[ that causes her to pause, and inej lays a hand flat on the bag to stop it swaying so she can look at him, brow furrowed. she almost looks confused, at the statement. broke his arm? for what, touching her?
jesper, that had been the boy who had grabbed the man's arm in the first place. his first instinct, to stop it, and his second, apparently, to tell kaz. who, for better or for worse, seemed to be her protector in this place.
a potential ally, then. or, at least, someone kind. there's a shortage of kindness, in ketterdam. she hasn't had much of it, lately.
she doesn't bother saying thank you. she doesn't imagine kaz brekker would really enjoy hearing it for something like that, from what little she knows about him. and inej finally lets her hands drop from the bag, examining her bruised knuckles for a brief moment before crossing her arms over her chest, fixing him with a frown.
she dislikes the word responsibility. mostly because: ]
I am no one's pet.
[ her tone is crisp, her fingers digging into her forearms, eyes flinty, jaw clenched. ]
So whatever consequences I have to bear are my own. I am not afraid of Per Haskell. Or you.
[ Her brow furrows and the confusion is clear on her expression. Someone's arm being broken for touching her doesn't seem to add up. Or perhaps seems too good to be true. It's almost as though she's expecting a catch.
If he were a worse person, he could use it as leverage. But there are lines that he won't cross. This is one of them. So many women and girls in the city get taken advantage of, he won't add to the pile.
Though he will say he's seeing why Heleen said this one was trouble. There's a flicker of defiance, something the Barrel hasn't beaten out of her just yet. Contrary to someone like Haskell, it's a trait he looks for. Because this place isn't kind. The most mercy it can offer is a quick death, preferably while one is sleeping.
She isn't going down without a fight. Good. ]
I know. [ He huffs a short breath, slightly exasperated, despite the gladness she isn't just going to lie down and die. ]
I'm making sure you don't get yourself killed here. [ And warning off idiots who might try something. ]
Now, do you want to freeze like a rabbit in a snare every time or do you want to do something about it?
[ he seems exasperated, and not angry, which . . . fine. inej can handle that. easier to navigate without being hit, exasperation. she would take that over rage any day of the week.
though her eyes narrow, at his last comment, her lips pressing together into a thin line. ]
I am no rabbit.
[ not some weak and hapless thing, that needs to be protected, or nurtured in order to survive. a rabbit would have died a long time ago. and while inej isn't sure what she is, she certainly isn't that. ]
[ Some part of him believes in the fervor, that she'll make it. She survived Heleen, why wouldn't she survive the Barrel?
But they play by slightly different rules here. She's freer, certainly, to hit back. The rest also aren't as concerned about keeping her mostly alive or intact. Still, she took the offer with an idea of what it would be like.
It's just a matter of whether she'll learn fast enough to stay in the game. ]
Good. [ He nods, short and decisive, as if he was waiting for her to confirm. ] Be here at eleven bells tomorrow, we'll start on how to defend yourself properly.
[ And before she can argue about that particular remark: ]
Everyone here is bigger than you. It gives you certain advantages, but you'll have to learn them.
[ . . . is he offering to teach her to fight after hearing that she wanted to shatter someone's ribs? the thought should probably bother her, somewhere. it probably would have bothered inej before she was stolen. but now, all she can think about is how no other man is going to dare touch her without her permission again.
the thought feels safe. and kaz is offering her that safety.
not for the first time this week, inej's mind flickers to the words written along her wrist. ]
I know how tall I am.
[ she says, her tone a little stiff. not quite losing all of the defensiveness or annoyance, but the edges have softened a little. ]
The day is wasted, if we wait until eleven. [ and before inej can stop herself, she continues: ] Rising with the sun is the only way to cast away the night.
[ the words sort of startle her, as she says them. it's something that her mother used to say, chastising her father, who also enjoyed to sleep in a little past sunrise. she hadn't been told that in . . . when was the last time she was in ravka?
it's unimportant, now, as she uncrosses her arms, stooping to collect a jacket that she had tossed in the corner, so she could punch the bag a little more freely. ]
But if you need to sleep in, then be my guest. I will be here.
[ Well, she didn't balk at the proposal, which is a good sign. And there's no desperation there, as she silently agrees. Not like someone trying to impress or afraid. Then again, he hadn't gotten the impression she was particularly afraid of him in general. Maybe that's the benefit of them meeting the way they did.
Though he can't say Jesper feels the same, despite them meeting under reasonable circumstances. He supposed his reputation has preceded him there, since Jesper had spent the better part of a few months in and out of the Barrel's gambling houses. He would've heard a story or two.
The girls at the Menagerie saw him pretty differently. Or so he hears.
Probably the reason she feels like she can chide him about waking up early. Kaz stares at her for a moment, half annoyed and half admiring the backbone. ]
There's work to be done in the night. [ And into the morning. He functions on little sleep but the prospect of doing a heist and going straight into training someone green doesn't exactly appeal to him. ]
I'll see you at eleven.
[ Chide all she wants. Kaz turns then, making his way back up the creaking stairs, damnable things. ]
[ he makes his way back up the steps, and inej shrugs into her jacket, frowning after him. work to be done in the night. something illicit, illegal, and immoral, probably. kaz brekker has quite the reputation, but he hasn't really shown such to her. yet, anyway. there's always more time for people to disappoint her.
true to inej's word, she rises with the sun. she makes her way to the roof to pray as the sun rose, and then stole into the mess hall to find something to eat. she had sat near-ish to jesper when he arrived in the hall, not of her own choosing - jesper had dropped himself at the same table with a grin and a greeting.
following her (somewhat exhausting) breakfast, inej retreated downstairs. and, as such, she is already in the training room when kaz makes his way there at eleven bells. she is sitting cross-legged, balanced perfectly on a small crate in the center of the room, her hands in her lap and her eyes closed. seemingly focused on her breathing, or something else.
but the moment she hears the tell-tale cane on the stairs, she speaks, her eyes still closed: ]
You did not get up until ten.
[ she figured out early that kaz's room is directly above her own. she can hear him pace, late at night, or move around. and, subsequently, also hear him when he gets up.
inej blinks her eyes open, expression calm and even-tempered, as she adds: ]
[ And true to his word, there'd been a job to do. Really, it shouldn't have taken as long as it did, but he had to go slow with the small crew he'd brought along. They were filching from a specific mercher's warehouse; the scope of the job meant he needed more than just his own hands.
By the time they'd finished, the sky had started turn that lighter blue, the stars starting to get washed out by the impending sunrise. Well, if the fog didn't roll in from the harbor and cover it all. He hadn't planned on staying awake to watch it either way, practically face-planting into his pillow.
A handful of hours later and he feels at least somewhat rested. Mentally, anyway, which would have to do. Motion would loosen up the stiffness in his limbs. He drags himself out of bed and gets ready for the day, taking a quick breakfast alongside two cups of liquid that could dubiously be called coffee. The trip downstairs to the basement is annoying as ever, but he's not quite surly by the time he gets to the bottom. All things considered, the crows would probably gauge him to be in a good mood.
Good adjacent, at least. ]
And if you were listening, you'd know I got in at five bells.
[ If she insists on being particular!!! ]
We've got three hours before there's likely to be any interruptions. [ At that, he shrugs his suit coat off, draping it over a stack of crates nearby. ] Make a fist, we'll start there.
she watches him shrug out of his suit coat, almost curious as to why he didn't wear anything more appropriate to fight or exercise in. he looks more like he's going to a meeting at the church of barter, not engaging in a street fight.
still, inej unfolds her legs and rises to her feet, her braid falling along her back. she's wearing long sleeves and pants, covering most of her body, but comfortable. loose. likely not on purpose; as kaz so artfully points out, everyone is bigger than she is. and it isn't as if she had any clothing in the menagerie worth keeping; so inej's clothes are mostly second-hand, until she can earn enough to buy her own.
her fingers curl into her palms as she makes a fist, and she holds up her hands. unlike yesterday, her thumb rests outside of her fist, not curled against her palm. learning, from his obnoxious warning about breaking her thumbs. her hands are bruised, still, from yesterday's fit, but inej doesn't seem to mind or pay it much attention.
instead: ]
Do not go easy on me.
[ she says, her tone serious, her jaw set. ]
I can handle being hit.
[ she's been beaten before, and she'll likely be beaten again. but this time, it'll be on her own terms. not as punishment, but in a fair fight. ]
[ With his coat out of the way, he hobbles over to her, so he can see the way she curls her fingers. He leaves a respectful distance between them both; it's not like he enjoys being that close to people anyway.
Tilting his head, he sees she's made adjustments from yesterday, thumb on the outside of her fingers. Well, at least she won't break that by throwing a punch anymore. His gaze does go to her sharply though, when she mentions being able to take hits, his brow furrowing.
Heleen. Ghezen damn her. ]
I'm not going to hit you. [ And to clarify, if she's going to assume it's because of her gender: ]
No sparring until you know your basics. There's no point otherwise.
[ It's true he learned the hard way—taking the beating and getting back up to do it again. But it's not what he'd necessarily recommend to anyone interested in learning without a ton of injuries. ]
[ he stays his distance, which inej both appreciates and loathes. she isn't some fragile thing. but when he speaks, her brow furrows, slightly. his explanation does assuage some of the miffed feelings
she understands the point. and she supposes she appreciates the fact that he won't hit her. but: ]
No one cared that I didn't know my basics before. That won't change now.
[ it sounds grim, but inej's tone is level, her fingers still curled into fists. ]
But fine. I will trust your judgment. [ she has no choice, really, given her circumstances. ] What do I need to do in order to defend myself?
[ His brow furrows some more as she explains that no one had ever cared before. It's unsurprising, of course. Heleen wouldn't want her girls to be able to hit back effectively. Or dangerously. Especially not to paying customers.
Which feels...gross to even think about. He also isn't sure how he feels about being termed as "caring" for doing something like this. The way he sees it, this is business. They'd bought out her contract so of course he's going to make sure she's in top shape to survive. It would be stupid otherwise. ]
That's a broad question. [ And they'll certainly cover as much as he can pass on. ] First, let's work on your stance and how to throw a punch. You want to follow through and keep eye contact. Use your top knuckles to hit, you'll injure your hand less.
[ Being near enough, he throws a punch to the air, simple enough. ]
[ he seems to genuinely want to help her. and idly, inej realizes that she probably should have been more concerned with whether he had bad intentions before she agreed to go with him. but anything was better than the menagerie. even if she died tomorrow, at least she would die on her own terms.
her eyes don't watch his fist. instead, they flicker over his arm, how his muscles tense and loosen, and then shifting down to his legs. he has to overcompensate a bit, given whatever happened to his leg, but his balance is still strong. she wonders what happened to it. she supposes it doesn't really matter.
without a word, she shifts her feet to give herself a bit more of a proper foundation. at first, she mirrors his own stance, but she seems to decide that that doesn't work, for her. so her feet move again, firm on the ground, squaring her shoulders. that feels right. balanced, good. if someone tried to push her, inej was fairly certain she could stay on her feet.
following through is something she's familiar with. you never jump unless you were willing to throw your entire body into it. and so she faces the bag again, eyes locked on the spot that she wants to hit.
she isn't a very violent person, by nature. inej can't think of a time where she was angry, before she was taken. now, she feels as if it coils around her like a wool coat that is too tight, suffocating. she has to get rid of it, somehow, in order to survive. having it cling to her would only get her killed faster.
so this time, she doesn't envision whatever-his-name-is upstairs. the irrelevant idiot who now had a broken arm. she thinks about peacock feathers and ugly jewelry and manicured fingers, and with a hiss between her teeth, inej's fist darts forward to collide with the bag, which sways a bit further than it did before now that she's putting her proper body weight into it.
for the first time in what feels like years, there's a tiny flicker of a smile that graces her features. ]
[ He can tell she's watching, studying, the weight of her gaze slightly different. She doesn't seem the type to miss much so he's sure she knows he puts more weight on his good leg, his cane serving as a third point to counter balance.
When she gets up, she imitates how he's standing, clearly finding that doesn't work out. Apart from their clear difference in height, she doesn't have a broken and badly healed leg to contend with. So she adjusts, moving her feet a bit closer and straightening her shoulders with determination. He'll ask to check her balance in a bit, though it looks like it wouldn't be easy to knock her off her center.
Finally, she takes her swing, making the bag sway with a good amount of force. She understands the follow through, which is one of the more important parts.
And maybe she's getting a little joy out of this. If that hint of a smile isn't a trick of the light. ]
Again. Get the contact directly on your knuckles. [ He shows her, this time just placing his fist against the bag, right at the angle she would need. ]
The jut of the bone smarts more. [ And protects the middle, more breakable, parts of the fingers. ]
Hit the same place and then we'll go over hitting higher or lower. [ From her height, it would be easiest for her to wind someone, but most of her hits would fall to the midsection. Useful, but not always the fastest way to get someone to back off. ] Nobody likes to get punched in the face or throat.
[ her eyes follow his hand, taking half a step forward so she can see exactly how he is placing his hand. she doesn't touch, or necessarily invade his personal space, but she's within arm's reach, now. slowly warming up to the idea that no one is going to hurt her -- at least, not without consequence.
once he steps away again, she wastes no time in striking the bag, adjusting the angle of her fist as she sinks it into the canvas. the bag sways, but inej strikes it again with the opposite hand, to build a rhythm. her hands hurt from the bruises from yesterday, but she doesn't seem to mind, or care.
for the first time in a long time, she feels in control. ]
If the purpose is using the jut of the bone to make it hurt more, why do you wear gloves?
[ she asks, catching the bag as it sways toward her again, to steady it for the next lesson. ]
[ She steps forward to look at the angle, though there's still a comfortable distance between them.
And as before, she learns fast, hitting the bag twice in succession. Her off-hand doesn't have as much force, which is to be expected. That's learnable, over time.
He's feeling nearly pleasant when she asks her question. Which immediately spoils any warm feelings. His expression goes eerily neutral, eyes dark. ]
It hurts plenty. [ The leather is the barest buffer, he's made sure to make up the difference. ]
Again.
[ She'll need to build her tolerance, after all. And he needs something to focus on besides the partially dredged memories. ]
[ his expression shifts instantly, and there's a new wall there that hadn't been present before. a crossed line, for some reason. inej isn't entirely sure why.
she had overheard stories, rumors, about dirtyhands and the gloves. claws for hands, acid burns, drenched in the blood of his enemies. other ridiculously foolish ghost stories, none of then making any sense. and, more importantly, none of those stories really align with the boy that came back to get her. so the gloves must be for another purpose.
it really isn't any of her business. and she feels somewhat foolish, for asking. it wasn't her intention to pry, but to wonder if the gloves helped in some way that she hadn't thought of. or if they had some type of trick, to help defend him more. but apologizing seems just as worthless; it was just a question. she has nothing to really be sorry for. and if the rumors are true, kaz brekker can handle an innocent question.
so (for once), inej does as she's told, and strikes the bag again in quick succession, the heavy bag swaying with the force. after about five or six punches, she begins to feel like she's figured out her best striking point. and so she begins to experiment, sliding her foot to the left as she moves, hitting the bag in motion. it provides less force, but does sway the bag -- something to consider. ]
Mmm.
[ she hums to herself briefly, shaking out her hands, curling and uncurling her fingers experimentally. the burn in her arms and the ache in her hands feels good. it makes her feel alive. ]
[ There's a palpable boundary now, one she seems to be aware of. How could she not be, after his stony reply? Part of him hates that he can't say anything about it. Not only would it go against the reputation he's built, but he isn't sure how much he can trust her yet.
And, well, it's hard to even think about, let alone find the words to describe why he can't stand to touch bare skin. It's gotten easier to ignore but, he still feels that faint pull of nausea when someone points out the gloves.
He pulls his attention away from the question though, relieved she didn't press or try to apologize. It's always worse when someone trips over themselves to say sorry.
(Occasionally it's satisfying but that depends on the person).
She strikes the bag a few more times, each hit looking fairly solid. The last one in particular was a bit creative, testing what she's capable of. They'll need some ice after this, he thinks, for her hands. ]
You'll be under most people's guard, which is an advantage; they'll have to adjust to punching lower. [ Not always easy to do in the middle of a fight. Especially if they've never fought against someone so much shorter. ]
If you angle your hit lower, you can knock the wind out of them easily. Too high and you'll hit the chest bone.
[ Which hurts but not as quickly disabling. ]
Above that will get them in the throat. It might start pushing your reach though, which will take impact out. [ At the very least, it'll make them uncomfortable. Though: ] A better way is using the heel of your hand or between your fingers.
[ He spreads his thumb and forefinger apart, creating a "v" shape. ] And strike under the chin.
[ It's weird to imitate on himself, but he does, the curve between his fingers fitting where the soft palate connects to the throat. ]
[ she listens with rapt attention, watching carefully as he holds his hands and demonstrates on himself. it makes sense -- his hand cradles his wind pipe, easily crushed with the right amount of pressure.
her hands are much smaller than his. she can't wrap her hands around someone's neck, but she could punch and duck pretty easily. quickly hitting someone and ducking out of the way seems to be the best way to handle defending herself, if she needs to.
she looks at the bag, tilting her head up a little to eye the top of it. she flexes her fingers experimentally, slowly touching the bag and mimicking how kaz spreads his fingers to test how it will feel. and, without much more warning, she strikes quickly, clocking the bag over her head with the heel of her hand, finding that to be more comfortable than spreading her fingers. ]
I could reach further with my legs.
[ it's a thought to herself, really, as she lowers her hands. and she rocks herself on the balls of her feet, testing her center of gravity before she does a neat spin, connecting the heel of her borrowed boots against the canvas bag, her balance perfect in a roundhouse kick.
perhaps the difference between acrobatics and fighting isn't so large after all. ]
[ The rhythm they had before her question has started to come back, a pleasant back and forth. She learns fast, which is good for the both of them—he isn't known for his patience. But he's mostly relieved, because the sooner she gets this down, the less she'll have to deal with creeps overpowering her.
And the Barrel is certainly full of such men.
She tests both configurations, fingers spread at first as she gets the feel for it. Ultimately, she opts for hitting with the heel of her hand. More effective for someone with hands as small as hers.
And then, of course, she tries something a little different. Like a bird finally finding its wings. She does a spin kick, balanced all the way through. Honestly, it's impressive. ]
You'll have to be careful they don't catch your ankle or shin. It'll be easier to throw you off balance.
[ She does have great balance, though, along with speed. But with only one leg planted on the ground, it'll leave her more open if she isn't careful.
Mostly, he thinks, it'll help create some distance. Which can be useful. ]
If you're going to kick, I'll see about getting Roeder down here. [ He lightly taps his bad leg with his cane, mouth quirked a bit at the corner. ] Not my area of expertise.
[ she lands back on two feet easily enough, lowering her hands to glance toward him. she doesn't return the smile, though she does take note that he's not very sensitive about his injury. good to know, that it isn't something to avoid.
at the offer, though, inej folds her arms over her chest, a slight frown gracing her features. it isn't as if kaz can teach her that, it's true, given his leg -- but: ]
I would rather continue learning what I can from you.
[ that way, if this roeder person attempts anything during her next phase of training (or whatever this is), inej can at least defend herself. and while inej doesn't really know what kaz saw in her, in the menagerie, she does get the feeling that he will keep true to his word, and not harm her.
more than she can say about the other people in this building, anyway. ]
[ Alright, no Roeder. At least not for now. He and Inej have a tentative trust, or something approaching it, and he doesn't want to break that. It makes sense to keep it to them for now—she's still new here and doesn't know who would wish her ill.
They'll get her to a place where she can actively defend herself and see where that puts them. Maybe she'll open up a bit more in the meantime. Kaz isn't asking her to be friends with everyone but at least she'll figure out who she can put a modicum of trust into.
Or who she can tolerate, anyway. Fully trusting anyone in the Barrel is a big ask. ]
Alright. Try that palm strike again, but keep your fingers curled into your hand. Makes it less uncomfortable to flex your hand back enough for that angle.
[ He spends the next hour or so having her repeat motions, sometimes having her hit the bag and sometimes not, mostly to save her hand until she gets used to it. In between, he gives her a few more spots to aim for: kidneys, knees or ankles if she's going to kick, and basically anywhere on the face but especially the eyes.
And of course, if all else fails, kneeing them in the groin. ]
If you remember at least two of those in the middle of a fight, it'll help. [ Not that he doubts her memory. But trying to keep one's head when someone is actively swinging at you is a different story. ]
[ in the beginning, she had been punching the daylights of the bag in a fit of anger. but as the lesson continues, she becomes more even-tempered and calculating. it's clear, that anger is typically not what guides her. she strikes with purpose, not in a blind rage.
as such, the hour goes by quickly, and by the end of it, inej's muscles ache. but she seems ready to keep going when kaz seems to pause, to tell her what's important to remember in a fight, and she takes the opportunity to roll her shoulders, catching her breath. ]
I will remember them.
[ she won't be caught off guard again. she rubs her hands a little, a thumb pressing into her palm. they ache, but she feels accomplished. at least now she can lash out and vanish, if need be. though she suspects no one in the crow club or the slat will try to touch her again for awhile, now that kaz brekker has made it clear that that's unacceptable.
he really has done a lot, for her. she feels a sting of guilt, for being so standoffish in the last week of being here. she feels he understands why, but it still feels wrong. he helped her without knowing a thing about her. even with being bound, he didn't need to take the risk.
so: ]
Are you hungry?
[ seems like they've been down here long enough to warrant lunch. or a late breakfast. ]
[ Truthfully, it hadn't felt like an hour. Something about Inej's quiet and determined focus had made it easy to go back and forth with her. And while having people fear him is a useful reputation to have, it's also shockingly nice to have someone who isn't edging away from him or looking at him like he might bite.
Relieving, in a strange way. Because then he could focus on teaching her and not having to work past a wall of fear to do it. He's not sure he would have the patience for it, understanding or not. She also hadn't chattered the entire time; while he's closer to Jesper than any of the other Dregs, he can only handle so much.
She stretches her hands out and he thinks about what else needs to be done, expression slightly far away as he considers next steps. Her question shakes him out of it, innocuous and maybe a little perplexing. No one's asked him that in a while. ]
Not really, but I'll go up with you. Get some ice for those hands.
[ he looks briefly confused, at being asked the question. she imagines someone with the nickname 'dirtyhands' doesn't exactly have a lot of friends. being in charge of a portion of the barrel doesn't extend itself to making friends. or living in the barrel at all, really.
still, he offers to come with her, which makes her feel a little better. it bothers her, that she feels comforted by his presence, but she's far safer with him around than by her own. at least with kaz with her, people will leave her alone. which she sorely needs. ]
I've suffered worse.
[ with a slight shrug of her shoulders, though she won't turn down ice. the quicker the swelling goes down, the faster she can continue to learn. and as she stoops to collect her loose jacket to shrug back into, she nods her head toward the stairs. ]
After you.
[ she dislikes having anyone at her back. even someone she (sort of) trusts. ]
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no subject
Date: 2020-12-26 10:02 pm (UTC)jesper, that had been the boy who had grabbed the man's arm in the first place. his first instinct, to stop it, and his second, apparently, to tell kaz. who, for better or for worse, seemed to be her protector in this place.
a potential ally, then. or, at least, someone kind. there's a shortage of kindness, in ketterdam. she hasn't had much of it, lately.
she doesn't bother saying thank you. she doesn't imagine kaz brekker would really enjoy hearing it for something like that, from what little she knows about him. and inej finally lets her hands drop from the bag, examining her bruised knuckles for a brief moment before crossing her arms over her chest, fixing him with a frown.
she dislikes the word responsibility. mostly because: ]
I am no one's pet.
[ her tone is crisp, her fingers digging into her forearms, eyes flinty, jaw clenched. ]
So whatever consequences I have to bear are my own. I am not afraid of Per Haskell. Or you.
[ she's seen far worse than either of them. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-26 10:40 pm (UTC)If he were a worse person, he could use it as leverage. But there are lines that he won't cross. This is one of them. So many women and girls in the city get taken advantage of, he won't add to the pile.
Though he will say he's seeing why Heleen said this one was trouble. There's a flicker of defiance, something the Barrel hasn't beaten out of her just yet. Contrary to someone like Haskell, it's a trait he looks for. Because this place isn't kind. The most mercy it can offer is a quick death, preferably while one is sleeping.
She isn't going down without a fight. Good. ]
I know. [ He huffs a short breath, slightly exasperated, despite the gladness she isn't just going to lie down and die. ]
I'm making sure you don't get yourself killed here. [ And warning off idiots who might try something. ]
Now, do you want to freeze like a rabbit in a snare every time or do you want to do something about it?
no subject
Date: 2020-12-26 10:55 pm (UTC)though her eyes narrow, at his last comment, her lips pressing together into a thin line. ]
I am no rabbit.
[ not some weak and hapless thing, that needs to be protected, or nurtured in order to survive. a rabbit would have died a long time ago. and while inej isn't sure what she is, she certainly isn't that. ]
And I have not come this far to die.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-26 11:11 pm (UTC)But they play by slightly different rules here. She's freer, certainly, to hit back. The rest also aren't as concerned about keeping her mostly alive or intact. Still, she took the offer with an idea of what it would be like.
It's just a matter of whether she'll learn fast enough to stay in the game. ]
Good. [ He nods, short and decisive, as if he was waiting for her to confirm. ] Be here at eleven bells tomorrow, we'll start on how to defend yourself properly.
[ And before she can argue about that particular remark: ]
Everyone here is bigger than you. It gives you certain advantages, but you'll have to learn them.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-27 01:43 am (UTC)the thought feels safe. and kaz is offering her that safety.
not for the first time this week, inej's mind flickers to the words written along her wrist. ]
I know how tall I am.
[ she says, her tone a little stiff. not quite losing all of the defensiveness or annoyance, but the edges have softened a little. ]
The day is wasted, if we wait until eleven. [ and before inej can stop herself, she continues: ] Rising with the sun is the only way to cast away the night.
[ the words sort of startle her, as she says them. it's something that her mother used to say, chastising her father, who also enjoyed to sleep in a little past sunrise. she hadn't been told that in . . . when was the last time she was in ravka?
it's unimportant, now, as she uncrosses her arms, stooping to collect a jacket that she had tossed in the corner, so she could punch the bag a little more freely. ]
But if you need to sleep in, then be my guest. I will be here.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-27 02:07 am (UTC)Though he can't say Jesper feels the same, despite them meeting under reasonable circumstances. He supposed his reputation has preceded him there, since Jesper had spent the better part of a few months in and out of the Barrel's gambling houses. He would've heard a story or two.
The girls at the Menagerie saw him pretty differently. Or so he hears.
Probably the reason she feels like she can chide him about waking up early. Kaz stares at her for a moment, half annoyed and half admiring the backbone. ]
There's work to be done in the night. [ And into the morning. He functions on little sleep but the prospect of doing a heist and going straight into training someone green doesn't exactly appeal to him. ]
I'll see you at eleven.
[ Chide all she wants. Kaz turns then, making his way back up the creaking stairs, damnable things. ]
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Date: 2020-12-27 02:23 am (UTC)true to inej's word, she rises with the sun. she makes her way to the roof to pray as the sun rose, and then stole into the mess hall to find something to eat. she had sat near-ish to jesper when he arrived in the hall, not of her own choosing - jesper had dropped himself at the same table with a grin and a greeting.
following her (somewhat exhausting) breakfast, inej retreated downstairs. and, as such, she is already in the training room when kaz makes his way there at eleven bells. she is sitting cross-legged, balanced perfectly on a small crate in the center of the room, her hands in her lap and her eyes closed. seemingly focused on her breathing, or something else.
but the moment she hears the tell-tale cane on the stairs, she speaks, her eyes still closed: ]
You did not get up until ten.
[ she figured out early that kaz's room is directly above her own. she can hear him pace, late at night, or move around. and, subsequently, also hear him when he gets up.
inej blinks her eyes open, expression calm and even-tempered, as she adds: ]
Good morning, Kaz.
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Date: 2020-12-27 03:04 am (UTC)By the time they'd finished, the sky had started turn that lighter blue, the stars starting to get washed out by the impending sunrise. Well, if the fog didn't roll in from the harbor and cover it all. He hadn't planned on staying awake to watch it either way, practically face-planting into his pillow.
A handful of hours later and he feels at least somewhat rested. Mentally, anyway, which would have to do. Motion would loosen up the stiffness in his limbs. He drags himself out of bed and gets ready for the day, taking a quick breakfast alongside two cups of liquid that could dubiously be called coffee. The trip downstairs to the basement is annoying as ever, but he's not quite surly by the time he gets to the bottom. All things considered, the crows would probably gauge him to be in a good mood.
Good adjacent, at least. ]
And if you were listening, you'd know I got in at five bells.
[ If she insists on being particular!!! ]
We've got three hours before there's likely to be any interruptions. [ At that, he shrugs his suit coat off, draping it over a stack of crates nearby. ] Make a fist, we'll start there.
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Date: 2020-12-27 03:15 am (UTC)she watches him shrug out of his suit coat, almost curious as to why he didn't wear anything more appropriate to fight or exercise in. he looks more like he's going to a meeting at the church of barter, not engaging in a street fight.
still, inej unfolds her legs and rises to her feet, her braid falling along her back. she's wearing long sleeves and pants, covering most of her body, but comfortable. loose. likely not on purpose; as kaz so artfully points out, everyone is bigger than she is. and it isn't as if she had any clothing in the menagerie worth keeping; so inej's clothes are mostly second-hand, until she can earn enough to buy her own.
her fingers curl into her palms as she makes a fist, and she holds up her hands. unlike yesterday, her thumb rests outside of her fist, not curled against her palm. learning, from his obnoxious warning about breaking her thumbs. her hands are bruised, still, from yesterday's fit, but inej doesn't seem to mind or pay it much attention.
instead: ]
Do not go easy on me.
[ she says, her tone serious, her jaw set. ]
I can handle being hit.
[ she's been beaten before, and she'll likely be beaten again. but this time, it'll be on her own terms. not as punishment, but in a fair fight. ]
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Date: 2020-12-27 03:30 am (UTC)Tilting his head, he sees she's made adjustments from yesterday, thumb on the outside of her fingers. Well, at least she won't break that by throwing a punch anymore. His gaze does go to her sharply though, when she mentions being able to take hits, his brow furrowing.
Heleen. Ghezen damn her. ]
I'm not going to hit you. [ And to clarify, if she's going to assume it's because of her gender: ]
No sparring until you know your basics. There's no point otherwise.
[ It's true he learned the hard way—taking the beating and getting back up to do it again. But it's not what he'd necessarily recommend to anyone interested in learning without a ton of injuries. ]
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Date: 2020-12-27 03:47 am (UTC)she understands the point. and she supposes she appreciates the fact that he won't hit her. but: ]
No one cared that I didn't know my basics before. That won't change now.
[ it sounds grim, but inej's tone is level, her fingers still curled into fists. ]
But fine. I will trust your judgment. [ she has no choice, really, given her circumstances. ] What do I need to do in order to defend myself?
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Date: 2020-12-27 04:25 am (UTC)Which feels...gross to even think about. He also isn't sure how he feels about being termed as "caring" for doing something like this. The way he sees it, this is business. They'd bought out her contract so of course he's going to make sure she's in top shape to survive. It would be stupid otherwise. ]
That's a broad question. [ And they'll certainly cover as much as he can pass on. ] First, let's work on your stance and how to throw a punch. You want to follow through and keep eye contact. Use your top knuckles to hit, you'll injure your hand less.
[ Being near enough, he throws a punch to the air, simple enough. ]
And keep your wrist straight or you'll break it.
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Date: 2020-12-27 04:16 pm (UTC)her eyes don't watch his fist. instead, they flicker over his arm, how his muscles tense and loosen, and then shifting down to his legs. he has to overcompensate a bit, given whatever happened to his leg, but his balance is still strong. she wonders what happened to it. she supposes it doesn't really matter.
without a word, she shifts her feet to give herself a bit more of a proper foundation. at first, she mirrors his own stance, but she seems to decide that that doesn't work, for her. so her feet move again, firm on the ground, squaring her shoulders. that feels right. balanced, good. if someone tried to push her, inej was fairly certain she could stay on her feet.
following through is something she's familiar with. you never jump unless you were willing to throw your entire body into it. and so she faces the bag again, eyes locked on the spot that she wants to hit.
she isn't a very violent person, by nature. inej can't think of a time where she was angry, before she was taken. now, she feels as if it coils around her like a wool coat that is too tight, suffocating. she has to get rid of it, somehow, in order to survive. having it cling to her would only get her killed faster.
so this time, she doesn't envision whatever-his-name-is upstairs. the irrelevant idiot who now had a broken arm. she thinks about peacock feathers and ugly jewelry and manicured fingers, and with a hiss between her teeth, inej's fist darts forward to collide with the bag, which sways a bit further than it did before now that she's putting her proper body weight into it.
for the first time in what feels like years, there's a tiny flicker of a smile that graces her features. ]
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Date: 2020-12-27 05:01 pm (UTC)When she gets up, she imitates how he's standing, clearly finding that doesn't work out. Apart from their clear difference in height, she doesn't have a broken and badly healed leg to contend with. So she adjusts, moving her feet a bit closer and straightening her shoulders with determination. He'll ask to check her balance in a bit, though it looks like it wouldn't be easy to knock her off her center.
Finally, she takes her swing, making the bag sway with a good amount of force. She understands the follow through, which is one of the more important parts.
And maybe she's getting a little joy out of this. If that hint of a smile isn't a trick of the light. ]
Again. Get the contact directly on your knuckles. [ He shows her, this time just placing his fist against the bag, right at the angle she would need. ]
The jut of the bone smarts more. [ And protects the middle, more breakable, parts of the fingers. ]
Hit the same place and then we'll go over hitting higher or lower. [ From her height, it would be easiest for her to wind someone, but most of her hits would fall to the midsection. Useful, but not always the fastest way to get someone to back off. ] Nobody likes to get punched in the face or throat.
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Date: 2020-12-27 05:19 pm (UTC)once he steps away again, she wastes no time in striking the bag, adjusting the angle of her fist as she sinks it into the canvas. the bag sways, but inej strikes it again with the opposite hand, to build a rhythm. her hands hurt from the bruises from yesterday, but she doesn't seem to mind, or care.
for the first time in a long time, she feels in control. ]
If the purpose is using the jut of the bone to make it hurt more, why do you wear gloves?
[ she asks, catching the bag as it sways toward her again, to steady it for the next lesson. ]
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Date: 2020-12-27 05:31 pm (UTC)And as before, she learns fast, hitting the bag twice in succession. Her off-hand doesn't have as much force, which is to be expected. That's learnable, over time.
He's feeling nearly pleasant when she asks her question. Which immediately spoils any warm feelings. His expression goes eerily neutral, eyes dark. ]
It hurts plenty. [ The leather is the barest buffer, he's made sure to make up the difference. ]
Again.
[ She'll need to build her tolerance, after all. And he needs something to focus on besides the partially dredged memories. ]
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Date: 2020-12-27 05:47 pm (UTC)she had overheard stories, rumors, about dirtyhands and the gloves. claws for hands, acid burns, drenched in the blood of his enemies. other ridiculously foolish ghost stories, none of then making any sense. and, more importantly, none of those stories really align with the boy that came back to get her. so the gloves must be for another purpose.
it really isn't any of her business. and she feels somewhat foolish, for asking. it wasn't her intention to pry, but to wonder if the gloves helped in some way that she hadn't thought of. or if they had some type of trick, to help defend him more. but apologizing seems just as worthless; it was just a question. she has nothing to really be sorry for. and if the rumors are true, kaz brekker can handle an innocent question.
so (for once), inej does as she's told, and strikes the bag again in quick succession, the heavy bag swaying with the force. after about five or six punches, she begins to feel like she's figured out her best striking point. and so she begins to experiment, sliding her foot to the left as she moves, hitting the bag in motion. it provides less force, but does sway the bag -- something to consider. ]
Mmm.
[ she hums to herself briefly, shaking out her hands, curling and uncurling her fingers experimentally. the burn in her arms and the ache in her hands feels good. it makes her feel alive. ]
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Date: 2020-12-27 06:40 pm (UTC)And, well, it's hard to even think about, let alone find the words to describe why he can't stand to touch bare skin. It's gotten easier to ignore but, he still feels that faint pull of nausea when someone points out the gloves.
He pulls his attention away from the question though, relieved she didn't press or try to apologize. It's always worse when someone trips over themselves to say sorry.
(Occasionally it's satisfying but that depends on the person).
She strikes the bag a few more times, each hit looking fairly solid. The last one in particular was a bit creative, testing what she's capable of. They'll need some ice after this, he thinks, for her hands. ]
You'll be under most people's guard, which is an advantage; they'll have to adjust to punching lower. [ Not always easy to do in the middle of a fight. Especially if they've never fought against someone so much shorter. ]
If you angle your hit lower, you can knock the wind out of them easily. Too high and you'll hit the chest bone.
[ Which hurts but not as quickly disabling. ]
Above that will get them in the throat. It might start pushing your reach though, which will take impact out. [ At the very least, it'll make them uncomfortable. Though: ] A better way is using the heel of your hand or between your fingers.
[ He spreads his thumb and forefinger apart, creating a "v" shape. ] And strike under the chin.
[ It's weird to imitate on himself, but he does, the curve between his fingers fitting where the soft palate connects to the throat. ]
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Date: 2020-12-27 06:56 pm (UTC)her hands are much smaller than his. she can't wrap her hands around someone's neck, but she could punch and duck pretty easily. quickly hitting someone and ducking out of the way seems to be the best way to handle defending herself, if she needs to.
she looks at the bag, tilting her head up a little to eye the top of it. she flexes her fingers experimentally, slowly touching the bag and mimicking how kaz spreads his fingers to test how it will feel. and, without much more warning, she strikes quickly, clocking the bag over her head with the heel of her hand, finding that to be more comfortable than spreading her fingers. ]
I could reach further with my legs.
[ it's a thought to herself, really, as she lowers her hands. and she rocks herself on the balls of her feet, testing her center of gravity before she does a neat spin, connecting the heel of her borrowed boots against the canvas bag, her balance perfect in a roundhouse kick.
perhaps the difference between acrobatics and fighting isn't so large after all. ]
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Date: 2020-12-27 07:16 pm (UTC)And the Barrel is certainly full of such men.
She tests both configurations, fingers spread at first as she gets the feel for it. Ultimately, she opts for hitting with the heel of her hand. More effective for someone with hands as small as hers.
And then, of course, she tries something a little different. Like a bird finally finding its wings. She does a spin kick, balanced all the way through. Honestly, it's impressive. ]
You'll have to be careful they don't catch your ankle or shin. It'll be easier to throw you off balance.
[ She does have great balance, though, along with speed. But with only one leg planted on the ground, it'll leave her more open if she isn't careful.
Mostly, he thinks, it'll help create some distance. Which can be useful. ]
If you're going to kick, I'll see about getting Roeder down here. [ He lightly taps his bad leg with his cane, mouth quirked a bit at the corner. ] Not my area of expertise.
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Date: 2020-12-27 07:32 pm (UTC)at the offer, though, inej folds her arms over her chest, a slight frown gracing her features. it isn't as if kaz can teach her that, it's true, given his leg -- but: ]
I would rather continue learning what I can from you.
[ that way, if this roeder person attempts anything during her next phase of training (or whatever this is), inej can at least defend herself. and while inej doesn't really know what kaz saw in her, in the menagerie, she does get the feeling that he will keep true to his word, and not harm her.
more than she can say about the other people in this building, anyway. ]
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Date: 2020-12-27 07:56 pm (UTC)They'll get her to a place where she can actively defend herself and see where that puts them. Maybe she'll open up a bit more in the meantime. Kaz isn't asking her to be friends with everyone but at least she'll figure out who she can put a modicum of trust into.
Or who she can tolerate, anyway. Fully trusting anyone in the Barrel is a big ask. ]
Alright. Try that palm strike again, but keep your fingers curled into your hand. Makes it less uncomfortable to flex your hand back enough for that angle.
[ He spends the next hour or so having her repeat motions, sometimes having her hit the bag and sometimes not, mostly to save her hand until she gets used to it. In between, he gives her a few more spots to aim for: kidneys, knees or ankles if she's going to kick, and basically anywhere on the face but especially the eyes.
And of course, if all else fails, kneeing them in the groin. ]
If you remember at least two of those in the middle of a fight, it'll help. [ Not that he doubts her memory. But trying to keep one's head when someone is actively swinging at you is a different story. ]
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Date: 2020-12-27 10:39 pm (UTC)as such, the hour goes by quickly, and by the end of it, inej's muscles ache. but she seems ready to keep going when kaz seems to pause, to tell her what's important to remember in a fight, and she takes the opportunity to roll her shoulders, catching her breath. ]
I will remember them.
[ she won't be caught off guard again. she rubs her hands a little, a thumb pressing into her palm. they ache, but she feels accomplished. at least now she can lash out and vanish, if need be. though she suspects no one in the crow club or the slat will try to touch her again for awhile, now that kaz brekker has made it clear that that's unacceptable.
he really has done a lot, for her. she feels a sting of guilt, for being so standoffish in the last week of being here. she feels he understands why, but it still feels wrong. he helped her without knowing a thing about her. even with being bound, he didn't need to take the risk.
so: ]
Are you hungry?
[ seems like they've been down here long enough to warrant lunch. or a late breakfast. ]
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Date: 2020-12-27 11:16 pm (UTC)Relieving, in a strange way. Because then he could focus on teaching her and not having to work past a wall of fear to do it. He's not sure he would have the patience for it, understanding or not. She also hadn't chattered the entire time; while he's closer to Jesper than any of the other Dregs, he can only handle so much.
She stretches her hands out and he thinks about what else needs to be done, expression slightly far away as he considers next steps. Her question shakes him out of it, innocuous and maybe a little perplexing. No one's asked him that in a while. ]
Not really, but I'll go up with you. Get some ice for those hands.
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Date: 2020-12-27 11:29 pm (UTC)still, he offers to come with her, which makes her feel a little better. it bothers her, that she feels comforted by his presence, but she's far safer with him around than by her own. at least with kaz with her, people will leave her alone. which she sorely needs. ]
I've suffered worse.
[ with a slight shrug of her shoulders, though she won't turn down ice. the quicker the swelling goes down, the faster she can continue to learn. and as she stoops to collect her loose jacket to shrug back into, she nods her head toward the stairs. ]
After you.
[ she dislikes having anyone at her back. even someone she (sort of) trusts. ]
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