[ kaz seems to be at his least comfortable, talking about this. a far cry from the confident boy who loves a spectacle, with a flair for the dramatic. no, he has pauses in his tone as he speaks, unsure over what to tell, how to say it. so she listens, plucking meaning from the pauses in between the words, until he mentions that his family mostly grew flowers.
it startles her, a bit. one, kaz brekker the flower salesman... well, she supposes it wouldn't be too far off. kaz could make money doing anything, she was sure. but on a deeper level, she remembers sitting in the menagerie, attempting to be as invisible as possible. clinging to every possible memory of home, and how her father always seemed to produce her mother's favorite flowers. hidden in cupboards, in bags, to her great delight. and how she had always thought to herself that that was the mark of love, a boy who would fetch her not only flowers, but her favorite ones, without asking.
it's strange, now, to be here. it causes her stomach to sink for a moment, thinking how kaz could have been spared ketterdam had his life here just remained as it was before... whatever happened. but it's bittersweet, in a way, that the boy who does (to great excess) ensure that she always has her favorite flowers within arm's reach whenever they are together came from a farm full of them. like it was meant to be.
she's quiet for a moment before she slips her arm fully through his, hugging it briefly to her as they step past the mended fence, her cheek resting against his arm as they walk. ]
I didn't know such a thing existed. Flower farms. [ in retrospect, it's pretty obvious. the florists have to get their flowers from somewhere. ] It must be beautiful, when they are all in bloom.
[ Despite the regular care and upkeep, the winding dirt pathway is still susceptible to the elements and the test of time. It's a bit uneven in places, making him slow his usual stride–an annoyance he wouldn't have stood for, in Ketterdam. Here, he's caught between thankful and anxious with the more sedate pace. Ultimately, he finds he's settling on the former; Inej has waited a long time for him to tell her this part of his life, he shouldn't simply rush through it out of discomfort.
So, he relaxes as she loops her arm through his, the warmth of her cheek bleeding through his shirt. ]
As long as the weather holds, we'll see the start of it, while we're here. [ Sometimes, spring could take a sudden turn towards the chill again. While it's been years since he's truly been back, he's never forgotten the bloom schedule. Or the handful of times it had been delayed by a couple of weeks, due to frost blowing in from the sea. ] Someone's got to make sure the rich merchers have things to put in their expensive vases.
[ Never mind that they could afford to spend frivolously, if they so wanted. ] The bulbs are worth a fortune, over in the Wandering Isle, if they don't rot on the ship. In case you ever want to make extra to fund your crusade.
[ Their worth has all but crashed in Kerch, aside from a few variations. ]
See those two fields, with the green sprouts? They'll be all over there. The two resting fields on the other side will be stalks of goldenrod, near the end of summer. [ This is easier, he thinks, than speaking of other things. But, maybe he doesn't have to jump into the deep water just yet. Remembering the small details is a comfort; it means something about the rest of his family still lives, so long as his memory of them does. ]
[ amused; of course this was why he had wanted to arrive in early spring. to catch the flowers right at the beginning of bloom. very romantic and dramatic, which felt right. following where he points, she makes note of where the hills lay on the horizon. with a bit of luck, they should be in full color within a few days.
she squeezes his arm again as they make their way down the slowly disintegrating path, though it was still a walked one. she could almost envision two little boys racing each other down to the lake, eager to be the first one to jump in on a hot summer day. her hand slides down his arm to take his hand in hers again, threading their fingers together. for additional comfort, and so kaz could have a more stable hold the closer to the lake that they got. ]
And hmm, I think I will let the tulips bloom here, and bring them to the city, instead. [ in their natural habitat, though inej will be sure to pay whoever wishes to sell her some more than what they are worth. ] Ketterdam needs all the color it can get.
[ He grins, just a little, at her amusement. Naturally, he'd picked a time of year when the view would be the most dramatic, resplendent in an array of color as the tulips boldly unfurled, announcing the true arrival of spring.
Gratefully, he lets her thread their fingers together, as he picks his way along the trail stretched in front of them. For now, he has to watch for divots or rocks. As they draw closer to the lakebed, though, he knows the ground has a tendency to be richer, marshier. Easy to sink up the heel in. ]
What, not fond of our staid neutrals? [ Kaz teases, knowing very well how she thought of the drab greys and blacks that dominated most of the city. ] Can't hurl that at Barrel, at least.
