timewasting | OPEN POST 2020.

I intend to.

[ Not much escapes him, after all. He's had to teach himself a lot of things over the years, including cards and lock picking. Learning weather patterns from people who already have a head start will be a much less rocky curve.

She leans back to grab a sleeping shirt and he idly notes the arch of her body, feeling that familiar temptation to put a hand on her waist. It remains even after she's tugged her shirt on, though he thinks that's a side effect of sleeping so close to her. Truly spoiled. ]

It's been a while since I've been a tourist. [ Kaz says with a faint note of nostalgia as he comes to sit next to her on the bed. ]

I don't think I've ever been a tourist.

[ she muses to herself, as she tugs her hair out of the shirt, to begun undoing it. she watches him as he sinks onto the bed next to her, thoughtful for a moment as she really thinks to figure out what being a tourist would feel like . . . ]

When I was younger and traveled, I was always working. [ but seeing new places, while she was with the troupe, was exciting. so she supposes that might count as being a tourist. ] And most of the travel I've done after that hasn't been in my control.

[ with the menagerie, and then with kaz. not that kaz ever forced her to do anything, but it was never really a choice, when she did work for the dregs. she needed to pay her debt, and she would do whatever was needed in order to do so. ]

So this will probably be my first time.

[ as she shakes out her hair a little, with a faint smile in kaz's direction -- though she's still working. and she's been here before. but this time, she's free to explore at her leisure. ]

[ His memories of first coming to Ketterdam are still easy to pull up. Days spent walking around the city with no real plan, being amazed at how big all of the buildings were. Then he'd felt at once free—no bed times, no restrictions—and afraid. Jordie had only be a few years older and neither of them had known any better.

He used to wonder more what it would've been like if his father never had that accident. If the three of them had left Lij and gone to the city.

Maybe he wouldn't be here, watching Inej unbraid her hair. Impulsively, he runs his fingers through the loosened strands, twirling a wavy piece of it around between his thumb and forefinger. When he lets it go, the shape holds briefly, a small curled piece that slowly unravels back to its shape. ]

Then we'll have to make the most of it. [ Exploring a new place with her sounds ideal. It won't be them scouting out places to jump other gangs. Or the best places to eavesdrop without being seen. Just enjoying it because they can.

And because they have the means. This won't be like the early days of Ketterdam, so aware of their dwindling funds. ] Will the caravan be close?

[ He asks, leaning into her space, cheek pressed to her shoulder. ]

[ making the most of it sounds like a good plan, and she makes a soft noise of approval to herself, as kaz leans his cheek against her shoulder, resting his weight against her. ]

I am not sure. [ admittedly, finishing undoing her braid, letting her hair hang as she rests her hands in her lap, relaxing against kaz as she begins to let go of the (good) stress of the day. ] They tend to be near the port towns . . . that is where the money tends to be.

[ so: maybe? but her people tend to move quickly. but as she thinks about those pleasant memories, something else occurs to her: ]

I am sure someone will come find me, once word of the Wraith docking spreads.

[ so they'll find out soon enough. ]

[ She lets out a soft noise and he's always glad to hear it, likes those little bits of concrete proof that something has gone right. Soon after, she relaxes, hands in her lap, and he slowly sweeps a palm down her arm. He stops at her hand, idly brushing his thumb across her knuckles and the light impressions of delicate tendons. ]

Money and people more desperate to spend it. [ As they both know well. Sailors don't dock for long periods, which means they're quite enthusiastic about their indulgences when they are on land. ]

What is it like? Traveling all over with them? [ Despite his move from Lij to the city and his general flexibility with new developments, he's always had a more permanent foothold in places. Going from one place to another and staying on the move—he isn't sure he could do it. ]

[ the touching causes her to lean closer, resting her weight a bit more against kaz's side. it's a subtle move, and a lazy one; she's tired, and she can already feel sleep pulling at her.

at his question, a faint smile appears. ]

You meet a lot of people, and see a lot of places. The countryside, and the different cities along the coast. It's wonderful.

[ freedom. ]

I am not sure you would like it, though. [ mildly, as she watches his fingers move over her hand. ] No tailors for your coats.

[ and heaven forbid that happens. ]

I didn't always wear them. [ It's been a while though. His entire wardrobe was put together as a mockery of the merchers. Of those arrogant businessmen who thought themselves above the thieves and crooks of the Barrel. He wanted to prove a point: they were one and the same, no matter how they dressed it.

And in a way, it's another layer of armor. Three layers of clothes between him and anyone who might get close enough to touch. The thick wool of his coats and layered vests have saved him from the sharp edges of knives enough times.

It might not be too bad though, to shed that all and wear something different.A thing to consider when they get into port. For now though, he can take a hint with her weight leaning into his side. Kaz sits up and curls an arm around her waist before flopping back into the pillows, tugging her along with him. ]

[ it's hard to imagine kaz not wearing that, and she's about to say so when kaz loops an arm around her waist and tugs her down into the pillows. the movement elicits a quiet laugh before she shifts to lazily stretch an arm across his chest, resting her cheek against his shoulder. making herself comfortable, against his side. ]

Good, because you may not be able to find them, there.

[ amused. ]

[ Oh, well. This is comfortable. Immediately, he relaxes as she rests her cheek on his shoulder, the warm line of her body pressed against his side making him feel a bit drowsy. Underneath that, there's the same pull he usually has to keep touching. Or, as he tilts his chin down and looks at her, the urge to kiss her welling up to the surface.

Something that isn't a simple brush to her cheek or mouth. ]

I'll have you know I grew up in the country. [ Make of that what you will, Inej. ]

You could have grown up in a tree with nothing but birds for friends and that would not change what you are like now.

[ country kid or not, as she allows her eyes to lazily close. aware that he's looking at her, and it's clear that she's awake, and still going to be for some time. but she's just making herself comfortable. ]

And what you are like now is very different from what you will find in Ravka.

[ of sorts. ]

[ Her retort pries a short and startled laugh from him. She is right, there's no going back to what he used to be, even if he tried to reverse his nature now. Kaz Rietveld drowned. Only shattered pieces remain, slowly being stitched back in. ]

I'm not sure the birds would make for good company. [ So loud. He has a vague memory of the rooster that would work as the alarm in Lij. ] By all accounts, Ravka is sunnier.

[ Is that a dunk on his own personality? Probably. Shifting a bit, he settles a hand on her waist, enjoying the seep of body heat through her night shirt. ]

[ kaz laughing is a rare thing, and inej seizes onto it whenever it happens. it's tiny glimpses into him, which are rare, by all accounts. but slowly, but surely, he is prying it away. letting her in.

it's exhilarating. ]

The birds would make for excellent company.

[ amused, not moving as he rests a hand on her waist, though her lips curve into a small smile, at the touch. ]

But all the same, no such comforts to be found, where you are going.

Says the woman who's encouraged all those crows at my window.

[ Then again, they're probably the least noisy birds he's encountered. Nothing like the gulls near the shoreline. The crows mostly look on nosily, black eyes focused and small heads tilted. ]

What am I to expect then? If it's lime green, I refuse. [ Slowly, he smooths his hand along her side and back down, lazily repeating the motion. There's something restless under his skin despite how comfortable he feels and he wonders if she feels it too. Wonders if he can brave a little more than a shirt tugged off in her view. The question sits there, at the tip of his tongue, carefully held like a dam keeps water at bay. ]

[ there's a huff of laughter; mostly at the image of kaz in lime green. what an image. that was more suited to jesper, inej thinks, feeling the tug of sleep as she relaxes into kaz's touch. the movement feels comforting, and warm. pleasant, even. ]

Bright pink.

[ mildly, her eyes still closed, amused. ]

Fuchsia, even.

Fuchsia.

[ He says it with a note of disbelief, mostly in trying to think of any garment of clothing he's ever owned that comes close to that color and failing. There's a vest that's dark red he keeps meaning to replace—outgrown a couple years ago. Not even in the same realm of pink. ]

I suppose if I have to wear it, everyone else will have to suffer seeing me in it. [ And with such a light complexion, it would probably be so glaring. Somehow it's amusing to think of and he tilts his face down, pressing his small smile to the top of her head. Not quite a kiss but a precursor to one. ]

I would pay to see it.

[ amused, and she feels kaz press her mouth against the top of her head, leaning closer. and for a tenuous moment, inej considers tilting her head up. to kiss him, and fall asleep tucked into his neck.

it almost feels like too much, and there's a curl of anxiety in her chest at the thought. but being brave had paid off, so far.

so she scoots forward a little bit more, to properly curl against him, exhaling slowly as she relaxes. it's comfortable, and her fingers loosely curl into his shirt.

a week of not doing anything but spend time with him sounded wonderful, as she focuses on the feeling of his hand on her side. maybe she would need to take time off after all. ]

Is that a promise or a challenge?

[ The words are only slightly muffled against her hair because he's not entirely keen on moving just yet. Especially not as she curls closer, settling one small hand on his chest. There's a pull of drowsiness when she relaxes, contrasted by the urge to turn and face her. To cup her face and kiss her properly. It's terrifying and exhilarating to think about, as most things involving touching Inej tend to be. Neither of them know how exactly their minds and bodies will react given the chance.

