[ Really, he should be elated to hear those words. This is all he'd wanted, before they set off for the Ice Court—a need to know that she believed him. Believed in him. Here, it feels frightening. Foreign. As though the illusion of Kaz Brekker is cracking to pieces under the weight of years of silence.
That dark voice whispers in his ear. Payment for what he's done, perhaps. For leaving his brother's body in the harbor. For surviving, even if it meant cutting out others' chances for the same thing. Maybe it's what he deserves, to be so close to someone he desperately wants to touch and not being able to do it without the paralyzing panic.
She holds the bandages out, leaving the decision in his hands. Taking a slow breath, he mentally pushes through the nausea, the doubts sitting so readily on the surface. He thinks about her curled up with him on the reams of fabric, both of them fitted together like a puzzle. That's what he wants. That and more. Thinking about it takes some of the tension out of his shoulders and he lets go of the breath he'd been holding.
She's right, after all. When has anything ever stopped him from doing what he wanted? He wasn't about to stop himself. So he takes the bandages, careful about where he starts the placement. Slowly, he does a loop around her shoulder and then down, steeling himself as he leans into her space more to ring the bandage around her back. A few more of those loops and he's tied off the bandage, leaving him still leaned in close.
If he tipped his head down, he could kiss her. Kiss her neck or her cheek. His breath hitches, the pull of want strong enough to be tempting. ]
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Date: 2021-03-05 04:01 pm (UTC)That dark voice whispers in his ear. Payment for what he's done, perhaps. For leaving his brother's body in the harbor. For surviving, even if it meant cutting out others' chances for the same thing. Maybe it's what he deserves, to be so close to someone he desperately wants to touch and not being able to do it without the paralyzing panic.
She holds the bandages out, leaving the decision in his hands. Taking a slow breath, he mentally pushes through the nausea, the doubts sitting so readily on the surface. He thinks about her curled up with him on the reams of fabric, both of them fitted together like a puzzle. That's what he wants. That and more. Thinking about it takes some of the tension out of his shoulders and he lets go of the breath he'd been holding.
She's right, after all. When has anything ever stopped him from doing what he wanted? He wasn't about to stop himself. So he takes the bandages, careful about where he starts the placement. Slowly, he does a loop around her shoulder and then down, steeling himself as he leans into her space more to ring the bandage around her back. A few more of those loops and he's tied off the bandage, leaving him still leaned in close.
If he tipped his head down, he could kiss her. Kiss her neck or her cheek. His breath hitches, the pull of want strong enough to be tempting. ]