[ It hasn't gotten easier, necessarily, to spill these things about his past to Inej. He's been doing it more often, though, when she's ashore. Giving her the fragments that he can stomach. Making it a habit to do so, because then the repetition would be more ingrained.
Still, in moments like this, where the misery of the past rises up, those curated habits go crashing to the floor. She's seen him do worse. And in some cases, has done worse. Somehow, giving his history a voice is like breaking a spell. Or a curse, perhaps. He owes it to her, to finally hear it. Unlocking the tale takes more effort than it should, always seeming to choke him before he manages to get it out there.
So, he swallows and shudders minutely when her palm makes contact with his neck, dragging him fully back into the present. He blinks away the after-image of his Da's misfortune, sighing against her shoulder. ]
I'm here. [ At this, he turns his head enough to kiss the seam of her sleeve, more proof he wasn't lost in whatever thoughts had come to plague him. ] I'll take you, in early spring.
[ he reassures her that he's with her, and even promises to take her in the early spring. it's enough to reassure her, letting him relax against her as he makes himself comfortable again.
after all, she hadn't required of him that he be perfect, or empty his soul to her without hesitation. only that he pried his armor away, piece by piece. and he had done that, however messy a process it had been. he would tell her what happened on that farm when he was ready. she knew that much, and that was all that mattered. ]
I'll be there. [ quietly, pressing her lips against his forehead in a soft kiss. he was comfortable and warm, inches from dropping off to sleep. or so she assumed, anyway. ] But only if you promise me two weeks without interruption.
[ and she settles back into the pillows, amused. ]
[ Now that the tension has mostly dissipated, he does find himself to be overly comfortable again. And because of his comfort, he feels that tug of exhaustion, as months of sleeplessness catch up to him all at once.
She's agreeing, though, to come during spring. It warms him through, even if there's a strand of anxiety over the decision. His desire to have her see a window into his past is stronger than the fear that was the starting iron for his armor. Wordlessly, he presses another kiss to her shoulder, mouth turned up in a smile she could surely feel. ]
Two weeks, hm?
[ Quite a bit of time. No more than he'd spent on her ship and their time in Ravka, however. Besides, south Kerch wasn't too far, just in case anything should happen.
As she settles into the pillows some more, he adjusts, turning to drape an arm around her middle and put his weight on his good leg. And to properly put his own pillow under his head. ]
[ he makes himself properly comfortable, whatever tension left oozing out at her promise. he drapes himself over her, comfortable, and inej easily makes herself comfortable too, reaching to tug the comforter over them both. ketterdam was always cold, it felt like. and if there was one thing that wouldn't help kaz's leg feel better, it was cold.
she hums to herself, a nameless tune as she rests her cheek on top of his head, eyes traveling to the ceiling. the familiar wooden beams and the odd cracks in the wood that inej has long since memorized. her fingers brush his hair back again, and her eyes shift to kaz, to watch him slowly drift into sleep. or, well. on his way to it, anyway. ]
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no subject
Date: 2024-09-29 09:19 pm (UTC)Still, in moments like this, where the misery of the past rises up, those curated habits go crashing to the floor. She's seen him do worse. And in some cases, has done worse. Somehow, giving his history a voice is like breaking a spell. Or a curse, perhaps. He owes it to her, to finally hear it. Unlocking the tale takes more effort than it should, always seeming to choke him before he manages to get it out there.
So, he swallows and shudders minutely when her palm makes contact with his neck, dragging him fully back into the present. He blinks away the after-image of his Da's misfortune, sighing against her shoulder. ]
I'm here. [ At this, he turns his head enough to kiss the seam of her sleeve, more proof he wasn't lost in whatever thoughts had come to plague him. ] I'll take you, in early spring.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-29 11:00 pm (UTC)after all, she hadn't required of him that he be perfect, or empty his soul to her without hesitation. only that he pried his armor away, piece by piece. and he had done that, however messy a process it had been. he would tell her what happened on that farm when he was ready. she knew that much, and that was all that mattered. ]
I'll be there. [ quietly, pressing her lips against his forehead in a soft kiss. he was comfortable and warm, inches from dropping off to sleep. or so she assumed, anyway. ] But only if you promise me two weeks without interruption.
[ and she settles back into the pillows, amused. ]
I want a full tour, and you will need your rest.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-30 12:07 am (UTC)She's agreeing, though, to come during spring. It warms him through, even if there's a strand of anxiety over the decision. His desire to have her see a window into his past is stronger than the fear that was the starting iron for his armor. Wordlessly, he presses another kiss to her shoulder, mouth turned up in a smile she could surely feel. ]
Two weeks, hm?
[ Quite a bit of time. No more than he'd spent on her ship and their time in Ravka, however. Besides, south Kerch wasn't too far, just in case anything should happen.
As she settles into the pillows some more, he adjusts, turning to drape an arm around her middle and put his weight on his good leg. And to properly put his own pillow under his head. ]
The deal is the deal.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-30 12:31 am (UTC)she hums to herself, a nameless tune as she rests her cheek on top of his head, eyes traveling to the ceiling. the familiar wooden beams and the odd cracks in the wood that inej has long since memorized. her fingers brush his hair back again, and her eyes shift to kaz, to watch him slowly drift into sleep. or, well. on his way to it, anyway. ]
I will wake you up when it is time for dinner.
[ she whispers, kissing his forehead. ]
Sleep well, my love.