timewasting | modern au kanej.

[ her heart beats a little faster as he unfolds the letter, trying to read his expression. his brow is a little furrowed as he reads . . . and his tone causes her heart to sink, the disappointment clear on her features as kaz gives her the letter.

she doesn't even really want to read it, and she can feel an annoying prickling in the corners of her eyes that mean tears are fighting to come to the surface. it's absurd to be upset. it isn't as if she hasn't been told no before. she nearly folds it and tosses it aside, because who needs them. but her eyes catch a few words on the page, and she lets herself read it through.

her expression shifts from disappointment to confusion, because congratulations seems at odds with kaz's statement. and then her eyes widen a little, at the numbers listed . . . fully funded, with room for additional, pending a few reports or something, it doesn't really matter, because -- ]

Do you think you are funny?

[ she demands, shifting the paper so she can look at his annoying, smug, trying-not-to-laugh face, but her own outrage is betrayed by the joy peeking through. ]

Because I can assure you that you aren't.

[ Her face has completely fallen, something he feels a little bad about. Especially since her eyes have gone glassy, unshed tears trying to make their way out. He's never been good with people when they start crying and Inej is no exception. In fact, he thinks it's somehow worse with her, even if he has some idea on how to comfort her through it now.

Except her expression changes, as he figured it would, shifting to puzzlement and then shock as she gets to the acceptance. ]

A little.

[ He says through a laugh, a wide grin following on its heels. Sitting up, he loops his arm around her shoulders, tugging her in for a side hug. ]

Congratulations.

[ she falls against his side without much fight, though she does swat at him (lightly) as she presses against him, still trying to read through the rest of the letter now that her arms are effectively pinned. it's a bit crumpled, now, but that's fine. it wouldn't take back the decision, which is: ]

It's funded.

[ her tone has shifted from aggravation into something akin to disbelief, as she reads the letter again, just to make sure that it, indeed, has her name on it. no typos, no errors. it even has their address on it.

once that sinks in (the reality of the situation, anyway), her earlier aggravation melts into joy, and gratitude, and the letter is soon abandoned to turn in his direction, her hands finding his face as she pushes herself up onto her knees for a kiss.

( she still hasn't forgiven him for being rude, but baby steps are being taken. ) ]

[ His grin goes a little wider when she swats him, amusement completely lighting up his face. He gives her a few more minutes to continue reading. Or perhaps to re-read, surely checking the validity of the letter. ]

Yep. And it looks like they want to talk more.

[ So basically, the most ideal situation possible. Her face soon reflects the reality, brightening as she sits up on her knees. The letter flutters in the general direction of the table, but he's more concentrated on pulling Inej closer, smiling into the kiss. Arms looped around her waist, he gives her a happy and affectionate squeeze, honestly thrilled for her. ]

[ his arms around her waist tugs her closer, and inej soon settles on his lap, letting her legs hang off the couch as she loops her arms around his neck, grinning as she presses her forehead against his. ]

They do.

[ miraculously, or maybe not. tante heleen's trial had been publicized all over kerch. it was hard to not know who inej is, after that. maybe they found her story compelling. or maybe kaz's business plan had been that convincing. either way: ]

Thank you, and I love you.

[ she murmurs (the first statement being politeness, the latter being a necessity), ducking closer for a softer kiss, though once that's done, she continues to murmur against his lips: ]

But I am still annoyed with you.

[ as is clearly obvious. ]

[ Her weight settles in his lap and he's both warmed and enticed—these days they seem to go hand in hand more often. Sometimes, it's rather annoying. Because he would like to focus on her win right now and not other things. ]

Love you. [ And of course, he's willing to help out any time. He just wants her to be happy and if filling out some paperwork so she doesn't have to does the trick, then he'll do it. It's his area of expertise at any rate. ]

Are you? I'm getting mixed messages here.

[ He says, kissing her again, hands sliding to settle on her waist. ]

[ what a punk. and inej settles back a bit, arching her eyebrows after he kisses her again, almost silently asking if he's serious. a challenging look, really. ]

I am.

[ rather seriously, as she presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth. ]

I might just sleep on the couch.

[ she thinks the only time she actually has slept on the couch was when kaz had a particularly nasty reaction to her wet fingers brushing against his cheek. it had been a hard lesson to learn, but inej had slept on the couch that night . . . or, well, she tried, before setting up the couch cushions on the floor of their room, so she could at least be nearby if he needed anything.

( there had been a roughly twenty minute argument about her sleeping on the floor before inej had told him to shut up and take his medication so he could sleep. ) ]

That's drastic.

[ She'd attempted it once before, though the circumstances had certainly been different. He had a poor reaction to her touching his face with damp hands—a complete accident, on her part. It wasn't like she'd known that was a problem for him. And he hadn't anticipated it being a thing to worry about.

So they ended up with her on the couch. And then on the floor of their room. Eventually, they'd made a wall of pillows between them on the bed so he wouldn't accidentally come in contact with her in the middle of the night.

He's since recovered and they've gone back to their usual closeness. At least at the start of the night. In the morning, he ends up rolling towards her again if his consciousness surfaces before she gets up.

Still, the point is: it hadn't been a good time, having her be not in the bed. He'd been worried about her getting a good sleep. And he'd missed her, almost desperately. Even if he couldn't have touched her without his stomach curling.

Nothing like now, where he kisses her cheek and feels nothing but a small uptick of happiness. ]

I can make it up to you.

[ the kiss to her cheek prompts a warm smile, and inej settles back, lifting a hand to brush a piece of his hair out of his eyes. she's truly not irritated with him, but that doesn't mean inej won't take him up on an offer to make up for being a brat. those promises usually work out in her favor. ]

Can you?

[ she asks, amused, letting her fingers trace a line down his face, along his jaw. ]

I already bought dinner.

[ so that card has already been removed from the proverbial deck. ]

[ Dinner was on its way, that's true. So he couldn't use that as a possibility. Though, he does have a slightly different angle, spurred on by her being in his lap, wanting to celebrate, and...well, some previous learning experiences. ]

I have an idea, for after dinner.

[ He catches her hand and kisses her palm and then her wrist, feeling the slightest flush in his face. Getting used to talking about intimacy has been a journey. They've been dating for a while now and yet. ]

If you're up for it. [ Because he wants to check in, first. She still has days where the scars Heleen left are more visible, floating to the surface. ]

[ the kiss to her palm and wrist sparks a warm smile, enjoying the tiny little acts of affection. they feel so soft and easy, now. though she notices the slight blush across his cheeks, and is more than a little intrigued at what he has in mind. ]

I am always up for spending time with you.

[ she says, leaning forward to give him a slight peck on the lips. ]

As long as you are up for it.

[ he does look tired, after all. ]

[ He kisses a little further down her forearm before releasing it, both hands settling back onto her hips. There's still a faint bit of color clinging onto his cheeks, he can feel the heat of it, as he tries not to think too hard about what he wants to do later.

Because they've been pushing their boundaries more, figuring out what feels good and what doesn't. They'd figured out pretty quickly that fingering doesn't go how either of them would like. For him, it's a touch thing, the (flattering) dampness hard for him to work past. And for her, it dredges up bad memories. Nameless men touching without asking, trying to control how her body reacted.

He thinks, though, he might have a solution. ]

I'll be fine after dinner. [ Really, he just needs the time to decompress. And to not be talking to a bunch of people he doesn't know very well aside from their financial state.

The doorbell pings and he ducks forward for another quick kiss before he lets her go. ]

Speaking of, probably.

[ she leans forward to briefly touch her forehead to his before getting up, rising to her feet so she can collect dinner. ]

I doubt anyone else is going to visit us this late.

[ unless jesper needed bail money. again. but indeed, it's the delivery person, and inej collects their food and tips the driver, returning to settle back on the couch, divvying up the containers. ]

I got you your pancakes with the grass.

[ lightly, as she passes over the scallion pancakes, the dig said with much affection as she continues to separate out the containers of rice and chicken. ]

[ Well, she has a point. His parents or maybe Jesper might, but they typically texted or called before they dropped in. They all knew he liked to be given a heads up.

She starts taking containers out and he helps arrange the napkins and utensils, accepting the scallion pancakes when she hands them over.

Or rather: the pancakes with the grass. ]

I'm never living that down, huh?

[ Though he laughs lightly, opening up his container and starting to dig in. Honestly, he's not sour over her reminding him– it had been a good night. A good memory. Even if it feels so strangely long ago. ]

Gonna tell your parents about the letter? [ He's sure they'll be thrilled. ]

Never.

[ she says with a grin, settling into her corner of the couch, tucking her feet underneath a stray throw blanket that she had been using earlier. she fishes out a fork from the bag, stirring her rice once. ]

And of course, but when they are awake. [ the time difference makes things a bit hard, sometimes, but her parents will be overjoyed when she calls them in the morning. ] I think Mama is going to be more excited over being in Ravka more than anything else.

[ over the moon, really. and, as she continues to stir her food: ]

She has been asking when we are coming back to visit.

[ Both of them settle in to eat; he props his feet up on the nearby ottoman. Which is slightly off to the side but he's currently too lazy and hungry to move it. His hands full, after all, with scallion pancakes.

Inej mentions she'll call her parents in the morning—it is rather late there, getting on towards midnight. They'll be excited to hear from her first thing in the morning. At least, first thing in Kerch. And he can imagine her mother will be thrilled to have her daughter back in the same country again, instead of in dreary Kerch. She frequently mentions how awful it must be that Inej doesn't get enough sun. Kaz agrees with her, though that is why they tend to go back and forth. ]

"We"? Or just you? [ He's still not totally certain Asena has warmed up to him. It feels like it's on again off again. ]

We.

[ she places a particular emphasis on that, rolling her eyes a little at his request for clarification. asena hadn't exactly enjoyed the idea of kaz, but she's decided he's worth keeping around. inej is fairly certain the trial had something to do with it; her mother had been grateful kaz had been there to help, and to be supportive.

all the same, she shifts her leg a little to nudge his thigh with her foot, amused. ]

She has already started calling you her son in private.

[ inej had caught her chattering to a neighbor, the last she was in ravka. the slip had resulted in a lot of argument between the two of them, mostly in inej telling asena that she should tell kaz that, and asena telling inej to mind her own business. the two had left it at that, with jardani suggesting that maybe titles really don't mean that much anyway.

which leads inej to: ]

She enjoys when you visit, too. Even if she doesn't seem like she does.

[ She corrects him with emphasis and nudges his leg, which makes him hum—still a bit unconvinced. Asena doesn't seem to hate him anymore but he isn't sure she necessarily likes him. ]

Does she now? [ Well, that's interesting. He doubts Inej is just saying things to make him feel better, she's always been pretty frank about her relationship with her mother. And, well, her mother's relationship with him. Whatever that is, with this newest revelation. ]

She's always scrutinizing, like she's waiting for some proof it's a sham.

[ Obviously, he isn't deterred. But it is awkward. ]

She is protective.

[ understandably so, even if it is annoying. kerch robbed asena of her daughter, and she didn't want it to happen again. rebuilding trust would take a long time, but asena seems to have settled into the fact that kaz was not going to go anywhere, which may not be a bad thing.

so, as such, inej nudges his leg again, arching her eyebrows. ]

Is it a sham?

[ seeing as he's being dramatic over nothing. ]

[ Ah, well, that is certainly true. And her mother has good reason to be protective—Kerch and its people didn't make a great impression with how Inej ended up while she was here. Obviously not everyone is Tante Heleen but the association stuck, especially after years of grief in not knowing what happened.

She just happened to transfer a lot of those negative feelings to him, seeing as he was from here. Thankfully some of that sourness has dropped away now that she's gotten to know him. Or possibly just come to terms with the fact that he isn't going anywhere. Still, she seems reticent about the positives. ]

Of course not. [ Inej please!!! ] You're stuck with me until you get bored.

[ He loosely wraps his fingers around her ankle, the one she's been nudging him with, sliding his thumb along her leg. Just a small bit of affection because she's too far to kiss. Not really that far but he doesn't want to disrupt their dinner containers. ]

[ she pauses, at that, watching his thumb gently run around her shin. something about his comment bugs at her slightly. she isn't entire sure why, at first, until she runs it through her head again. ]

Do you think I would get bored of you?

[ she wouldn't, obviously. it's hard to envision her life without him, now. she's certain he's who she's supposed to be with for the rest of her life. being with anyone else is out of the question. she isn't complete, without him. ]

No. [ It doesn't come out strong, especially when he follows it up. ] Not often.

[ This wasn't the conversation he wanted to have. Nor was it something he wanted to bring up. But he had said it without thinking. Or perhaps thinking too hard. Sometimes the difference was a hair.

It's not like he thinks she's particular prone to boredom or even wandering loyalties. And it isn't one of his louder anxieties, the ones he's used to working through. Those persistent worries he's gotten in check. This one is more of a creeping, lingering thought at the edges. On rare occasions, it sinks its claws in, usually keeping him awake in the middle of the night when all of his bad traits come into perfectly clarity. As though the universe has poured a bucket of ice water across his nerves.

He isn't an easy person, after all. Argumentative, stubborn, and on more than one occasion: emotionally unavailable. To top it off, he'll never walk right. Which hasn't bothered her and isn't something he necessarily worries about. But. It's there.

What it all comes to is this: he's afraid of fucking it up. ]

[ she watches his face carefully, eyes scanning his features in a moment before she shifts her legs, gently tugging her ankle free from his fingers as she sets the containers aside.

why he has doubts, inej has no idea. it mystifies her, when he thinks he isn't good enough for her. if anything, it's the complete opposite, in her mind. she invited a whirlwind of trouble, into his life. she had essentially turned his family upside down. and he was still here.

so inej scoots closer on the couch, so she can take his face gently in her hands. ]

There will never be anyone else.

[ she murmurs, leaning forward to kiss him gently, the touch brief before she pulls away with a warm smile, running her thumbs over his cheeks. ]

Understand?

[ There's a pinched expression on his face as she pulls her ankle carefully out of his grip. Now that the lid is off on the worries, they're running rampant, the thorn of insecurity sharp in his chest. It's fighting as he tries to just breathe and get it under control. Acknowledge the thoughts and dismiss them with the reality.

She's here, with him, and has been for a while now. He doesn't see that changing, despite the niggling doubt that's trying to convince him otherwise. More of it is erased as she cups his face, the touch so familiar and frankly, welcome amidst the swirl of negative thoughts. ]

I—yeah. [ He loosely grasps her wrists, thumbs settled on the backs of her hands as he gives her a frail smile. ] Who would make fun of me for grass pancakes?

No one else, if I have anything to do with it.

[ as she presses her forehead to his briefly, eyes bright. she dislikes that frail smile, though. something is still clinging to him, and she can tell that whatever nasty voice in his head is telling him she could leave is still speaking. ]

If you asked me to marry you, right now, I would say yes.

[ she says it easily, pulling away so she can look at him, earnest. ]

And before you allow this -- [ and she shifts upwards, to press her lips against his forehead in a kiss ] -- to run rampant and drive you into a panic, you do not need to ask me anything, ever. But I am staying at your side regardless.

[ anxiety be damned. there is no one else, but him. which should feel scary, or daunting, but instead, inej just feels warm. centered, focused, and whole. ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject