[ Her weight settles in his lap and he's both warmed and enticed—these days they seem to go hand in hand more often. Sometimes, it's rather annoying. Because he would like to focus on her win right now and not other things. ]
Love you. [ And of course, he's willing to help out any time. He just wants her to be happy and if filling out some paperwork so she doesn't have to does the trick, then he'll do it. It's his area of expertise at any rate. ]
Are you? I'm getting mixed messages here.
[ He says, kissing her again, hands sliding to settle on her waist. ]
[ what a punk. and inej settles back a bit, arching her eyebrows after he kisses her again, almost silently asking if he's serious. a challenging look, really. ]
I am.
[ rather seriously, as she presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth. ]
I might just sleep on the couch.
[ she thinks the only time she actually has slept on the couch was when kaz had a particularly nasty reaction to her wet fingers brushing against his cheek. it had been a hard lesson to learn, but inej had slept on the couch that night . . . or, well, she tried, before setting up the couch cushions on the floor of their room, so she could at least be nearby if he needed anything.
( there had been a roughly twenty minute argument about her sleeping on the floor before inej had told him to shut up and take his medication so he could sleep. ) ]
[ She'd attempted it once before, though the circumstances had certainly been different. He had a poor reaction to her touching his face with damp hands—a complete accident, on her part. It wasn't like she'd known that was a problem for him. And he hadn't anticipated it being a thing to worry about.
So they ended up with her on the couch. And then on the floor of their room. Eventually, they'd made a wall of pillows between them on the bed so he wouldn't accidentally come in contact with her in the middle of the night.
He's since recovered and they've gone back to their usual closeness. At least at the start of the night. In the morning, he ends up rolling towards her again if his consciousness surfaces before she gets up.
Still, the point is: it hadn't been a good time, having her be not in the bed. He'd been worried about her getting a good sleep. And he'd missed her, almost desperately. Even if he couldn't have touched her without his stomach curling.
Nothing like now, where he kisses her cheek and feels nothing but a small uptick of happiness. ]
[ the kiss to her cheek prompts a warm smile, and inej settles back, lifting a hand to brush a piece of his hair out of his eyes. she's truly not irritated with him, but that doesn't mean inej won't take him up on an offer to make up for being a brat. those promises usually work out in her favor. ]
Can you?
[ she asks, amused, letting her fingers trace a line down his face, along his jaw. ]
I already bought dinner.
[ so that card has already been removed from the proverbial deck. ]
[ Dinner was on its way, that's true. So he couldn't use that as a possibility. Though, he does have a slightly different angle, spurred on by her being in his lap, wanting to celebrate, and...well, some previous learning experiences. ]
I have an idea, for after dinner.
[ He catches her hand and kisses her palm and then her wrist, feeling the slightest flush in his face. Getting used to talking about intimacy has been a journey. They've been dating for a while now and yet. ]
If you're up for it. [ Because he wants to check in, first. She still has days where the scars Heleen left are more visible, floating to the surface. ]
[ the kiss to her palm and wrist sparks a warm smile, enjoying the tiny little acts of affection. they feel so soft and easy, now. though she notices the slight blush across his cheeks, and is more than a little intrigued at what he has in mind. ]
I am always up for spending time with you.
[ she says, leaning forward to give him a slight peck on the lips. ]
[ He kisses a little further down her forearm before releasing it, both hands settling back onto her hips. There's still a faint bit of color clinging onto his cheeks, he can feel the heat of it, as he tries not to think too hard about what he wants to do later.
Because they've been pushing their boundaries more, figuring out what feels good and what doesn't. They'd figured out pretty quickly that fingering doesn't go how either of them would like. For him, it's a touch thing, the (flattering) dampness hard for him to work past. And for her, it dredges up bad memories. Nameless men touching without asking, trying to control how her body reacted.
He thinks, though, he might have a solution. ]
I'll be fine after dinner. [ Really, he just needs the time to decompress. And to not be talking to a bunch of people he doesn't know very well aside from their financial state.
The doorbell pings and he ducks forward for another quick kiss before he lets her go. ]
[ she leans forward to briefly touch her forehead to his before getting up, rising to her feet so she can collect dinner. ]
I doubt anyone else is going to visit us this late.
[ unless jesper needed bail money. again. but indeed, it's the delivery person, and inej collects their food and tips the driver, returning to settle back on the couch, divvying up the containers. ]
I got you your pancakes with the grass.
[ lightly, as she passes over the scallion pancakes, the dig said with much affection as she continues to separate out the containers of rice and chicken. ]
[ Well, she has a point. His parents or maybe Jesper might, but they typically texted or called before they dropped in. They all knew he liked to be given a heads up.
She starts taking containers out and he helps arrange the napkins and utensils, accepting the scallion pancakes when she hands them over.
Or rather: the pancakes with the grass. ]
I'm never living that down, huh?
[ Though he laughs lightly, opening up his container and starting to dig in. Honestly, he's not sour over her reminding him– it had been a good night. A good memory. Even if it feels so strangely long ago. ]
Gonna tell your parents about the letter? [ He's sure they'll be thrilled. ]
[ she says with a grin, settling into her corner of the couch, tucking her feet underneath a stray throw blanket that she had been using earlier. she fishes out a fork from the bag, stirring her rice once. ]
And of course, but when they are awake. [ the time difference makes things a bit hard, sometimes, but her parents will be overjoyed when she calls them in the morning. ] I think Mama is going to be more excited over being in Ravka more than anything else.
[ over the moon, really. and, as she continues to stir her food: ]
She has been asking when we are coming back to visit.
[ Both of them settle in to eat; he props his feet up on the nearby ottoman. Which is slightly off to the side but he's currently too lazy and hungry to move it. His hands full, after all, with scallion pancakes.
Inej mentions she'll call her parents in the morning—it is rather late there, getting on towards midnight. They'll be excited to hear from her first thing in the morning. At least, first thing in Kerch. And he can imagine her mother will be thrilled to have her daughter back in the same country again, instead of in dreary Kerch. She frequently mentions how awful it must be that Inej doesn't get enough sun. Kaz agrees with her, though that is why they tend to go back and forth. ]
"We"? Or just you? [ He's still not totally certain Asena has warmed up to him. It feels like it's on again off again. ]
[ she places a particular emphasis on that, rolling her eyes a little at his request for clarification. asena hadn't exactly enjoyed the idea of kaz, but she's decided he's worth keeping around. inej is fairly certain the trial had something to do with it; her mother had been grateful kaz had been there to help, and to be supportive.
all the same, she shifts her leg a little to nudge his thigh with her foot, amused. ]
She has already started calling you her son in private.
[ inej had caught her chattering to a neighbor, the last she was in ravka. the slip had resulted in a lot of argument between the two of them, mostly in inej telling asena that she should tell kaz that, and asena telling inej to mind her own business. the two had left it at that, with jardani suggesting that maybe titles really don't mean that much anyway.
which leads inej to: ]
She enjoys when you visit, too. Even if she doesn't seem like she does.
[ She corrects him with emphasis and nudges his leg, which makes him hum—still a bit unconvinced. Asena doesn't seem to hate him anymore but he isn't sure she necessarily likes him. ]
Does she now? [ Well, that's interesting. He doubts Inej is just saying things to make him feel better, she's always been pretty frank about her relationship with her mother. And, well, her mother's relationship with him. Whatever that is, with this newest revelation. ]
She's always scrutinizing, like she's waiting for some proof it's a sham.
[ Obviously, he isn't deterred. But it is awkward. ]
[ understandably so, even if it is annoying. kerch robbed asena of her daughter, and she didn't want it to happen again. rebuilding trust would take a long time, but asena seems to have settled into the fact that kaz was not going to go anywhere, which may not be a bad thing.
so, as such, inej nudges his leg again, arching her eyebrows. ]
[ Ah, well, that is certainly true. And her mother has good reason to be protective—Kerch and its people didn't make a great impression with how Inej ended up while she was here. Obviously not everyone is Tante Heleen but the association stuck, especially after years of grief in not knowing what happened.
She just happened to transfer a lot of those negative feelings to him, seeing as he was from here. Thankfully some of that sourness has dropped away now that she's gotten to know him. Or possibly just come to terms with the fact that he isn't going anywhere. Still, she seems reticent about the positives. ]
Of course not. [ Inej please!!! ] You're stuck with me until you get bored.
[ He loosely wraps his fingers around her ankle, the one she's been nudging him with, sliding his thumb along her leg. Just a small bit of affection because she's too far to kiss. Not really that far but he doesn't want to disrupt their dinner containers. ]
[ she pauses, at that, watching his thumb gently run around her shin. something about his comment bugs at her slightly. she isn't entire sure why, at first, until she runs it through her head again. ]
Do you think I would get bored of you?
[ she wouldn't, obviously. it's hard to envision her life without him, now. she's certain he's who she's supposed to be with for the rest of her life. being with anyone else is out of the question. she isn't complete, without him. ]
No. [ It doesn't come out strong, especially when he follows it up. ] Not often.
[ This wasn't the conversation he wanted to have. Nor was it something he wanted to bring up. But he had said it without thinking. Or perhaps thinking too hard. Sometimes the difference was a hair.
It's not like he thinks she's particular prone to boredom or even wandering loyalties. And it isn't one of his louder anxieties, the ones he's used to working through. Those persistent worries he's gotten in check. This one is more of a creeping, lingering thought at the edges. On rare occasions, it sinks its claws in, usually keeping him awake in the middle of the night when all of his bad traits come into perfectly clarity. As though the universe has poured a bucket of ice water across his nerves.
He isn't an easy person, after all. Argumentative, stubborn, and on more than one occasion: emotionally unavailable. To top it off, he'll never walk right. Which hasn't bothered her and isn't something he necessarily worries about. But. It's there.
What it all comes to is this: he's afraid of fucking it up. ]
[ she watches his face carefully, eyes scanning his features in a moment before she shifts her legs, gently tugging her ankle free from his fingers as she sets the containers aside.
why he has doubts, inej has no idea. it mystifies her, when he thinks he isn't good enough for her. if anything, it's the complete opposite, in her mind. she invited a whirlwind of trouble, into his life. she had essentially turned his family upside down. and he was still here.
so inej scoots closer on the couch, so she can take his face gently in her hands. ]
There will never be anyone else.
[ she murmurs, leaning forward to kiss him gently, the touch brief before she pulls away with a warm smile, running her thumbs over his cheeks. ]
[ There's a pinched expression on his face as she pulls her ankle carefully out of his grip. Now that the lid is off on the worries, they're running rampant, the thorn of insecurity sharp in his chest. It's fighting as he tries to just breathe and get it under control. Acknowledge the thoughts and dismiss them with the reality.
She's here, with him, and has been for a while now. He doesn't see that changing, despite the niggling doubt that's trying to convince him otherwise. More of it is erased as she cups his face, the touch so familiar and frankly, welcome amidst the swirl of negative thoughts. ]
I—yeah. [ He loosely grasps her wrists, thumbs settled on the backs of her hands as he gives her a frail smile. ] Who would make fun of me for grass pancakes?
[ as she presses her forehead to his briefly, eyes bright. she dislikes that frail smile, though. something is still clinging to him, and she can tell that whatever nasty voice in his head is telling him she could leave is still speaking. ]
If you asked me to marry you, right now, I would say yes.
[ she says it easily, pulling away so she can look at him, earnest. ]
And before you allow this -- [ and she shifts upwards, to press her lips against his forehead in a kiss ] -- to run rampant and drive you into a panic, you do not need to ask me anything, ever. But I am staying at your side regardless.
[ anxiety be damned. there is no one else, but him. which should feel scary, or daunting, but instead, inej just feels warm. centered, focused, and whole. ]
[ Bit by bit, it's reassuring. Or rather, it's something to focus on instead of the swirling negative thoughts. Which sort of amounts to the same thing, because she keeps talking and it gets him out of his head.
And well, the surprise of her statement is enough to bring his mind to a halt. The shock definitely shows on his face, eyebrows climbing up towards his hairline. It's not a bad thing, certainly not. Once it really sinks in, a slow flush works its way onto the tips of his ears. There's a flash of a distracting thought: Inej in a wedding dress, and that's doing wonders to wave away the anxiety.
Most of it anyway. Since she is right, there's the start of a fresh wave of nerves because that's commitment, which he isn't necessarily afraid of. But it's also planning and things he hasn't done or thought of for more than an idle moment. Taking a slow breath in, he loops his arm around her middle, tugging her in a bit for a hug. ]
Okay. [ He can believe her, in this moment. And hopefully it will stick, despite the curling doubts that occasionally make themselves known. They've been mostly dispelled–her admission had been a lot. ]
Have I said I love you today?
[ The words are murmured against her hairline, his cheek pressed to her hair. Saying those words in the beginning had been terrifying. And to some degree, still is. Even with years of being with Sofia and Tomassen, he's always been reluctant to say how he feels. It's too exposed, vulnerable. Things that had gotten him and Jordie in trouble.
But she deserves to hear it and know it. And sometimes, it's overwhelming enough he can't keep it in, as it is now. ]
[ he all but tugs her back into his lap, and inej allows herself to get comfortable, soaking in the comfort and the feeling of his arms around her waist. ]
Once or twice.
[ she says quietly, resting her head easily against him, tucking herself a bit more comfortably underneath his chin. he tends to be more reserved with his verbal displays of affection, and inej knows part of the reason why. but he shows it in other ways that she understands. it fills her with a ridiculous amount of joy, when he finds her hand to hold while they wait in line for a movie, or when he absently plays with her hair without realizing it.
his love language is different, and still developing. so is hers. she's more than willing to be patient. ]
Feel better?
[ she asks after a moment, letting her fingers run along the sleeve of his shirt, smoothing out a wrinkle that was no doubt caused by her. ]
[ He's glad she's letting him tug her closer. Something about her weight and physical proximity puts him at ease. Such a strange thing to think because for so long he hadn't wanted to be touched at all. It's always a bit startling, in the back of his mind, how far he's come to want something like this. ]
Well, I love you. [ Because she could always use another verbal reminder. They sit like that for a bit, her head tucked under his chin as he physically reminds himself to relax. The tension slowly bleeds out of his shoulders as she fiddles with his sleeve. ]
Yeah.
[ There's still a small swirl of bad thoughts but they're not actively spiraling. Easy to dismiss, instead of being full blown panic or anxiousness. He gives her a squeeze with the arm looped around her middle before letting her go so she could get back to her dinner. ]
Too bad this isn't conducive to eating.
[ Not enough space for movement. But, he supposes, they'll have time to be close after. ]
[ she can feel him relax, and while part of her feels slightly bad for causing him to feel anxious, she knows dragging the thoughts out of his head helps. at least then she can help him navigate them, instead of letting them fester inside his head, making their way throughout his body to settle in his heart.
he is right, though, in that they can't exactly eat dinner with her sitting on him like that. she isn't quite ready to move, though, tilting her head back to press her lips against his jaw. ]
It isn't, no.
[ somewhat ruefully, pressing a final kiss to where his jawline meets his neck, sighing to herself as she shifts to move, sliding herself back onto the couch proper, and off of his lap.
she does keep her legs mostly in his lap, though, as she tilts backwards to collect her food. ]
And I love you, too.
[ she adds, scooping up a forkful of rice, with a warm smile in his direction. the sooner she finishes eating, the sooner she can return to sitting in his lap. or whatever else he has planned for the evening. ]
[ If he weren't so hungry, he'd be tempted to just let dinner go by the wayside for a bit, to follow up on the kisses she gives him. And to hold her a little longer. But they both need their meal, especially as he always gets told he eats like a bird.
He'd disagree, but that's because he's seen Lizabeta eat when she's on a tear.
They pick up where they left off with just a bit of conversation peppered between. He asks how she wants to answer the organization and potentially when, so they at least have some timeframe to pitch for a later meeting. When they finish up, he cleans up the containers, sticking leftovers in the fridge. He stops briefly on the way to the bedroom by Lizabeta's cage, giving her little head pats before draping her night time sheet over, letting her start her rest.
In the bedroom, he feels a bit more tension leak away as he undoes his tie and vest, mentally dropping his work day in the process. ]
Still up for trying something different? [ And well, to be made up to. Because he did tease her earlier. ]
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2020-12-13 02:31 am (UTC)Love you. [ And of course, he's willing to help out any time. He just wants her to be happy and if filling out some paperwork so she doesn't have to does the trick, then he'll do it. It's his area of expertise at any rate. ]
Are you? I'm getting mixed messages here.
[ He says, kissing her again, hands sliding to settle on her waist. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-13 03:16 am (UTC)I am.
[ rather seriously, as she presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth. ]
I might just sleep on the couch.
[ she thinks the only time she actually has slept on the couch was when kaz had a particularly nasty reaction to her wet fingers brushing against his cheek. it had been a hard lesson to learn, but inej had slept on the couch that night . . . or, well, she tried, before setting up the couch cushions on the floor of their room, so she could at least be nearby if he needed anything.