[ Not towards most of the inhabitants, anyway. Barrel flash has remained consistent, a riot of lime green or searing pink or blinding turquoise. ]
See that willow, near the shore? Used to climb it, to read in peace. Or—when I was upset with either of them. [ Usually he'd be annoyed with Jordie, who'd had a tendency to open his mouth before thinking. ] First time I did it, Da grounded me for a week for scaring him half to death. He couldn't find me, thought I'd fallen in the lake or gotten lost.
[ indeed, inej is not a fan of the gloominess of ketterdam... but the barrel was different. the flashes of color and joy in an otherwise violent and dreary place. home. she shakes her head slightly, amused at the thought, before their steps slow.
her eyes follow where kaz is gesturing, to a beautiful weeping willow. the branches stretch so long that the leaves and flowers brush the surface of the water. it was beautiful, and quiet, and inej can just see a smaller version of kaz tucked stubbornly among the high branches. hidden away so he could be left to his own thoughts.
not much has changed, inej realizes, amused. and so she tugs his hand as she steps closer to the shore, toward the tree itself. ]
You haven't been lost a day in your life. [ with no small amount of amusement as they near the tree, her steps careful to avoid anything too marshy or soggy. it wouldn't do to fall into the lake, which inej was certain was still freezing. ] Falling in, though... hm.
[ well. a young child may not know how to swim, but it was kerch. an island. inej would think all of them would know at least the basics, being so close to shore no matter where you were in the country. she considers that for a moment, almost asking... but then she tilts her head back to look at him, somewhat unimpressed. ]
I can't imagine you being obedient enough to respect a grounding.
[ Kaz follows her tugging, taking extra care now that they've more fully come upon the perimeter surrounding the lake. The ground is still a bit solid, a leftover from the freeze of winter, but his cane sinks the barest bit into the ground. Their heels will be fully muddy, by the time they get back to the house.
Well, no matter. It's why he'd brought sturdier boots, instead of his more typical dressier ones. Those wouldn't survive out here. ]
No, but after mum— [ He pauses, looking up at the tree with a slight frown. ] —apparently, after mum died, he was a lot more paranoid. Sometimes, I'd hear the ladies at the market talking about it.
[ Never quite within earshot, but he'd always been observant. ]
Are you saying I've always been a delinquent, my dear? [ He tilts a little smirk towards her, amusement coloring his tone. ] It may surprise you to know: I was not, in fact, the unruly child.
[ in equal measure of teasing, as her steps slow once they reach the impressive shade of the willow tree. she still has his hand in hers, squeezing his fingers again in reassurance as she tilts her head back, trying to picture kaz among the branches. a quiet shy child, more content to read than be bothered.
he still is that way, of sorts, though inej wouldn't think of kaz as shy, anymore. his swaggering, arrogant confidence speaks volumes... when kaz wants to be that way, anyway. it's more that he grows tired of people faster than most, and often just wants to be unbothered. little seeds of the boy he used to be that have stubbornly refused to die. ]
You don't remember her. [ she says after a moment, tilting her gaze back to him. inquiring, but not insisting an answer. it isn't a question, but an observation. ] Your mother passed when you were young.
[ it makes sense, then, why his father wouldn't want his sons out of his line of sight. ]
[ Her snarky reply makes him huff a quiet laugh, glad to feel as light as does when talking about anything from his past. It's all been so mired in horror that the whole of it—good times included—have been stained red. Being here and letting her poke fun at the little things feels like he's starting to wash the unwanted color off in bits and pieces.
His dark eyes meet hers and he shakes his head slowly. ]
She did, when I was close to three. I have vague memories of her, they're more impressions than anything. Her hands were always cold but gentle; she rarely showed her teeth when she smiled.
[ Taking another glance at the bare branches of the tree, strewn with small buds, he gently tugs her towards the barely-visible path, letting their hands swing loosely with the rhythm of their gait. ]
I don't think she recovered well, after she had me. Or had a bad constitution. Da never said. Think I reminded him of her too much, so it was...difficult.
[ Odd, how he hasn't thought about this particular thing in years. His mother has always been such a quiet spectre, barely taking up space for how long she'd already been gone by the time he and Jordie had gotten to Ketterdam. ]
[ being away from her parents had been an open wound in her heart that threatened to swallow her whole. she can't imagine losing them permanently, though inej had told herself, over and over, that they were gone when she was trapped in the menagerie, and even when she ran with the dregs. now that she has them back, the thought of losing them again robs her of air, threatens to drag her into the sea and never let her go.
so her expression softens, as kaz tells her what he remembers, and inej squeezes his hand before speaking: ]
Is she buried on the property?
[ if so, they can certainly visit her grave. lay flowers by it, clean it up. whatever kaz would want to do. death and loss is something he still struggles with, so if he would rather avoid it, then inej will let it be. ]
[ Her question has him pausing, a hitch in his step. It takes him a few moments to recover, eyes going unfocused as he turns his head towards the tulip fields he'd pointed out earlier. From here, they wouldn't be able to see it—the ground slants downwards as it runs to the lake. ]
There's a cherry tree. After Da's— [ He stops, swallowing the words. ] —after Da passed, they buried him next to her.
[ Shaking his head, he clears the image of the bloodstained field, finally returning the press of his hand in Inej's, pulling his gaze away from that unseen point. His steps resume, the soft silt of the shore filling the imprint of their soles with residual moisture. ]
Last time I was here, I found her portrait tucked in a closet. Suppose the person the bank sent to take care of the sale couldn't bear to sell it off with everything else.
[ only his mother and father. it makes sense. jordie passed while they were in ketterdam, and there is no body to bury. jordie likely has no grave at all. something she makes note of, as she lets him work through what is haunting him, giving him the chance to tell her before she pries. he does, mostly, though she catches the correction. after his father's... what? not death. something more happened, there.
at the news of a portrait, though, inej smiles before looping her arm fully through his again, hugging his arm to her as they walk. to give him a more physical tether, as they make their way. ]
Is it still here?
[ the portrait. she'd like to see it, along with whatever else is squirreled away. but unearthing those things means unearthing memories, and while she has waited long enough for kaz to bear this piece of his life to her, she knows him too well to know what pushing will do. no, it was better that kaz does this on his own. he will invite her when he needs the nudge. ]
Yeah, I stored it in the attic, under a dust sheet. The tenants know not to bother with it.
[ At the very least, it seemed the rest of the house provided enough storage that they needn't bother with the attic. Taking a deep breath of the chilly morning air, he gently nudges her side with his elbow, letting her know he was okay. Well, okay enough. Rounding the slight bend of the lake shore brings with it happier memories, sparking a slight smile. ]
Da used to toss us off that dock, on the days in summer when it would be too hot to work. [ Altogether too sweltering to be toiling away in a field. ] He didn't let us come down here by ourselves. Jordie snuck out this way with his school mates, swam across to the other shore.
[ Which wasn't too far, really. Kaz gestures to it, pointing out the foremost evergreen standing proudly amongst the cluster. ] He took the dare to climb that spruce, made it about a quarter of the way. Got startled by a squirrel on a branch and toppled right out.
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Date: 2024-10-26 07:47 pm (UTC)it startles her, a bit. one, kaz brekker the flower salesman... well, she supposes it wouldn't be too far off. kaz could make money doing anything, she was sure. but on a deeper level, she remembers sitting in the menagerie, attempting to be as invisible as possible. clinging to every possible memory of home, and how her father always seemed to produce her mother's favorite flowers. hidden in cupboards, in bags, to her great delight. and how she had always thought to herself that that was the mark of love, a boy who would fetch her not only flowers, but her favorite ones, without asking.
it's strange, now, to be here. it causes her stomach to sink for a moment, thinking how kaz could have been spared ketterdam had his life here just remained as it was before... whatever happened. but it's bittersweet, in a way, that the boy who does (to great excess) ensure that she always has her favorite flowers within arm's reach whenever they are together came from a farm full of them. like it was meant to be.
she's quiet for a moment before she slips her arm fully through his, hugging it briefly to her as they step past the mended fence, her cheek resting against his arm as they walk. ]
I didn't know such a thing existed. Flower farms. [ in retrospect, it's pretty obvious. the florists have to get their flowers from somewhere. ] It must be beautiful, when they are all in bloom.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-26 09:26 pm (UTC)So, he relaxes as she loops her arm through his, the warmth of her cheek bleeding through his shirt. ]
As long as the weather holds, we'll see the start of it, while we're here. [ Sometimes, spring could take a sudden turn towards the chill again. While it's been years since he's truly been back, he's never forgotten the bloom schedule. Or the handful of times it had been delayed by a couple of weeks, due to frost blowing in from the sea. ] Someone's got to make sure the rich merchers have things to put in their expensive vases.
[ Never mind that they could afford to spend frivolously, if they so wanted. ] The bulbs are worth a fortune, over in the Wandering Isle, if they don't rot on the ship. In case you ever want to make extra to fund your crusade.
[ Their worth has all but crashed in Kerch, aside from a few variations. ]
See those two fields, with the green sprouts? They'll be all over there. The two resting fields on the other side will be stalks of goldenrod, near the end of summer. [ This is easier, he thinks, than speaking of other things. But, maybe he doesn't have to jump into the deep water just yet. Remembering the small details is a comfort; it means something about the rest of his family still lives, so long as his memory of them does. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-10-26 10:04 pm (UTC)[ amused; of course this was why he had wanted to arrive in early spring. to catch the flowers right at the beginning of bloom. very romantic and dramatic, which felt right. following where he points, she makes note of where the hills lay on the horizon. with a bit of luck, they should be in full color within a few days.
she squeezes his arm again as they make their way down the slowly disintegrating path, though it was still a walked one. she could almost envision two little boys racing each other down to the lake, eager to be the first one to jump in on a hot summer day. her hand slides down his arm to take his hand in hers again, threading their fingers together. for additional comfort, and so kaz could have a more stable hold the closer to the lake that they got. ]
And hmm, I think I will let the tulips bloom here, and bring them to the city, instead. [ in their natural habitat, though inej will be sure to pay whoever wishes to sell her some more than what they are worth. ] Ketterdam needs all the color it can get.
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Date: 2024-10-26 10:30 pm (UTC)Gratefully, he lets her thread their fingers together, as he picks his way along the trail stretched in front of them. For now, he has to watch for divots or rocks. As they draw closer to the lakebed, though, he knows the ground has a tendency to be richer, marshier. Easy to sink up the heel in. ]
What, not fond of our staid neutrals? [ Kaz teases, knowing very well how she thought of the drab greys and blacks that dominated most of the city. ] Can't hurl that at Barrel, at least.
[ Not towards most of the inhabitants, anyway. Barrel flash has remained consistent, a riot of lime green or searing pink or blinding turquoise. ]
See that willow, near the shore? Used to climb it, to read in peace. Or—when I was upset with either of them. [ Usually he'd be annoyed with Jordie, who'd had a tendency to open his mouth before thinking. ] First time I did it, Da grounded me for a week for scaring him half to death. He couldn't find me, thought I'd fallen in the lake or gotten lost.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-26 11:21 pm (UTC)her eyes follow where kaz is gesturing, to a beautiful weeping willow. the branches stretch so long that the leaves and flowers brush the surface of the water. it was beautiful, and quiet, and inej can just see a smaller version of kaz tucked stubbornly among the high branches. hidden away so he could be left to his own thoughts.
not much has changed, inej realizes, amused. and so she tugs his hand as she steps closer to the shore, toward the tree itself. ]
You haven't been lost a day in your life. [ with no small amount of amusement as they near the tree, her steps careful to avoid anything too marshy or soggy. it wouldn't do to fall into the lake, which inej was certain was still freezing. ] Falling in, though... hm.
[ well. a young child may not know how to swim, but it was kerch. an island. inej would think all of them would know at least the basics, being so close to shore no matter where you were in the country. she considers that for a moment, almost asking... but then she tilts her head back to look at him, somewhat unimpressed. ]
I can't imagine you being obedient enough to respect a grounding.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-27 12:29 am (UTC)Well, no matter. It's why he'd brought sturdier boots, instead of his more typical dressier ones. Those wouldn't survive out here. ]
No, but after mum— [ He pauses, looking up at the tree with a slight frown. ] —apparently, after mum died, he was a lot more paranoid. Sometimes, I'd hear the ladies at the market talking about it.
[ Never quite within earshot, but he'd always been observant. ]
Are you saying I've always been a delinquent, my dear? [ He tilts a little smirk towards her, amusement coloring his tone. ] It may surprise you to know: I was not, in fact, the unruly child.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-27 12:44 am (UTC)[ in equal measure of teasing, as her steps slow once they reach the impressive shade of the willow tree. she still has his hand in hers, squeezing his fingers again in reassurance as she tilts her head back, trying to picture kaz among the branches. a quiet shy child, more content to read than be bothered.
he still is that way, of sorts, though inej wouldn't think of kaz as shy, anymore. his swaggering, arrogant confidence speaks volumes... when kaz wants to be that way, anyway. it's more that he grows tired of people faster than most, and often just wants to be unbothered. little seeds of the boy he used to be that have stubbornly refused to die. ]
You don't remember her. [ she says after a moment, tilting her gaze back to him. inquiring, but not insisting an answer. it isn't a question, but an observation. ] Your mother passed when you were young.
[ it makes sense, then, why his father wouldn't want his sons out of his line of sight. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-10-27 01:19 am (UTC)His dark eyes meet hers and he shakes his head slowly. ]
She did, when I was close to three. I have vague memories of her, they're more impressions than anything. Her hands were always cold but gentle; she rarely showed her teeth when she smiled.
[ Taking another glance at the bare branches of the tree, strewn with small buds, he gently tugs her towards the barely-visible path, letting their hands swing loosely with the rhythm of their gait. ]
I don't think she recovered well, after she had me. Or had a bad constitution. Da never said. Think I reminded him of her too much, so it was...difficult.
[ Odd, how he hasn't thought about this particular thing in years. His mother has always been such a quiet spectre, barely taking up space for how long she'd already been gone by the time he and Jordie had gotten to Ketterdam. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-10-27 11:12 pm (UTC)so her expression softens, as kaz tells her what he remembers, and inej squeezes his hand before speaking: ]
Is she buried on the property?
[ if so, they can certainly visit her grave. lay flowers by it, clean it up. whatever kaz would want to do. death and loss is something he still struggles with, so if he would rather avoid it, then inej will let it be. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-10-27 11:45 pm (UTC)There's a cherry tree. After Da's— [ He stops, swallowing the words. ] —after Da passed, they buried him next to her.
[ Shaking his head, he clears the image of the bloodstained field, finally returning the press of his hand in Inej's, pulling his gaze away from that unseen point. His steps resume, the soft silt of the shore filling the imprint of their soles with residual moisture. ]
Last time I was here, I found her portrait tucked in a closet. Suppose the person the bank sent to take care of the sale couldn't bear to sell it off with everything else.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-27 11:57 pm (UTC)at the news of a portrait, though, inej smiles before looping her arm fully through his again, hugging his arm to her as they walk. to give him a more physical tether, as they make their way. ]
Is it still here?
[ the portrait. she'd like to see it, along with whatever else is squirreled away. but unearthing those things means unearthing memories, and while she has waited long enough for kaz to bear this piece of his life to her, she knows him too well to know what pushing will do. no, it was better that kaz does this on his own. he will invite her when he needs the nudge. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-10-28 12:26 am (UTC)[ At the very least, it seemed the rest of the house provided enough storage that they needn't bother with the attic. Taking a deep breath of the chilly morning air, he gently nudges her side with his elbow, letting her know he was okay. Well, okay enough. Rounding the slight bend of the lake shore brings with it happier memories, sparking a slight smile. ]
Da used to toss us off that dock, on the days in summer when it would be too hot to work. [ Altogether too sweltering to be toiling away in a field. ] He didn't let us come down here by ourselves. Jordie snuck out this way with his school mates, swam across to the other shore.
[ Which wasn't too far, really. Kaz gestures to it, pointing out the foremost evergreen standing proudly amongst the cluster. ] He took the dare to climb that spruce, made it about a quarter of the way. Got startled by a squirrel on a branch and toppled right out.