timewasting | open post 2k4.

[ the news that kaz had purchased his family's land sparks a warm smile into his hair, touched at the thought. she had always known that kaz was good, deep down. this is just another piece of evidence to add to her folio, a hidden little gem of sentimentality and warmth that kaz has given her to safeguard. she will guard it zealously, with her life.

but when he glances up at her, seemingly searching her features for something, she meets his gaze with a brief questioning look before smiling again, tilting her head down for a brief kiss before brushing the hair out of his eyes. she has, after all, messed it up a fair bit in her ministrations. ]

It sounds beautiful. [ a little village with no name, with nothing but community and the earth. it sounded perfect, truth be told. ] Peaceful.

[ the perfect place to relax. and, well. seeing as he's being willing to share, inej decides to push a little bit. a question, as he lounges, practically using her for a pillow. ]

Is your home still there? The house where you grew up.

[ At her quizzical look, he shakes his head minutely–nothing was wrong. His chin tips up to meet her kiss, the imprint of her smile left on his mouth. He lets his eye drift closed, then, as she brushes his hair back, the hand on her thigh lazily drawing patterns on her pajamas. ]

It's chaotic, during harvest. [ They'd hire out for seasonal help and for a whirlwind couple of weeks, there'd be so much to do from sun up to sun down that he and Jordie would be nodding off during supper. Their kitchen would be completely overtaken by bundles of flowers and herbs, hanging from the rafters or sorted into stacks on the long bench by the bay window at the back of the house. ]

There's a small family; tenants. It sat empty, after– [ Kaz frowns, the easy conversation suddenly turning difficult. The words are there, frozen on his tongue. He opens his eyes again, staring unblinkingly at the colorful pattern on her socks and attempting to sear it into his mind to override the memory of his father's blood seeping into the freshly-churned soil. Drawing in a shuddering breath, he at least tries to finish the thought in some manner. This is what she'd asked of him, isn't it? To trust her with all these jagged pieces, all the soft parts he'd never bare to anyone else. ]

Didn't want it falling into more disrepair.

[ At that, he curls his arm around her a bit more, her solid weight a balm that keeps him in the present. ] It's not very tall, won't be much of a challenge for you to climb.

[ at first, the conversation is easy. he talks about the harvest, and how a family now currently lives in his old family home. she can picture it, almost; while her people are not necessarily farmers, she knows the type of satisfaction you get by living in congruence with the land. it was hard work, but honest. meant to put food on your table, and nothing more. she's about to ask whether or not the current residents have continued the farm when kaz stops talking, suddenly.

she can feel it, really, more than see it. his breath hitches suddenly, an almost imperceptible motion. his muscles tense, and inej pauses in stroking his hair to look down at him, to see him staring into seemingly nothing. then, just as quick as the moment comes, it is gone with a shuddered breath, continuing his thought. or, at least, finishing with something other than shutting down completely, drawing her in closer.

she frowns to herself, wanting to pry. after what, exactly? but she has known kaz brekker long enough to know that was there was a time and a place to pry, and as he was volunteering information of his own accord, it felt like a poor place to poke. so instead, inej smooths her hand to the back of his neck, then down his shoulders, a comforting sweep of her palm. ]

Still with me?

[ it's a quiet check in, smoothing her hand back up his spine to his shoulders, then to his neck. ]

[ It hasn't gotten easier, necessarily, to spill these things about his past to Inej. He's been doing it more often, though, when she's ashore. Giving her the fragments that he can stomach. Making it a habit to do so, because then the repetition would be more ingrained.

Still, in moments like this, where the misery of the past rises up, those curated habits go crashing to the floor. She's seen him do worse. And in some cases, has done worse. Somehow, giving his history a voice is like breaking a spell. Or a curse, perhaps. He owes it to her, to finally hear it. Unlocking the tale takes more effort than it should, always seeming to choke him before he manages to get it out there.

So, he swallows and shudders minutely when her palm makes contact with his neck, dragging him fully back into the present. He blinks away the after-image of his Da's misfortune, sighing against her shoulder. ]

I'm here. [ At this, he turns his head enough to kiss the seam of her sleeve, more proof he wasn't lost in whatever thoughts had come to plague him. ] I'll take you, in early spring.

[ he reassures her that he's with her, and even promises to take her in the early spring. it's enough to reassure her, letting him relax against her as he makes himself comfortable again.

after all, she hadn't required of him that he be perfect, or empty his soul to her without hesitation. only that he pried his armor away, piece by piece. and he had done that, however messy a process it had been. he would tell her what happened on that farm when he was ready. she knew that much, and that was all that mattered. ]

I'll be there. [ quietly, pressing her lips against his forehead in a soft kiss. he was comfortable and warm, inches from dropping off to sleep. or so she assumed, anyway. ] But only if you promise me two weeks without interruption.

[ and she settles back into the pillows, amused. ]

I want a full tour, and you will need your rest.

[ Now that the tension has mostly dissipated, he does find himself to be overly comfortable again. And because of his comfort, he feels that tug of exhaustion, as months of sleeplessness catch up to him all at once.

She's agreeing, though, to come during spring. It warms him through, even if there's a strand of anxiety over the decision. His desire to have her see a window into his past is stronger than the fear that was the starting iron for his armor. Wordlessly, he presses another kiss to her shoulder, mouth turned up in a smile she could surely feel. ]

Two weeks, hm?

[ Quite a bit of time. No more than he'd spent on her ship and their time in Ravka, however. Besides, south Kerch wasn't too far, just in case anything should happen.

As she settles into the pillows some more, he adjusts, turning to drape an arm around her middle and put his weight on his good leg. And to properly put his own pillow under his head. ]

The deal is the deal.

[ he makes himself properly comfortable, whatever tension left oozing out at her promise. he drapes himself over her, comfortable, and inej easily makes herself comfortable too, reaching to tug the comforter over them both. ketterdam was always cold, it felt like. and if there was one thing that wouldn't help kaz's leg feel better, it was cold.

she hums to herself, a nameless tune as she rests her cheek on top of his head, eyes traveling to the ceiling. the familiar wooden beams and the odd cracks in the wood that inej has long since memorized. her fingers brush his hair back again, and her eyes shift to kaz, to watch him slowly drift into sleep. or, well. on his way to it, anyway. ]

I will wake you up when it is time for dinner.

[ she whispers, kissing his forehead. ]

Sleep well, my love.

open post 2k4.

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