timewasting | open post 2k4.

[ ketterdam was cold and foggy -- a relatively normal day, all things considered, as inej slips her way through her city, skipping along rooftops easily. kaz would know that she was in the city, of course; there was no hiding the wraith docked in the harbor. but even so, she was determined to find him before he found her.

mostly because jesper had asked her to come home. kaz had been in a particularly foul mood as of late, and granted, inej had been away from home for quite some time. but jesper was also close to graduating university, which gave a pleasant reason to return home too. even nina was to make an attempt to come to ketterdam, though she could nevr be sure if that would be the case. the country kept her busy, naturally.

it took about an hour to get to kaz's favorite waffle stand, and with a grim satisfaction, she sees his silhouette. it's quite a bit of a walk, but she knows he likes to stretch his legs whenever he's in a poor mood.

she waits patiently until he buys what he likes before she slips down to the street. despite being (slightly) disappointed in him, given the stories of how he has been a menace, her heart immediately swells at seeing him. it has been some months.

so there may be a slight skip in her step as she slides through the crowd, silent as the grave, before a diminutive hand slips through his arm at his elbow, tone amused: ]

Why have I received reports that you require a humbling, Kaz Brekker?

[ she missed him so much. ]

[ It had been deep summer the last time the Wraith's proud silhouette had graced Fifth Harbor. He'd bid Inej goodbye at her usual berth, braved the miserable humidity and sweated through his suit—despite it being made of fabrics meant for warmer climes. But, none of that had truly mattered. Not in the slightest, not when he'd needed to drink in every perfect line of Inej's face before she set off to continue her reign of terror upon the slaver ships sailing on the True Sea. And greedy as always, he'd kept ahold of her until she'd given him an exasperated (affectionate) sigh, noted that any longer delay meant they'd miss the tide out.

So he'd let her go, as he had so many times before, watched long enough that the faces and forms of her crew had grown indistinct, and then he'd gone to work. The Barrel never really slept, nor did the slavers and the other monstrous vermin he hunted down in the crooked streets. He'd set to work, digging up leads, scheming for profit and for vengeance, and now, as the weather has turned towards spring, he feels the bone deep ache of her distance. Has felt it, really, since she left in the first place. Now it's as familiar as the pain that lances up his leg on bad days; sometimes ignorable, sometimes workable, and never quite gone.

Missing Inej has made him verifiably caustic, the worry over her safety and the paranoia she might decide not to return a particularly toxic mix. Kaz doesn't backslide, not really, but neither does he lean into the sliver of better nature that Inej has slowly cultivated over the years. Instead, he closes his fist on the things he can control, much to the aggravation of the Dregs.

Jesper and Wylan, as well. The former says as much when he comes to visit the Slat, idly twirling a pearl-handled revolver on his finger. Tells him to relax before he makes Anika so cross she blows a gasket. Kaz simply gives him a withering look and tells him where he can take his advice. Wylan, bless the plucky merchling, doesn't get a much better response. There's only less cursing on account of Marya Hendriks sitting two spaces away, deft hands working a cross-stitch.

The thing is, he knows Inej will be disappointed. Knows it like he knows her presence, that distinct itch between his shoulder blades when she's nearby. Stopping the tide once it's begun, though, is a near impossible task.

Which is why he's stalking through the Barrel now, heading out towards the waffle stand near the Lid. Because when he senses that cold red haze starting to descend, he knows at least to get some distance. Take the edge off. The long walk in the cool air, signaling the beginning of spring, does take the burn of his frustration away. Somewhat. It's an improvement.

Not as much as if Inej were here. Though, he's at least fractionally buoyed by the fact she's here, somewhere in the city. He'd seen the sails of her ship and had known immediately. By then, he'd been deep into his trek, already committed to his destination. A fact which has made him both annoyed and eager in turn.

With utmost restraint, he orders his usual when he arrives, intent on being at least civil. There's a delighted swoop in his gut, though, right before a wax paper wrapped waffle is pressed into his hands; he knows the shape of her presence like none other. Can feel the sweep of her gaze as if all of his outer layers were translucent.

So when she finally curls her arm through his, bringing the scent of the sea and salt with her, he can't help the crooked quirk of a smile. ]

Hello, Inej. [ If he sounds a bit giddy, sue him. ] I would think reports of that nature are old hat.

[ When hasn't Dirtyhands needed a humbling, really? ]

[ his smile immediately sparks a wider grin on her end, and she immediately reaches up with her spare hand to fix the collar of his coat. her fingers gently smooth down the lapel before studying him critically. the poor mood is still clinging to him, if only just; he does look much happier now than he had stalking through the barrel, people moving out of his way without a second thought. ]

A personal humbling.

[ by her, specifically, and she smooths her palm down his chest. she wants to kiss him, and hold him, and claim him, and not be on a public street, but seeing as he had elected to have his temper tantrum near the lid rather than the slat . . . well, beggars can't be choosers.

instead, her eyes flicker to the waffle in his hand. his favorite, from this specific haunt; something about the batter and the texture. she had fetched it plenty on their worst rows when she had been the one who had needed to apologize. (which, granted, was not very often.) ]

You bought me lunch?

[ amused, as she stands on her tiptoes to (finally) kiss his cheek, lips brushing against skin. enough to satisfy the warmth roiling in her gut, a bit. ]

How sweet.

[ Even the blindest Barrel rat could see the change in his demeanor, at this point. Just a couple years before, he would've rather crawled under a dock than to show any sliver of how he felt about the woman before him, still too fresh in the vacuum of power left behind by Rollins. But now? Now, he's running the Dregs, secure in the hold he has on their territory and the expansions they've made since. And now, Inej's reputation often outshines his, the primal fear of her showing up like a ghost to mete out judgment enough to keep anyone's lips sealed and eyes averted if they decided to relax about showing their relationship in public.

So, he flashes her a grin, sharp and completely amused, eyes bright where they're trained on hers. ]

Like I said, old hat. [ He's never claimed to be good, after all.

No, certainly not. Especially not right now, as her hands wander, smoothing his lapels, adjusting his collar, the warmth of her palm a brand despite the layers he has on. His gaze darkens a fraction, the desire to sway into her touch, to bend his head down to kiss her senseless nearly overwhelming. But, no one could say Kaz Brekker was a poor hand at impulse control. Instead of doing any of those things, he swallows it all down, tells himself that the waiting will make it sweeter. ]

We both know there's not near enough whipped cream on this for you.

[ She liked hers piled high with all the confection she could manage. As though she was making up for years of lack. When she draws up on her toes, he leans down fractionally, head tilted, the light brush of her lips to his cheek enough to dispel the chill of the air. Gently, he takes hold of her hand, pressing a kiss to the backs of her fingers.

It's with reluctance he pulls away, expression smoothing out to all business for a moment as he nods over to the vendor–Ambroos–who knows both of their orders by heart. ]

I trust the journey here was well?

[ the kiss to the back of her fingers melts her expression into something warmer, impossibly fond, and she immediately threads her fingers through his as she follows his gaze toward ambroos, who appears to already be prepared her usual. ]

Long. [ mildly, squeezing his hand as she gently tugs him back toward the vendor, a bit closer. and she casts a meaningful look toward his own waffle, now forgotten -- eat it, before it gets cold. ] I am looking forward to a hot shower and a comfortable bed.

[ she loves her ship and her quarters are quite nice, but she longs to curl up with him in bed, listening to the sound of his breathing as she wakes before he does. the wraith may be her sanctuary, but ketterdam was home. kaz was home. ]

And I was going to accomplish those two goals first . . . [ she tilts her head slightly, to look up at him, gaze imploring. and maybe a little accusing. ] -- but Anika told me that you had gone storming toward the Lid.

[ like a hurricane, a dark and brooding storm cloud. ]

I was -- thank you. [ she says, warmly, to ambroos, taking her (much more decorated) waffle swiftly. she has to release kaz's hand to do so, to ensure it won't fall, but she thinks he'll forgive her. and as they step away, presumably to find somewhere to eat -- ] I was sent to ensure no one met your wrath unnecessarily.

[ she finishes, her tone a bit dry. ]

What has you in such a mood, hm?

[ Knowing better than to ignore her silent, pointed, nagging, he does peel back the paper wrapping on his food, somehow managing to do so without letting go of her hand. It's a stupid thing, really, how much he's loathe to stop touching her. As he starts in on his waffle, he gives her hand an answering squeeze, something like relief rushing through him for the tether.

Because she's here. Here, in Ketterdam. He told himself he would stop being surprised by it, has been chided by Inej in the past for the fear he'd given voice once—that she would one day decide this place was no longer worth it. That he was no longer worth it, and she'd sail onto better places, find a better man who matched the goodness she's always managed to keep. The old fear still wells up but, another one has subsumed it in the intervening years that they've been following this dance.

And it is that newer one, having climbed up the back of his throat, which had darkened all of his thoughts. Had kicked his pulse into gear, a gnawing dread dragging across his nerves enough to break any attempt to concentrate on what needed done. There's an undone pile of papers on his office floor, left where he'd swept them from sight out of sheer frustration, before he'd grabbed his cane and coat and stalked out of the claustrophobic feeling Slat. ]

I see. [ He feels a guilty flush work its way up the back of his neck. She's had a long journey; taking a hot bath and resting is what she should be doing, instead of coming here to mind his moods. In the past, he would've snapped at her for the attempt, brittle at the edges.

Now, though, he reluctantly lets her hand go as she collects her dinner, slowly beginning to head in the direction of a small courtyard. It's no mercher green square, but neither is it the rundown and crooked alcoves of the Barrel. There's a simple fountain, flanked by worn in wooden benches, chipped and stained pedestals between, full of the first green shoots from the bulbs. ]

No one crossed me. [ Well, today, at least. He says this as he drops onto one of the benches, long legs stretched out before him. ]

It doesn't matter, now.

[ Nor is there anything to do about it, honestly. Just swallow it down until she's back on dry land. ]

[ she follows him with ease, settling herself on the bench next to him. she makes herself comfortable against his side, almost tucking himself underneath his arm as she takes a bite of her waffle. it crunches perfectly, the powered sugar melting in her mouth, and inej savors the taste for a moment before she drops her head back against his arm, looking up at him with a furrowed brow.

there is clearly something there, under the surface. something he's not willing to talk about, yet. she has to bait him into saying it, giving him space to figure it out on his own. because kaz brekker wouldn't just stalk his way all the way out to the lid for little reason, even for his favorite waffle.

so she watches him, expression thoughtful, finishing her waffle with ease. and after ensuring she has no more whipped cream or anything else on her face or fingers, inej rests a hand on his thigh, giving it a slight pat. ]

I missed you.

[ an obvious fact, letting her eyes roam the people wander by. some familiar shadows, some not. she wants to climb into his lap and kiss him, thread her fingers through his hair.

later. for now, he's in a mood. (albeit a much better one.) ]

We've a few days before the festivities begin. [ with a warm smile, eyes flickering back toward kaz. ] Can I convince you to take a small break?

[ Inej squeezes herself right against his side when she settles in next to him on the bench and he feels even more of the tension he'd been holding onto slough off. How they're positioned isn't as effective of a cure as the two of them curled around each other in his bed, but, it'll have to do for now. Unworried about prying eyes, he drapes his arm along the bench back behind her, effectively encouraging her closeness as well as ensuring he didn't impede her eagerly digging into her sugary dinner.

For a few moments, there's a comfortable silence between them as Inej takes her first bite and he continues to eat his dinner. She's already given him a chiding look once, he's not risking another one. He knows, the longer her stay, he'll fall back into being more of a pest with some of his habits. Right now though, even her (perfectly reasonable) nagging is received without any kind of argument.

The silence continues, though he can feel her eyes on him. Kaz isn't...ignoring her, but he doesn't meet her gaze just yet, giving her the space to work through whatever she's thinking. He hasn't been completely honest and he knows she sensed it. Knows she's puzzling over it now, her dark eyes keen on all the small details he's sure are written all over his face without him knowing. As usual, he doesn't broach it, the words locking up in his throat.

Instead, they finish dinner to the quiet burble of the fountain behind them, the far off screech of gulls in the harbor, and the low rumble of Ketterdam's factories that echoed across this part of the city.

Her small hand on his thigh shakes him from his pensive thoughts, and he sets his hand atop hers, thumb sweeping along the ridge of her knuckles. ]

I missed you, too.

[ Nina had teased him once, years ago, after she'd been in the Dregs for a handful on months, that no one was as painfully and desperately aware of Inej as he apparently was. Kaz, still in denial and filled with enough self-loathing to drown in, had told her to fuck off. She'd been right, of course. But, what he's been grappling with is that his awareness of Inej meant it stung that much more when she was absent.

Her being back and smiling at him as she is now is almost too much. Like a starving man being presented a feast. ]

What kind of break?

A few days in the country.

[ tucked away in an isolated bed and breakfast, a private retreat where no one would bother them. outside of the city, but near enough to return without much fuss. he could sleep in and be himself, properly unwind without expectation. free of the fog and the gloomy weather, just in time to see the beginnings of the tulips begin to bloom.

he's still trapped in his own head, not looking at her, which inej tolerates to a certain point. but soon, she reaches up with her free hand to press her fingers to his chin, gently turning his head to look at her, gaze warm. ]

I've already arranged it with Anika.

[ so he truly has no excuses to take care of himself. she slides her hand against his face, palm cupping his cheek, thumb sweeping across his cheekbone. she considers him for a moment before tilting herself up for a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. ]

So we can leave in the morning.

[ A few days in the country, she says, and he hums at her answer, acting as though he's considering it. While going away from his business here always strikes a note of anxiety in him, he'd truly already made up his mind as soon as she'd asked her question. After all, he had survived the trip to Ravka on her ship, which had been for an even longer period of time. Anika has proven herself more capable since; he's not nearly as concerned about leaving her in charge.

Inej's warm palm on his cheek gently pulls him from his thoughts and the corner of his mouth quirks into a smile. ]

Have you now? [ Trust her to have made the arrangements already, giving him no choice in the matter. The boy he'd been, just a few years ago, would have balked and started an entire row over it. Instead, he turns his face just a fraction, pressing a kiss to her hand. ]

I suppose I should pack then, when we get back.

[ He says agreeably, leaning ever so slightly into her touch, dark eyes full of affection when she steals a small kiss. ]

I have, upon information that you need a vacation.

[ he's being agreeable. almost too agreeable, which means (1) he's extraordinarily happy to see her and (2) whatever is lurking inside his head is clearly more important than arguing with her over something stupid. she surveys him for a long moment, gaze critical, before she tilts her head again to give him another soft kiss. ]

Come on, then.

[ as she rises to her feet, taking his hands in her own to tug him up a bit. the walk back to the slat is long, but the sooner they get home, the sooner she can get him into bed. he looks as if he hasn't had a restful night in more than a few days. ]

Home, so we can check you for fever. [ with the slightest twitch of her lips, clearly trying not to smile. ] Kaz Brekker, caving without so much an argument; the sky will surely fall.

[ He is absolutely being agreeable. Way more than he usually would be—in the past he'd at least pretend to have a fight. Even just to needle her a bit.

But, she's been gone for so long this time. The euphoria of having her here with him again is enough to override any of his grouchier tendencies. Maybe that should worry him, that the fight's gone out of him so quickly, so easily. Later, he'll be upset over it. Probably. There are other things he needs to sort through first. Which, he has to admit, a weekend away will help him with—it's easier, to get out of his head, when he isn't surrounded by all the trappings that cause him to pull his armor on.

For now, he sets that aside, chasing the soft kiss she'd brushed across his lips, returning it with one of his own. ]

Still playing the seeker of my secrets, Wraith? [ Not that she ever stopped. Just like he always has her in mind, when scouring the city for information, digging up anything and everything he can for her cause.

With one hand on his cane and the other in Inej's outstretched palm, he levers himself up, blowing out a slow hiss of air once he's upright. The walk to the Lid had been a long one, aggravated by his lack of sleep over the past few days. Used to the pain, though, he straightens, offering her his arm as they begin the trek to the Slat. At her humorous jab, he gives her a quirked smile, huffing a laugh. ]

It's been known to happen on occasion. Slim occasion, but, the chances are still there.

There are a few yet that I've been aiming to collect. [ his secrets, that is. but it's really no secret at all that kaz brekker, boss of the barrel, has been utterly miserable to deal with over the last few weeks. the dregs had all but kidnapped her when she set foot in the slat to ask her to navigate one of his moods. nostalgic, really. not much has changed. ] But I'll settle with getting you into bed, first.

[ because that leg of his is complaining something fierce, even if kaz hasn't (and won't) say a word about it. she takes his arm easily, resisting the urge to loop an arm around his waist (both for closeness and also to give him a more stable point to lean on), keeping her steps careful and light to match his pace without making it painfully obvious she was walking slower than usual.

she squeezes his arm gently, nudging him down a side street. a slightly longer way back to the slat, but with a more even road, and skipping over a hill. his knee will thank her for it. ]

I worry about you. [ after a moment, deciding to broach the topic early - plenty of time for him to get his grousing out of the way now before they make it back to the privacy of the attic. ] When was the last time you slept?

home.

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homecoming of a sorts; rietveld farm

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