( there had been a roughly twenty minute argument about her sleeping on the floor before inej had told him to shut up and take his medication so he could sleep. ) ]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-13 05:42 pm (UTC)[ She'd attempted it once before, though the circumstances had certainly been different. He had a poor reaction to her touching his face with damp hands—a complete accident, on her part. It wasn't like she'd known that was a problem for him. And he hadn't anticipated it being a thing to worry about.
So they ended up with her on the couch. And then on the floor of their room. Eventually, they'd made a wall of pillows between them on the bed so he wouldn't accidentally come in contact with her in the middle of the night.
He's since recovered and they've gone back to their usual closeness. At least at the start of the night. In the morning, he ends up rolling towards her again if his consciousness surfaces before she gets up.
Still, the point is: it hadn't been a good time, having her be not in the bed. He'd been worried about her getting a good sleep. And he'd missed her, almost desperately. Even if he couldn't have touched her without his stomach curling.
Nothing like now, where he kisses her cheek and feels nothing but a small uptick of happiness. ]
I can make it up to you.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-13 11:21 pm (UTC)Can you?
[ she asks, amused, letting her fingers trace a line down his face, along his jaw. ]
I already bought dinner.
[ so that card has already been removed from the proverbial deck. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-14 02:21 pm (UTC)I have an idea, for after dinner.
[ He catches her hand and kisses her palm and then her wrist, feeling the slightest flush in his face. Getting used to talking about intimacy has been a journey. They've been dating for a while now and yet. ]
If you're up for it. [ Because he wants to check in, first. She still has days where the scars Heleen left are more visible, floating to the surface. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-14 05:21 pm (UTC)I am always up for spending time with you.
[ she says, leaning forward to give him a slight peck on the lips. ]
As long as you are up for it.
[ he does look tired, after all. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-14 06:50 pm (UTC)Because they've been pushing their boundaries more, figuring out what feels good and what doesn't. They'd figured out pretty quickly that fingering doesn't go how either of them would like. For him, it's a touch thing, the (flattering) dampness hard for him to work past. And for her, it dredges up bad memories. Nameless men touching without asking, trying to control how her body reacted.
He thinks, though, he might have a solution. ]
I'll be fine after dinner. [ Really, he just needs the time to decompress. And to not be talking to a bunch of people he doesn't know very well aside from their financial state.
The doorbell pings and he ducks forward for another quick kiss before he lets her go. ]
Speaking of, probably.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-15 01:00 am (UTC)I doubt anyone else is going to visit us this late.
[ unless jesper needed bail money. again. but indeed, it's the delivery person, and inej collects their food and tips the driver, returning to settle back on the couch, divvying up the containers. ]
I got you your pancakes with the grass.
[ lightly, as she passes over the scallion pancakes, the dig said with much affection as she continues to separate out the containers of rice and chicken. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-15 01:52 am (UTC)She starts taking containers out and he helps arrange the napkins and utensils, accepting the scallion pancakes when she hands them over.
Or rather: the pancakes with the grass. ]
I'm never living that down, huh?
[ Though he laughs lightly, opening up his container and starting to dig in. Honestly, he's not sour over her reminding him– it had been a good night. A good memory. Even if it feels so strangely long ago. ]
Gonna tell your parents about the letter? [ He's sure they'll be thrilled. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-15 02:41 am (UTC)[ she says with a grin, settling into her corner of the couch, tucking her feet underneath a stray throw blanket that she had been using earlier. she fishes out a fork from the bag, stirring her rice once. ]
And of course, but when they are awake. [ the time difference makes things a bit hard, sometimes, but her parents will be overjoyed when she calls them in the morning. ] I think Mama is going to be more excited over being in Ravka more than anything else.
[ over the moon, really. and, as she continues to stir her food: ]
She has been asking when we are coming back to visit.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-15 03:09 pm (UTC)Inej mentions she'll call her parents in the morning—it is rather late there, getting on towards midnight. They'll be excited to hear from her first thing in the morning. At least, first thing in Kerch. And he can imagine her mother will be thrilled to have her daughter back in the same country again, instead of in dreary Kerch. She frequently mentions how awful it must be that Inej doesn't get enough sun. Kaz agrees with her, though that is why they tend to go back and forth. ]
"We"? Or just you? [ He's still not totally certain Asena has warmed up to him. It feels like it's on again off again. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-15 09:19 pm (UTC)[ she places a particular emphasis on that, rolling her eyes a little at his request for clarification. asena hadn't exactly enjoyed the idea of kaz, but she's decided he's worth keeping around. inej is fairly certain the trial had something to do with it; her mother had been grateful kaz had been there to help, and to be supportive.
all the same, she shifts her leg a little to nudge his thigh with her foot, amused. ]
She has already started calling you her son in private.
[ inej had caught her chattering to a neighbor, the last she was in ravka. the slip had resulted in a lot of argument between the two of them, mostly in inej telling asena that she should tell kaz that, and asena telling inej to mind her own business. the two had left it at that, with jardani suggesting that maybe titles really don't mean that much anyway.
which leads inej to: ]
She enjoys when you visit, too. Even if she doesn't seem like she does.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-17 01:44 am (UTC)Does she now? [ Well, that's interesting. He doubts Inej is just saying things to make him feel better, she's always been pretty frank about her relationship with her mother. And, well, her mother's relationship with him. Whatever that is, with this newest revelation. ]
She's always scrutinizing, like she's waiting for some proof it's a sham.
[ Obviously, he isn't deterred. But it is awkward. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-17 05:09 pm (UTC)[ understandably so, even if it is annoying. kerch robbed asena of her daughter, and she didn't want it to happen again. rebuilding trust would take a long time, but asena seems to have settled into the fact that kaz was not going to go anywhere, which may not be a bad thing.
so, as such, inej nudges his leg again, arching her eyebrows. ]
Is it a sham?
[ seeing as he's being dramatic over nothing. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-18 01:19 am (UTC)She just happened to transfer a lot of those negative feelings to him, seeing as he was from here. Thankfully some of that sourness has dropped away now that she's gotten to know him. Or possibly just come to terms with the fact that he isn't going anywhere. Still, she seems reticent about the positives. ]
Of course not. [ Inej please!!! ] You're stuck with me until you get bored.
[ He loosely wraps his fingers around her ankle, the one she's been nudging him with, sliding his thumb along her leg. Just a small bit of affection because she's too far to kiss. Not really that far but he doesn't want to disrupt their dinner containers. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-18 02:02 am (UTC)Do you think I would get bored of you?
[ she wouldn't, obviously. it's hard to envision her life without him, now. she's certain he's who she's supposed to be with for the rest of her life. being with anyone else is out of the question. she isn't complete, without him. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-18 02:20 am (UTC)[ This wasn't the conversation he wanted to have. Nor was it something he wanted to bring up. But he had said it without thinking. Or perhaps thinking too hard. Sometimes the difference was a hair.
It's not like he thinks she's particular prone to boredom or even wandering loyalties. And it isn't one of his louder anxieties, the ones he's used to working through. Those persistent worries he's gotten in check. This one is more of a creeping, lingering thought at the edges. On rare occasions, it sinks its claws in, usually keeping him awake in the middle of the night when all of his bad traits come into perfectly clarity. As though the universe has poured a bucket of ice water across his nerves.
He isn't an easy person, after all. Argumentative, stubborn, and on more than one occasion: emotionally unavailable. To top it off, he'll never walk right. Which hasn't bothered her and isn't something he necessarily worries about. But. It's there.
What it all comes to is this: he's afraid of fucking it up. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-18 02:28 am (UTC)why he has doubts, inej has no idea. it mystifies her, when he thinks he isn't good enough for her. if anything, it's the complete opposite, in her mind. she invited a whirlwind of trouble, into his life. she had essentially turned his family upside down. and he was still here.
so inej scoots closer on the couch, so she can take his face gently in her hands. ]
There will never be anyone else.
[ she murmurs, leaning forward to kiss him gently, the touch brief before she pulls away with a warm smile, running her thumbs over his cheeks. ]
Understand?
no subject
Date: 2020-12-18 02:50 am (UTC)She's here, with him, and has been for a while now. He doesn't see that changing, despite the niggling doubt that's trying to convince him otherwise. More of it is erased as she cups his face, the touch so familiar and frankly, welcome amidst the swirl of negative thoughts. ]
I—yeah. [ He loosely grasps her wrists, thumbs settled on the backs of her hands as he gives her a frail smile. ] Who would make fun of me for grass pancakes?
no subject
Date: 2020-12-18 05:28 pm (UTC)[ as she presses her forehead to his briefly, eyes bright. she dislikes that frail smile, though. something is still clinging to him, and she can tell that whatever nasty voice in his head is telling him she could leave is still speaking. ]
If you asked me to marry you, right now, I would say yes.
[ she says it easily, pulling away so she can look at him, earnest. ]
And before you allow this -- [ and she shifts upwards, to press her lips against his forehead in a kiss ] -- to run rampant and drive you into a panic, you do not need to ask me anything, ever. But I am staying at your side regardless.
[ anxiety be damned. there is no one else, but him. which should feel scary, or daunting, but instead, inej just feels warm. centered, focused, and whole. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-19 03:42 am (UTC)And well, the surprise of her statement is enough to bring his mind to a halt. The shock definitely shows on his face, eyebrows climbing up towards his hairline. It's not a bad thing, certainly not. Once it really sinks in, a slow flush works its way onto the tips of his ears. There's a flash of a distracting thought: Inej in a wedding dress, and that's doing wonders to wave away the anxiety.
Most of it anyway. Since she is right, there's the start of a fresh wave of nerves because that's commitment, which he isn't necessarily afraid of. But it's also planning and things he hasn't done or thought of for more than an idle moment. Taking a slow breath in, he loops his arm around her middle, tugging her in a bit for a hug. ]
Okay. [ He can believe her, in this moment. And hopefully it will stick, despite the curling doubts that occasionally make themselves known. They've been mostly dispelled–her admission had been a lot. ]
Have I said I love you today?
[ The words are murmured against her hairline, his cheek pressed to her hair. Saying those words in the beginning had been terrifying. And to some degree, still is. Even with years of being with Sofia and Tomassen, he's always been reluctant to say how he feels. It's too exposed, vulnerable. Things that had gotten him and Jordie in trouble.
But she deserves to hear it and know it. And sometimes, it's overwhelming enough he can't keep it in, as it is now. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-19 03:27 pm (UTC)Once or twice.
[ she says quietly, resting her head easily against him, tucking herself a bit more comfortably underneath his chin. he tends to be more reserved with his verbal displays of affection, and inej knows part of the reason why. but he shows it in other ways that she understands. it fills her with a ridiculous amount of joy, when he finds her hand to hold while they wait in line for a movie, or when he absently plays with her hair without realizing it.
his love language is different, and still developing. so is hers. she's more than willing to be patient. ]
Feel better?
[ she asks after a moment, letting her fingers run along the sleeve of his shirt, smoothing out a wrinkle that was no doubt caused by her. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-19 07:25 pm (UTC)Well, I love you. [ Because she could always use another verbal reminder. They sit like that for a bit, her head tucked under his chin as he physically reminds himself to relax. The tension slowly bleeds out of his shoulders as she fiddles with his sleeve. ]
Yeah.
[ There's still a small swirl of bad thoughts but they're not actively spiraling. Easy to dismiss, instead of being full blown panic or anxiousness. He gives her a squeeze with the arm looped around her middle before letting her go so she could get back to her dinner. ]
Too bad this isn't conducive to eating.
[ Not enough space for movement. But, he supposes, they'll have time to be close after. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-19 10:11 pm (UTC)he is right, though, in that they can't exactly eat dinner with her sitting on him like that. she isn't quite ready to move, though, tilting her head back to press her lips against his jaw. ]
It isn't, no.
[ somewhat ruefully, pressing a final kiss to where his jawline meets his neck, sighing to herself as she shifts to move, sliding herself back onto the couch proper, and off of his lap.
she does keep her legs mostly in his lap, though, as she tilts backwards to collect her food. ]
And I love you, too.
[ she adds, scooping up a forkful of rice, with a warm smile in his direction. the sooner she finishes eating, the sooner she can return to sitting in his lap. or whatever else he has planned for the evening. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-20 06:23 pm (UTC)He'd disagree, but that's because he's seen Lizabeta eat when she's on a tear.
They pick up where they left off with just a bit of conversation peppered between. He asks how she wants to answer the organization and potentially when, so they at least have some timeframe to pitch for a later meeting. When they finish up, he cleans up the containers, sticking leftovers in the fridge. He stops briefly on the way to the bedroom by Lizabeta's cage, giving her little head pats before draping her night time sheet over, letting her start her rest.
In the bedroom, he feels a bit more tension leak away as he undoes his tie and vest, mentally dropping his work day in the process. ]
Still up for trying something different? [ And well, to be made up to. Because he did tease her earlier. ]
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From: