[ As Tomassen seems to contemplate, he digs into his food, spooning the saucy rice and meat mixture onto the spiced bread. Jesper would make fun of him, for being such a neat freak–the bread was meant to be the spoon, on this dish. Mostly, he doesn't want to drip on himself or his father's desk when there's not overmuch space.
(Ok and maybe he is a neat freak). ]
Suli. [ Kaz corrects, knowing there's a distinction. The Suli live in Ravka and are technically considered citizens. But, they aren't typically viewed as such, culturally or in law. Ravka's new king, Nikolai, had made a particular point of mentioning that being something he would rectify. Whether that would happen...well, they would see. It's not as though the Ravkan throne has ever had enough stability to make promises like that.
Hence why a missing Suli girl, trapped in a shady contract, all the way out in Kerch, hadn't set off any alarm bells within the nation she'd come from. He makes a face at this, mouth pressing into a thin, unhappy line. ]
I can ask. Don't know how much she still needs from it. [ And if she did, he'd volunteer to go with. At the very least, send Jesper with her. Heleen might comply just to look like the picture of a rational landlord but, who knows what she would do to toe that line. ]
[ catching up took a bit longer than he had thought, but it was a good talk. enough information to pass on to sofia. given it was so cold and beginning to snow, tomassen (gently) bullied kaz into letting him drive him home. and once that was done, tomassen settled in to read through the file.
it was sickening. enough to turn anyone's stomach, and tomassen had read through hundreds of pages of autopsy reports and torture techniques for kaz's trial. poor inej, a thirteen year old girl, in a place like the menagerie? it was enough to want to burn the building to the ground.
it was a bit past dinner when tomassen entered through the front door of the manor, exhaling a long sigh as he shook the snow out of his hair. the bag of documents is quickly deposited on the couch of the front foyer as he shrugs off his coat and scarf, hanging them up in due course. he can smell food in the kitchen, and after taking off his shoes to ensure snow doesn't track through the house, he meanders his way there.
seeing sofia heating up some type of leftovers is enough to make some of the stress of the deal vanish instantly. he's about to ask what she ordered when he instead chooses to slide his arms around her waist from behind, pressing a kiss to her neck in greeting, sighing to himself.
[ Having heard back from Kaz earlier in the day about dinner, she's blissfully unaware of his meeting with Tomassen.
Well, mostly. She knew they were having lunch, but hadn't really heard anything about it beyond that. Something niggled in the back of her mind, as if sensing an important event was coming down the line. With a half a day still to teach, she put it from her mind. Tomassen would tell her, if it were important.
So, she goes on with her classes. And when those finish up, she packs up, heads home, and grades a stack of papers. By the time she gets through the work she wanted to finish, it's encroaching on dinner. As well as when Tomassen usually steps through the door. She stretches and goes to reheat leftovers–hutspot and some bread that just goes straight in the oven.
While she's idly stirring the contents of the pot, she hears the front door open and close, the muffled sounds of Tomassen setting his things down. Which is very soon followed by the circle of his arms, snug around her waist. Sofia smiles at this and the kiss at the back of her neck, momentarily pausing her motion. ]
My son? What has he done now? [ After all, Kaz only typically gets lumped onto her lap in such a way when he's done something quite frustrating or aggravating to his father. As though to soothe the annoyance, she places a hand over one of his, thumb slowly drawn across his knuckles. She would kiss him but, he does have her quite stuck in place at the moment. It would be remiss to deprive him of holding her as he is. ]
[ her touch is soothing, and tomassen tucks his face into her hair a final time before he decides he needs to stop being a menace. so he sighs and straightens up, giving her a final squeeze before pulling away enough to settle his hip against the nearby counter. ]
Met a girl in a bar.
[ dryly, letting his eyes rove up and down sofia. something he does every time he sees her, and he makes a noise of approval as he reaches out to tug loosely on the sweater she's wearing. ]
I like this one. [ it hugs her in the right places. ] -- anyway, he met a girl in a bar, and wants me to play hero, again. Said girl might be coming to dinner this week.
[ Truthfully, he's not being so much a menace as to completely stop her from stirring the hutspot. Even with one hand occupied, she still has freedom of motion with the other. So, she lets him continue holding her, enjoying the warm press of him along her back, something inside her relaxing. She's sorely tempted to lean into the embrace—there will be time for that later. Soon enough, he lets her go to settle with a hip against the counter. ]
Did he now? [ Her eyebrows go up, both surprised and delighted by this news. Sure, she knows there's more beyond that. There usually is, with Kaz. Their son is a very complicated young man and always has been.
Still, she's glad he's meeting people. Just a few years ago, he would've adamantly opposed any attempt.
At the touch to her sweater, she smiles, casting him a sidelong look that clearly says I know. ]
Hm, I see. [ There's a bit of a warning bell going off in her mind, with how he's phrased that. She goes quiet, slowly stirring the stew, mentally fitting some puzzle pieces together. ]
How bad is it, Tom?
[ Girl or no girl, Kaz never does anything by halves. Nor has he ever asked something like this of them flippantly. ]
[ he grins a little, at sofia's expression, but is soon melts into something somber as sofia begins to piece together the puzzle. he mulls it over a bit before reaching over to gently take the spoon out of sofia's hand, reaching around her to turn off the heat so he can push the stew to the side. it looks about done, anyway. ]
I, ah -- [ he begins, as he collects a potholder from the counter to open the oven with, collecting the bread sofia had thrown in there to warm up. ] I was thinking this afternoon about -- [ placing the loaf on a nearby cutting board to cool enough to cut into, tomassen sets the potholder back on the counter, closing the oven door. ] I always wanted a daughter.
[ he's already been through this grieving process -- with sofia, without sofia, what the plague robbed them off, etc. so it's not said with any real sadness or despair, just a simple statement of fact, as he dusts off his hands. ]
I wanted one, and I've always had this lingering thought of what she would be like, if she existed, but -- Sofia, reading that. [ and he gestures vaguely toward where he had deposited his things in the foyer, lips pursing together into a thin line. ] Reading what that girl -- scraping the surface of what that girl went through, I'm glad I have a son, because I would be in prison. I might still wind up in prison, because --
[ he's getting ahead of himself, and he stops before exhaling slowly, resting his hands on the counter. ]
She was bought by Heleen van Houdon when she was thirteen. Contract was signed by a child who couldn't understand Kerch.
[ he drums his fingers against the countertop, frowning. deep in thought. ]
Currently living on Kaz's couch, nineteen, now. Was left to freeze to death after she refused a client at the Menagerie and couldn't pay her rent.
[ His expression sobers up relatively quickly and she gets out of his way as he turns the stove off, moving the pot off the burner. He's fussing, in order to formulate his thoughts. She lets him, stepping over to the nearby cabinet to pull out the plates and bowls, setting those at their respective spots at the table. As the clatter of silverware stills, he speaks up again and she's now the one to lean on the counter, listening intently.
It's no surprise when he admits to having wanted a daughter. In the intervening years since she'd found out about her inability to bear children, they've gotten better at saying such things out loud. As if exorcising the grief it had caused them. And now, a decade into having raised their very unruly and unexpected son, the pain's easier to let go of.
Still, her brow furrows as he continues, expounding on that particular thought. That having a daughter would've come with a whole slew of other worries. She's aware, of course, the differences in what she'd worried about growing up even in the relative safety of Shu Han as compared to her brothers. There's been a reason she'd pursued self-defense courses. Why she'd gone so far as to get her black belt, unwilling to be unprepared should anything ever happen.
But, as he digs in deeper, clearly upset, she knows not every girl has had her fortune. She has eyes and ears, has known that terrible things can happen to the most vulnerable—young girls, especially. Yet, it's one thing to be aware of and quite another to be confronted with the disgusting details. Her own stomach twists at hearing the age; thirteen. Thirteen, an age where she should have been at home, having sleepovers with her friends and dreaming of all the things she could be when she was older. Instead, she'd been bought by a cruel woman and grew up in a place where she didn't understand the language. Which was just the start of the horrifying tale she understands is beyond what he's telling her.
Reaching over, she sets a hand on Tomassen's shoulder, slowly and gently running her palm along his upper arm. ]
If you end up in prison, I would be right on your heels. [ After all, Tomassen would successfully murder Heleen for her crimes and she would make sure her empire burned. For having the audacity to exist and for making him go to such lengths. ]
You're taking the case.
[ It's not quite an inquiry, nor quite a demand. She knows why he's bringing this up, though. ]
I'm not afraid of Tante Heleen. She is a coward who preys on young people; I doubt she knows how to handle competent adults.
Edited (Hanging html tag oops) 2024-09-03 17:24 (UTC)
[ her touch is soothing, and tomassen focuses on it while sofia speaks. he exhales into a breathy laugh before he straightens up, catching her hand in one of his own to tug her into a loose hug, his lips at her temple. ]
I am. [ in a murmur, kissing her temple before shifting to kiss her forehead. an arm slides around her waist, holding her close. ] I'm afraid of her. Her money, and influence, and how she has nothing she cares about except the thing I intend to go after.
[ it would be hell. worse than rollins, if he were honest. the thought of putting sofia through that again was unacceptable -- but so was leaving inej out to dry. too many men had disappointed her; he was loathe to be another. the thought cements something in his mind and he presses another kiss to sofia's forehead, in reassurance. more for his own, than anything else. ]
If I take the case. [ if, as he mulls it over. ] You could go to Shu Han, with your mother. Could bring Kaz, too. It would be warm, and you could take the sabbatical you deserve. [ and she would be safe, and out of harm's way, for the most part. ]
[ At his gentle tug, she steps through, looping her arms around his shoulders. Clearly, he needed the reassurance and she wasn't about to deny him. ]
Rollins had money and influence. [ She begins, drawing the comparisons. Heleen, though, didn't have a blood legacy she cared about. Nothing else was in that shriveled heart of hers except a physical greed; for her businesses, her money, the power it granted her. There were things she would consider doing that, Sofia thinks, Rollins would never have done, even at his most desperate. Because in the end, he had to contend with raising a son who would see what his father did. What his father had become, if even for a brief moment in time. The shame kept him in line, despite how much it had felt like he had none.
Tante Heleen has no such boundaries holding her back, except maybe her reputation on the line. Parasites like her, though, could always find their kin, even with her social standing in shreds.
Sofia gives him a small squeeze, hand tilted down to trace the subtle outline of his shoulder blade through his shirt. ] There is always something that will make a person crumble.
[ And that thing for Heleen–they just don't see it, yet. ]
If. [ She repeats, a slim brow raised. ] I'm not going to Shu Han like some soldier's wife, to anxiously, helplessly, await news with a ten hour time difference.
[ And she already knows Kaz would never agree to such a thing, even if it seems the safest option. ]
If you take the case, we prepare with what we know could happen. [ Pulling away a bit, she cradles his face in her hands, momentarily pressing her brow to his. ] She has money and influence but, so what? Do you think she has anyone who'd sacrifice their skin for hers? Her life is empty.
[ his life is very full and happy, thank you very much, which means many soft parts to grab. more now, than before, truthfully. he feels as though it's finally whole and healed, after the plague, the infertility, finding kaz, and pekka rollins. it's been content and at ease. predictable, even.
but his protest is feeble at best, especially after sofia cradles his face. because ultimately, it's an irrelevant point. it doesn't change the calculus, and so he frowns slightly, seeking some level of argument against her (predictable) refusal to stay out of ketterdam until the dust settles.
he doesn't look particularly happy about it, frown still in place as he mulls it over, turning over different scenarios in his head. any path he finds ends in the inevitable: his family will stay here, and he will be challenging tante heleen. there is no easy path, only the right one. ]
You're right. [ finally, reluctantly. though he is quick to add: ] Not about staying. You should go to Shu Han to be on the other side of the world and fret all you like but be safe, that part you are wrong about, and I am not happy about it nor happy about the idea that I would go a moment without updating you every ten to fifteen minutes -- but --
[ She says nothing at his affirmation that his life is full. Well, nothing out loud. Her hands have slid to the sides of his neck, giving him an affectionate press of her fingertips along his nape. Both of their lives are fuller than they ever anticipated. And she knows the possibility of losing even a fraction of it, after all the tears, the exhaustion—it's paralyzing.
But, she also knows the hardest thing they both have contended with is what's brought them to this conversation. In her mind, the very real fear she'd experienced is secondary to having been able to watch their son grow. To see him slowly shed his fears, to finally live again, after everything that had been done to him; it's made her immensely proud. Filled her with a happiness she never thought she'd get to have, after they learned she couldn't have children.
So, she's willing to fight whatever comes down the line. No one could touch her family without her permission. That extended to anyone her family has decided on fighting for. ]
I know you worry. [ Sofia brushes a stray curl from his brow, eyes serious and still gentle. ] But, you know where I should be is here, making sure you don't run yourself into the ground.
[ Because they both know he'd basically done that last time, external factors aside. Not that she faulted him for working hard. Still, the fact remained that he'd needed the grounding, the support, that he was unlikely to get anywhere else. ]
I love you, our son loves you, and you should know by know that neither of us will be easily intimidated or bullied.
[ his frown is still in place as he meets her gaze, but it softens as she continues to speak. and he sighs to himself, reaching up to curl his fingers around her wrists, tugging himself free only to press a gentle kiss to the palm of her left hand. ]
I know.
[ wearily; to all of it. that he knows she should be here, and that she loves him, and their little family loves him, and that he needed to keep everything in perspective. and that's even without the fact that he would shrivel up and die within the week of her not being in the same country. at that thought, he tugs her into a soft kiss. ]
I love you, too. [ in a brief exhale, resting his forehead against hers briefly before he kisses her cheek, releasing her reluctantly. ] Let me change into something not suit-adjacent, and we can eat. I've delayed dinner enough with my poor attitude. Then I can tell you about how Kaz met this girl.
[ Tomassen is by no means a stupid man; she knows that intrinsically, he knew all the things she's just gone over. But, she also knows that over certain things, he could get overwhelmed by his anxious feelings. By the very thing that had made her fall for him to begin with–his big heart. He cared so fiercely and was always prepared to protect his family in whatever way he deemed reasonable.
Just, sometimes, it wasn't altogether full of logic. Hence, the reminders.
So, she lets him extract himself from her hold, granting him a soft smile as he seems to acquiesce. ]
Go on, get comfortable. [ Sofia says, with a teasing shooing motion. She lets the comment about his poor attitude go–they've already had one disagreement tonight. ]
I await this story with bated breath.
[ Definitely happier news.
By the time he comes back out, she's portioned out their meal and draped a tea towel over the bread to preserve the heat. She's in her usual chair, idly swinging her feet as she reads through a portion of the newspaper. ]
[ it takes him little time at all to change into a pair of pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. even less time to remove his contacts in exchange for glasses, blinking a few times to allow his vision to adjust. more and more, he's wondering if it's worth it to just say to hell with the contacts altogether.
he's pretty sure sofia would not complain a bit.
so when he makes his way back to the kitchen, he definitely looks more comfortable. he presses another kiss to the top of sofia's head before he sits in his own chair, eagerly pulling the bowl closer to him. he's finding himself famished. ]
Much better. [ he says warmly, tugging the tea towel off of the loaf of bread, allowing sofia her first pick. ] I should just work in pajamas, but something about ruining my image... [ he stirs his meal quickly before offering sofia a grin. the cat who has caught the canary. ] So, Kaz's girl.
[ the real reason why they are here, okay. ]
They met in a bar because Jesper forced him into going. Girl's name is Inej -- very sweet, reportedly. Suli, as Kaz forcibly corrected me today when I accidentally called her Ravkan. Said they chatted for an hour, and Inej voluntarily provided her phone number.
[ he reaches out to grab a piece of bread, tearing it into two as he continues. ]
Inej is now living on his couch, by the way, as she got illegally locked out of her apartment and Kaz says he enjoys her company. [ which kaz did not say, but tomassen does not care, because who is going to contradict him? no one, that's who. ] Even likes her pet bird, and didn't say a word when I called her a friend.
[ True enough, he wouldn't hear a peep of complaint out of her, if he decided to permanently switch to wearing glasses. They frame his eyes nicely. And, in more recent years, have given him a certain air that she enjoys.
That suffuses her smile now, as he comes back in looking much more comfortable, only pausing to drop a kiss to the crown of her head. She graciously plucks out a toasty end piece after his gesture, dipping it into her stew with relish. As they dig into their meal, his entire face lights up with mischief and she finds herself mirroring it in a way, amused at what has certainly been a highlight of his day.
Kaz, after all, was still very prone to keeping his emotions to himself. Sofia has learned how to coax those out, to allow him space to give them some kind of voice before he bottled them up too long. Tomassen has...well, he's figured out his own way. The two of them speak a very different language than her, when it came to their feelings. So of course he has that spark of triumph in his eyes, as if he's pried a diamond up from the deepest part of the True Sea.
Which, as he starts in on what he's gleaned, maybe he has. It doesn't surprise her that Jesper had managed to drag Kaz out to the bar–the two have been friends since even before they adopted Kaz. Her son might gripe and moan about it, but, she knows he doesn't deny Jesper as much as he could.
What is most surprising, in a way, is the latter half of what Tom tells her; that Kaz had willingly ceded his extremely curated personal space to let this Inej stay over. Her eyebrows go up at this, though, she's fiercely proud of her boy for showing the kindness she knows he typically buries. ]
Of course he likes her pet bird, he always has preferred animals to people. [ They're honest, had been his answer, when she asked, about three weeks after he'd come to live with them. ] He said he enjoys her company?
[ Not that he would simply tolerate someone just to be nice. There were limits. All at once, she's immensely curious what this Inej is like. Kaz could be prickly, immovable. He didn't just let anyone in, no matter what their sob story might be. So, if he is actually considering her a friend, it would be the quickest anyone has ever won him over, she thinks. ]
[ a sage confirmation as he takes another bite of his stew. granted, kaz had said she was neat and quiet, but that was essentially the same thing, in their son's odd language. ]
He, naturally, is dismissive of the entire thing. [ as he dips his bread into his bowl, letting it soak up the flavor before popping into his mouth. ] Says that she likely just forgot to delete his number.
[ with a complimentary roll of his eyes. ]
I told him he had to bring her to dinner for Friday; we'll see if he listens.
[ Tomassen confirms that Kaz had mentioned enjoying this Inej's company and...while she's pretty sure he hadn't used those words, exactly, she does smile a bit. There's still a nagging worry, at the back of her mind, about what this girl is like. Kaz is very selective about the people he lets into his space, so she knows she shouldn't be so worried. Especially not now that their son is a grown man.
But, she can't help it. She's seen what happened to him when he put his trust in the wrong person, how it had taken so many years of work to even remotely come close to recovering. Granted, he'd been a lot younger, when he and his brother had naively trusted Pekka Rollins. The worry sits on her tongue anyway. ]
Of course he is. You remember how long it took him to say he considered you his father. [ His prickly, seemingly standoffish nature was his armor. ]
I could always ask him to. [ She says, pensively stirring her stew. It's rare she invoked the mom card in this way, because she knows Kaz would bend over backwards to make her happy; she would never think of abusing that. ] I'd like to meet Inej.
[ And, after a moment more of nudging her potatoes around in her bowl: ] Is it silly of me to worry?
[ he can tell that the amusement has shifted into worry, her spoon soon nudging around her food rather than eating it. and tomassen finishes his last bites of stew before setting his spoon into the bowl, watching sofia think. letting her spit out what was bothering her. which was, naturally, that kaz was in over his head.
his relationship with kaz had been both rocky and not. now, they can finish each other's sentences, but when he was younger, it had been something of a struggle to land on the same page. both overthinking everything, or so tomassen's therapist informed him. he supposes it was natural, though, for kaz to have hesitation -- unlike with sofia, kaz had had a father that he had known, and loved. getting used to another was difficult at best.
he soon pushes those thoughts from his head with a slight shake. ]
Not silly. [ wise, really. ] But Kaz is hardly an idiot. Besides, the girl is barely five feet tall; I doubt she could get away with much.
[ including, but not limited to, robbing him senseless. and even more practically: ]
Everyone gets their heart broken once, or twice, or three times before they find the person for them. Assuming this girl is someone that will stick around, well -- [ and tomassen shrugs to himself. ] You can't protect him from everything, my darling.
I'm less concerned he'll get swindled or stabbed, honestly.
[ He could definitely take care of himself, if it came to that. Because while his time on the streets had been relatively short, she knows he had never forgotten the lessons learned. Nor had he let them get rusty, that sharp mind of his retaining everything like a sponge soaks up water. ]
I know. [ She says with a bit of a frown, soon indulging in an old bad habit: chewing on her lower lip as the anxiety welled up. ] I just—I'd hate to see him clam up again and think he's too broken.
[ Not that she thinks he'll spurn them, if he did. They'd finally leapt over those hurdles a few years ago. It's him pushing everyone else away, if they weren't already in his circle, that she's worried over.
Shaking her head, she blows out a sigh and a stilted laugh. ]
I don't know why I'm worked up over this. Poor Inej, I only know her name and I'm already casting her in a suspicious light.
[ ah, dear. his expression melts into something impossibly fond as he watches sofia struggle with the concept that kaz's tentative branching out into the world may end in abject failure. it's a worthwhile concern; after all, kaz had shunned the idea of dating when he was a teenager after an attempt not going very well. this felt a bit different, though. for one, kaz seemed content with having her as a friend. for another, tomassen would be shocked if inej was even remotely interested in touching anyone, particularly a man.
so he reaches out to take a hand in her own, bringing it to his lips in a kiss. ]
You're worked up over it because you're his loving, patient, beautiful, incredible mother.
[ mildly, squeezing her fingers in reassurance. ]
From Kaz's own report, she is quiet and neat, and doesn't invade his personal space. [ and, perhaps most importantly: ] He would have told me if he was in over his head -- and he has, to his credit. He isn't trying to deal with this on his own; he immediately called me when he realized the scope of the problem.
[ which, really, tomassen is rather impressed by. typically, kaz gives it a solid effort on his own first, but once the boy realized the enemy... well. tomassen offers sofia another warm smile before he presses another kiss to the backs of her fingers. ]
I adore you.
[ just in case she needed to hear it (again) for the evening. ]
[ She's so lost in her anxious thoughts that she misses his motion until he's carefully, lovingly, taking her hand in his, pressing the gentlest of kisses to the backs of her fingers. Sofia can't help but feel warmed from the gesture, the residual heat from his touch seeming to travel up and thaw the rest of her. Those pinched worry lines near her eyes soften as she smiles, mouth curving more a moment later at his reassurance.
It is working. His words always work, like some kind of magic, a spell she happily lets herself fall under.
And as he keeps going, talking about how this whole circumstance really came about, Inej's seemingly quiet nature, enough of her unease has been soothed. To make way for, to her surprise, her eyes looking suspiciously glossy.
So, she tugs her hand away to reach over and loop him into a hug, leaning down enough to press her cheek to his shoulder. ]
I love you.
[ She may or may not punctuate that with a small sniffle. ]
[ his response is immediate, arms wrapping around her in a warm hug. it's easy to tug her directly into his lap so he could better hold her, kissing her cheek with a warm chuckle, the noise deep in his chest. ]
I love you. [ into her hair, a palm running down her spine in comfort. ] And I promise you, everything will work out as it should, hm? The earth will crumble into the sea before your boy has anyone but you as the number one woman in his life.
[ As she's tugged towards him, she curls into herself further, so as to tuck herself in closely. His embrace is warm and soothing, the balm against the influx of apprehension and now...whatever this was. She blinks away the threat of tears, face feeling hot; she's certain her cheeks are blotchy. ]
I know, I know. [ He's right, of course. Things would work out in the end, she had to believe that. She does believe it. But, the niggling worry had shadowed her usual optimism, making it difficult to see through. ]
I'm not worried about being replaced. It's just—he's grown up so fast? Feels like just yesterday he was barely taller than the counter.
[ Granted, he'd gained his reedy height relatively quickly, outgrowing his clothes every three months. Still. ]
We did good, didn't we? [ That was the other cornerstone of her emotion—she's immeasurably proud. Yet, with this sudden development, it's as if she's been blindsided by him growing up and making decisions that showed how much he'd been listening over the years. It feels silly. She feels silly. In a bit, she'll feel joy. ]
[ indeed, it seemed like yesterday that kaz needed a stool in order to get to the top cabinets in their kitchen. tomassen reflects on it occasionally, though it clearly has hit his dear wife in a much different way than it has him. and so he laughs, gently nudging her away just enough so he can take her face in his hands, wiping away tears with a swipe of his thumb. ]
Good? [ incredulously, expression amused. ] We did fantastically. [ kaz, after all, was successful, beginning to heal, and able to make friends... for the most part. in his book, that meant their adventure into parenting was a large success. ] I think we may even be the best parents that have ever existed, even.
[ he presses a soft kiss to her lips, smile fond. ]
He's a good kid, with a good head on his shoulders. He'll be fine, Sofia.
[ At his laugh, she echoes it with a wobbly one of her own, blinking away the residual tears. It's silly. She feels silly. And yet, some of the apprehension feels like it's lifted. ]
Maybe we should get a gold star. [ She says, peeking up at him with a watery grin. While Kaz had certainly not made it easy on either of them, she knows she would do it all over again in a heartbeat. Especially right now, as she comes to terms with him being an independent adult. The pride is slowly overtaking her stricken mood, filling her enough she thinks she could burst.
With her head still tilted, she presses a soft kiss to his cheek and then mouth, smiling into it. ]
If you say it, I know it'll be true. [ That said: ] I'm telling him he should bring Inej on Friday.
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timewasting2020-09-27 05:30 pm
no subject
(Ok and maybe he is a neat freak). ]
Suli. [ Kaz corrects, knowing there's a distinction. The Suli live in Ravka and are technically considered citizens. But, they aren't typically viewed as such, culturally or in law. Ravka's new king, Nikolai, had made a particular point of mentioning that being something he would rectify. Whether that would happen...well, they would see. It's not as though the Ravkan throne has ever had enough stability to make promises like that.
Hence why a missing Suli girl, trapped in a shady contract, all the way out in Kerch, hadn't set off any alarm bells within the nation she'd come from. He makes a face at this, mouth pressing into a thin, unhappy line. ]
I can ask. Don't know how much she still needs from it. [ And if she did, he'd volunteer to go with. At the very least, send Jesper with her. Heleen might comply just to look like the picture of a rational landlord but, who knows what she would do to toe that line. ]
[ a few hours later ]
it was sickening. enough to turn anyone's stomach, and tomassen had read through hundreds of pages of autopsy reports and torture techniques for kaz's trial. poor inej, a thirteen year old girl, in a place like the menagerie? it was enough to want to burn the building to the ground.
it was a bit past dinner when tomassen entered through the front door of the manor, exhaling a long sigh as he shook the snow out of his hair. the bag of documents is quickly deposited on the couch of the front foyer as he shrugs off his coat and scarf, hanging them up in due course. he can smell food in the kitchen, and after taking off his shoes to ensure snow doesn't track through the house, he meanders his way there.
seeing sofia heating up some type of leftovers is enough to make some of the stress of the deal vanish instantly. he's about to ask what she ordered when he instead chooses to slide his arms around her waist from behind, pressing a kiss to her neck in greeting, sighing to himself.
home, finally. ]
Your son asked me to do something stupid.
[ it's a bit muffled, speaking into her hair. ]
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Well, mostly. She knew they were having lunch, but hadn't really heard anything about it beyond that. Something niggled in the back of her mind, as if sensing an important event was coming down the line. With a half a day still to teach, she put it from her mind. Tomassen would tell her, if it were important.
So, she goes on with her classes. And when those finish up, she packs up, heads home, and grades a stack of papers. By the time she gets through the work she wanted to finish, it's encroaching on dinner. As well as when Tomassen usually steps through the door. She stretches and goes to reheat leftovers–hutspot and some bread that just goes straight in the oven.
While she's idly stirring the contents of the pot, she hears the front door open and close, the muffled sounds of Tomassen setting his things down. Which is very soon followed by the circle of his arms, snug around her waist. Sofia smiles at this and the kiss at the back of her neck, momentarily pausing her motion. ]
My son? What has he done now? [ After all, Kaz only typically gets lumped onto her lap in such a way when he's done something quite frustrating or aggravating to his father. As though to soothe the annoyance, she places a hand over one of his, thumb slowly drawn across his knuckles. She would kiss him but, he does have her quite stuck in place at the moment. It would be remiss to deprive him of holding her as he is. ]
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Met a girl in a bar.
[ dryly, letting his eyes rove up and down sofia. something he does every time he sees her, and he makes a noise of approval as he reaches out to tug loosely on the sweater she's wearing. ]
I like this one. [ it hugs her in the right places. ] -- anyway, he met a girl in a bar, and wants me to play hero, again. Said girl might be coming to dinner this week.
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Did he now? [ Her eyebrows go up, both surprised and delighted by this news. Sure, she knows there's more beyond that. There usually is, with Kaz. Their son is a very complicated young man and always has been.
Still, she's glad he's meeting people. Just a few years ago, he would've adamantly opposed any attempt.
At the touch to her sweater, she smiles, casting him a sidelong look that clearly says I know. ]
Hm, I see. [ There's a bit of a warning bell going off in her mind, with how he's phrased that. She goes quiet, slowly stirring the stew, mentally fitting some puzzle pieces together. ]
How bad is it, Tom?
[ Girl or no girl, Kaz never does anything by halves. Nor has he ever asked something like this of them flippantly. ]
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I, ah -- [ he begins, as he collects a potholder from the counter to open the oven with, collecting the bread sofia had thrown in there to warm up. ] I was thinking this afternoon about -- [ placing the loaf on a nearby cutting board to cool enough to cut into, tomassen sets the potholder back on the counter, closing the oven door. ] I always wanted a daughter.
[ he's already been through this grieving process -- with sofia, without sofia, what the plague robbed them off, etc. so it's not said with any real sadness or despair, just a simple statement of fact, as he dusts off his hands. ]
I wanted one, and I've always had this lingering thought of what she would be like, if she existed, but -- Sofia, reading that. [ and he gestures vaguely toward where he had deposited his things in the foyer, lips pursing together into a thin line. ] Reading what that girl -- scraping the surface of what that girl went through, I'm glad I have a son, because I would be in prison. I might still wind up in prison, because --
[ he's getting ahead of himself, and he stops before exhaling slowly, resting his hands on the counter. ]
She was bought by Heleen van Houdon when she was thirteen. Contract was signed by a child who couldn't understand Kerch.
[ he drums his fingers against the countertop, frowning. deep in thought. ]
Currently living on Kaz's couch, nineteen, now. Was left to freeze to death after she refused a client at the Menagerie and couldn't pay her rent.
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It's no surprise when he admits to having wanted a daughter. In the intervening years since she'd found out about her inability to bear children, they've gotten better at saying such things out loud. As if exorcising the grief it had caused them. And now, a decade into having raised their very unruly and unexpected son, the pain's easier to let go of.
Still, her brow furrows as he continues, expounding on that particular thought. That having a daughter would've come with a whole slew of other worries. She's aware, of course, the differences in what she'd worried about growing up even in the relative safety of Shu Han as compared to her brothers. There's been a reason she'd pursued self-defense courses. Why she'd gone so far as to get her black belt, unwilling to be unprepared should anything ever happen.
But, as he digs in deeper, clearly upset, she knows not every girl has had her fortune. She has eyes and ears, has known that terrible things can happen to the most vulnerable—young girls, especially. Yet, it's one thing to be aware of and quite another to be confronted with the disgusting details. Her own stomach twists at hearing the age; thirteen. Thirteen, an age where she should have been at home, having sleepovers with her friends and dreaming of all the things she could be when she was older. Instead, she'd been bought by a cruel woman and grew up in a place where she didn't understand the language. Which was just the start of the horrifying tale she understands is beyond what he's telling her.
Reaching over, she sets a hand on Tomassen's shoulder, slowly and gently running her palm along his upper arm. ]
If you end up in prison, I would be right on your heels. [ After all, Tomassen would successfully murder Heleen for her crimes and she would make sure her empire burned. For having the audacity to exist and for making him go to such lengths. ]
You're taking the case.
[ It's not quite an inquiry, nor quite a demand. She knows why he's bringing this up, though. ]
I'm not afraid of Tante Heleen. She is a coward who preys on young people; I doubt she knows how to handle competent adults.
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I am. [ in a murmur, kissing her temple before shifting to kiss her forehead. an arm slides around her waist, holding her close. ] I'm afraid of her. Her money, and influence, and how she has nothing she cares about except the thing I intend to go after.
[ it would be hell. worse than rollins, if he were honest. the thought of putting sofia through that again was unacceptable -- but so was leaving inej out to dry. too many men had disappointed her; he was loathe to be another. the thought cements something in his mind and he presses another kiss to sofia's forehead, in reassurance. more for his own, than anything else. ]
If I take the case. [ if, as he mulls it over. ] You could go to Shu Han, with your mother. Could bring Kaz, too. It would be warm, and you could take the sabbatical you deserve. [ and she would be safe, and out of harm's way, for the most part. ]
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Rollins had money and influence. [ She begins, drawing the comparisons. Heleen, though, didn't have a blood legacy she cared about. Nothing else was in that shriveled heart of hers except a physical greed; for her businesses, her money, the power it granted her. There were things she would consider doing that, Sofia thinks, Rollins would never have done, even at his most desperate. Because in the end, he had to contend with raising a son who would see what his father did. What his father had become, if even for a brief moment in time. The shame kept him in line, despite how much it had felt like he had none.
Tante Heleen has no such boundaries holding her back, except maybe her reputation on the line. Parasites like her, though, could always find their kin, even with her social standing in shreds.
Sofia gives him a small squeeze, hand tilted down to trace the subtle outline of his shoulder blade through his shirt. ] There is always something that will make a person crumble.
[ And that thing for Heleen–they just don't see it, yet. ]
If. [ She repeats, a slim brow raised. ] I'm not going to Shu Han like some soldier's wife, to anxiously, helplessly, await news with a ten hour time difference.
[ And she already knows Kaz would never agree to such a thing, even if it seems the safest option. ]
If you take the case, we prepare with what we know could happen. [ Pulling away a bit, she cradles his face in her hands, momentarily pressing her brow to his. ] She has money and influence but, so what? Do you think she has anyone who'd sacrifice their skin for hers? Her life is empty.
