timewasting | modern au kanej.

It wouldn't have gone anywhere if you decided not to testify.

[ Other motions for cases had appeared, according to Tomassen—they'd talked about it when he was first trying to convince him to take it on. But in every single one of them the girl had either backed out or disappeared mysteriously, which hadn't set a positive precedence. It's why Kaz had checked and double checked that Inej wanted to continue pressing on, worried about what the fall out would be from Heleen. Because it wasn't as though Heleen was willing to play by the rules. She had the money and connections to make life completely miserable for someone.

Well, moreso. ]

Almost to the end. [ They're so close. She's so close. To being free of Heleen and not having to worry about the awful woman for the rest of her days. She can use that time to keep healing and kicking off her life. Pursuing what she wants to do instead of being forced to work a debt that wouldn't have ever disappeared.

He reaches up carefully, blindly, palm setting against the side of her neck as he lightly strokes his thumb on her skin. ]

[ the soft gesture is soothing, and inej waits there for a moment before turning her head slightly, so she could press her lips against his palm. ]

Almost there.

[ she agrees quietly, kissing his palm again, the movement gentle. ]

It will be nice, to focus on something else, other than her. [ she murmurs, dipping a little lower, so she can brush a kiss against his wrist. ] I could spend more time thinking about you than I already do.

[ She kisses his palm and he quirks a smile, shifting his weight a bit so his arm isn't at such a strange angle. ]

Is that often, then? [ Maybe he sounds a bit surprised. And the embarrassment is also leaking through as a small shiver goes through him when she kisses his wrist. It's a sensitive part of skin and it feels so much more intimate that one to his palm or the backs of his fingers. ]

Fairly often.

[ she admits, feeling the slight tremor of his skin as she presses his lips to his wrist. and she pauses before shifting to press her cheek against his arm, ducking her head a little to meet his gaze, eyes curious. ]

Ticklish?

[ she might sound a little amused. ]

[ Oh. Well. That's a nice thing to hear. Of course, now he's curious what she's thinking of. But he wonders if she'll turn that same question on him—he's definitely had some stray thoughts about how New Years could've gone if either of them had been ready for it.

He also thinks about the time they spent in Ravka, kissing on her small porch when the weather finally turned warm in spring. ]

No. [ Actually... ] A little.

[ her curious expression turns into a brighter grin, at the admission, and inej turns her head a little to kiss the inside of his wrist again, the action purposeful. ]

I didn't know you were ticklish.

[ she definitely sounds mischievous, now, though she doesn't kiss his wrist again, choosing instead to run her thumb along the back of his hand, amused. ]

Where else?

[ as if he'd tell her, but she's content to explore and find out herself if he refuses to answer. ]

[ Since he's ready for it this time, it doesn't make him shiver quite as much when she kisses his wrist a second time. It still tickles, just a bit, right where the skin is thinnest. ]

Hmm, you'll have to find out.

[ They're matching now, both tones verging on mischief. He's interested to see if she'll take him up on it. Part of him thinks she will. And though he isn't too keen on being tickled, really, the underpinnings of her figuring out where is too much to say no to. ]

[ oh, a challenge. so that's how it's going to be.

inej is only ticklish in a very particular spot, right at the lower end of her stomach. which absolutely no one would have access to, though kaz might. one day, maybe. though inej is certain she would probably have more important things on her mind than being ticklish if his mouth is anywhere near that part of her body.

at any rate, she matches the mischievous glint in his eye with a slight grin, and inej pushes herself up to lean over him a little, hair falling over her shoulder, the robe loose on her frame. and she lowers herself for a brief kiss, but lets her fingers coast down his sides, to dig in (gently) along his ribs.

a prime ticklish spot, she thinks. ]

[ There's no hesitation as she props herself up to lean over him, face lit up with a grin. He has a split second of pause because she's beautiful like this—hair loose over her shoulder, a smile that says she's clearly enjoying herself. And maybe he likes it a little too much when she's over top of him. Especially now that she's wearing a robe that's starting to show off more of her collarbones.

His hand slides to her waist as she dips down for a brief kiss, one he chases after for a second. Her fingers skim across his ribs which feels funny but not exactly ticklish. She's close though. ]

Try again.

Hmmm. . .

[ it's a thoughtful noise against his lips as she lets her fingers trail a little lower, dancing along the curve of his hips, along the waistband of his boxers. ]

Here?

[ she says with a slight grin as she dips down for another kiss, letting her fingers ghost along his hips. ]

[ Her touch dips lower and his muscles jump reactively, both not used to the touch and surprised by where it is. Maybe he shouldn't have been. His face heats up a little as she keeps touching, though it doesn't produce the same reaction as before, it does make him shiver.

Just, perhaps, not in a ticklish way. Almost there. ]

Not quite. [ He leans forward to meet her kiss, pressing a shorter one to the corner of her mouth. ]

[ ah, perhaps too much. but her fingers avoid messing about with his clothes, though she can see the light blush that races along his cheeks. ]

I will know if you are lying, Kaz Brekker.

[ she warns as he kisses the corner of her mouth, and inej curls her fingers a bit into his sides, running her thumbs along his skin. ]

You cannot hide anything from me.

Not lying.

[ Not this time. And really, he tends to be honest with her anyway, knowing she'll understand some of his weirder quirks. It's nice to be able to be himself without the exasperation or impatience.

He's distracted away from that thought immediately as her hands find his sides, touch light enough that it almost is an accident. It doesn't seem like she's testing it as a ticklish spot at any rate.

Even though it certainly is. Her fingers curls and thumbs brush along the skin and he lets out a startled laugh, jerking minutely at the shock of it. ]

[ ah, there it is. the laugh brings an instantaneous grin to her features as she digs her fingers in a bit more with a laugh. ]

I guess not.

[ amused, though she soon releases her hold, to leave him a chaste kiss on the lips, letting go to tug her robe a bit more back into place. the stupid thing is far too big for her to wear it seriously, but ah well. ]

Not a very creative place to be ticklish, I have to say.

[ Naturally, she doesn't let up and instead digs her fingers in a little more. He squirms when she does, unable to help himself. ]

No but I don't have anyone else looking for it.

[ Unlike some people!!!

He sits up a bit, sliding his hand from her waist to her covered thigh, leaning in to return her kiss. And giving her another one to her cheek.

And one more to her jawline, for good measure. ]

[ a soft chuckle escapes as he sits up, and inej tilts her head slightly as he kisses her jawline. maybe giving him a little more room, if he wants to continue.

she hasn't panicked, yet. she keeps waiting for it to happen, the moment of terror when something is too much. her therapist has essentially told her she will know when she hits her wall.

for now, though, the thought of him kissing her overrides any other hesitation. if she needs to stop, she will. ]

Mm, I suppose I should be grateful for that. That no one else looks.

[ she murmurs, letting her fingers run along his arm thoughtfully as she settles against his leg, letting the robe fall a bit around her hips. ]

[ Inej tilts her head when he kisses her jaw, clearly indicating he can keep going if he wants. Which he doesn't hesitate to do, comfortable with this kind of contact. It's as they get more eager that they come closer to their respective boundaries.

Over the months, they've learned what that wall feels and looks like. Not only for themselves but for the other person as well. Inej goes still and tense, her gaze unfocused as a memory creeps up on her.

And he'll start to feel the creeping dread, clawing its way up his throat. Akin to the panic he'd felt when he thought he was going to drown. Both are clear stopping points that they're more than understanding of.

None of that is here right now, as he presses soft kisses along her jaw and lightly down her neck, right across her pulse point. He stops when he gets to the dip of her collarbone, pulling away to catch her gaze and make sure she's okay. And to affectionately tuck some of her hair behind her ear, from where it escaped earlier. ]

Likely to catch my cane if they did.

[ Only she's gotten to see him this undone. Jes comes closest, because he'd known Kaz when he was younger, nearly a different person and totally unconcerned with casual touch. ]

[ her lips curve upward into a faint smile, at the comment. kaz is faster than he looks, and she doesn't doubt he would crack someone over the head with the cane in a heartbeat if he really had to do so.

she's about to suggest tugging the robe a bit out of the way when kaz pauses, catching her gaze. her expression warms immediately, and once he tucks the piece of hair behind her ear, she turns her cheek just enough to kiss his hand. ]

I am fine.

[ it helps, she finds, to say it out loud. ]

[ She smiles and it reassures that she's currently in a good headspace. Not teetering on dipping into an old memory.

So far so good then. Which has become more frequent. At least at this early stage of trading kisses back and forth. Still, they've had enough moments where sometimes things start off wrong and they end up giving each other space. Either way, it makes him feel better to check. ]

How fine? [ He asks, the words murmured against her mouth as he leans in for a soft kiss. Because he has some ideas. ]

[ she thinks she's only had a panic attack in front of him once -- the night of the cross-examination, where she had held it together until she got into the car, and then felt like she couldn't breathe. tomassen had suggested taking her to the hospital, which gripped her with more terror. she had ultimately just been taken home, where she had remained trembling for what felt like hours.

it's really for that reason (hating feeling totally out of control of her senses) that inej has been relatively shy in intimacy. mostly because every single time it gets to a certain point, she feels the clawing sensation in her chest that threatens to cut off her breathing. she's slowly gotten better at it. not feeling nervous, at his hands on her neck, or holding her wrist.

all of that to say: ]

I am safe with you.

[ she murmurs, kissing the corner of his mouth. ]

You can loosen it, if you want. [ the robe. there's an odd tug of anxiety in her stomach, at the thought, but it doesn't feel the same as being afraid or scared. exciting, maybe? ] I think I will be fine.

[ Something inside him warms at her mentioning that she's safe with him. He wants nothing more than for her to feel comfortable in her skin; a feeling she was denied for too long.

She kisses the corner of his mouth and he chases it with another soft kiss, glad to be here with her. Though it's a mix of warm affection and a bit of a thrill when she says he can loosen the robe. ]

Let me know.

[ Which he trusts she will. But it's helpful to say it aloud, he thinks, reinforcing that this can stop at any point. Carefully, he tugs at the neckline of the robe, lengthening the "v" to show more of her chest. It gaps to just below her sternum, a line he dips his head to kiss along. Nudging the robe out of the way some more, he's nearly exposed the one side of her chest, part of it slipping off her small shoulder. He doesn't go further, not yet, simply brushing his lips along the newly showing skin. ]

[ the menagerie was always brutal. there was no softness or attention paid to how she felt. and while she tenses (slightly) at the loosening of the robe, it's quickly overridden by the gentle kiss to her chest. it's such a soft motion that it immediately relaxes her, the breath she didn't know she was holding exhaling in a soft laugh, surprised at herself for being okay. ]

This thing is so big.

[ she says in mild exasperation, shifting herself a bit to loosely run her fingers through his hair, her other hand settling at his neck. she makes no move to fix the robe, but she's certain she looks ridiculous. definitely not sexy, if that matters.

( does it matter? it probably should. oh well. )

so, because it is so big, she gently shrugs herself the rest of the way out of it, letting the robe settle around her hips. covering her lower half, but leaving her top half bare. it feels a little more comfortable, weirdly, than leaving it half on. or maybe it's because she did it herself.

her smile has turned a little nervous, almost shy. the scarring along her arm where she had the tattoo removed is apparent, now. and she has several more, scattered around. some on her arms, another near her upper ribs. clients that got too daring, fights that she couldn't avoid.

her fingers fiddle with the loose tie on the robe for half a moment. because this feels like something she can't really reverse, taking off her shirt. too late to go back now. and maybe it was a mistake, to do this - maybe she should have waited. and she's about to apologize before she says the first thing that pops into her head, which is: ]

It is like ripping off a bandage. Sometimes. The - all of it.

[ way to ruin the moment, inej. ]

You're just small.

[ Not that he's judging. It's just a fact. She's short and has a compact frame—nearly everything is big on her. The robe being no exception. Though it's cute in a way, because it's so fluffy that it's nearly overwhelming. He's sure it's comfortable.

And really, he's about to ask if she's chilly at all, with her one shoulder exposed and her hair still damp. But then she's shrugging the entire top half of the robe off, fabric settling on her hips over the tie around her middle. Honestly, he doesn't mean to stare. But he does, surprised, at her suddenly letting the top drop off. There's still a lingering affection, mostly from that feeling of being trusted, but it's quickly taken over by a flush of heat that slides down his spine. For a few precious seconds he has to fight off the urge to roll them over and bury his face in her chest. It doesn't matter that she's small there as well. Just that it's Inej.

She fidgets and it brings his attention back, one hand moving to cover hers as his thumb strokes along the backs of her fingers. ]

This okay? [ All of this, right now. He can tell she's nervous because there's no taking this back. And maybe she's self conscious, because there are scars. Marks left by the cruel or those who simply didn't care. His other hand moves to trace the length of her collarbones and then down her chest, canting sideways to follow the slight curve of a breast. ]

[ the staring causes something uncomfortable in the back of her throat, but the tension is broken by the comment, and his touch. it causes a slight shiver to run through her being. she isn't sure if it's because of nerves, or because she's cold, or because the skin is sensitive. probably all of the above.

she runs her thumb over the back of his hand, leaning forward to tentatively press her lips against his cheek. testing whether or not she still feels warm and affectionate. turns out the answer is yes. ]

Mhm.

[ it's soft, kissing his temple. and she remains there for a moment, pausing, before exhaling: ]

Your hands are cold.

[ which, in retrospect, how rude. ]

[ It shows, her shiver, and he isn't sure either whether it's from the air or from anticipation. Or from the light touch. She doesn't freeze up though, leaning to kiss his cheek and then going further up to press her lips to his temple. It's both comforting and intimate, something they've been treading the line of. ]

Oh. [ Well. He can fix that. His palms rasp as he rubs his hands together, the friction causing more warmth to build. After a moment, he curls his fingers into his palms, letting them soak up the heat.

Then he's carefully touching again, drawing the tips of his fingers down her front before gently cupping a breast. Tipping his head, he kisses her jaw and the side of her neck, actually enjoying how close they are at the moment. ]

Better?

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