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[ the warning is heard loud and clear, and inej purses her lips together. there is a pecking order, in this life, and inej has no problem lying through her teeth in order to survive. she's done so until today, and she'll likely continue to do so tomorrow. but she has little patience, for people who take credit for things that aren't their own.
it's clear, even after a week, that the dregs see kaz as the one in charge. haskell is the one who signs the checks, which carries its own power. but they don't fear him, like they fear kaz. and fear can sometimes turn into respect.
she lets her eyes flicker toward kaz as he stretches, lost in thought at his statement. her eyes land on his rolled up sleeves, showing a tattoo - the symbol of the dregs, she assumes. the thought of getting another tattoo turns her stomach, an icy feeling working its way through her veins.
she had had to be held down, for the peacock feather on her forearm. it still turns her stomach, whenever she looks at it.
but, more importantly, are the words along his wrist that peak through as the leather of his gloves shift. plain as day, i can help you. a confirmation of what she already knew, and she self-consciously tugs her sleeve straighter on her arm, to make sure her wrist is covered.
she had prayed for a way out, and the saints provided. it must be fate, her being here. and her destiny is intertwined with the boy at the desk filling in a spreadsheet of his own design, keeping track of profit margins that made absolutely no sense to her.
was this the entire reason why she was stolen? to wind up here, to meet him? was there really a purpose to the nightmare of the menagerie, or was she just lucky? ]
Most people don't notice that I exist.
[ she says finally, letting her eyes move back toward the crow in the window. ignore it, inej. ]
I doubt he'll remember my name, just the total at the end of the bill.
[ which suits her just fine. ]
it's clear, even after a week, that the dregs see kaz as the one in charge. haskell is the one who signs the checks, which carries its own power. but they don't fear him, like they fear kaz. and fear can sometimes turn into respect.
she lets her eyes flicker toward kaz as he stretches, lost in thought at his statement. her eyes land on his rolled up sleeves, showing a tattoo - the symbol of the dregs, she assumes. the thought of getting another tattoo turns her stomach, an icy feeling working its way through her veins.
she had had to be held down, for the peacock feather on her forearm. it still turns her stomach, whenever she looks at it.
but, more importantly, are the words along his wrist that peak through as the leather of his gloves shift. plain as day, i can help you. a confirmation of what she already knew, and she self-consciously tugs her sleeve straighter on her arm, to make sure her wrist is covered.
she had prayed for a way out, and the saints provided. it must be fate, her being here. and her destiny is intertwined with the boy at the desk filling in a spreadsheet of his own design, keeping track of profit margins that made absolutely no sense to her.
was this the entire reason why she was stolen? to wind up here, to meet him? was there really a purpose to the nightmare of the menagerie, or was she just lucky? ]
Most people don't notice that I exist.
[ she says finally, letting her eyes move back toward the crow in the window. ignore it, inej. ]
I doubt he'll remember my name, just the total at the end of the bill.
[ which suits her just fine. ]
[ She goes silent for a bit and he leaves her to her thoughts, working on getting the ledgers all straightened out. The information is there, so it's not like he has to go look for missing data, but it's also a scribbled mess. He has half a mind to find out who was keeping tabs last night to tell them to stop rushing through their numbers.
Questionable legibility aside, it's all resolving neatly. Not rare, really, but still nice to see. ]
He'll remember—you're tied to me now. [ For good and for bad. ] Might act like he doesn't remember to get a rise out, though.
[ An infuriating trait. ]
Do you want to be noticed? [ Kaz glances up from his work, pen paused over the next line. The thought occurs that despite how thin she is and how much she's gone through, she still sits straight. There's grace, under it all. ]
Questionable legibility aside, it's all resolving neatly. Not rare, really, but still nice to see. ]
He'll remember—you're tied to me now. [ For good and for bad. ] Might act like he doesn't remember to get a rise out, though.
[ An infuriating trait. ]
Do you want to be noticed? [ Kaz glances up from his work, pen paused over the next line. The thought occurs that despite how thin she is and how much she's gone through, she still sits straight. There's grace, under it all. ]
[ saints, she needs to change the subject from them into literally anything else, because her heart skips a beat that tied to me now. and per haskell pretending not to know otherwise. how could haskell know? kaz doesn't strike her as the person to really share that type of thing, unless --
does he seriously not know? how could he not know. was he that unobservant? did he just not remember? or was he actually an idiot?
thankfully, kaz asks a question, and inej blinks, refocusing herself on the conversation, the question giving her pause. it's a decent question, given how quiet she is and how out of the way she tends to make herself.
despite that, inej finds that no isn't the answer to his question. ]
I would like people to notice Inej, not the body standing there.
[ with a shrug of her thin shoulders. ]
So knowing my name would be a decent start.
does he seriously not know? how could he not know. was he that unobservant? did he just not remember? or was he actually an idiot?
thankfully, kaz asks a question, and inej blinks, refocusing herself on the conversation, the question giving her pause. it's a decent question, given how quiet she is and how out of the way she tends to make herself.
despite that, inej finds that no isn't the answer to his question. ]
I would like people to notice Inej, not the body standing there.
[ with a shrug of her thin shoulders. ]
So knowing my name would be a decent start.
[ Her answer makes sense—he knows the girls at the Menagerie go by nicknames. No, that's not right, it's more like they go by labels. Exotic animals. Or characterized by a physical trait. It makes his skin crawl, thinking of it.
So of course she'd want to be known by her name and not by the fact that she was some Suli girl with nice hair. Honestly, it would've made sense if she wanted to be invisible, to never have people gaze at her like they had under Tante Heleen's roof. ]
Once they see you around more, they'll start asking. [ The Dregs, that is. A decent amount of them would've introduced themselves already, if they hadn't been so afraid of pissing him off somehow. ]
So of course she'd want to be known by her name and not by the fact that she was some Suli girl with nice hair. Honestly, it would've made sense if she wanted to be invisible, to never have people gaze at her like they had under Tante Heleen's roof. ]
Once they see you around more, they'll start asking. [ The Dregs, that is. A decent amount of them would've introduced themselves already, if they hadn't been so afraid of pissing him off somehow. ]
[ the thought is encouraging. and kaz seems to understand what she's saying without inej specifically saying it, which is also a relief. she appreciates the response, anyway. no prying, just an understanding. ]
They all seem nosy.
[ she agrees, her tone a little wry as she returns to looking out the window. the crow is still sitting there expectantly, as if inej miraculously found food without moving an inch from the view. ]
Though some of them might find 'Inej Ghafa' a mouthful.
[ some of the men in the hall were not exceptionally bright, judging from the conversations inej eavesdropped on while kaz was busy elsewhere. ]
They all seem nosy.
[ she agrees, her tone a little wry as she returns to looking out the window. the crow is still sitting there expectantly, as if inej miraculously found food without moving an inch from the view. ]
Though some of them might find 'Inej Ghafa' a mouthful.
[ some of the men in the hall were not exceptionally bright, judging from the conversations inej eavesdropped on while kaz was busy elsewhere. ]
They are nosy. You can probably get away with telling them to mind their business.
[ For some, just knowing she's somehow close to him will be enough to warn them away from asking too many personal questions. For others, they've got their own pasts they'd rather not dredge up, so they won't ask about hers. So long as she does the work, it won't really matter where she came from. ]
They usually make up for it elsewhere. [ Being good at dealing or looking scary counted as useful around here. If nothing else, it's one more hand to help clean off tables or sweep floors. ]
You might get a nickname, though.
[ For some, just knowing she's somehow close to him will be enough to warn them away from asking too many personal questions. For others, they've got their own pasts they'd rather not dredge up, so they won't ask about hers. So long as she does the work, it won't really matter where she came from. ]
They usually make up for it elsewhere. [ Being good at dealing or looking scary counted as useful around here. If nothing else, it's one more hand to help clean off tables or sweep floors. ]
You might get a nickname, though.
[ she thinks she'll enjoy just being inej, for awhile. nicknames weren't really something she enjoyed. or maybe she was just drawing a poor connection to being heleen's little lynx.
her mouth curves upward, a faint smile, as she reaches out her hand toward the crow again. ]
Hope it isn't as dramatic as Dirtyhands.
[ she must be feeling better, if she's capable of half a joke. ]
her mouth curves upward, a faint smile, as she reaches out her hand toward the crow again. ]
Hope it isn't as dramatic as Dirtyhands.
[ she must be feeling better, if she's capable of half a joke. ]
It's the Barrel—it will be.
[ That's how they entertain themselves, after all. Telling and re-telling stories enough that they become akin to legends. And a moniker is born, something to attribute the stories to, an alternate version of the person.
For him, it's a useful mask to uphold. It's layers of deceit so no one can ever find out how pathetic he'd been.
Or how he still feels that way in the middle of the night sometimes, when a dream feels too real. ]
[ That's how they entertain themselves, after all. Telling and re-telling stories enough that they become akin to legends. And a moniker is born, something to attribute the stories to, an alternate version of the person.
For him, it's a useful mask to uphold. It's layers of deceit so no one can ever find out how pathetic he'd been.
Or how he still feels that way in the middle of the night sometimes, when a dream feels too real. ]
[ Two weeks have passed since that first day he'd spent training Inej in the Slat's basement. Their schedule since then has been somewhat erratic, solely because of Dregs business, but they've met nearly every day. Twice, he met her in the early morning, around eight bells, having been too full of mental energy that he hadn't slept.
Since then, though, she seems to have slowly integrated. The Dregs finally broke, curiosity outweighing some of their fear, and a few of them had introduced themselves over meals. Whenever she wasn't shadowing his steps, Jesper seemed to take over and keep her company, doing what he was best at: making friends. He chatted and joked, attempting to make her laugh to try and break the tension that had been permeating since she'd arrived.
It's been working, mostly. The tension breaking. And he thinks he might've seen a smile or two from her.
Either way, it's apparent that something has to go sideways, because that was the nature of things that seemed to be going too well. Jesper had come hurrying into the club, expression pinched, to tell him Inej and Per Haskell had an argument loud enough for the entire Slat to hear. And that no, he hasn't talked to Inej, because apparently she fled to the roof.
Kaz pulls rank and gets someone to cover his shift, heading to the Slat to do as much damage control as possible. Per Haskell won't want to see him right now, not if he's heated, so he skips that visit and goes directly up the three flights of stairs and carefully out onto the roof. ]
You've got guts, I'll give you that.
Since then, though, she seems to have slowly integrated. The Dregs finally broke, curiosity outweighing some of their fear, and a few of them had introduced themselves over meals. Whenever she wasn't shadowing his steps, Jesper seemed to take over and keep her company, doing what he was best at: making friends. He chatted and joked, attempting to make her laugh to try and break the tension that had been permeating since she'd arrived.
It's been working, mostly. The tension breaking. And he thinks he might've seen a smile or two from her.
Either way, it's apparent that something has to go sideways, because that was the nature of things that seemed to be going too well. Jesper had come hurrying into the club, expression pinched, to tell him Inej and Per Haskell had an argument loud enough for the entire Slat to hear. And that no, he hasn't talked to Inej, because apparently she fled to the roof.
Kaz pulls rank and gets someone to cover his shift, heading to the Slat to do as much damage control as possible. Per Haskell won't want to see him right now, not if he's heated, so he skips that visit and goes directly up the three flights of stairs and carefully out onto the roof. ]
You've got guts, I'll give you that.
[ she had been invited into per haskell's office. kaz was out doing . . . something, inej wasn't entirely sure what, and jesper had been showing her his pistols when the boss invited her in. jesper hadn't seem too concerned, and so inej wasn't either. so she entered the office and waited quietly to find out what haskell wanted.
the conversation had begun relatively fine, asking how she was doing and what kaz was having her do. inej answered honestly, though minimally - while kaz hadn't necessarily told her to hide anything from haskell, inej also was certain kaz didn't want whatever he was up to on the side to come under haskell's glance. but then the conversation had turned toward getting a tattoo, and while inej tried to keep kaz's voice in mind (pick your battles), the comment of "you need to do as you're told while you're here" had pushed her to the edge.
so she had said no. and when haskell told her she was going to have to do it anyway, inej had repeated herself. it escalated from there, and haskell had yelled at her, and inej told him to watch his tongue, and now she found herself in the roof with her head buried in her hands, trying to figure out how to get herself out of the hole she has now dug.
a handful of weeks. that was what this had lasted. and now she had to explain herself to kaz, which inej was dreading more than having to face haskell again. and she thinks she's figured out what she's going to say when she hears someone come onto the roof.
every muscle in her body tenses before she hears the cane, and a slow exhale escapes at the sound of his voice. she doesn't look over at him as her gaze shifts toward the city, now lighting up in the dark. ]
He told me that I needed to get his mark, and I told him I would rather drown in the harbor.
[ her tone is even, as she wraps her arms around her knees. ]
I thought I would sit up here long enough for him to think I was serious.
the conversation had begun relatively fine, asking how she was doing and what kaz was having her do. inej answered honestly, though minimally - while kaz hadn't necessarily told her to hide anything from haskell, inej also was certain kaz didn't want whatever he was up to on the side to come under haskell's glance. but then the conversation had turned toward getting a tattoo, and while inej tried to keep kaz's voice in mind (pick your battles), the comment of "you need to do as you're told while you're here" had pushed her to the edge.
so she had said no. and when haskell told her she was going to have to do it anyway, inej had repeated herself. it escalated from there, and haskell had yelled at her, and inej told him to watch his tongue, and now she found herself in the roof with her head buried in her hands, trying to figure out how to get herself out of the hole she has now dug.
a handful of weeks. that was what this had lasted. and now she had to explain herself to kaz, which inej was dreading more than having to face haskell again. and she thinks she's figured out what she's going to say when she hears someone come onto the roof.
every muscle in her body tenses before she hears the cane, and a slow exhale escapes at the sound of his voice. she doesn't look over at him as her gaze shifts toward the city, now lighting up in the dark. ]
He told me that I needed to get his mark, and I told him I would rather drown in the harbor.
[ her tone is even, as she wraps her arms around her knees. ]
I thought I would sit up here long enough for him to think I was serious.
[ Ah. So that's what this is about. The crow and cup was the mark of the Dregs, one they'd all patiently (and painfully) sat through getting. A lot of them did so with a sense of pride. Others with hesitance. The rest just saw it as a means to an end, a symbol of some form of stability.
And Inej—well, he can understand why she wouldn't want yet another mark indicating she "belonged" to someone or something. Her sleeves were always down and, he noticed, if the telltale peacock feather emblazoned on her forearm so much as peeked, she would tug the fabric right back over it. The tattoo was a constant reminder of Tante Heleen, of what she'd done. Of who she claimed Inej had been.
Being in the Dregs is more preferable—but a tattoo is nearly as permanent as a scar. And just one more thing inflicted on her without her consent.
Slowly, he closes the gap between them, picking his way carefully over the tiles, before sitting next to her. Leaving a respectful space between them, as usual. ]
Not enough leverage. [ To effectively wait Haskell out, that is. The old man greatly dislikes being disobeyed unless there could be something in it for him and could be incredibly petty in his displeasure. ]
You'd rather drown?
[ He turns his gaze to her, serious in his question. Because he knows what those particular claws feel like, so tempted to have done the same years ago out on that island of dead. He wants to confirm how much she's unwilling to get the mark before taking it up with Haskell. Best case scenario, he takes it out on Kaz, who can handle him being ticked off until he cooled off. Mostly because he's secure in the knowledge that he isn't replaceable, not easily at least. Not like Inej, who's too new and has the threat of being handed back to Heleen hanging over her head. ]
And Inej—well, he can understand why she wouldn't want yet another mark indicating she "belonged" to someone or something. Her sleeves were always down and, he noticed, if the telltale peacock feather emblazoned on her forearm so much as peeked, she would tug the fabric right back over it. The tattoo was a constant reminder of Tante Heleen, of what she'd done. Of who she claimed Inej had been.
Being in the Dregs is more preferable—but a tattoo is nearly as permanent as a scar. And just one more thing inflicted on her without her consent.
Slowly, he closes the gap between them, picking his way carefully over the tiles, before sitting next to her. Leaving a respectful space between them, as usual. ]
Not enough leverage. [ To effectively wait Haskell out, that is. The old man greatly dislikes being disobeyed unless there could be something in it for him and could be incredibly petty in his displeasure. ]
You'd rather drown?
[ He turns his gaze to her, serious in his question. Because he knows what those particular claws feel like, so tempted to have done the same years ago out on that island of dead. He wants to confirm how much she's unwilling to get the mark before taking it up with Haskell. Best case scenario, he takes it out on Kaz, who can handle him being ticked off until he cooled off. Mostly because he's secure in the knowledge that he isn't replaceable, not easily at least. Not like Inej, who's too new and has the threat of being handed back to Heleen hanging over her head. ]
[ she's half-expecting a lecture, or a rebuke, or a threat to send her back to the menagerie. but instead, he carefully makes his way over to her, taking a seat. the movement isn't graceful, or quiet, given his leg and the cane, but inej is surprised he bothered to come up here to . . . what, have a conversation?
the question also surprises her, and inej exhales into a breathy laugh. there's no mirth in her tone, as her gaze remains fixed on the city. ketterdam is almost beautiful, from up here, with sparkling lights and laughter peeking through the dark alleyways. little blips of happiness in an otherwise miserable place. ]
Have you ever been to an auction? Not for weapons or jewelry or paintings, but for human beings.
[ she doesn't bother waiting for his response, and instead she glances toward him, her jawline set, eyes hardened. she remembers the first day she met tante heleen. the experience is burned into her memory forever. how she looked over every inch of her body, from her teeth to the soles of her feet. and how she was taken to the menagerie, and held down to be branded. and once her arm had healed enough to be questionably less prone to infection, she had been sold out for the night.
if the choice is be held down and humiliated and tattoo'd, or fight back and be sent to the menagerie, the third option is clear. ]
Yes. I would rather drown.
the question also surprises her, and inej exhales into a breathy laugh. there's no mirth in her tone, as her gaze remains fixed on the city. ketterdam is almost beautiful, from up here, with sparkling lights and laughter peeking through the dark alleyways. little blips of happiness in an otherwise miserable place. ]
Have you ever been to an auction? Not for weapons or jewelry or paintings, but for human beings.
[ she doesn't bother waiting for his response, and instead she glances toward him, her jawline set, eyes hardened. she remembers the first day she met tante heleen. the experience is burned into her memory forever. how she looked over every inch of her body, from her teeth to the soles of her feet. and how she was taken to the menagerie, and held down to be branded. and once her arm had healed enough to be questionably less prone to infection, she had been sold out for the night.
if the choice is be held down and humiliated and tattoo'd, or fight back and be sent to the menagerie, the third option is clear. ]
Yes. I would rather drown.
[ He can tell he's surprised her, though it does make him frown a bit that he's done so. Surely she was expecting anger rather than reason. Considering his reputation, it would stand to logic that he'd be disappointed or ticked off.
But he just can't bring himself to be, not when he has even the barest idea of how she's been treated. Even simply knowing and talking to Heleen had been enough to drive that point home.
As for her question: ]
No.
[ Slavery was illegal in Kerch. And while he's flouted some other laws, there are others he would be hard pressed to cross. Basically anything that would give the stadwatch reason to come breathing down his neck. Those auctions, he knows they happen, because the Barrel is notorious for finding anything a person might want to entertain themselves. But he also knows they can be subject to raids, if the organizers weren't careful.
There's also the matter of: he's not interested in seeing people be sold. ]
I'll talk to Haskell. I know how to piss him off, so his ire will redirect.
But he just can't bring himself to be, not when he has even the barest idea of how she's been treated. Even simply knowing and talking to Heleen had been enough to drive that point home.
As for her question: ]
No.
[ Slavery was illegal in Kerch. And while he's flouted some other laws, there are others he would be hard pressed to cross. Basically anything that would give the stadwatch reason to come breathing down his neck. Those auctions, he knows they happen, because the Barrel is notorious for finding anything a person might want to entertain themselves. But he also knows they can be subject to raids, if the organizers weren't careful.
There's also the matter of: he's not interested in seeing people be sold. ]
I'll talk to Haskell. I know how to piss him off, so his ire will redirect.
[ well, the fact that he hasn't been is a plus. and she believes him, though she scoffs to herself, shifting her gaze back toward the city skyline, toward the harbor. ]
I know how people like him view people like me.
[ the barrel bosses frequent the pleasure houses and buy and sell girls frequently. pekka rollins is the worst of them, but he isn't alone. girls like inej are commodities. she is only as good as she is worth, in terms of skill, or her body, or her time. haskell may not be whoring her out to the highest bidder, but she knows full well that he only cares about her so much as how much coin she can bring in. the stupid tattoo is only proof that he sees her as a pile of kruge that he needs to spend.
at kaz's offer, though, she shakes her head, her eyes still fixed on the harbor. ]
I bear my own consequences. I am not afraid of him.
[ she seems almost ready to leave it at that, when she adds: ]
Nothing he can do to me is worse than what I have already experienced.
I know how people like him view people like me.
[ the barrel bosses frequent the pleasure houses and buy and sell girls frequently. pekka rollins is the worst of them, but he isn't alone. girls like inej are commodities. she is only as good as she is worth, in terms of skill, or her body, or her time. haskell may not be whoring her out to the highest bidder, but she knows full well that he only cares about her so much as how much coin she can bring in. the stupid tattoo is only proof that he sees her as a pile of kruge that he needs to spend.
at kaz's offer, though, she shakes her head, her eyes still fixed on the harbor. ]
I bear my own consequences. I am not afraid of him.
[ she seems almost ready to leave it at that, when she adds: ]
Nothing he can do to me is worse than what I have already experienced.
I wasn't asking.
[ And it wasn't so much an offer as it was him telling her what he was going to do about the situation. Because it's only a couple weeks in and still so precarious, no matter how much her skill has been talked up. Sure, she can climb buildings or step in silence, but she hasn't yet brought money or information in that they can use.
Haskell wants to see the results of him sinking money into buying an expensive indenture. Kaz had promised him it would be worth it. So far, all he's gotten is someone willing to argue about a tattoo.
(For good reason, but he won't see it that way). ]
I told him this would pay off; I have to remind him of the potential. Or he can hand you back to that monster.
[ Or she could drown. He feels another uncomfortable twinge at the idea.
This is just another option, one that he's fairly sure will work. ]
[ And it wasn't so much an offer as it was him telling her what he was going to do about the situation. Because it's only a couple weeks in and still so precarious, no matter how much her skill has been talked up. Sure, she can climb buildings or step in silence, but she hasn't yet brought money or information in that they can use.
Haskell wants to see the results of him sinking money into buying an expensive indenture. Kaz had promised him it would be worth it. So far, all he's gotten is someone willing to argue about a tattoo.
(For good reason, but he won't see it that way). ]
I told him this would pay off; I have to remind him of the potential. Or he can hand you back to that monster.
[ Or she could drown. He feels another uncomfortable twinge at the idea.
This is just another option, one that he's fairly sure will work. ]
And I have a choice in what happens to me while I am here. I do not belong to you, either.
[ her retort is sharp, as her eyes narrow, her fingers curling into the fabric of her pants, her arms still wrapped around her knees. she knows, distantly, that he's trying to help. and that if she fails, it's his head in addition to hers. but something rubs the wrong way, at i wasn't asking.
but once the biting comment is out of her system, she exhales, dipping her head to rest her forehead against her knees, to try and think. there really is only one option here, which is to let kaz fix it. but she loathes the idea of being further in his debt. and, more importantly, she doesn't want to have him get in trouble for her own actions. ]
What will happen to you?
[ she asks, lifting her head to look at him, the frown still etched into her features. the defensive hardness is still present in her posture, but she seems willing to listen, now. at the very least. ]
[ her retort is sharp, as her eyes narrow, her fingers curling into the fabric of her pants, her arms still wrapped around her knees. she knows, distantly, that he's trying to help. and that if she fails, it's his head in addition to hers. but something rubs the wrong way, at i wasn't asking.
but once the biting comment is out of her system, she exhales, dipping her head to rest her forehead against her knees, to try and think. there really is only one option here, which is to let kaz fix it. but she loathes the idea of being further in his debt. and, more importantly, she doesn't want to have him get in trouble for her own actions. ]
What will happen to you?
[ she asks, lifting her head to look at him, the frown still etched into her features. the defensive hardness is still present in her posture, but she seems willing to listen, now. at the very least. ]
No, you're busy trying to belong to the harbor.
[ Which in a worst case scenario, he can understand a bit of wanting. The part of him that scraped and survived balks, though. He didn't leave nearly all his morals in the harbor just to pitch himself back into it.
But he's also never been under Tante Heleen's thumb. At least he had the choice, in a way, to steal or cheat or kill. ]
Chances are he'll make me do the most unpleasant or tedious work. Dawn shifts, fetching things, refilling his cups.
[ All meant to sting his ego and show his displeasure. ] If I'm right, he'll relent after a couple weeks. No one makes him money like I do.
[ Which in a worst case scenario, he can understand a bit of wanting. The part of him that scraped and survived balks, though. He didn't leave nearly all his morals in the harbor just to pitch himself back into it.
But he's also never been under Tante Heleen's thumb. At least he had the choice, in a way, to steal or cheat or kill. ]
Chances are he'll make me do the most unpleasant or tedious work. Dawn shifts, fetching things, refilling his cups.
[ All meant to sting his ego and show his displeasure. ] If I'm right, he'll relent after a couple weeks. No one makes him money like I do.
[ oh. that . . . is a lot less bad than what she was imagining. though she supposes that doing something degrading like that would annoy kaz the most.
the thought still grates, an uncomfortable feeling working underneath her skin. but she owes the debt, and she can't just leave kaz with the proverbial bag. she needs to settle it, and make it right. getting kicked out would harm kaz more than just letting him take the fall.
so she draws in a breath, exhaling slowly as she looks back toward the city again. she can see the menagerie, from here.
it makes her sick. ]
I am not going to be held down and branded like an animal again.
[ she says after a long moment of silence, voice quiet. a soft agreement, to his offer, without saying the words. ]
the thought still grates, an uncomfortable feeling working underneath her skin. but she owes the debt, and she can't just leave kaz with the proverbial bag. she needs to settle it, and make it right. getting kicked out would harm kaz more than just letting him take the fall.
so she draws in a breath, exhaling slowly as she looks back toward the city again. she can see the menagerie, from here.
it makes her sick. ]
I am not going to be held down and branded like an animal again.
[ she says after a long moment of silence, voice quiet. a soft agreement, to his offer, without saying the words. ]
[ Some of the defensive tension goes out of her posture. Not all of it, of course, but enough that it seems she's considering his words.
It is possible Haskell will give him a steeper punishment but it seems unlikely. There's too many factors for them both. If he were anyone else, he might have his fingers broken or one taken for pushing his luck. But they both know his hands make them a lot of kruge, even if he's not dealing.
Besides, Haskell knows well enough by now that Kaz always has a plan. Inej now being included. ]
Do you want it gone?
[ The peacock feather. It wouldn't be painless, not by a long shot, but it wouldn't be staring her in the face any longer. ]
It is possible Haskell will give him a steeper punishment but it seems unlikely. There's too many factors for them both. If he were anyone else, he might have his fingers broken or one taken for pushing his luck. But they both know his hands make them a lot of kruge, even if he's not dealing.
Besides, Haskell knows well enough by now that Kaz always has a plan. Inej now being included. ]
Do you want it gone?
[ The peacock feather. It wouldn't be painless, not by a long shot, but it wouldn't be staring her in the face any longer. ]
[ it takes half a moment, to place what he's talking about. but she unfolds her arms to tug down on the sleeve of her shirt self-consciously, to make sure that the peacock tattoo is covered. ]
Of course I do, it's humiliating.
[ every time she looks at it, she thinks about what she was forced to do, and what was taken from her. she thinks about ravka, and home, and her parents, and little orange cakes in white paper, and her father tucking flowers into her hair. and how disgusted they would be, to know what became of their daughter.
she supposes being in a gang is no better, in terms of parental pride. ]
I would have cut it out of my skin myself, but Heleen wouldn't trust me with a knife.
Of course I do, it's humiliating.
[ every time she looks at it, she thinks about what she was forced to do, and what was taken from her. she thinks about ravka, and home, and her parents, and little orange cakes in white paper, and her father tucking flowers into her hair. and how disgusted they would be, to know what became of their daughter.
she supposes being in a gang is no better, in terms of parental pride. ]
I would have cut it out of my skin myself, but Heleen wouldn't trust me with a knife.
I'm not Heleen.
[ Though admittedly, it is a bit hard to take a knife to oneself with any accuracy or swiftness. He wouldn't be in a rush to cut out the crow and cup from his arm on his own, though he'd prefer it to someone potentially touching him. ]
There's a sharp enough knife somewhere among the Dregs.
[ His first choice would be the medik, but that meant spending coin. And with Haskell already heated, he wasn't going to push further.
It had to be someone who kept their knives both clean and sharp on the regular. Couldn't be a little boot knife, like the one he carried. ]
Try the kitchens.
[ Though admittedly, it is a bit hard to take a knife to oneself with any accuracy or swiftness. He wouldn't be in a rush to cut out the crow and cup from his arm on his own, though he'd prefer it to someone potentially touching him. ]
There's a sharp enough knife somewhere among the Dregs.
[ His first choice would be the medik, but that meant spending coin. And with Haskell already heated, he wasn't going to push further.
It had to be someone who kept their knives both clean and sharp on the regular. Couldn't be a little boot knife, like the one he carried. ]
Try the kitchens.
[ telling her to try the kitchens draws her gaze, brow furrowing slightly at the suggestion. she can't tell if he's joking or not, but then - kaz doesn't seem like the type of person who would joke. and given she has no money, and the boss currently finds her useless, a kitchen knife is probably the only way she's getting this brand removed in the near future.
horrifically painful, probably. but she's endured worse.
she makes a mental note to sweet talk the cook in the morning, when she goes to breakfast, to gauge what it would take for them to help her cut it out. ]
Alright.
[ evenly enough, before inej unfolds her arms and rises to her feet, graceful as always. and she considers saying thank you, or telling him how grateful she is to have his company in this hellish place. and that he seems to be her friend.
all of that feels like crossing a line, for some reason. so, instead: ]
What do you want for dinner?
horrifically painful, probably. but she's endured worse.
she makes a mental note to sweet talk the cook in the morning, when she goes to breakfast, to gauge what it would take for them to help her cut it out. ]
Alright.
[ evenly enough, before inej unfolds her arms and rises to her feet, graceful as always. and she considers saying thank you, or telling him how grateful she is to have his company in this hellish place. and that he seems to be her friend.
all of that feels like crossing a line, for some reason. so, instead: ]
What do you want for dinner?
[ The furrow in her brow indicates that she seems to think he's joking or messing around. That he isn't taking her want seriously. He is, though, wanting to give her the best option she has at the current moment. While the kitchen staff aren't his most trusted—that number is extremely small, mainly just Jesper and that changes—they also haven't poisoned anyone or pocketed food when they shouldn't have. So, decent enough.
And importantly: they keep their utensils clean. The kitchens were probably the cleanest spot in the Slat at any given time. No one wanted to invite a hoard of rats or insects, after all.
After a beat, she seems to understand he isn't pulling her leg and relaxes. Though her question surprises him a bit. ]
A walk. [ His leg could use the stretch, he's been standing still around the club for most of the afternoon. ] And waffles.
And importantly: they keep their utensils clean. The kitchens were probably the cleanest spot in the Slat at any given time. No one wanted to invite a hoard of rats or insects, after all.
After a beat, she seems to understand he isn't pulling her leg and relaxes. Though her question surprises him a bit. ]
A walk. [ His leg could use the stretch, he's been standing still around the club for most of the afternoon. ] And waffles.
[ ah, he's offering to come with her. she had been planning on jumping the roof tops - something she's discovered is faster than the streets, and avoids people like heleen, who will have no idea where she is. walking with kaz means they have to take the long way, but she'll be safe regardless, because he's with her.
or, at least, that's what inej keeps telling herself. ]
The long way it is.
[ she says after a moment, holding out a hand to give him a pull up onto his feet, if he wants to have it. she won't be offended if he refuses it - she's noticed that kaz brekker tends to keep a wide berth, with most people. she hasn't even seen him shake hands. ]
or, at least, that's what inej keeps telling herself. ]
The long way it is.
[ she says after a moment, holding out a hand to give him a pull up onto his feet, if he wants to have it. she won't be offended if he refuses it - she's noticed that kaz brekker tends to keep a wide berth, with most people. she hasn't even seen him shake hands. ]
[ It wouldn't be as fast, going street side. He's timed it, how quickly she can make it somewhere and back, when she uses the rooftops. Astonishing quickness, not only cutting out the foot traffic but also in just how assured she is in leaping to the next spot. If he didn't know better, he'd think she could fly.
At any rate, he could really use that walk, long way or not. A welcome stretch for his leg and a way to burn some of the energy under his skin. He waves off her hand, using his cane to help lever himself back to standing. Her balance is near impeccable so he isn't worried about tugging her off it.
More that he just doesn't want to touch. Gloves or not. A familiar wariness that warns him away unless absolutely necessary. ]
We'll take a different route. There's one that cuts behind the dress shop.
[ Because he's slowly teaching her the map of Ketterdam, something she didn't get with Heleen. It didn't hurt to know several ways to get to the same place.
When they get down from the roof and the three flights of stairs, he notes that Haskell's office door is closed—lucky them. He'll deal with that after dinner. ]
You should have something to protect yourself. [ He says, once they're headed in the direction of the waffle place. ]
At any rate, he could really use that walk, long way or not. A welcome stretch for his leg and a way to burn some of the energy under his skin. He waves off her hand, using his cane to help lever himself back to standing. Her balance is near impeccable so he isn't worried about tugging her off it.
More that he just doesn't want to touch. Gloves or not. A familiar wariness that warns him away unless absolutely necessary. ]
We'll take a different route. There's one that cuts behind the dress shop.
[ Because he's slowly teaching her the map of Ketterdam, something she didn't get with Heleen. It didn't hurt to know several ways to get to the same place.
When they get down from the roof and the three flights of stairs, he notes that Haskell's office door is closed—lucky them. He'll deal with that after dinner. ]
You should have something to protect yourself. [ He says, once they're headed in the direction of the waffle place. ]
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