timewasting | OPEN POST 2020.

[ He picks up a bowl and hands it over to her, fork already scooped in. After he grabs his, he sits back down on the bed diagonal to her, idly putting his train of thought back together as he mixes the contents of his dinner.

Of course, at her comment, he gives her a funny look, as though the idea of not doing anything had never crossed his mind.

(It had, but so brief as to not count). ] I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want to, Inej.

[ she takes the bowl, carefully folding the curry into the rice. the smell is nostalgic, and familiar. and she considers taking her first bite, but decides against it, in lieu of considering what he said.

inej ghafa has given a lot, to kaz brekker. some without regret, and some with. she became exactly who he needed, but most importantly, she became what she needed. but kaz has given her far more than she could ever ask from anyone. and inej knows that part of that is simply returning what's owed, but most of it is because kaz cares about her.

wrestling with that is . . . difficult, for some reason. mostly because inej has no idea why she is balking, at this offer of help. she is proud, but not stupid. but the prospect of ending something that ruined so much is almost overwhelming. ]

You have given me so much.

[ as she stirs her curry. ]

And hunting them down will not be easy.

[ His bowl gets propped in his lap as he waits for it to cool. And as he works his way through this conversation. Inej is being... not exactly hard headed but perhaps a bit resistant. Which seems like more of a move he's pulled in the past than something she's known for.

Though, he thinks he can understand the reasoning to try and put him off of it. Chances are it could be a long haul, depending on how difficult the information is to dig up.

But then, he's never shied away from things that were difficult. Before their little team, the Ice Court had been considered impenetrable. And yet, they'd gotten and out with all limbs intact. He reaches forward, cupping her chin and meeting her eyes. ]

I want to do this for you. With you. I don't care if it isn't easy—when has anything been, for us?

[ she's about to continue when he reaches out to cup her chin, lifting her head to meet his eyes. she's clearly startled, by the motion, and is about to ask what when he speaks. and whatever protest she had dies in her throat, because there's really no argument to be had, against that.

maybe it's the knowledge that it could be over, or that he has her back no matter what, but there's a sudden weight in her throat, and inej feels a prickling in the back of her eyes. the suspicious tell-tale sign of tears, which inej stubbornly tries to keep at bay.

it's mostly a success, though her eyes do appear wet, and her voice muted, as she says: ]

Never.

[ it's quiet.

it's never been easy. no part of any piece of their lives have been easy. it's been a constant struggle and fight and clawing to the top. ]

[ Initially, there's a bit of panic that raced through him when he sees the threat of tears in her eyes. They get too glossy to be anything else and he wonders if he said something wrong. If he overstepped a boundary with his words; it wouldn't be the first time he had done so inadvertently.

Her voice has that muffled wobble to it when she finally speaks up and he breathes an internal sigh of relief. His thumb strokes across her cheek, gently, as reassuring as he can get in a situation where he feels out of his depth.

He can't recall ever seeing her come this close to crying before, even at some of her worst moments. ]

Besides, I think they could use a little taste of what it means to be chased. [ And by none other than Dirtyhands and the Wraith. If they've ever passed through Ketterdam, even glancingly, they would know what that means. ]

[ she's half afraid that if she starts, she won't be able to stop. so she fights down the urge, her lips curving into a faint smile as a shuddered laugh escapes before she sniffs, reaching up a hand to wipe her eyes quickly. feeling foolish for letting herself get so worked up over something that hasn't even happened yet.

but once she does that, inej carefully sets aside her bowl of curry before leaning forward to wrap her arms loosely around his neck, burying her face into his shoulder for a tight hug.

she doesn't say anything. mostly because there isn't that much to say, save for allowing the feeling of gratitude and love wash over her, her fingers curling into his shirt.

life has not been easy, but to this day, inej isn't sure why the saints granted her a sliver of good fortune in having kaz visit the menagerie on that day. ]

[ Some of the worst of it seems to pass. Or rather, she recovers quick enough to wipe away the tears, letting out a shivery laugh.

And then she's fully in his space, arms looped around his neck, face tucked into his shoulder. He sets his own bowl aside and wraps his arms around her middle, tugging her closer. One hand strokes down her spine; he knows she seems to relax when he does that. His head tilts, cheek pressing to her hair.

Kaz will never be a religious man, preferring to have a healthy dose of skepticism. But one thing is for certain: he's glad for whatever made him to decide to go to the Menagerie all those years ago. If it was her Saints or even the greedy bastard Ghezen himself, maybe he owes them some kind of thanks.

Until he knows for certain, he'll just be happy to have this. ]

[ he hugs her tighter, and she closes her eyes to focus on the feeling of his hand against her back, his cheek against her hair. it's really only in moments like this where inej truly feels small. kaz is so much taller than she is, but it's not a bad feeling.

if anything, she feels safe.

once she has a grip, though, she realizes a few things. one, that she's practically in his lap. two, that she's completely sidelined dinner in lieu of talking about something depressing. and three, that kaz really would do anything for her. including, but not limited to, chasing down ghosts in the dark to make the world a little bit safer for her.

that thought causes inej to pull away just enough to look at him, her arms still looped around her neck. and while her eyes are still suspiciously glossy, her tone is a lot more solid, sure of herself. ]

Let's cut them down.

[ piece by piece. ]

[ Right now, he can't be sure of what's crossed her mind. Aside from thinking everything over. Or possibly remembering things better left in the past. She's curled in close though and doesn't seem to be keen on pulling away.

Which at least says she isn't disappearing. That's good. ]

Brick by brick. [ It'd been his mantra for taking down Rollins. Because it hadn't been enough to kill him or temporarily ruin his business. He'd wanted him to suffer, permanently. The same thing can be applied to the slavers. Even moreso, because the pain they'd doled out deserves the karma. ]

You alright?

[ her lips twitch, the curve of her mouth pulling upward just enough to barely be a smile, at brick by brick. she supposes it's true, in the end. to ruin something truly, you need to rip it apart at the foundation.

at his question, though, inej hesitates before nodding once, shifting her hands slightly to cup his face, running her thumbs across his cheeks. she is fine, and will always be fine. and truthfully, she still isn't entirely sure why she became upset . . . or was she even upset? no, that's the wrong word.

overwhelmed. loved. moved. something like that. ]

I am not upset.

[ quietly, as she lets her hands slip from his face to fiddle with the front of his shirt. still close, the food still ignored. ]

Only grateful.

[ Her hands cup his face and he leans into it, just a fraction. They've done this enough that he isn't nauseated by it. Instead, he wants the touch, can feel the bloom of warmth from it in his chest. He drops his own hands to her waist, keeping her close.

Dinner is getting cold but honestly? It doesn't matter. ]

I'm glad. [ Kaz takes her hands in his, smoothing his thumbs across her knuckles. Touch just to touch. And maybe be soothing. ]

[ her eyes flicker toward their hands, watching his thumb roll over her fingers. the difference in their hands has always struck her. in skin tone, in shape, in size.

she smiles faintly to herself, curling her own fingers around his. ]

Do you know why I kissed you earlier?

[ voice soft. ]

[ He smiles faintly when she curls her fingers around his, simply enjoying the touch. It makes him want to hold her close, like what they do when they've crawled under the blankets. Or when she leans into his embrace, her weight against him in a warm line. ]

Haven't the faintest. [ Sure, he could make some guesses. But for once, he doesn't want to form a theory, instead wanting to hear it from her without any pretense. ]

[ inej is fairly certain that's a lie, but she skips over that to squeeze his fingers. ]

Because I'm done just surviving.

[ and she shifts her eyes upwards, to look at him properly. and after that, her smile grows just a bit bigger. ]

And because I wanted to.

[ that piece felt important, too. ]

[ She uses the same words he had earlier and– ah, well, that makes sense now. They've both just been surviving. Which hadn't been an easy task by a long shot. So much that it'd taken up their lives entirely. The Kaz he'd been a year ago would have never done this. Wouldn't have sat with Inej's hands in his own, nor have even thought of going away from Ketterdam, away from the gang and its machinations.

He's still a bit worried about the gang but he'd taken her words to heart. And he's glad he hadn't decided to turn back around because he wouldn't have gotten this afternoon and all of the little things he hasn't had a chance to appreciate. ]

Well, if you ever feel like doing it again, I'm not going to stop you. [ He knows, though, how important it is for her to say. To have done at all. ]

[ there's a huff of laughter, at the comment, before inej leans forward just enough to brush her lips against his. ]

We should eat dinner.

[ it's murmured, still squarely in his space, and seemingly unwilling to change that fact, fingers intertwined with his. ]

[ Her lips brush his and he leans the slightest bit into it, feeling the familiar uptick of his pulse. It's the smallest thing but they've done so much to get here; every touch and kiss is a triumph.

Though even if that weren't a thing, he's pretty sure he'd feel the same way. It's Inej, after all. ]

You first. [ She is the one basically in his lap. Kaz is fairly sure he could physically move her but that's effort. ] Unless you're planning to feed me like a baby bird.

[ she purses her lips (clearly in an attempt not to laugh), before she shifts her weight, scooting backwards to situate herself back onto the bed properly, to reclaim her bowl of (now warm) curry. she crosses her legs underneath herself without moving her arms or upper body, perfectly balanced on the mattress as she rests the bowl in her lap. ]

I don't think I need to feed you yet.

[ amused, as she resumes stirring her food. ]

[ While he's encouraged her to move and eat dinner, he still misses her weight when she scoots away, repositioning herself with ease. He shifts how he's sitting, taking some strain off of his bad leg and stretching it out to the side. ]

That's for the best.

[ He says, amused, as he picks up his bowl again, giving it another stir and taking a bite. It's edging on spicy—or maybe just spiced—definitely different from anything in Kerch. They're not exactly an adventurous lot when it comes to food.

And though it's hotter than expected, he likes the drastic change. Just another reminder that he's taking a break from Ketterdam and all its familiarity. ]

Anything specific you want to do tomorrow?

[ it tastes like home, as inej savors the feeling of the the spices, the food, the heat. and she's almost wholly focused on the food until kaz asks his next question. ]

Sleep in. [ first and foremost, as she takes another bite of curry. ] I think there is an antique book store, further inland. [ which she knows kaz would enjoy, insomuch as it is likely a dark space with little people in it, and full of interesting information. ] And you should see a show, while here. There are plenty.

[ of suli people, who make their coin when sailors come in. inej hasn't heard word of the caravan properly being here, but some of her people are more stationary than others. ]

[ Sleeping in sounds good, even though he's done that a few times on his own while aboard ship. Not so much with Inej, since she has duties to attend to and a crew to run; it'll be nice to lay about with her in the morning. Somehow, it's always so comfortable. ]

Sounds like we could see a few shows, then. [ If there's a decent handful of them, why not? He's curious to see what it's like, to get an idea of what she would've known while growing up. She spent all those days learning the high wire and he only has a vague idea of what that means.

Aside from making use of her excellent balance, that is. ] How far is that book shop?

[ spending money with her people makes her feel like she's giving back something, and truthfully, inej has never really seem a show properly. mostly because she's always just been in it.

but the question, inej grins a little, taking another bite of her curry. ]

Maybe twenty minutes of walking, or so. It is off of the main walkway.

[ Twenty minutes isn't so bad. So that meant most of the time would likely be spent flipping through the books, picking out the ones of interest. He isn't sure how much reading he'll get done while here, but it would be something to fill the extra time back on the ship.

With the shop being relatively close, it also meant they really don't have to rush about in the morning. He spaces out briefly as he eats his dinner, thinking about a relaxed morning and getting to hold Inej for that much longer. If he were the type of person to sigh, he would've by now. ]

Down the same area we were in? [ If the question sounds distracted it's because he definitely is, as his gaze sweeps over her curled up legs. ]

[ she notices the slight change in his expression, her eyebrows raising slightly at his distracted tone. and as she finishes her bowl, setting it aside on the nearby tray, she says: ]

A little further past that, but it's the same district.

[ and inej unfolds her legs to stretch out, the movement easy. it feels . . . nice, to be comfortable in doing something like this. and it feels silly, to be proud of such a thing. but she honestly can't remember the last time she felt so comfortable in her own being. ]

There are more clothing shops down there, too, if you want to explore more.

[ He isn't too worried about the walk, though it's always good to know how far something is in advance. Just to take his leg into account on days when it decides to be more painful than usual. Today hadn't been a bad day and he'd made it all the way to the hotel again with only a twinge of cramping. A night's rest should be enough to relax again.

Inej stretches out and he watches the movement briefly before finishing off his dinner and setting the bowl aside. After all, he'd much rather be doing other things with his hands.

Which means: ] Can I touch you?

[ And there's the reason for distraction, easy to see. ]

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