timewasting | modern au kanej.

[ That little approving noise races straight through to his gut and warming him through. It's immensely satisfying.

And it's compounded by how she bites at his lower lip, leaving a sort of tingling feeling behind. ]

You feel nice. [ Probably not the best way to say that. But she does, with the way her weight is settled across his lap. And how warm she is under his hands. Which he keeps carefully moving along her back, fingers tracing down the slope of her spine. He leans in to kiss her neck, soft at first and then with a little more intent to leave a mark. ]

[ she learned very quickly that she deeply enjoys kisses to her neck. sometimes, it can be too much - the pressure against her neck can feel like pressure against her throat, which feels too aggressive, for her liking. but the sucking against her neck causes a slight shudder in her breath as she exhales into a laugh. ]

I feel nice?

[ she asks quietly, amused as she tilts her head back, to give him a little more room. it doesn't give her much opportunity to kiss him in return, but he seems to be enjoying himself. and she is definitely enjoying his ministrations. ]

[ He likes leaving a bit of a mark on her neck, almost as much as he likes it when she does the same for him. Of course he's found he likes it when she's a little rougher over all. ]

Yes. [ It's murmured against her neck and he feels a slow flush in his cheeks. ] I like it when you're on my lap.

[ He says as pulls away to be able to look at her. Which gives him another opportunity for a kiss. His hands slide up to her shoulders and along her arms as he kisses her, dropping to carefully palm both of her breasts. ]

Mm, I have noticed.

[ which sounds more lewd than it is, but inej winds up in his lap more often than not when they're relaxing on the couch. he tends to tug her closer, liking wrapping his arms around her to watch television. for someone who initially loathed being touched, he's certainly decided he likes touching her. which inej doesn't mind in the least, because it's him.

she exhales into the kiss at the more firm touch to her chest. everything feels hypersensitive, from a combination of nerves and want. there's a tiny tug of anxiety, in the back of her mind, at the more aggressive touch - not that kaz is being anything but gentle and careful, but it feels a bit more than before.

still, she feels safe. comfortable. and her therapist has told her, over and over, that there would be good days and bad days, and to take advantage of the good days, and to be gentle with herself on the bad days. besides, she deserves the ability to enjoy this. and learning how to enjoy it. doesn't she? ]

What if . . . [ she murmurs against his lips, kissing the corner of his mouth before shifting to kiss his jawline, edging toward his neck. ] We just skip breakfast, and exploring the gardens, and spend our entire vacation in bed.

[ in this moment, it sounds absolutely divine. ]

[ Truthfully, he feels he got used to being close to her much quicker than he would've expected. Probably due to her living in his space. And well, there was a relief, of sorts, in knowing she would understand if he needed to back away when a bad memory cropped up.

There's also plenty of touching with their clothes on. Not even in a salacious way; when she's sitting in his lap on the couch or when he catches her making something in the kitchen, he likes to hug her around the middle, chin propped on top of her head. Slowly but surely they've been getting used to touching bare skin.

Like now, careful and steady, gentle as possible. She exhales against his mouth, a positive sounding thing, as he touches her chest. He swipes his thumbs lightly across each breast, ghosting over her nipples. ]

Mm. [ She kisses the corner of his mouth and works her way down, a pleased hum bubbling up as he feels her going towards his neck. ] You get to explain to Sofia why we don't have pictures, then.

[ Not that he exactly sounds like he's against this idea. ]

We could still have pictures.

[ she says with a quiet laugh, dipping her head a little to press a gentle kiss against his neck. not leaving marks, just yet. she grins a little, at the feeling of his thumbs brushing over her nipples, the sensitivity growing. it feels good, a thought she punctuates by pressing another kiss against his neck. ]

They may not be parent appropriate, though.

[ unfortunate, really. but, as inej settles her weight a little more squarely in his lap, so she can continue to slowly kiss a spot on his neck that she knows is sensitive: ]

We can go to a nice dinner and take pictures there.

[ there, a compromise, to keep his mother happy. ]

[ He feels her smile against his neck, causing him to grin in turn. There's a low level of giddiness in his veins, threatening to bubble over. Not only from the trial being over but being here with her, uninterrupted by work or errands or school. He's just happy to spend time with her, even if they don't always talk about much. He thinks she might prefer that, not having chatter filling up every second and space. ]

They definitely won't be. [ At least not any of the ones he currently has a mind of taking. Maybe one of her in this fluffy robe.

The more insistent press of her mouth takes his mind off it and he lets out a soft groan, swiping his thumbs across her chest again. Slowly, he draws circles around her nipples and spreads his fingers to trace the bare indentations of her ribs. ]

We've got time to plan our strategic photos.

[ ah, a good spot, if the noise of approval is anything to go by. and the teasing of her chest is causing a warmth to spread underneath her skin, an itch she wants scratched.

part of her wants to push him back down against the bed. the other part of her isn't so sure that's a good idea. she wants to go further, but also doesn't want to spend her evening recovering from a bout of awful memories that take her underneath the tide.

so she spends time kissing along his neck, adding a slight nip of her teeth before running her tongue over the spot lightly to soothe it. but as she does so, she murmurs: ]

Still okay?

[ checking in is important, as she gently noses at his cheek, pulling away just a little bit to give him a moment to answer. ]

[ As soon as he feels her teeth, that heated flush comes back in a rush. Fast enough that it makes him feel light headed for a brief second. It's a contrast to the bit of discomfort that follows, in feeling her tongue against the same spot. He's gotten used to it for kissing but not really anywhere else.

It hasn't made him seize up, being light enough, but he knows repeated attempts are going to make his stomach turn. Thinking too hard about it now, as he clearly formulates his response, is already giving him that vague dread. Something he knows he can divert if they stop treading down this particular path. ]

Not with the licking. [ He's taken this much time to get used to skin touching. And even then it occasionally makes him cringe. Add something damp or wet to the mix and it's just a recipe for disaster. ]

Otherwise, yes.

[ her brow furrows slightly - not out of judgment or confusion, but slight concern, and inej slides her hands to his neck, wiping away the spot where her tongue touched with a thumb, expression becoming a little sheepish. ]

Okay.

[ and she presses a gentle kiss against his mouth, in reassurance. ]

So the teeth are fine?

[ she continues, mostly to break whatever tension or discomfort still exists, resting her forehead against his with a warm smile, clearly comfortable and not offended. ]

[ It does sound odd, honestly, to anyone who doesn't know what his exact issues are. Of course she'd figured out the touching thing somewhat early on, but he's had time to get used to the typical skin on skin contact. And then to the non-typical with her, because they've been working on it in bits and pieces, mindful of both their limits.

Still, he's glad she doesn't ask, though he knows he owes her some answers. She just wipes away the streak, leaning in for a soft kiss. It'll take a few moments more to shake the creeping dread, but without the feeling of wetness drying on his skin, it's getting easier to move past. ]

More than fine. [ He likes when she makes marks. Not only for how they feel in the moment but for the aftermath of slight bruising. Slowly, he swipes his thumbs across her breasts again, cupping and giving them a light squeeze as he returns her soft kiss. ]

[ she hums against his mouth as he returns to touch, running her thumbs along the sides of his neck again as she does so. meant to be soothing and gentle, to keep him in the moment.

she feels . . . incredible, really. warm, and sensitive, and eager to keep going. but something is tugging in the back of her mind, though the swipe of his thumbs is distracting, to say the least. ]

Good to know.

[ she murmurs, giving him another warm and lingering kiss before pulling away a little, reaching to gentle take his hands in her own, running her thumbs over his knuckles. ]

You do not have to push yourself on my account.

[ it's said gentle, ducking slightly to catch his gaze, with a small smile. ]

So if you need to stop, we can.

[ The touch to his neck is helping, strangely. Or perhaps not so strangely. He's gotten used to this kind of touch and he leans into it a bit, enjoying the warmth coming from her palms.

As she gives him a kiss, he squeezes her chest again, still gentle, starting to feel warm all over once more, the chill over the damp skin dropping away. ]

I'm not pushing. [ If there's no more licking, he'll be fine. Though honestly if all they end up doing is kissing and touching already bared skin, he can't complain. Despite the clear interest his body is taking; he's used to taking care of that on his own, one way or another. ]

Did you want to stop?

[ she searches his face briefly, and he doesn't seem to be lying or hiding anything. so: ]

No.

[ which she punctuates with a chaste kiss to his lips, amused, squeezing his fingers loosely with her own. the very last thing she wants to do is stop, but: ]

I just want to make sure I am as careful with you as you are with me.

I know.

[ She wouldn't ever do anything intentionally to make him uncomfortable. And he knows this would be easier if she knew the story, they why behind he can't stand certain things.

Just. Perhaps not right now. Maybe soon, because it feels like they might be treading into more unsure territory. He doesn't know specifics, but he has a feeling that the further they go, the more likely it is that damp skin will be involved. Even if it's simply from exertion.

He brings her hand up, kissing the backs of her fingers. ]

I'll tell you if it's too much. [ And aside from that small blip, it's been fine. Leaning in, he presses another kiss, this time to her cheek. ]

[ her eyes grow a little more bright, at the kiss to the back of her fingers, the kiss to her cheek. ]

I will hold you to that.

[ she warns with a slight grin, leaning forward to loop her arms around his neck again, to press in for another kiss. this time, almost as if to prove that she's trusting him at his word, she threads her fingers through his hair, her kiss a little deeper than before as she presses forward. ]

I don't doubt it.

[ She hasn't backed off on a promise yet and this is one more. Besides, it's as she said: she's just trying to make sure she doesn't set him off by accident. Just as he is so careful about how he touches her.

There's not nearly as much carefulness in the kiss she presses in with, though he has no qualms about it. Not with her fingers threading through his hair and her body pressed so close. Her chest is against his and it sends a significant spark of interest straight between his legs. Another thing he's careful not to push against her with, even if he instinctively wants to.

His hands slide to her waist and then up and around to her back, fingers tracing the wings of her shoulder blades as he returns her kiss eagerly. ]

[ his hands at her back cause her to press forward a little more, sighing softly into his mouth at the feeling. there's a tingling, underneath her skin, that she's never really felt before. a warmth spreading through her, coiling in her stomach as she shifts her weight once again, to be able to kiss him a little deeper. this is what this is supposed to feel like, intimacy, and love.

it's in settling in his lap a bit more that causes her to become a little more aware of just how far this is going. the feeling of him pressed against her, even lightly, causes a sudden tension to ripple through her, an anxiety that hadn't been there moments before.

it's a sudden shift, for inej, from feeling warm and enticed to her heart beginning to hammer in her chest, and she pulls away slightly, resting her forehead against his to breathe. she doesn't feel completely overwhelmed, but uncomfortable enough to pause, her fingers loosening in his hair. ]

[ She leans into him a bit more and it warms him through. Not just because of the obvious reason, but also in that he likes holding her like this. Having her close, with or without the current configuration of her top off. He returns her sigh with a content hum of his own, slowly smoothing his hands down her back.

Of course, their moments don't always last long. Her weight drops more into his lap and she goes still, muscles tensing. Undoubtedly he's pressed against her and it's forcing her out of a comforting space. He can't help the sting of disappointment, but he understands. And he sets his hands on her waist where the ties of her robe are, avoiding skin. ]

Need to stop? [ It's felt good. More than good. But he doesn't want to push if it will stop feeling that way. There's also the fact that he won't say no to simply crawling back into bed and holding her without any pretense. ]

[ there's a brief look of frustration that crosses her face, at the question. not directed at him, but herself. it's frustrating, to have to stop something that should be normal, but isn't.

it's also frustrating to associate kaz with that, of all things. something he would never do to her.

she's sorely tempted to say no, the hesitation clear as inej's hands slide to his neck, running her thumbs over his jawline as she focuses on breathing, and easing her pulse. she wants to keep going, but . . . ending this night in crying is probably not the best. ]

Yes.

[ she murmurs, the disappointment apparent in the tone of her voice. and she moves off of his lap, back to kneeling on the bed, tugging the robe a bit so it drapes around her shoulders, though she doesn't bother shrugging back into it. ]

[ A flicker of frustration darkens her face for a moment and he gets it. Knows she isn't annoyed at him for asking the question. It's a look he's sure she's seen mirrored in his own expression before. Disappointment in themselves, for not being able to do something that seems so normal. So easy, for just about everyone else.

Before Wylan, Jesper had always mentioned the fun he'd get up to at parties or bars. Short lived mutual flings. Kaz never understood how he could do it. Now he at least has some idea of why. And shares Inej's frustration that they've got so many limitations to jump over.

Before she gets off his lap, he presses a soft kiss to her cheek, reassuring. ]

Did you want to change? [ Though she hasn't pulled the robe fully back up. It just might be more comfortable for her in something else, even if it's pajamas. ]

Come lie down, I'll call for breakfast.

[ the soft kiss to her cheek does reassure her, in that he's truly fine with stopping. he even offers her the out of changing, which causes her to shake her head slightly. ]

I am fine.

[ for the most part. her heartrate has slowed, and she feels in the moment. it's the physicality, that bothers her. or did, in this instance. though inej does tug the robe a bit closer, closing it a little bit. her hair, after all, is still a little damp.

the offer to lay down, though, is tempting. so she scoots herself up into the bed properly, to slide underneath the blankets, the robe still loosely wrapped around her. craving closeness. she thinks she would be okay with being held like this. probably.

only one way to find out. ]

I wanted to keep going.

[ she murmurs, as he goes about calling for breakfast and climbing back into bed with her. disappointed, really. though how much further, inej isn't entirely sure. ]

[ It seems like she's still here, in the moment, rather than being sucked in by her bad memories. That's good. He watches, briefly, as she tucks herself back under the blankets, the robe on loosely. There's nothing more he wants to do than to turn over and hold her.

First though, breakfast. Sitting up in bed, he reaches for the phone and calls down an order, sifting through a few minutes of pleasantries. It won't be too long, probably because he'd woken up beyond the typical breakfast rush.

That done, he refluffs his pillow before sliding back under the covers, shifting so he's close to her. Out of habit, he loops an arm around her middle, letting out a slow sigh after he settles. ]

We can keep trying. [ He'd wanted to keep going too. But not without her being completely there. It just means they'll have to work at it as they've been doing, little by little. He doesn't imagine either of them will be miraculously getting over their hang ups in the space of a day. ]

[ the arm around her middle causes her to lean her head against his shoulder, a sigh escaping. ]

I know.

[ and she does, truthfully. and she knows it's unrealistic to expect that anything would happen immediately. but it's still a sting of disappointment, and of want.

still, she wasn't left shaking. so it could have been worse.

she tilts her head back a little to look up at him, inquisitive. ]

What did you order for breakfast?

[ she admittedly hadn't been listening very hard, lost in her thoughts as she tucked herself back into bed. ]

[ She tilts her head against his shoulder and it's comforting in its familiarity. This, they can do. And this he's more than happy to indulge. It's nice to come back to after they try something new, pushing at the boundaries their memories have drawn up.

There's something about the warm intimacy that also helps take away the smarting disappointment when something doesn't go the way either of them were hoping. ]

Coffee, eggs, fruit, toast. Which apparently has some kind of famous plum jam. [ Kerch farm markets are famous for their jams, though usually they're a berry of some kind. Figures Shu Han has a different set, considering their weather patterns. It's typically warmer, for one. Sunnier, for another. He's going to have to be careful while they're out or he's going to be as red as a lobster by the time they get back. ]

You still want to stay in?

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