[ There's an answer to this. A solution, if it could be called that. It's sitting, expectant, at the back of his mind. Like a deck of cards face down, waiting for the first one to be slid from the top.
He knows what's under there, especially as she says the words that are undoubtedly scrawled across her wrist. But just like the truth laid bare paralyzes him, so does that answer. How does he tell her about the fear? About the shame that's always one glove away from bubbling to the surface?
Or about how even though he knows she's capable, that he can't bear the idea of losing her. Losing it all, again. He can't let himself even hope for it, not like he'd done with Jordie. When he'd been young and stupid, believing his older brother, believing Jakob Hertzoon.
And yet, isn't this self-fulfilling? He'd called her an investment, whittling down her entire person to a tool, a contract to be paid and nothing more. That alone is pushing her away and he has no one to blame but himself. It should make him happy, that he's set fire to this bridge. That'll just make it easier for them both when she inevitably leaves. ]
I can't be that for you.
[ The words are ash in his mouth, but it's the closest approximation of the truth. Damn the script on their wrists; it means nothing. It's a mistake. She wants someone who's willing to bare part of themselves, someone who can easily say she's a person they care about.
It's dark but his expression shutters as much as hers. ]
I'll send Nina down. [ He leaves her alone, feeling hollowed out. ]
no subject
He knows what's under there, especially as she says the words that are undoubtedly scrawled across her wrist. But just like the truth laid bare paralyzes him, so does that answer. How does he tell her about the fear? About the shame that's always one glove away from bubbling to the surface?
Or about how even though he knows she's capable, that he can't bear the idea of losing her. Losing it all, again. He can't let himself even hope for it, not like he'd done with Jordie. When he'd been young and stupid, believing his older brother, believing Jakob Hertzoon.
And yet, isn't this self-fulfilling? He'd called her an investment, whittling down her entire person to a tool, a contract to be paid and nothing more. That alone is pushing her away and he has no one to blame but himself. It should make him happy, that he's set fire to this bridge. That'll just make it easier for them both when she inevitably leaves. ]
I can't be that for you.
[ The words are ash in his mouth, but it's the closest approximation of the truth. Damn the script on their wrists; it means nothing. It's a mistake. She wants someone who's willing to bare part of themselves, someone who can easily say she's a person they care about.
It's dark but his expression shutters as much as hers. ]
I'll send Nina down. [ He leaves her alone, feeling hollowed out. ]