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[ his life is very full and happy, thank you very much, which means many soft parts to grab. more now, than before, truthfully. he feels as though it's finally whole and healed, after the plague, the infertility, finding kaz, and pekka rollins. it's been content and at ease. predictable, even.
but his protest is feeble at best, especially after sofia cradles his face. because ultimately, it's an irrelevant point. it doesn't change the calculus, and so he frowns slightly, seeking some level of argument against her (predictable) refusal to stay out of ketterdam until the dust settles.
he doesn't look particularly happy about it, frown still in place as he mulls it over, turning over different scenarios in his head. any path he finds ends in the inevitable: his family will stay here, and he will be challenging tante heleen. there is no easy path, only the right one. ]
You're right. [ finally, reluctantly. though he is quick to add: ] Not about staying. You should go to Shu Han to be on the other side of the world and fret all you like but be safe, that part you are wrong about, and I am not happy about it nor happy about the idea that I would go a moment without updating you every ten to fifteen minutes -- but --
[ and he deflates a little, tone resigned: ]
Everything else, you're right.
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But, she also knows the hardest thing they both have contended with is what's brought them to this conversation. In her mind, the very real fear she'd experienced is secondary to having been able to watch their son grow. To see him slowly shed his fears, to finally live again, after everything that had been done to him; it's made her immensely proud. Filled her with a happiness she never thought she'd get to have, after they learned she couldn't have children.
So, she's willing to fight whatever comes down the line. No one could touch her family without her permission. That extended to anyone her family has decided on fighting for. ]
I know you worry. [ Sofia brushes a stray curl from his brow, eyes serious and still gentle. ] But, you know where I should be is here, making sure you don't run yourself into the ground.
[ Because they both know he'd basically done that last time, external factors aside. Not that she faulted him for working hard. Still, the fact remained that he'd needed the grounding, the support, that he was unlikely to get anywhere else. ]
I love you, our son loves you, and you should know by know that neither of us will be easily intimidated or bullied.
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I know.
[ wearily; to all of it. that he knows she should be here, and that she loves him, and their little family loves him, and that he needed to keep everything in perspective. and that's even without the fact that he would shrivel up and die within the week of her not being in the same country. at that thought, he tugs her into a soft kiss. ]
I love you, too. [ in a brief exhale, resting his forehead against hers briefly before he kisses her cheek, releasing her reluctantly. ] Let me change into something not suit-adjacent, and we can eat. I've delayed dinner enough with my poor attitude. Then I can tell you about how Kaz met this girl.
[ happier news, for sure. ]
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Just, sometimes, it wasn't altogether full of logic. Hence, the reminders.
So, she lets him extract himself from her hold, granting him a soft smile as he seems to acquiesce. ]
Go on, get comfortable. [ Sofia says, with a teasing shooing motion. She lets the comment about his poor attitude go–they've already had one disagreement tonight. ]
I await this story with bated breath.
[ Definitely happier news.
By the time he comes back out, she's portioned out their meal and draped a tea towel over the bread to preserve the heat. She's in her usual chair, idly swinging her feet as she reads through a portion of the newspaper. ]
Feel better?
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he's pretty sure sofia would not complain a bit.
so when he makes his way back to the kitchen, he definitely looks more comfortable. he presses another kiss to the top of sofia's head before he sits in his own chair, eagerly pulling the bowl closer to him. he's finding himself famished. ]
Much better. [ he says warmly, tugging the tea towel off of the loaf of bread, allowing sofia her first pick. ] I should just work in pajamas, but something about ruining my image... [ he stirs his meal quickly before offering sofia a grin. the cat who has caught the canary. ] So, Kaz's girl.
[ the real reason why they are here, okay. ]
They met in a bar because Jesper forced him into going. Girl's name is Inej -- very sweet, reportedly. Suli, as Kaz forcibly corrected me today when I accidentally called her Ravkan. Said they chatted for an hour, and Inej voluntarily provided her phone number.
[ he reaches out to grab a piece of bread, tearing it into two as he continues. ]
Inej is now living on his couch, by the way, as she got illegally locked out of her apartment and Kaz says he enjoys her company. [ which kaz did not say, but tomassen does not care, because who is going to contradict him? no one, that's who. ] Even likes her pet bird, and didn't say a word when I called her a friend.
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That suffuses her smile now, as he comes back in looking much more comfortable, only pausing to drop a kiss to the crown of her head. She graciously plucks out a toasty end piece after his gesture, dipping it into her stew with relish. As they dig into their meal, his entire face lights up with mischief and she finds herself mirroring it in a way, amused at what has certainly been a highlight of his day.
Kaz, after all, was still very prone to keeping his emotions to himself. Sofia has learned how to coax those out, to allow him space to give them some kind of voice before he bottled them up too long. Tomassen has...well, he's figured out his own way. The two of them speak a very different language than her, when it came to their feelings. So of course he has that spark of triumph in his eyes, as if he's pried a diamond up from the deepest part of the True Sea.
Which, as he starts in on what he's gleaned, maybe he has. It doesn't surprise her that Jesper had managed to drag Kaz out to the bar–the two have been friends since even before they adopted Kaz. Her son might gripe and moan about it, but, she knows he doesn't deny Jesper as much as he could.
What is most surprising, in a way, is the latter half of what Tom tells her; that Kaz had willingly ceded his extremely curated personal space to let this Inej stay over. Her eyebrows go up at this, though, she's fiercely proud of her boy for showing the kindness she knows he typically buries. ]
Of course he likes her pet bird, he always has preferred animals to people. [ They're honest, had been his answer, when she asked, about three weeks after he'd come to live with them. ] He said he enjoys her company?
[ Not that he would simply tolerate someone just to be nice. There were limits. All at once, she's immensely curious what this Inej is like. Kaz could be prickly, immovable. He didn't just let anyone in, no matter what their sob story might be. So, if he is actually considering her a friend, it would be the quickest anyone has ever won him over, she thinks. ]
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[ a sage confirmation as he takes another bite of his stew. granted, kaz had said she was neat and quiet, but that was essentially the same thing, in their son's odd language. ]
He, naturally, is dismissive of the entire thing. [ as he dips his bread into his bowl, letting it soak up the flavor before popping into his mouth. ] Says that she likely just forgot to delete his number.
[ with a complimentary roll of his eyes. ]
I told him he had to bring her to dinner for Friday; we'll see if he listens.
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But, she can't help it. She's seen what happened to him when he put his trust in the wrong person, how it had taken so many years of work to even remotely come close to recovering. Granted, he'd been a lot younger, when he and his brother had naively trusted Pekka Rollins. The worry sits on her tongue anyway. ]
Of course he is. You remember how long it took him to say he considered you his father. [ His prickly, seemingly standoffish nature was his armor. ]
I could always ask him to. [ She says, pensively stirring her stew. It's rare she invoked the mom card in this way, because she knows Kaz would bend over backwards to make her happy; she would never think of abusing that. ] I'd like to meet Inej.
[ And, after a moment more of nudging her potatoes around in her bowl: ] Is it silly of me to worry?
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his relationship with kaz had been both rocky and not. now, they can finish each other's sentences, but when he was younger, it had been something of a struggle to land on the same page. both overthinking everything, or so tomassen's therapist informed him. he supposes it was natural, though, for kaz to have hesitation -- unlike with sofia, kaz had had a father that he had known, and loved. getting used to another was difficult at best.
he soon pushes those thoughts from his head with a slight shake. ]
Not silly. [ wise, really. ] But Kaz is hardly an idiot. Besides, the girl is barely five feet tall; I doubt she could get away with much.
[ including, but not limited to, robbing him senseless. and even more practically: ]
Everyone gets their heart broken once, or twice, or three times before they find the person for them. Assuming this girl is someone that will stick around, well -- [ and tomassen shrugs to himself. ] You can't protect him from everything, my darling.
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[ He could definitely take care of himself, if it came to that. Because while his time on the streets had been relatively short, she knows he had never forgotten the lessons learned. Nor had he let them get rusty, that sharp mind of his retaining everything like a sponge soaks up water. ]
I know. [ She says with a bit of a frown, soon indulging in an old bad habit: chewing on her lower lip as the anxiety welled up. ] I just—I'd hate to see him clam up again and think he's too broken.
[ Not that she thinks he'll spurn them, if he did. They'd finally leapt over those hurdles a few years ago. It's him pushing everyone else away, if they weren't already in his circle, that she's worried over.
Shaking her head, she blows out a sigh and a stilted laugh. ]
I don't know why I'm worked up over this. Poor Inej, I only know her name and I'm already casting her in a suspicious light.
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so he reaches out to take a hand in her own, bringing it to his lips in a kiss. ]
You're worked up over it because you're his loving, patient, beautiful, incredible mother.
[ mildly, squeezing her fingers in reassurance. ]
From Kaz's own report, she is quiet and neat, and doesn't invade his personal space. [ and, perhaps most importantly: ] He would have told me if he was in over his head -- and he has, to his credit. He isn't trying to deal with this on his own; he immediately called me when he realized the scope of the problem.
[ which, really, tomassen is rather impressed by. typically, kaz gives it a solid effort on his own first, but once the boy realized the enemy... well. tomassen offers sofia another warm smile before he presses another kiss to the backs of her fingers. ]
I adore you.
[ just in case she needed to hear it (again) for the evening. ]
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It is working. His words always work, like some kind of magic, a spell she happily lets herself fall under.
And as he keeps going, talking about how this whole circumstance really came about, Inej's seemingly quiet nature, enough of her unease has been soothed. To make way for, to her surprise, her eyes looking suspiciously glossy.
So, she tugs her hand away to reach over and loop him into a hug, leaning down enough to press her cheek to his shoulder. ]
I love you.
[ She may or may not punctuate that with a small sniffle. ]
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[ his response is immediate, arms wrapping around her in a warm hug. it's easy to tug her directly into his lap so he could better hold her, kissing her cheek with a warm chuckle, the noise deep in his chest. ]
I love you. [ into her hair, a palm running down her spine in comfort. ] And I promise you, everything will work out as it should, hm? The earth will crumble into the sea before your boy has anyone but you as the number one woman in his life.
[ even this pretty mysterious girl named inej. ]
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I know, I know. [ He's right, of course. Things would work out in the end, she had to believe that. She does believe it. But, the niggling worry had shadowed her usual optimism, making it difficult to see through. ]
I'm not worried about being replaced. It's just—he's grown up so fast? Feels like just yesterday he was barely taller than the counter.
[ Granted, he'd gained his reedy height relatively quickly, outgrowing his clothes every three months. Still. ]
We did good, didn't we? [ That was the other cornerstone of her emotion—she's immeasurably proud. Yet, with this sudden development, it's as if she's been blindsided by him growing up and making decisions that showed how much he'd been listening over the years. It feels silly. She feels silly. In a bit, she'll feel joy. ]
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Good? [ incredulously, expression amused. ] We did fantastically. [ kaz, after all, was successful, beginning to heal, and able to make friends... for the most part. in his book, that meant their adventure into parenting was a large success. ] I think we may even be the best parents that have ever existed, even.
[ he presses a soft kiss to her lips, smile fond. ]
He's a good kid, with a good head on his shoulders. He'll be fine, Sofia.
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Maybe we should get a gold star. [ She says, peeking up at him with a watery grin. While Kaz had certainly not made it easy on either of them, she knows she would do it all over again in a heartbeat. Especially right now, as she comes to terms with him being an independent adult. The pride is slowly overtaking her stricken mood, filling her enough she thinks she could burst.
With her head still tilted, she presses a soft kiss to his cheek and then mouth, smiling into it. ]
If you say it, I know it'll be true. [ That said: ] I'm telling him he should bring Inej on Friday.
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