timewasting | OPEN POST 2020.

[ well, his mood has changed radically. but kaz being an annoyance is way easier to navigate than kaz being nervous, and so inej shifts to take his face in her hands, running her thumbs over his cheekbones before she kisses his forehead gently. ]

Compliments aside.

[ though they are duly noted, thank you very much. ]

We should figure out what we're going to make for breakfast, and cut some flowers for the rooms.

[ just tiny final touches. ]

[ After the kiss to his forehead, he turns his head to press a half kiss to her one palm. His hand comes up to cover the back of hers while he does, mouth curving into a smile. He's still anxious, nerves jangling, but this is reassuring. ]

I can take care of breakfast, you'll be faster with the flowers. [ She is better with knives than he is, after all. ] Do we even have any vases?

Edited (Lol) 2020-07-27 16:48 (UTC)

We have a few.

[ her lips twitch into a faint smile, at the kiss to her palm. and while, yes, they definitely do have places to be, she decides to sit next to him on the bed, shifting to drape her legs over his. half sitting on his lap, though she keeps most of her weight on the bed itself. and she brushes the hair out of his eyes before saying: ]

I mean it, when I say you have nothing to worry about.

[ as she searches his face, tone warm. ]

This is my life, and you are in it, and they will accept it. They already have.

[ Well, shows how much he was paying attention to that particular detail.

He settles his hands on her legs, one cupping her knee and the other gently kneading her calf muscle. It's soothing, both the slight weight of her legs draped across his lap and the familiar motion of massaging the tension out. ]

I couldn't tell you why I second guess it so much. [ Though, he has an idea of why– it's an uncontrollable thing. He can be arrogant about his various schemes and plans because he's gotten very good at figuring out how people will react. It's all about staying one step ahead, on having back up plans for back up plans.

This? He's too close to it. And they're Inej's parents, not some annoying gang leader or meddlesome mercher. They're entitled to their own opinions; he's never wanted to leave such a positive impression on anyone, save for Inej herself. And he can't bring himself to show the bravado he does for the Dregs. It just doesn't feel right.

What it all boils down to is that he isn't even close to normal. Nor is he very good at expressing himself, though he's gotten better with it over time. Sometimes, that makes it particularly difficult to know what to say when they're around. ]

I know you're right, though. [ Even if he's having a hard time swallowing it. ]

[ she listens, remaining still as he rubs her legs, letting him work through whatever he's thinking. and what eventually comes out doesn't surprise her, but there's still things written on his face that he isn't saying.

so she lets the words hang in the air for a moment before she leans forward a little, adjusting the collar of his shirt with her free hand. ]

Someone would have killed me in the Menagerie if you hadn't come back.

[ as she lets her hand drop, her eyes still watching his face. ]

They wouldn't have a daughter to harass and have ridiculous expectations for, without you. And they know that. You have nothing else to do, and no one to impress. You've already done more than enough.

[ but she does smile a little. ]

I am usually right, though, so you should stop worrying.

[ Really, it could've been anyone who sprung her from the Menagerie. In theory.

But in this place, they'd gotten lucky to find each other. Because Ketterdam likes its money and its pleasures and is greedy enough to not want to give up either. Kaz hadn't cared for pleasures and his money was only spent to pay for information. And Inej's silent steps had been worth more than all his time spent talking to the matrons, to people like Heleen.

Now he can't even measure how much she means to him.

One of his hands covers hers, thumb brushing over her knuckles. His other keeps massaging along her leg, up towards her thigh, thumb digging into the tense muscle. ]

I couldn't stop thinking about it, when I left.

[ How she'd managed to sneak up on him, with those little bells around her ankles. But more than that, the seriousness of her face, how dark her eyes had been. How he'd seen fear and a layer of steel underneath. Fractured, but there. ]

I'll be busy trying to keep up with the conversation later. [ He won't have time to worry. ]

[ his fingers digging into her leg feels good, and inej watches the motion for half a moment before leaning forward to rest her forehead against his shoulder, exhaling slowly as she relaxes. ]

The heart is like an arrow, and it demands its aim to be true.

