knows he sounds a bit closed off. Though he isn't sure how much he wants to get into. ]
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it causes her to pause, and inej pulls away enough to shift her weight, so she can look at him properly. and inej gently takes his face in her hands, smiling quietly before leaning forward to give him a soft kiss. ]
Or we can go to a cave.
[ she murmurs, shifting to kiss his cheek. ]
Far, far away, with no internet or television. No connection to Ketterdam. Maybe in a corner of Shu.
[ and inej returns to give him a single, chaste kiss, eyes a little more bright. ]
The point being that does not matter where, as long as I can celebrate with you.
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Though he doesn't pull away when she cups his face in her hands. And he does tilt his face a bit into the kiss when she presses in. It does a bit to soothe the bad memories, despite it being touch. Mostly because it gives him something to focus on that isn't a bad memory. Of water going up and over his head. ]
Shu Han has gardens.
[ Famous ones, all year round. They're well known for their decorative arbors and arrangements. He remembers seeing some photos that almost looked unreal when his office had a merger party at a photography gallery a couple years ago. ]
There's time to plan. [ It might be over in a blink. But for now, they can look over destinations. In some ways, it's quite fun to consider.
Maybe he likes research too much. ]
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That sounds beautiful.
[ she murmurs, running her thumbs along his cheek once before letting her hands drop to his shirt, idly fiddling with the buttons. part of her is curious, why the ocean seems to be a sore subject, but she knows some things are just best left to time, to be able to talk about. she's barely told kaz anything (tonight being the first actual details, and even then, not very many), and she feels tired. setting a good pace seems to be the way, with things like this.
but the air still feels heavy, and so inej sighs heavily to herself (clearly done so on purpose), almost exasperated as she straightens his shirt with purpose. ]
I mostly just wanted to have an excuse for you not to wear a shirt.
[ idly, as she slides a finger along the collar of his shirt. it feels bold, to say, and part of her almost balks at saying it, but having kaz blush and be uncomfortable for that feels better than whatever is nipping at the back of his mind. ]
I suppose that means I will just need to be creative, in Shu Han.
[ clearly. ]
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She shakes him out of his thoughts abruptly, her comment making color bloom in his cheeks before he can try and control the reaction. ]
Oh, is that all?
[ The fact she's entertained the idea of him stripping his shirt off in front of her is...well, he can't say he hates it. Even if he's completely embarrassed by how forthright she was about it. ]
If we go in summer, a button up is that last thing to wear.
[ Shu Han could get notoriously hot and humid. And he wouldn't have the excuse of going into an office where a more proper attire is necessary. Or helpful, if one sits basically under the A/C vent. ]
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