timewasting | OPEN POST 2020.

[ it's like standing on the edge of a cliff, when he presses his lips to hers. and for half a moment, it feels like it has before. she can do this. but when he presses forward, it's something new, and inej inhales slowly, allowing her eyes to close.

her fingers curl into the fabric of his shirt, ignoring the hammering of her heart in her chest as she tests her own boundaries, in returning the kiss. it doesn't feel rushed, or rough, or aggressive. it's calm, and peaceful, and pleasant, and warm, and inej can disconnect herself easily if --

but she quells that thought, because disconnecting from the moment would ruin the pleasantness of it. if she's going to be able to do this, she needs to feel it, and focus on it, and let the emotion roll through her. the good, and the bad.

so she tilts her head slightly, to give him easier access, as she returns the kiss. it's a tiny movement, but a purposeful one. ]

[ The give over from anxious to something that clicks, that feels safe, comes in stages. It's in her slow inhale, similar to when she's about to strike, about to perform. But it isn't an act. She isn't stiff, not with her fingers gripping his shirt and her head tilting just so.

It's enormous courage, as all their steps seem to take. He strokes his thumb across her cheek, reassuring, glad he can do this, eyes shut as he kisses her a little deeper. There's no hold of fear, just a curling satisfaction that blooms in his chest.

(This is what he wanted to do, in the hotel bathroom and couldn't, body and mind pushing away). ]

[ the feeling of his thumb running across her cheek keeps her in the present, as inej relinquishes control. it's a bizarre mixture between terrifying and freeing, allowing kaz the freedom to do as he pleases. for now, anyway.

the hand on her face, the slow ministrations of the kiss, the thrum of her heart against her chest -- it's perilously close to sensory overload, but a soft noise of approval escapes before she can prevent it, adjusting her posture slightly so she can loop her arms around his neck, grinning slightly into the kiss.

somewhere in the back of her mind, she knows she should stop, soon. but she can't really be bothered to care to listen. ]

[ His pulse is loud in his ears and the rest of the world seems to fall away. He's dimly aware of the bed underneath of them, of the uncomfortable angle of his one arm, how his one knee presses into his bad one. More important is how she lets go, a grin easily felt against his mouth, her arms coming to loop around his neck.

And while she lets out the softest noise, it runs straight through him, like a match set to oil. He answers her with one of his own, a groan catching in the back of his throat before he reluctantly pulls away, light headed and dizzy from it all. ]

[ there's a beat where inej is about to pull away -- dangerously walking the line between just enough and too much -- but as she loops her arms around his neck, kaz pulls away.

it's not an abrupt movement, though. or a panicked one. he's still very much present, as far as inej can tell, and as she opens her eyes, they're still close to one another.

she suddenly feels awake, and hyperaware of her surroundings. probably an aftereffect of testing her own boundaries, but inej doesn't feel exhausted, or shaking, or any of the other after-effects of dancing too close to her memories. but she knows her own limits (of sorts) -- so stopping is probably for the best.

her grin is still present, though -- albeit small, and inej carefully unloops her arms from around his neck to shift her hands to his face, and inej lifts herself up just enough to press her lips to his forehead. the motion gentle and quick. ]

We should probably sleep.

[ it's quiet, warm. ]

[ He feels just as wired when the out of breath dizziness passes. It's an excited thrum, a contact high he's starting to associate with Inej; slowly it's overriding the sickly impressions of too-soft skin, of cold water and too much death.

When she puts her hands on his face he doesn't even flinch, a giddy sort of smile lighting up his face instead. Unbidden he thinks: I love her. And it's enough to take him by surprise, heart feeling like it climbs to his throat as she presses a kiss to his forehead. ]

Don't know how I will. [ He says, light and amused. Honest. His hand settles over one of hers, fingers curling gently. ] You're right, though, as usual.

As usual.

[ she repeats, almost dubiously. because inej can list off at least sixty-eight instances where kaz strenuously argued that she was wrong (and, in the end, she wound up being right).

but she keeps that to herself, watching him thoughtfully as she runs her thumb over his cheekbone once more before releasing his face -- though she allows him to keep hold of her hand, curling her fingers around his own. ]

You are going to have to find a way if you are going to have the energy to explore the port city tomorrow.

[ She sounds dubious and honestly, she has every right to be. He has a tendency to argue, stubbornly digging his heels in on plans or ideas. Though he usually is right when it comes to schemes, he misses out on certain things. Like how to deal with people. And how not to piss someone off.

Or just. Caring about things. Like when she argued in Nina's favor of trying to get the Grisha out of Ketterdam. Both of them had been right in pushing for it, even if he had initially not wanted another thing to account for. ]

As usual. [ Maybe he has the wherewithal to sound slightly mollified by it. ] I've worked off less sleep before, you know that.

[ Of course, it's entirely possible they'll settle in and he'll be put right to sleep. He's noticed that happening since they've been sharing a bed; his mind seems to be comforted in knowing she's close and safe. ]

[ her lips curve upward into a faint smile at his repetition of as usual. and she gently shifts to settle herself in his arms properly, to make herself comfortable. tucking her head underneath his chin. ]

But you do not have to.

[ there's no excuse to deprive yourself of sleep on vacation, you stubborn twit. ]

You could just sleep.

[ as if sleep is just an easy thing to achieve. ]

[ She makes herself comfortable and he does the same, shifting to take the pressure off of his one shoulder. An involuntary shiver goes through him when she tucks under his chin, her cheek pressing to his collarbone where the shirt's been pushed aside. But then her warmth registers and he relaxes, reminding himself that she's alive and that it's ok. ]

If my mind will let me sleep. I'm not going to stay awake on purpose. [ Though as he says it, he can feel his pulse dropping back to normal, the shot of adrenaline wearing away. Maybe sleep won't be as difficult as he thinks it will be. A good thing all around, since he wants to be as alert as possible when they dock, keen on taking down the details without the haze of unrest. ]

[ she's quiet as she waits to see if he's comfortable . . . and when she feels him relax, she allows her eyes to close. but as kaz says, it's an entirely different thing to shut off your mind. ]

I know.

[ so she acquiesces to his point, curling her arms to loosely wrap around him. it's a lazy movement, mostly to keep him close while also remaining comfortable. and so some of her weight isn't resting on his arm so it doesn't fall asleep.

and for a moment, it almost feels like she herself as fallen asleep, before she adds, a bit dryly: ]

You are correct. As usual

[ When she curls her arms around him, he lets out a slow breath, contentment creeping in. Her slight weight resting against him has an enormously soporific effect and he can feel his mind relaxing into it, thoughts pulling away from their normal spin.

A few stray ones remain but they're easy to pass off—quick curiosities about what tomorrow would bring. He won't know until he sees it and that's the final thought before the veil of sleep starts to drop.

Her comment has him huffing a tired laugh, his own words thrown back. ] Alright captain, I get it.

[ There's a beat of silence as he settles his hand on her waist again, voice a low murmur. ] Good night, Inej.

[ she's quiet, and smiles into his shirt at the good night, and she quietly responds the same. but she remains awake for a bit longer, listening to him breathe, unable to shut her mind off for at least a little bit longer.

but eventually, the sway of the ship and the feeling of his heartbeat lulls her into a restful sleep.

arrival into port is mostly uneventful. and inej is even talked into taking a week off -- a week, to wander the port, to sleep in a place that isn't a ship. there's a lovely hotel (well, lovely for a port city full of everything from sailors to carnival actors to the occasional rich man) where she and kaz can have a room. and space to explore the city as needed.

it's their first morning in the city, and the very first thing inej does is take a hot shower. it's relaxing, and rejuvenating, and it's about 10 in the morning. lazy, she thinks to herself as she steps out of the shower, hair dripping, hand blindly searching around for the towel as she moves to the mirror, beginning to dry herself off. and it's in drying herself off that she realizes she forgot to bring her clothes in with her.

normally, she wouldn't really care. but the suite they're living in sort of requires going from the bathroom through the bedroom into the main living area, and she has no idea where kaz is in the room. but as she considers it, inej quells that irrational fear. who cares?

he's seen her bleeding to death on a table. he can handle seeing her in a robe.

so she shrugs into the one hanging on the door. it's relatively loose, tied around the waist, and hangs down to her thighs, and covers the important parts. enough for her to tentatively open the door of the bathroom, to step into the bedroom so she can make her way across the carpet toward her bag, to open it and rummage around for clothing as she speaks: ]

What do you want to do today?

[ she manages to keep the normalcy in her tone, lighthearted and even. ]

[ For a little while, he can tell she's still awake; her breathing hasn't evened out. Hasn't hit that sleepy cadence he's gotten used to.

Eventually, his awareness drops off and he doesn't wake until the sun has crept in through the porthole. Neither of them stay in bed for long after that, knowing there's much to do before getting into port. The morning blurs and soon enough, they're docking without trouble. He watches, bemused, as Specht gently bullies Inej into taking time off and notes, with gratefulness, that he'll have to return the favor to her first mate at some point.

The two of them end up checked into a relatively nice hotel. It doesn't quite beat the one they'd put Colm Fahey up in but a port like this can't be expected to have something so highbrow. It doesn't really matter; the only luxury he's most keen on is the bathroom and the proximity to most everything interesting.

As usual, Inej is up and out of bed first. He lets her take the shower first, content to take his time getting up. When the bathroom door opens, he's sitting near the window, hair still in disarray as he watches the busy street below. Her question pulls his attention away and he freezes when he looks over, eyebrows lifting a fraction as he takes in the sight of her in a robe.

Reflexively, his gaze drops to her uncovered legs, momentarily watching the flex of her calves as she goes through her bag. Getting ahold of himself, he drags his eyes up, focusing on the damp sheen of her hair.

(He's not a religious man by any means but he's thanking whatever is out there for this exact moment). ]

I figure we could walk towards the mainland connection, I'd like to see less of the port. [ Somehow, he manages not to sound as strangled as he feels, though there's certainly a rough edge to his voice he can't mask. Focus, Brekker. ]

[ the robe hangs loosely on her shoulders as she sorts through her clothes in her bag, fishing out a shirt and pants easily. but it's in doing so that her eyes flicker upward to catch kaz staring.

it's a brief moment, and he quickly covers it up with the nonchalant statement, the suggestion of what to do today. but she's already seen, and inej's lips curve into a knowing smile, almost incredulous.

got him. ]

Is there something on my face?

[ pointedly, before she returns to her bag to find her brush. ]

[ Part of him feels a twinge of guilt for staring, knowing her past and what she's gone through. The other part is still distracted at seeing so much skin. Not just her bared legs but the slope of her shoulders, the robe slightly loose on her small frame.

And of course, she's caught him looking. Not much gets past her. Her question actually makes him flush; he can feel the tinge of heat on his face. He shifts in his seat, forces himself to look away, towards the window again. ]

No. [ Well: ] Yes? Your hair is sticking to your cheek.

[ he blushed.

inej understands, intimately, why men look at women. and it used to make her skin crawl, whenever people looked at her like that. like she was nothing more than some passing object to entertain them for the night. like she was some type of present to be unwrapped, a fragile thing in the dark.

but for the first time, there's almost a certain thrill, in knowing that she can command this type of attention. that it's in her control. and some distant part of her understands that she's attractive to some people, sure, whatever, but something about her captivates him. and that's exciting.

. . . but he is telling the truth, in that her hair is stuck to her cheek. and inej delicately brushes it aside before she crosses in front of the bed, to deposit her clothes for the day on the rumpled covers. with her other hand, inej reaches out to gently touch his cheek, to turn his face toward her. and she leans forward just enough to brush her lips against his before she says: ]

Are you going to take a shower?

[ :) ]

[ Breathe, refocus. It's normal. All she's going to do is change and brush her hair out, braid it for the day. And he'll wash up, dress, be ready to head out with as little fanfare as possible. Usually this mental exercise is quite easy, he's gotten good at ignoring distractions while trying to come up with schemes. The Slat, after all, is a noisy place.

None of that seems to work in the face of knowing how underdressed she is. He's hyper aware of their proximity and he's silently counting the seconds, waiting to hear her step back into the bathroom to pull clothes on.

Instead, he gets a hand on his cheek, the touch nearly making him jump out of his skin. There's a sharp inhale when she leans forward and a pleasant shiver runs down his spine as her lips brush his.

If he wasn't in deep before, he is now and there's no chance of turning back. ]

Yes. [ That definitely comes out slightly strained as he pulls his wits back together. Not an easy task with her so close, shower warmed skin radiating heat. He wants so badly to lean further into her touch, to press a kiss to her neck and the bared angle of her collarbones. Instead, he fidgets, fingers curling into his palms as he tries not to touch. ]

[ she notices the fidgeting of his fingers curling into his palm. he wants to move, and touch her, but is resisting for some reason . . . because of her, or because of him?

she's tempted to push her luck, to wrap her arms around his neck and settle in his lap, to kiss him and remain inside for the rest of the morning . . . but something pulls her back from the brink, and instead inej runs her thumb over his cheek with a warm, barely there grin. ]

So go take one.

[ as she inclines her head, and steps away to turn back to her clothes. ]

I need to get dressed.

[ and she cannot do that with him in the room. ]

[ He knows if he reaches out and touches it's going to be a delay. They're not exactly on a time table but it will be distracting.

There's also the matter of not being sure he could. At least not the bared skin of her legs or the vee shape at the front of the robe. Her waist is covered, though, and he does finally brush his hand down her side as she thumbs his cheek, affectionate.

It's both disappointing and relieving when she steps away, some of his dazed thinking going with her. He rakes a hand through his hair and pulls himself up, blowing out a quiet breath as he gathers his clothes for the day. Resolutely, he doesn't turn to look at her on his way to the bathroom and once there, turns the cold water on full.

If every morning is going to be like this, he's in trouble. ]

[ he all but runs to the bathroom, and inej has to bite back a laugh -- mostly because it's different than the high anxiety and terror that associates touching being too much. it's a much more normal type of anxiety, so inej doesn't feel too bad about causing a bump of chaos in his day.

kaz brekker will be okay.

she quickly gets dressed, folding the robe neatly to put on the chair in the corner. and when kaz is finished, inej is by the window, looking outside it as she brushes her hair, watching the people wander by on the walkway.

spotting the street urchins pickpocket the unsuspecting. it's almost nostalgic. ]

[ The shower is bracing but it does the trick, all of the haze and too-warm feeling going down the drain. It's good to have a clear head again and he cleans off without too much dallying. Drying and dressing is efficient as always and by the time he steps out of the bathroom, he's back to his usual composure.

Well, mostly. His hair isn't slicked back in its usual severe manner, left a bit loose to dry. He goes over to her by the window, peering out of it as well and managing to catch sight of a young girl picking a pocket. ]

Good lift, that pigeon won't notice till supper I bet.

[ the comment causes a laugh, and inej leans backwards slightly to bump a shoulder into his chest, surveying the scene of the crime. she hasn't moved to braid her hair, and looks to be just leaving it down today, hanging around her shoulders.

after all, she is on vacation. ]

Probably not.

[ as she tilts her head back slightly, to catch his gaze. he looks different, with his hair askew. younger. it's a good look, she decides, as her laugh melts into a warm smile. ]

Are you ready for breakfast?

[ She leans back with a laugh and he smiles, feeling a familiar warmth in his chest from the sound. He doesn't hesitate to touch her this time, settling both hands on her shoulders lightly, fingers partially tangling in her hair. ]

Whenever you are. [ His gaze meets hers, a smile still lingering at the corners of his mouth. He lets go of her shoulders and finger combs out any tangles, liking the feel of the still damp strands. ] No braid?

[ she's noticed, by now, that kaz appreciates and likes her hair. particularly when it's down. so . . . why not? it isn't as if she's working, or needs to have her hair out of the way.

so she shrugs, remaining still while kaz runs his fingers through her hair. ]

It still needs to dry, and I have no reason to put it up today.

[ so, having her hair down it is. ]

And I am ready.

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