timewasting | OPEN POST 2020.

[ she finishes running the water over her arm and dries it meticulously, cognizant of the fact that the very last thing either of them needs is a bad reaction. and once inej is done with that, she moves into the bedroom properly, leaning her shoulder against the door frame, amused. ]

You should try being her daughter.

[ a bit dryly; inej's mother loves her very much, but inej knows her mother would rather her not do half of the things she does. which is fine by her, so long as her mother avoids telling her that. ]

She likes you just fine. Half of this is in your head.

[ as with most things. ]

[ When she leans against the doorframe, he pauses his pacing and after a moment, slowly lowers himself on the end of the bed. This is exhausting. It'll be good for her to see her family again but he's so nervous about the entire ordeal. ]

She loves you though. [ Sighing, he rakes a hand through his hair. ] And understandably doesn't want to give her daughter to just anyone, I suppose.

[ Especially not some strange Kerch boy who couldn't speak more than five sentences of Suli. ] It's at least sixty-forty.

She is not giving me to anyone.

[ it's a gentle correction, but nonetheless firm, although she knows what he means. and inej is certain her mother views it this way, too. "allowing" inej to find her path involves giving inej her freedom, though both inej and her mother know that whatever inej wants to do, inej is going to do.

at any rate, inej is an only child, and while she supposes a lot of people would want sons, her parents never made her feel that way. nonetheless, her mother has always wanted inej to find her place and stay there. part of that involves marriage and settling down and all of that, which inej hasn't really been interested in. and truthfully, inej still isn't all that interested in it. her life is beautiful the way it is. there's no need to make anything "official," regardless of what her mother complains about.

her father gets it, though. but her father has always understood inej in a way that other people just didn't. which brings her to her next point, which is the first thing inej's father asked her, when she explained who kaz brekker was: ]

And you love me.

[ that was what was really important, to her father. (her mother, too, though she's slightly less convinced by the grand gestures of romance that her father is.) ]

That is enough.

[ He nods at her correction—though he knows neither of them imagine Inej could be given by anyone. She is who she is and nothing would stop her from pursuing what she wanted.

Which is. Still a little astounding that she's remained here, with him. When they first started this part of their relationship, he had a crippling fear he wouldn't be good enough. That's waned over time, becoming the occasional surprise (and happiness) that she's stayed. ]

I do. [ More than anything or anyone, though it would perhaps surprise some to hear; the Barrel knows him for his particular love of kruge. ] At least your father seems to be fine, I don't know if I could take it if both of them were so unforgiving.

[ Her father had been wary at the very start. But he'd come around fairly quick, understanding his daughter was going to do what she wanted. Maybe eventually her mom would do the same, though he doesn't exactly want to bet on it. ]

Come here. [ He holds a hand out, expectant. ]

[ she nearly corrects him again, because it isn't as if she's being unforgiving, she's just being . . . well, herself -- but inej soon acquiesces, moving across the room to take his hand in hers, running her thumb over his fingers. ]

You are worrying for no reason.

[ she murmurs, squeezing his fingers.

she nearly adds as usual, but he's been through enough on this evening without her needling. ]

There is nothing to do but eat dinner and be yourself.

[ the latter part is a little harder, for him. he still has to learn how to relax. and learn how to have a conversation with people that doesn't necessarily have a purpose or a point. both are difficult tasks for him, but he's gotten better.

sort of. he at least participates in conversation at dinner with wylan and jesper, now. ]

[ Inej comes over and he feels a little more settled. The sweep of her thumb is reassuring and he tugs her closer, between his knees, so he can hug her around the middle. He presses his cheek to her chest, willing himself to relax.

Because she's right, there's not much for him to do. Aside from making sure he doesn't put his foot in his mouth. Or remain too quiet—too unsettling, even if he's more comfortable listening to a conversation than leading it in any capacity.

Except when it pertains to a job. That's easy. Small talk? Discussing his life? Extremely difficult. ]

We should probably go collect them. [ Their dock is closer to the Financial District, but Ketterdam still isn't the safest. ]

[ and inej immediately lifts her arms to loosely hug his head, running her fingers through his hair with a hum, amused. he’s truly making a mountain out of a molehill, and will probably be insufferable as a result.

her lot in life, she supposed. ]

We will.

[ inej won’t let her parents wander ketterdam alone, especially now that the slavers are furious with her. ]

They will be thrilled to be here, safe and taken care of.

[ and she kisses the top of his head, amused. ]

So, there is no need to worry.

[ His hair is now...well, not hopelessly mussed but he'll need to tame it back into some order. Eventually. Or maybe he'll just leave it– he knows Inej prefers it when he isn't so severe with it.

And maybe that'll give him a less sharp looking expression, which is probably part of the reason her mother distrusts him. Not that he can blame her, he's cultivated a moderately threatening aura even while passive.

(But then, he does recall Jordie saying he looked like he was mad all the time, when they were younger. So he's just always been this way). ]

I'm going to worry anyway, if it's all the same. [ Kaz doesn't think he could stop himself, no matter how much she reassured him it would be fine. ]

You think they'll like it better this time? [ The first time they'd been to Ketterdam, it'd been full of ups and downs. And the best he'd been able to do is keep them housed in a hotel– the Slat wasn't for folks like them.

This time, they'd have their own space. So, that was an improvement, probably. ]

[ she does like when he looks a little undone. he spends so much time looking perfectly pressed that a relaxed kaz brekker is a rarity. but she can tell that he's not relaxed, continuing to fuss and argue over nothing.

and so she pulls away just enough to duck down, resting on her heels so she could rest her arms on his legs, looking up at him with arched eyebrows. ]

You are overthinking this.

[ definitively. ]

Her issue isn't with you, it is with Ketterdam. And Kerch. And everything that brought me from Ravka to this island. If it were up to her, she would bring me to Ravka and keep me there until I died, but it isn't up to her.

[ and inej shrugs slightly, keeping her arms resting on his legs. ]

She needs to heal. And she will.

[ eventually. ]

[ He isoverthinking this, because when she says mentions what her mother would do if it were up to her, he feels a spike of nervousness. The likelihood of it happening is extremely slim, because he doubts Inej would let herself be bundled off to Ravka to stay with her parents for the rest of her life.

That, at least, feels sure enough that he keeps it firmly in his mind, flexing the fingers that've gripped his cane too tightly. When has Inej listened to anyone but herself? Even when she'd been in the ranks of the Dregs, she hadn't been afraid to speak up or disagree– which had happened quite frequently. ]

Maybe she's gotten better since last time. [ Just like them. Healing, he can understand. Every day has been like that for their pasts, scars sealing over, bruises fading as they worked to wrest control back.

Speaking of, he traces the one on Inej's arm, quirking a small smile. ] You're in for a lot of questions.

[ it has gotten easier, with time. when inej finally told them about the menagerie, her mother had cried for what felt like hours. even her father had cried, which made inej feel worse, honestly. but they’ve slowly begun to accept that inej is fine.

mostly.

she sighs to herself at the tracing of her bruise, frowning to herself. ]

I’ll just have to wear long sleeves.

[ a little ruefully; better to just wear long sleeves than explain anything. ]

I have a dress with long sleeves, that will make her happy.

[ or something. ]

Easier than dealing with questions.

[ However annoying it might be to dress so carefully. The questions would be worse– both of them try to avoid mentioning too much of what their work entails. After all, the less the elder Ghafas knew, the better, on that front. Not that he thinks they'll go around blabbing but– it's hideous work, often. ]

A dress, huh? [ Now you've gotten his attention. Ever since they've been living here, she's worn them a little more than previously, but he can count on one hand the amount of times he's seen her in them. As annoyed as she is to have to wear it to keep her mother happy, he can't deny his own interest.

It shouldn't matter, because he's seen her completely undressed. She looks so cute in a dress though. ]

[ she’s about to agree when he is suddenly focused on the dress, and inej rolls her eyes before pushing herself up onto her feet, running her hand through his hair again. ]

Glad to have you back, Kaz Brekker.

[ dryly.

he’s such a boy. ]

[ Really, he can't explain all the reasons why he likes it when she wears a dress. Aside from the most obvious: he can see her bare legs. Usually. There's also something about the motion of the skirt when she walks; graceful.

Either way, he grins rakishly, setting his hands on her waist as her fingers comb through his hair. It feels good and he's tempted to lie down and have her do this for another hour.

Alas. They have places to be. ]

You look good in dresses. And anything. Or nothing.

[ well, his mood has changed radically. but kaz being an annoyance is way easier to navigate than kaz being nervous, and so inej shifts to take his face in her hands, running her thumbs over his cheekbones before she kisses his forehead gently. ]

Compliments aside.

[ though they are duly noted, thank you very much. ]

We should figure out what we're going to make for breakfast, and cut some flowers for the rooms.

[ just tiny final touches. ]

[ After the kiss to his forehead, he turns his head to press a half kiss to her one palm. His hand comes up to cover the back of hers while he does, mouth curving into a smile. He's still anxious, nerves jangling, but this is reassuring. ]

I can take care of breakfast, you'll be faster with the flowers. [ She is better with knives than he is, after all. ] Do we even have any vases?

Edited (Lol) 2020-07-27 16:48 (UTC)

We have a few.

[ her lips twitch into a faint smile, at the kiss to her palm. and while, yes, they definitely do have places to be, she decides to sit next to him on the bed, shifting to drape her legs over his. half sitting on his lap, though she keeps most of her weight on the bed itself. and she brushes the hair out of his eyes before saying: ]

I mean it, when I say you have nothing to worry about.

[ as she searches his face, tone warm. ]

This is my life, and you are in it, and they will accept it. They already have.

[ Well, shows how much he was paying attention to that particular detail.

He settles his hands on her legs, one cupping her knee and the other gently kneading her calf muscle. It's soothing, both the slight weight of her legs draped across his lap and the familiar motion of massaging the tension out. ]

I couldn't tell you why I second guess it so much. [ Though, he has an idea of why– it's an uncontrollable thing. He can be arrogant about his various schemes and plans because he's gotten very good at figuring out how people will react. It's all about staying one step ahead, on having back up plans for back up plans.

This? He's too close to it. And they're Inej's parents, not some annoying gang leader or meddlesome mercher. They're entitled to their own opinions; he's never wanted to leave such a positive impression on anyone, save for Inej herself. And he can't bring himself to show the bravado he does for the Dregs. It just doesn't feel right.

What it all boils down to is that he isn't even close to normal. Nor is he very good at expressing himself, though he's gotten better with it over time. Sometimes, that makes it particularly difficult to know what to say when they're around. ]

I know you're right, though. [ Even if he's having a hard time swallowing it. ]

[ she listens, remaining still as he rubs her legs, letting him work through whatever he's thinking. and what eventually comes out doesn't surprise her, but there's still things written on his face that he isn't saying.

so she lets the words hang in the air for a moment before she leans forward a little, adjusting the collar of his shirt with her free hand. ]

Someone would have killed me in the Menagerie if you hadn't come back.

[ as she lets her hand drop, her eyes still watching his face. ]

They wouldn't have a daughter to harass and have ridiculous expectations for, without you. And they know that. You have nothing else to do, and no one to impress. You've already done more than enough.

[ but she does smile a little. ]

I am usually right, though, so you should stop worrying.

[ Really, it could've been anyone who sprung her from the Menagerie. In theory.

But in this place, they'd gotten lucky to find each other. Because Ketterdam likes its money and its pleasures and is greedy enough to not want to give up either. Kaz hadn't cared for pleasures and his money was only spent to pay for information. And Inej's silent steps had been worth more than all his time spent talking to the matrons, to people like Heleen.

Now he can't even measure how much she means to him.

One of his hands covers hers, thumb brushing over her knuckles. His other keeps massaging along her leg, up towards her thigh, thumb digging into the tense muscle. ]

I couldn't stop thinking about it, when I left.

[ How she'd managed to sneak up on him, with those little bells around her ankles. But more than that, the seriousness of her face, how dark her eyes had been. How he'd seen fear and a layer of steel underneath. Fractured, but there. ]

I'll be busy trying to keep up with the conversation later. [ He won't have time to worry. ]

[ his fingers digging into her leg feels good, and inej watches the motion for half a moment before leaning forward to rest her forehead against his shoulder, exhaling slowly as she relaxes. ]

The heart is like an arrow, and it demands its aim to be true.

[ it’s quiet, her eyes still watching his fingers move. ]

My father used to tell me that, when I was a little girl. I never understood what it meant, but I do now. Because every decision I’ve made since I was taken was made with my heart.

[ including blindly trusting some boy who couldn’t hide the boredom on his face when talking to heleen. ]

And they understand that. They cherish you more than you know.

[ She leans her forehead against his shoulder and it's tempting to pull her closer, to delay breakfast and cutting flowers and just hold her. He won't, but he wants to. Nothing would get done if he gave in now. ]

Good advice. [ It doesn't surprise him that it comes from her father. He's always struck Kaz as an observant type. What's more: he's glad as long as his daughter is. ]

Well, this week we'll be in close proximity. [ So maybe he'll have a better chance of getting used to them. ]

We will. And you will be fine.

[ warmly, and while she, too, sort of wants to just fall into bed and go back to sleep, she knows they have things to do. so she tugs him closer just an inch or two, so she can give him a soft kiss, before she moves to stand, moving her legs from his lap. ]

Come on, enough procrastinating. Let's get going.

[ He does as proposed— makes breakfast while Inej takes care of trimming flower stems and arranging them in various vases she pulls out of the porcelain cabinet. She trims while sitting on the kitchen counter, which puts them close enough to chat. The conversation is idle, going over an itinerary and trading quips, their usual.

Eventually, breakfast is eaten and the rooms are given the final touch. And then it's time to walk to second harbor, knowing they'll either be getting there just as the ship has arrived or right before. They're lucky that the weather held and sure enough, the ship's just docked, beginning the process of unloading passengers and cargo alike.

Another bit of luck: people recognize the both of them well enough to give them a wide berth, which makes it easy for Asena to spot her daughter once she's given a hand down the walkway from her husband. She gives a delighted cry and soon Inej disappears in the embrace of her parents. He gives them space and forgets to be nervous for a bit, more concerned with getting them back to the house with as little fuss as possible.

It's a slow trek back, a leisurely pace as both her parents have questions about the area, where they're going, how things have been, and whether or not Inej is happy. There's a pause when they get back to the house, a silent sort of surprise. Jardani throws him a look that says he approves. And Asena seems... confused? Suspicious? Shocked? Kaz isn't sure, really. Regardless, he lets Inej lead the tour while he takes their bags upstairs, his thoughts a disorganized jumble.

He rejoins them in the sun room, her parents conferring by the wide windows. ]

Alright?

[ inej endures the pestering questions the entire walk to their home, and answers them mostly with ease. but when they get to the house, her mother's questions shift from her well-being to the house itself. and while kaz takes their bags upstairs, asena begins to pester.

It's beautiful, but why do you live in such a huge house by yourself? which caused her father to roll his eyes to the ceiling, likely asking for a prayer from the saints, and her mother to purse her lips in response. and inej had responded easily, without thinking, that kaz lives here too, he's the one who bought the house in the first place. and that had sparked an immediate lecture.

so kaz walks into the sunroom when her parents are conferring . . . or rather, when jardani is telling asena to stop micromanaging her daughter's happiness, and asena is very evidently not listening. and inej looks long-suffering, at best, before looking over at the door with a rueful expression, reaching out to loop an arm through his. ]

Everything is fine.

[ mildly. ]

I was trying to convince my parents they should rest after their journey, which they should. [ she says, more directed toward her parents, and asena waves her hand dismissively. ] While we make them lunch, but I think it might be a lost cause.

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