They've built up tolerance to even be this close. But there's always a chance a move will be too much, that it'll send one or both of them back to awful memories.

Still, he's wasted so much time letting things gnaw at him from the inside out. All those years of denying he even had feelings to begin with. So despite the nerves: ]

Can I kiss you?

Both.

[ lazily, her fingers drawing meaningless figures on his chest as she allows herself to almost be lulled to sleep. by the feeling of his hand, and the sound of his heartbeat.

but she can tell that something is weighing on his mind, and she lets her eyes open slightly at his question, tilting her head back slightly to look at him. there's a thrum of anxiety, at the thought . . . which is normally, whenever they kiss. but nothing awful has happened so far.

and really, the only way she can get better is if she tries. ]

Do you want to?

[ allowing her lips to curve into a faint smile, as she watches him. ]

[ Her question has him hesitating, just a fraction. He knows what his answer is, it's just a matter of how much he wants to show. How much he can show without coming across too intensely.

Then again, she deserves to know how much she affects him. He has to make up for calling her an investment, after all ]

I always want to. [ He says after the best passes, some of the underlying want peeking through. ]

[ inej knows that kaz cares about her, and maybe even loves her, but there's something of a disconnect, between knowing and assuming. but as he says i always want to, a warmth bursts into being in her chest.

it's such a simple thing, but hearing it is a different thing entirely than thinking it might be true.

so she seems to consider it. idly wonders whether she should just kiss him, because she is suddenly filled with a want to do so. but kaz is the one who asked her, and so he's the one who is going to have to make that move.

so, tone thoughtful: ]

Then I think you should kiss me.

[ as if talking about the weather. ]

[ He can tell she's considering it. Which makes him nervous, solely from the anticipation of an answer. They're both working through their own problems and while he might feel disappointed if she says no, it's also something he can understand.

And it isn't as though he's unhappy to fall asleep like this, with Inej tucked close, her steady breathing oddly soothing.

She doesn't tell him no, though, and he feels his pulse pick up. That fluttery anxiety, the kind right before he picks a lock or starts a fight. Turning, he angles towards her a bit more, tentatively cupping her jaw, tilting his head down and slanting his mouth over hers. It's a light kiss at first, before he leans into it with a soft noise. ]

[ it's like standing on the edge of a cliff, when he presses his lips to hers. and for half a moment, it feels like it has before. she can do this. but when he presses forward, it's something new, and inej inhales slowly, allowing her eyes to close.

her fingers curl into the fabric of his shirt, ignoring the hammering of her heart in her chest as she tests her own boundaries, in returning the kiss. it doesn't feel rushed, or rough, or aggressive. it's calm, and peaceful, and pleasant, and warm, and inej can disconnect herself easily if --

but she quells that thought, because disconnecting from the moment would ruin the pleasantness of it. if she's going to be able to do this, she needs to feel it, and focus on it, and let the emotion roll through her. the good, and the bad.

so she tilts her head slightly, to give him easier access, as she returns the kiss. it's a tiny movement, but a purposeful one. ]

[ The give over from anxious to something that clicks, that feels safe, comes in stages. It's in her slow inhale, similar to when she's about to strike, about to perform. But it isn't an act. She isn't stiff, not with her fingers gripping his shirt and her head tilting just so.

It's enormous courage, as all their steps seem to take. He strokes his thumb across her cheek, reassuring, glad he can do this, eyes shut as he kisses her a little deeper. There's no hold of fear, just a curling satisfaction that blooms in his chest.

(This is what he wanted to do, in the hotel bathroom and couldn't, body and mind pushing away). ]

[ the feeling of his thumb running across her cheek keeps her in the present, as inej relinquishes control. it's a bizarre mixture between terrifying and freeing, allowing kaz the freedom to do as he pleases. for now, anyway.

the hand on her face, the slow ministrations of the kiss, the thrum of her heart against her chest -- it's perilously close to sensory overload, but a soft noise of approval escapes before she can prevent it, adjusting her posture slightly so she can loop her arms around his neck, grinning slightly into the kiss.

somewhere in the back of her mind, she knows she should stop, soon. but she can't really be bothered to care to listen. ]

[ His pulse is loud in his ears and the rest of the world seems to fall away. He's dimly aware of the bed underneath of them, of the uncomfortable angle of his one arm, how his one knee presses into his bad one. More important is how she lets go, a grin easily felt against his mouth, her arms coming to loop around his neck.

And while she lets out the softest noise, it runs straight through him, like a match set to oil. He answers her with one of his own, a groan catching in the back of his throat before he reluctantly pulls away, light headed and dizzy from it all. ]

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