timewasting | OPEN POST 2020.

[ his fingers digging into her leg feels good, and inej watches the motion for half a moment before leaning forward to rest her forehead against his shoulder, exhaling slowly as she relaxes. ]

The heart is like an arrow, and it demands its aim to be true.

[ it’s quiet, her eyes still watching his fingers move. ]

My father used to tell me that, when I was a little girl. I never understood what it meant, but I do now. Because every decision I’ve made since I was taken was made with my heart.

[ including blindly trusting some boy who couldn’t hide the boredom on his face when talking to heleen. ]

And they understand that. They cherish you more than you know.

[ She leans her forehead against his shoulder and it's tempting to pull her closer, to delay breakfast and cutting flowers and just hold her. He won't, but he wants to. Nothing would get done if he gave in now. ]

Good advice. [ It doesn't surprise him that it comes from her father. He's always struck Kaz as an observant type. What's more: he's glad as long as his daughter is. ]

Well, this week we'll be in close proximity. [ So maybe he'll have a better chance of getting used to them. ]

We will. And you will be fine.

[ warmly, and while she, too, sort of wants to just fall into bed and go back to sleep, she knows they have things to do. so she tugs him closer just an inch or two, so she can give him a soft kiss, before she moves to stand, moving her legs from his lap. ]

Come on, enough procrastinating. Let's get going.

[ He does as proposed— makes breakfast while Inej takes care of trimming flower stems and arranging them in various vases she pulls out of the porcelain cabinet. She trims while sitting on the kitchen counter, which puts them close enough to chat. The conversation is idle, going over an itinerary and trading quips, their usual.

Eventually, breakfast is eaten and the rooms are given the final touch. And then it's time to walk to second harbor, knowing they'll either be getting there just as the ship has arrived or right before. They're lucky that the weather held and sure enough, the ship's just docked, beginning the process of unloading passengers and cargo alike.

Another bit of luck: people recognize the both of them well enough to give them a wide berth, which makes it easy for Asena to spot her daughter once she's given a hand down the walkway from her husband. She gives a delighted cry and soon Inej disappears in the embrace of her parents. He gives them space and forgets to be nervous for a bit, more concerned with getting them back to the house with as little fuss as possible.

It's a slow trek back, a leisurely pace as both her parents have questions about the area, where they're going, how things have been, and whether or not Inej is happy. There's a pause when they get back to the house, a silent sort of surprise. Jardani throws him a look that says he approves. And Asena seems... confused? Suspicious? Shocked? Kaz isn't sure, really. Regardless, he lets Inej lead the tour while he takes their bags upstairs, his thoughts a disorganized jumble.

He rejoins them in the sun room, her parents conferring by the wide windows. ]

Alright?

[ inej endures the pestering questions the entire walk to their home, and answers them mostly with ease. but when they get to the house, her mother's questions shift from her well-being to the house itself. and while kaz takes their bags upstairs, asena begins to pester.

It's beautiful, but why do you live in such a huge house by yourself? which caused her father to roll his eyes to the ceiling, likely asking for a prayer from the saints, and her mother to purse her lips in response. and inej had responded easily, without thinking, that kaz lives here too, he's the one who bought the house in the first place. and that had sparked an immediate lecture.

so kaz walks into the sunroom when her parents are conferring . . . or rather, when jardani is telling asena to stop micromanaging her daughter's happiness, and asena is very evidently not listening. and inej looks long-suffering, at best, before looking over at the door with a rueful expression, reaching out to loop an arm through his. ]

Everything is fine.

[ mildly. ]

I was trying to convince my parents they should rest after their journey, which they should. [ she says, more directed toward her parents, and asena waves her hand dismissively. ] While we make them lunch, but I think it might be a lost cause.

I see.

[ He gets the sense he's missed something. Which he may or may not get the details of. Asena seems agitated by something, presumably by being told she needs to relax and rest. Jardani, as usual, is taking care of whatever damage control needs to be done. ]

Will they be offended if we just do that anyway? [ Meaning Asena. It's hard to say how she'll react. ] They probably should sit for a bit.

[ Sailing is exhausting even for the more able-bodied. Kaz tires more easily aboard a ship, with constantly having to rebalance himself. Neither of Inej's parents have a cane to contend with, but they aren't getting any younger. ]

[ inej makes a noise to herself; it's a noise of agreement, with kaz, because they should rest. but inej can recognize the tilt of asena's chin and the thin pursing of her lips, because inej sees the same expression in the mirror whenever she looks annoyed or determined to get her way.

idly, inej realizes the reason they bicker is because they are too alike. and when inej is upset, she refuses to back down.

it's this realization that she understands arguing with her mother is pointless, and she sighs, before she shifts from speaking kerch to suli. ]

Papa, can you just take her upstairs?

[ and at that, asena opens her mouth to protest, but jardani immediately takes his wife by the arm and guides her out of the room, offering both kaz and inej a warm smile, and responding (in kerch, for kaz's benefit): We will be down within the hour, the house is lovely.

and once her parents (still speaking with each other in suli) move further down the hall, inej rolls her eyes to the ceiling, a prayer running through her mind asking for patience, before she turns to kaz, arching her eyebrows. ]

Lunch?

[ Asena's protest is clearly visible but she's outnumbered by Jardani, who is clearly willing to relax—if Kaz is catching the drift of the conversation right—and Inej, who is done arguing. Kaz responds with a Rest well and watches them go, Asena's spine still straight with stubbornness. ]

May as well. [ He says, turning towards the kitchen. ] You know, the set of her chin reminds me of someone.

[ Like mother, like daughter. Most especially when they're digging their heels in. ]

[ his comment is met with a thin pursing of her lips, which, incidentally, is exactly the same expression asena had on her way out of the room. but she doesn't comment on it, instead shifting the subject, her tone dry: ]

She is upset that we are living together.

[ it's hard to say, really, what inej feels about that. annoyed is probably a safe guess. but as inej follows along with him to the kitchen, she sighs to herself, the sound almost whistling between her teeth. ]

I forgot that we aren't married.

[ not in the sense of literally forgetting that they aren't married, but in the sense that it would bother her mother. which, in retrospect, is pretty stupid, on inej's part. and as she ruminates on that, once they reach the kitchen, she adds, a bit blithely: ]

She will get over it.

[ no one out-stubborns inej ghafa. ]

[ Well, her mother being upset about them living together checks out. Part of him is reassured by what Inej had told him earlier, that he's done plenty and that her mother is just being. Difficult. About it.

But at least that worry makes sense. She doesn't know Kaz very well at all. He's one step removed from a stranger and he's living with her only daughter.

That's a lot easier to swallow than what Inej says next, which catches him by surprise. And subsequently has him blushing up to his ears. He'd forgotten that was a thing that bothered people. The whole being together outside the bounds of marriage. Kerch, for all that its people care more for money, still adheres to some more traditional thoughts. Dowries and arranged marriages aren't too uncommon amongst the merchers.

Coming from the Barrel, he'd never even thought about it. They didn't usually have the time or money to worry about getting properly married, though he's certainly intended to ask Inej. When the time is right. Or maybe just when he gets over his stupid anxiety over it.

He forces down the blush, voice a bit weak when he finally speaks up. ] Is that what she's upset about?

[ she tugs open the door of the ice box, to examine what they have available for lunch . . . but her ears pick up the weakness in his voice, and she glances towards him, arching her eyebrows a little, catching the tinges of pink in his cheeks.

and inej watches him for a moment, trying to figure out what is bothering him, before it suddenly clicks inside her head. ]

What, were you planning on proposing this weekend?

[ a little dryly, as she turns her attention back to the food, tugging out a head of lettuce. ]

Sorry if she ruined the surprise.

[ All those times he'd wrung his hands and decided against a more impulsive proposal are currently coming back to haunt him. Granted, Inej doesn't seem to care one way or another. And while he had never put much stock in the whole marriage thing, he wants to propose. It just feels...complete, for lack of a better term.

Still, this whole line of thought makes him nervous. Because he does want it to be a genuine surprise. ]

Well, no. [ He pauses, leaning against the counter, a thoughtful look on his face. Which she hopefully won't see right through. ] I hadn't thought about it, honestly.

[ inej ghafa knows kaz brekker. better than anyone else on the planet. she knows when he's lying, and when he's not, and when he's hiding something. and this time, as she sets the items for sandwiches on the kitchen counter, she can tell that his thoughtful expression is bullshit.

what she can't figure out is why. has he thought about it? probably. but inej writes that off as nothing, because kaz does nothing but think. he considers everything and anything as a possibility.

so as she starts to arrange ingredients to put together something to eat for her parents, she looks at him, a little incredulous. ]

You haven't thought about marrying me.

[ she's just fucking with him, but he's the one who started it, so he gets what he gets. ]

[ Ghezen, he shouldn't have said anything. Or maybe the silence would've damned him. There's no real backing out of this conversation without either looking like an insensitive jerk—because why wouldn't he have thought about it, after everything—or completely blowing the surprise.

Maybe, just maybe, he can feign emotionally stupid. The idea of proposing in the middle of the kitchen just because her mother brought it up feels like some kind of guilt trip. ]

Crossed my mind, but didn't get much further than that. [ He shrugs, as if that seals it. ] I was more worried about whether you were going to come back, at the time.

[ it's hard to read, but her expression does soften, at that, and her hands still on the head of lettuce before she decides to abandon it, to move closer and loop her arms around his waist, resting her chin on his chest to look up at him, amused. ]

I was always going to come back.

[ first, and she pushes herself up onto her toes to give him a gentle kiss before adding, in a murmur: ]

And I think I would say yes, if it crosses your mind again.

[ before she presses her lips against his cheek, letting go to return to making lunch, beginning to shred some lettuce, before adding: ]

Probably, anyway. I sort of like living in sin.

[ though it's clear, by her tone, that she's poking fun with the last part. ]

[ He likes when she does this. Or loves it, really, there's something deeply satisfying about how she rests her chin against his chest. It's even better when she presses her cheek there, reminiscent of how they sometimes end up while asleep. ]

Have I at least told you I love you?

[ While he knows this answer, there's still a small smile curving his mouth. He leans over to kiss her temple as she goes back to what she was doing, pulling away just enough to catch her gaze. ]

Your Saints won't feel snubbed and rain down their displeasure?

You might have mentioned it once or twice.

[ wryly, though there's a small smile on her lips as she shifts to unpacking cheese, fishing a knife out of a drawer to slice it. but at kaz's next statement, she rolls her eyes, slicing a piece of cheese. ]

It is silly and unnecessary.

[ honestly!!!! ]

I do not need a piece of paper to give me permission to chase my happiness.

Just once or twice? Sounds like I need to say it more.

[ It's getting easier to say. At the start, it hadn't been quite so simple. There'd been the vulnerability part, which he'd been a lot worse at. And there'd been trying to sort through his feelings to even come to that conclusion. Which sounds stupid, because who doesn't realize they're in love with someone?

(It was him, he was and still continues to be stupid, but at least she knows he loves her now). ]

No interest in ceremony or tradition, huh? [ This is a dangerous line of questioning. He diverts it, sort of: ] You realize Nina would be devastated to hear this.

[ she tosses him a look, slicing more pieces of cheese. for someone who hadn’t thought about it, he sure was thinking about it...

besides, it wasn’t as if inej hasn’t talked about this with Nina, who frequently asks if Kaz has done anything in terms of marriage. And, every time, inej responds: ]

I would rather be married in my bedroom with a signed certificate than have a lot of people staring at me.

[ and she begins to build sandwiches, before she begins slicing tomatoes. ]

But my mother prefers the ceremony and tradition.

[ obviously, given asena’s huff. ]

Edited 2020-07-30 00:35 (UTC)

Sensible.

[ And so very much her. She's the Wraith, after all, she's made her whole life about not being seen. Only showing herself when she wanted to. Though he can't say he disagrees with it, because the idea of having a big ceremony makes him feel low key paranoid.

Talking about this makes him wonder: would it have been better or worse if his parents were around? His father had seemed like someone with his head firmly attached. What little touches his mother had left behind were equally down to earth. There's a familiar pang of loss—he wishes he would've taken something from the house, if couldn't have his parents alive. Maybe he could've kept a reminder.

But he'd been too young to think about it. And with no will, all of it had defaulted to sale to make sure him and Jordie had something to get them on their feet.

He's at least pretty sure his brother would've liked Inej.

Sighing, he puts it out of his mind. Because now he has family, or something like it. Jardani is trying his best, after all. ]

How long do you think it'll take for her to come around on us living in sin?

[ she can tell his mind has wandered to something else, and inej looks up at the sigh, her brow furrowing a little in concern — but her expression soon shifts as inej laughs quietly, shaking her head as she slices another tomato. ]

I think she will be okay.

[ as inej turns to undoing the package of roast turkey, selecting a different knife. ]

She does like the house, though. She loves the garden, and the master bedroom with the natural light. Sinful and all.

[ the entire thing is so ridiculous. ]

So I think she will come around sooner rather than later.

Your dad seemed to be tempering some of the shock, at least.

[ They've been married a long time, he knows his wife and what it takes to pull her away from an edge. Or from digging her heels in too deeply. Kaz had liked him almost instantly, probably tempered by the same calmness that kept Asena on ground level.

He has to wonder if people look at him and Inej and think the same way. Because so often, even while she was an official member of the Dregs, they could hold a conversation without saying a thing.

It's only gotten better (or worse) with time. And it makes him happy to think about. They've come a long way. ]

He thinks the house is perfect. I think he is already planning which room is going to be his and where he can keep his things.

[ amused, as she finishes assembling her sandwiches, stacking the little sandwiches on a nearby plate. but most importantly: ]

He likes you a lot.

[ jardani had made it a special point to tell inej that, likely to mollify her from her mother's indignation at her new living situation, but. you know. whatever. inej will take her victories where she can get them. ]

He's welcome to. They both are—it's not like we have a space problem.

[ As much as the idea of Asena being around so much makes him nervous. But maybe she'll come around during the visit. It's as Inej said: she probably just needs to get used to him. ]

I like him, he strikes me as very sensible. [ And laid back, to a point. Kaz typically does better with people who have similar personality traits, if only because he has a very intense way about him. The times he got along with Jes best were when his friend wasn't just laughing something off. When he brought some levity to a situation or an idea. ]

I get the feeling he's helped do a lot of convincing your mother I'm not just going to take off in the middle of the night.

[ her lips twitch into a faint smile, at that, as she drapes a tea towel over the stack of sandwiches, shifting her attention to finding fruit to go with it. boat living sort of restricts your ability to have fresh food, and while her parents hadn't spent the months and months on board like she had, they had been on the boat long enough to probably need some freshness in their diet. ]

I think now she is coping with the reality that you aren't going anywhere.

[ as she tosses him a slight grin, reaching up on her toes to grab at some apples in a hanging basket near the window of the sink. ]

Though she is going to interrogate you about marriage, so start weaving your clever excuse and tale now, while she's sleeping.

[ allegedly sleeping, anyway. inej is positive asena is not doing at all what she is supposed to be doing. like mother, like daughter. ]

Edited 2020-07-31 15:00 (UTC)

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