[ it’s quiet, her eyes still watching his fingers move. ]

My father used to tell me that, when I was a little girl. I never understood what it meant, but I do now. Because every decision I’ve made since I was taken was made with my heart.

[ including blindly trusting some boy who couldn’t hide the boredom on his face when talking to heleen. ]

And they understand that. They cherish you more than you know.

[ She leans her forehead against his shoulder and it's tempting to pull her closer, to delay breakfast and cutting flowers and just hold her. He won't, but he wants to. Nothing would get done if he gave in now. ]

Good advice. [ It doesn't surprise him that it comes from her father. He's always struck Kaz as an observant type. What's more: he's glad as long as his daughter is. ]

Well, this week we'll be in close proximity. [ So maybe he'll have a better chance of getting used to them. ]

We will. And you will be fine.

[ warmly, and while she, too, sort of wants to just fall into bed and go back to sleep, she knows they have things to do. so she tugs him closer just an inch or two, so she can give him a soft kiss, before she moves to stand, moving her legs from his lap. ]

Come on, enough procrastinating. Let's get going.

[ He does as proposed— makes breakfast while Inej takes care of trimming flower stems and arranging them in various vases she pulls out of the porcelain cabinet. She trims while sitting on the kitchen counter, which puts them close enough to chat. The conversation is idle, going over an itinerary and trading quips, their usual.

Eventually, breakfast is eaten and the rooms are given the final touch. And then it's time to walk to second harbor, knowing they'll either be getting there just as the ship has arrived or right before. They're lucky that the weather held and sure enough, the ship's just docked, beginning the process of unloading passengers and cargo alike.

Another bit of luck: people recognize the both of them well enough to give them a wide berth, which makes it easy for Asena to spot her daughter once she's given a hand down the walkway from her husband. She gives a delighted cry and soon Inej disappears in the embrace of her parents. He gives them space and forgets to be nervous for a bit, more concerned with getting them back to the house with as little fuss as possible.

It's a slow trek back, a leisurely pace as both her parents have questions about the area, where they're going, how things have been, and whether or not Inej is happy. There's a pause when they get back to the house, a silent sort of surprise. Jardani throws him a look that says he approves. And Asena seems... confused? Suspicious? Shocked? Kaz isn't sure, really. Regardless, he lets Inej lead the tour while he takes their bags upstairs, his thoughts a disorganized jumble.

He rejoins them in the sun room, her parents conferring by the wide windows. ]

Alright?

[ inej endures the pestering questions the entire walk to their home, and answers them mostly with ease. but when they get to the house, her mother's questions shift from her well-being to the house itself. and while kaz takes their bags upstairs, asena begins to pester.

It's beautiful, but why do you live in such a huge house by yourself? which caused her father to roll his eyes to the ceiling, likely asking for a prayer from the saints, and her mother to purse her lips in response. and inej had responded easily, without thinking, that kaz lives here too, he's the one who bought the house in the first place. and that had sparked an immediate lecture.

so kaz walks into the sunroom when her parents are conferring . . . or rather, when jardani is telling asena to stop micromanaging her daughter's happiness, and asena is very evidently not listening. and inej looks long-suffering, at best, before looking over at the door with a rueful expression, reaching out to loop an arm through his. ]

Everything is fine.

[ mildly. ]

I was trying to convince my parents they should rest after their journey, which they should. [ she says, more directed toward her parents, and asena waves her hand dismissively. ] While we make them lunch, but I think it might be a lost cause.

I see.

[ He gets the sense he's missed something. Which he may or may not get the details of. Asena seems agitated by something, presumably by being told she needs to relax and rest. Jardani, as usual, is taking care of whatever damage control needs to be done. ]

Will they be offended if we just do that anyway? [ Meaning Asena. It's hard to say how she'll react. ] They probably should sit for a bit.

[ Sailing is exhausting even for the more able-bodied. Kaz tires more easily aboard a ship, with constantly having to rebalance himself. Neither of Inej's parents have a cane to contend with, but they aren't getting any younger. ]

[ inej makes a noise to herself; it's a noise of agreement, with kaz, because they should rest. but inej can recognize the tilt of asena's chin and the thin pursing of her lips, because inej sees the same expression in the mirror whenever she looks annoyed or determined to get her way.

idly, inej realizes the reason they bicker is because they are too alike. and when inej is upset, she refuses to back down.

it's this realization that she understands arguing with her mother is pointless, and she sighs, before she shifts from speaking kerch to suli. ]

Papa, can you just take her upstairs?

[ and at that, asena opens her mouth to protest, but jardani immediately takes his wife by the arm and guides her out of the room, offering both kaz and inej a warm smile, and responding (in kerch, for kaz's benefit): We will be down within the hour, the house is lovely.

and once her parents (still speaking with each other in suli) move further down the hall, inej rolls her eyes to the ceiling, a prayer running through her mind asking for patience, before she turns to kaz, arching her eyebrows. ]

Lunch?

[ Asena's protest is clearly visible but she's outnumbered by Jardani, who is clearly willing to relax—if Kaz is catching the drift of the conversation right—and Inej, who is done arguing. Kaz responds with a Rest well and watches them go, Asena's spine still straight with stubbornness. ]

May as well. [ He says, turning towards the kitchen. ] You know, the set of her chin reminds me of someone.

[ Like mother, like daughter. Most especially when they're digging their heels in. ]

[ his comment is met with a thin pursing of her lips, which, incidentally, is exactly the same expression asena had on her way out of the room. but she doesn't comment on it, instead shifting the subject, her tone dry: ]

She is upset that we are living together.

[ it's hard to say, really, what inej feels about that. annoyed is probably a safe guess. but as inej follows along with him to the kitchen, she sighs to herself, the sound almost whistling between her teeth. ]

I forgot that we aren't married.

[ not in the sense of literally forgetting that they aren't married, but in the sense that it would bother her mother. which, in retrospect, is pretty stupid, on inej's part. and as she ruminates on that, once they reach the kitchen, she adds, a bit blithely: ]

She will get over it.

[ no one out-stubborns inej ghafa. ]

[ Well, her mother being upset about them living together checks out. Part of him is reassured by what Inej had told him earlier, that he's done plenty and that her mother is just being. Difficult. About it.

But at least that worry makes sense. She doesn't know Kaz very well at all. He's one step removed from a stranger and he's living with her only daughter.

That's a lot easier to swallow than what Inej says next, which catches him by surprise. And subsequently has him blushing up to his ears. He'd forgotten that was a thing that bothered people. The whole being together outside the bounds of marriage. Kerch, for all that its people care more for money, still adheres to some more traditional thoughts. Dowries and arranged marriages aren't too uncommon amongst the merchers.

Coming from the Barrel, he'd never even thought about it. They didn't usually have the time or money to worry about getting properly married, though he's certainly intended to ask Inej. When the time is right. Or maybe just when he gets over his stupid anxiety over it.

He forces down the blush, voice a bit weak when he finally speaks up. ] Is that what she's upset about?

[ she tugs open the door of the ice box, to examine what they have available for lunch . . . but her ears pick up the weakness in his voice, and she glances towards him, arching her eyebrows a little, catching the tinges of pink in his cheeks.

and inej watches him for a moment, trying to figure out what is bothering him, before it suddenly clicks inside her head. ]

What, were you planning on proposing this weekend?

[ a little dryly, as she turns her attention back to the food, tugging out a head of lettuce. ]

Sorry if she ruined the surprise.

[ All those times he'd wrung his hands and decided against a more impulsive proposal are currently coming back to haunt him. Granted, Inej doesn't seem to care one way or another. And while he had never put much stock in the whole marriage thing, he wants to propose. It just feels...complete, for lack of a better term.

Still, this whole line of thought makes him nervous. Because he does want it to be a genuine surprise. ]

Well, no. [ He pauses, leaning against the counter, a thoughtful look on his face. Which she hopefully won't see right through. ] I hadn't thought about it, honestly.

[ inej ghafa knows kaz brekker. better than anyone else on the planet. she knows when he's lying, and when he's not, and when he's hiding something. and this time, as she sets the items for sandwiches on the kitchen counter, she can tell that his thoughtful expression is bullshit.

what she can't figure out is why. has he thought about it? probably. but inej writes that off as nothing, because kaz does nothing but think. he considers everything and anything as a possibility.

so as she starts to arrange ingredients to put together something to eat for her parents, she looks at him, a little incredulous. ]

You haven't thought about marrying me.

[ she's just fucking with him, but he's the one who started it, so he gets what he gets. ]

[ Ghezen, he shouldn't have said anything. Or maybe the silence would've damned him. There's no real backing out of this conversation without either looking like an insensitive jerk—because why wouldn't he have thought about it, after everything—or completely blowing the surprise.

Maybe, just maybe, he can feign emotionally stupid. The idea of proposing in the middle of the kitchen just because her mother brought it up feels like some kind of guilt trip. ]

Crossed my mind, but didn't get much further than that. [ He shrugs, as if that seals it. ] I was more worried about whether you were going to come back, at the time.

[ it's hard to read, but her expression does soften, at that, and her hands still on the head of lettuce before she decides to abandon it, to move closer and loop her arms around his waist, resting her chin on his chest to look up at him, amused. ]

I was always going to come back.

[ first, and she pushes herself up onto her toes to give him a gentle kiss before adding, in a murmur: ]

And I think I would say yes, if it crosses your mind again.

[ before she presses her lips against his cheek, letting go to return to making lunch, beginning to shred some lettuce, before adding: ]

Probably, anyway. I sort of like living in sin.

[ though it's clear, by her tone, that she's poking fun with the last part. ]

[ He likes when she does this. Or loves it, really, there's something deeply satisfying about how she rests her chin against his chest. It's even better when she presses her cheek there, reminiscent of how they sometimes end up while asleep. ]

Have I at least told you I love you?

[ While he knows this answer, there's still a small smile curving his mouth. He leans over to kiss her temple as she goes back to what she was doing, pulling away just enough to catch her gaze. ]

Your Saints won't feel snubbed and rain down their displeasure?

You might have mentioned it once or twice.

[ wryly, though there's a small smile on her lips as she shifts to unpacking cheese, fishing a knife out of a drawer to slice it. but at kaz's next statement, she rolls her eyes, slicing a piece of cheese. ]

It is silly and unnecessary.

[ honestly!!!! ]

I do not need a piece of paper to give me permission to chase my happiness.

Just once or twice? Sounds like I need to say it more.

[ It's getting easier to say. At the start, it hadn't been quite so simple. There'd been the vulnerability part, which he'd been a lot worse at. And there'd been trying to sort through his feelings to even come to that conclusion. Which sounds stupid, because who doesn't realize they're in love with someone?

(It was him, he was and still continues to be stupid, but at least she knows he loves her now). ]

No interest in ceremony or tradition, huh? [ This is a dangerous line of questioning. He diverts it, sort of: ] You realize Nina would be devastated to hear this.

[ she tosses him a look, slicing more pieces of cheese. for someone who hadn’t thought about it, he sure was thinking about it...

besides, it wasn’t as if inej hasn’t talked about this with Nina, who frequently asks if Kaz has done anything in terms of marriage. And, every time, inej responds: ]

I would rather be married in my bedroom with a signed certificate than have a lot of people staring at me.

[ and she begins to build sandwiches, before she begins slicing tomatoes. ]

But my mother prefers the ceremony and tradition.

[ obviously, given asena’s huff. ]

Edited 2020-07-30 00:35 (UTC)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject