[ it'll never be done. she supposes that is true. he'll stop saving her the moment she stops saving him, which would be . . . never. so she lets it go, though she does toss him something of a look, at the rebuke. said look turns into a slight grin, at his jab, and she rewards him with a kiss on the cheek. ]
I want to see you sleep. [ there is a difference!! ] And you will sleep far more comfortably in something that is not a tailored suit.
[ and, well, there is something about kaz looking undone, which really only happens around her. she's rather possessive over those moments; for her eyes only, however much she thinks the rest of ketterdam would benefit from a more relaxed and genial kaz brekker. unfortunately for them, she steals all of those moments for herself.
she considers that for a moment before she gently pats his thigh -- the offending limb that had been giving him so much trouble earlier. ]
I wear different things to bed, Inej. [ Most of the time, anyway. He doesn't think bedclothes will be suitable for walking around in public. It would be akin to public indecency, especially in a small country village. The Kerch prided themselves on propriety, after all. ]
Unless you're asking me to go without a shirt at this bed and breakfast? [ Kaz teases, knowing what she's actually trying to get at. But, it's so fun to needle her sometimes.
At the gentle touch to his thigh, his muscles tense instinctively, though he soon relaxes, slowly flexing his foot again. ]
Could walk on it. Not very far; it'll cramp again. Anika's likely cleared my schedule.
[ She knows the routine, when the Wraith docks. It used to make Kaz bristle, that she'd do such a thing without his permission, feeling like his vulnerability was on display. Now he knows better, trusts Anika isn't going to spill his secrets to the first person she saw on the street. She's loyal to the both of them, after all, and is familiar with how there's rarely a time when one is without the other, when they're both in the same place. ]
[ saints, he was annoying. his teasing is met with a roll of her eyes, most of her attention diverted to the flinching at the touch to his leg. she resumes her gentle massage of it, though only uses her thumb to work out a particularly nasty knot, talking all the while. ]
I should hope you would get out of your shirt at said bed and breakfast, else you'll have a poor time relaxing.
[ punk. ]
But good. [ at anika clearing his schedule. she finishes her second (and likely last) attempt at getting his leg to relax further with another gentle pat before she shifts a bit, settling on her knees to give the collar of his shirt a gentle tug. ] Speaking of, you should try to get out of these clothes before your leg protests further; you won't be walking at all.
[ And of course, her eye roll is met with a grin. It was about what he expected. The easy banter helps to take his mind off of her resuming the massage on his leg. Due to her efforts earlier, the knot has loosened somewhat, but it's still taut enough to be painful at first brush.
He uses their conversation to focus, dragging a sleeve across his brow to wipe away the misting of cold sweat that's sprung up. ]
If you were so eager to see me undress, you just needed to say so.
[ Though he knows she's right (as usual). He swallows whatever protest he might've had at her picking up dinner, trying to be better about these things.
And, well, the residual pinch of his nerves is starting to radiate upwards towards his hip. Even if the muscle has started to release, the inflammation is a warning sign to stay off of it unless absolutely necessary.
With a gentle pat, he nudges her hand away so he can get up and change. As much as he'd like to tease her more, swapping his suit for his bed clothes is a perfunctory affair. Soon enough, he's settling back onto the bed with a long sigh, cane close at hand. Needy as ever, he loops an arm around her waist, slouching enough to press his cheek to her shoulder. ]
I am going to remove your tongue and feed it to your crows.
[ she says, informatively, before she too rises to her feet to properly change out of her traveling clothes. really just looser pants and a looser shirt, folding her clothes neatly to set aside as she settles back onto his bed, scooting herself up to sit. but she isn't left lingering for long, as kaz worms an arm around her waist to tug her closer. the movement sparks a chuckle, and inej adjusts her arms enough to hold him, a hand running through his hair lazily. ]
What am I going to do with you. [ she murmurs, nose at his temple as she relaxes into the pillows. ] My stubborn fool of a man.
[ she has half a mind to just take her with him, the next time she sets sail. ]
My crows? [ He says, voice full of amusement and disbelief. ] Says the woman who's been encouraging the skivs for years.
[ Nevermind that they haven't gone away in her absence. If pressed, he'll say it's because they were noisy when they were demanding to be fed.
His attention soon goes elsewhere, focused in on how warm she is and how the salt from the ocean has stuck to her skin. Later, he knows she'll want to rinse it all off with the hottest bath imaginable. For now, though, he breathes her in, glad for the familiar scent. ]
Mm, whatever you like. [ Kaz murmurs against her shoulder, giving her a small nuzzle. With her tucked so close, all of his anxiety has quieted, the adrenaline finally starting to ratchet down. Perhaps it should be embarrassing, how quickly her presence comforts him and allows him to calm down.
Instead, he's just relieved.
Feeling the beginning tugs of exhaustion—the real kind, that he knows he'll be able to rest with—he toys with the end of her braid, looping the furl of it over two of his fingers. Maybe it's the sleeplessness or even the plan to visit the country; the words come loose, without much of a filter. ]
Next time we go to the country, I'll show you where I grew up.
[ the sleepy offer sparks a warm smile, and inej presses the smile into his hair. it's not that she's surprised at the offer, but kaz is still learning to open old wounds without pain attached to them. so the offer, while not surprising, is... a delight. ]
It's a date.
[ quietly, running her fingers through his hair again, a soothing gesture. it won't be long until he drops off to sleep, and so inej keeps her voice soft and light, along with her touch. ]
But you will have to plan that getaway; I only have an inkling as to where that is.
[ There's a small smile mirroring the one she presses to his hair, curling the corner of his mouth. Another piece of armor, shorn away and placed at her feet. Later, he might be anxious about it. For now, though, it feels like the right time. He doesn't think he'll be able to tell her everything—his history here in Ketterdam is still bottled up, locked behind several doors on the inside.
The farmhouse and the fields beyond...it's a start.
Slowly, he places a hand on her thigh, drawing his thumb across the subtle stitching pattern on the sleep pants she's chosen. The motion is as soothing to him as her fingers in his hair, her nails just barely ghosting along his scalp. ]
Two towns over from Lij. Small enough it never got named. [ It could hardly even be called a town. Nor a village, really. More like a loose collection of houses and a general store. For anything else, they'd have to ride or take a carriage the eight miles down the road to Lij proper. ]
Bought the land back after my first big haul. [ It'd been stupid, really, to waste kruge on the deed. Even stupider, in the intervening years, to continue to make investments and trades listed under the false Rietveld name. At the very least, his sentimentality had served a purpose when they'd swindled Jan Van Eck out of everything he owned.
Still, he's held onto it this long. Might as well let Inej catch a glimpse of what his life had been like, before all of the misery had shattered him into pieces. ]
I think you'll like it. [ Kaz glances up at her then, imagining her sitting amongst the boughs of the tree he'd climbed as a child. She'd be much more graceful about it, of course. ]
[ the news that kaz had purchased his family's land sparks a warm smile into his hair, touched at the thought. she had always known that kaz was good, deep down. this is just another piece of evidence to add to her folio, a hidden little gem of sentimentality and warmth that kaz has given her to safeguard. she will guard it zealously, with her life.
but when he glances up at her, seemingly searching her features for something, she meets his gaze with a brief questioning look before smiling again, tilting her head down for a brief kiss before brushing the hair out of his eyes. she has, after all, messed it up a fair bit in her ministrations. ]
It sounds beautiful. [ a little village with no name, with nothing but community and the earth. it sounded perfect, truth be told. ] Peaceful.
[ the perfect place to relax. and, well. seeing as he's being willing to share, inej decides to push a little bit. a question, as he lounges, practically using her for a pillow. ]
Is your home still there? The house where you grew up.
[ At her quizzical look, he shakes his head minutely–nothing was wrong. His chin tips up to meet her kiss, the imprint of her smile left on his mouth. He lets his eye drift closed, then, as she brushes his hair back, the hand on her thigh lazily drawing patterns on her pajamas. ]
It's chaotic, during harvest. [ They'd hire out for seasonal help and for a whirlwind couple of weeks, there'd be so much to do from sun up to sun down that he and Jordie would be nodding off during supper. Their kitchen would be completely overtaken by bundles of flowers and herbs, hanging from the rafters or sorted into stacks on the long bench by the bay window at the back of the house. ]
There's a small family; tenants. It sat empty, after– [ Kaz frowns, the easy conversation suddenly turning difficult. The words are there, frozen on his tongue. He opens his eyes again, staring unblinkingly at the colorful pattern on her socks and attempting to sear it into his mind to override the memory of his father's blood seeping into the freshly-churned soil. Drawing in a shuddering breath, he at least tries to finish the thought in some manner. This is what she'd asked of him, isn't it? To trust her with all these jagged pieces, all the soft parts he'd never bare to anyone else. ]
Didn't want it falling into more disrepair.
[ At that, he curls his arm around her a bit more, her solid weight a balm that keeps him in the present. ] It's not very tall, won't be much of a challenge for you to climb.
[ at first, the conversation is easy. he talks about the harvest, and how a family now currently lives in his old family home. she can picture it, almost; while her people are not necessarily farmers, she knows the type of satisfaction you get by living in congruence with the land. it was hard work, but honest. meant to put food on your table, and nothing more. she's about to ask whether or not the current residents have continued the farm when kaz stops talking, suddenly.
she can feel it, really, more than see it. his breath hitches suddenly, an almost imperceptible motion. his muscles tense, and inej pauses in stroking his hair to look down at him, to see him staring into seemingly nothing. then, just as quick as the moment comes, it is gone with a shuddered breath, continuing his thought. or, at least, finishing with something other than shutting down completely, drawing her in closer.
she frowns to herself, wanting to pry. after what, exactly? but she has known kaz brekker long enough to know that was there was a time and a place to pry, and as he was volunteering information of his own accord, it felt like a poor place to poke. so instead, inej smooths her hand to the back of his neck, then down his shoulders, a comforting sweep of her palm. ]
Still with me?
[ it's a quiet check in, smoothing her hand back up his spine to his shoulders, then to his neck. ]
[ It hasn't gotten easier, necessarily, to spill these things about his past to Inej. He's been doing it more often, though, when she's ashore. Giving her the fragments that he can stomach. Making it a habit to do so, because then the repetition would be more ingrained.
Still, in moments like this, where the misery of the past rises up, those curated habits go crashing to the floor. She's seen him do worse. And in some cases, has done worse. Somehow, giving his history a voice is like breaking a spell. Or a curse, perhaps. He owes it to her, to finally hear it. Unlocking the tale takes more effort than it should, always seeming to choke him before he manages to get it out there.
So, he swallows and shudders minutely when her palm makes contact with his neck, dragging him fully back into the present. He blinks away the after-image of his Da's misfortune, sighing against her shoulder. ]
I'm here. [ At this, he turns his head enough to kiss the seam of her sleeve, more proof he wasn't lost in whatever thoughts had come to plague him. ] I'll take you, in early spring.
[ he reassures her that he's with her, and even promises to take her in the early spring. it's enough to reassure her, letting him relax against her as he makes himself comfortable again.
after all, she hadn't required of him that he be perfect, or empty his soul to her without hesitation. only that he pried his armor away, piece by piece. and he had done that, however messy a process it had been. he would tell her what happened on that farm when he was ready. she knew that much, and that was all that mattered. ]
I'll be there. [ quietly, pressing her lips against his forehead in a soft kiss. he was comfortable and warm, inches from dropping off to sleep. or so she assumed, anyway. ] But only if you promise me two weeks without interruption.
[ and she settles back into the pillows, amused. ]
[ Now that the tension has mostly dissipated, he does find himself to be overly comfortable again. And because of his comfort, he feels that tug of exhaustion, as months of sleeplessness catch up to him all at once.
She's agreeing, though, to come during spring. It warms him through, even if there's a strand of anxiety over the decision. His desire to have her see a window into his past is stronger than the fear that was the starting iron for his armor. Wordlessly, he presses another kiss to her shoulder, mouth turned up in a smile she could surely feel. ]
Two weeks, hm?
[ Quite a bit of time. No more than he'd spent on her ship and their time in Ravka, however. Besides, south Kerch wasn't too far, just in case anything should happen.
As she settles into the pillows some more, he adjusts, turning to drape an arm around her middle and put his weight on his good leg. And to properly put his own pillow under his head. ]
[ he makes himself properly comfortable, whatever tension left oozing out at her promise. he drapes himself over her, comfortable, and inej easily makes herself comfortable too, reaching to tug the comforter over them both. ketterdam was always cold, it felt like. and if there was one thing that wouldn't help kaz's leg feel better, it was cold.
she hums to herself, a nameless tune as she rests her cheek on top of his head, eyes traveling to the ceiling. the familiar wooden beams and the odd cracks in the wood that inej has long since memorized. her fingers brush his hair back again, and her eyes shift to kaz, to watch him slowly drift into sleep. or, well. on his way to it, anyway. ]
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no subject
Date: 2024-09-28 12:31 am (UTC)I want to see you sleep. [ there is a difference!! ] And you will sleep far more comfortably in something that is not a tailored suit.
[ and, well, there is something about kaz looking undone, which really only happens around her. she's rather possessive over those moments; for her eyes only, however much she thinks the rest of ketterdam would benefit from a more relaxed and genial kaz brekker. unfortunately for them, she steals all of those moments for herself.
she considers that for a moment before she gently pats his thigh -- the offending limb that had been giving him so much trouble earlier. ]
How's your leg?
no subject
Date: 2024-09-28 01:15 am (UTC)Unless you're asking me to go without a shirt at this bed and breakfast? [ Kaz teases, knowing what she's actually trying to get at. But, it's so fun to needle her sometimes.
At the gentle touch to his thigh, his muscles tense instinctively, though he soon relaxes, slowly flexing his foot again. ]
Could walk on it. Not very far; it'll cramp again. Anika's likely cleared my schedule.
[ She knows the routine, when the Wraith docks. It used to make Kaz bristle, that she'd do such a thing without his permission, feeling like his vulnerability was on display. Now he knows better, trusts Anika isn't going to spill his secrets to the first person she saw on the street. She's loyal to the both of them, after all, and is familiar with how there's rarely a time when one is without the other, when they're both in the same place. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-28 08:42 pm (UTC)I should hope you would get out of your shirt at said bed and breakfast, else you'll have a poor time relaxing.
[ punk. ]
But good. [ at anika clearing his schedule. she finishes her second (and likely last) attempt at getting his leg to relax further with another gentle pat before she shifts a bit, settling on her knees to give the collar of his shirt a gentle tug. ] Speaking of, you should try to get out of these clothes before your leg protests further; you won't be walking at all.
[ and, before he starts: ]
I can pick up dinner to eat in later tonight.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-28 09:45 pm (UTC)He uses their conversation to focus, dragging a sleeve across his brow to wipe away the misting of cold sweat that's sprung up. ]
If you were so eager to see me undress, you just needed to say so.
[ Though he knows she's right (as usual). He swallows whatever protest he might've had at her picking up dinner, trying to be better about these things.
And, well, the residual pinch of his nerves is starting to radiate upwards towards his hip. Even if the muscle has started to release, the inflammation is a warning sign to stay off of it unless absolutely necessary.
With a gentle pat, he nudges her hand away so he can get up and change. As much as he'd like to tease her more, swapping his suit for his bed clothes is a perfunctory affair. Soon enough, he's settling back onto the bed with a long sigh, cane close at hand. Needy as ever, he loops an arm around her waist, slouching enough to press his cheek to her shoulder. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-28 10:46 pm (UTC)[ she says, informatively, before she too rises to her feet to properly change out of her traveling clothes. really just looser pants and a looser shirt, folding her clothes neatly to set aside as she settles back onto his bed, scooting herself up to sit. but she isn't left lingering for long, as kaz worms an arm around her waist to tug her closer. the movement sparks a chuckle, and inej adjusts her arms enough to hold him, a hand running through his hair lazily. ]
What am I going to do with you. [ she murmurs, nose at his temple as she relaxes into the pillows. ] My stubborn fool of a man.
[ she has half a mind to just take her with him, the next time she sets sail. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-28 11:12 pm (UTC)[ Nevermind that they haven't gone away in her absence. If pressed, he'll say it's because they were noisy when they were demanding to be fed.
His attention soon goes elsewhere, focused in on how warm she is and how the salt from the ocean has stuck to her skin. Later, he knows she'll want to rinse it all off with the hottest bath imaginable. For now, though, he breathes her in, glad for the familiar scent. ]
Mm, whatever you like. [ Kaz murmurs against her shoulder, giving her a small nuzzle. With her tucked so close, all of his anxiety has quieted, the adrenaline finally starting to ratchet down. Perhaps it should be embarrassing, how quickly her presence comforts him and allows him to calm down.
Instead, he's just relieved.
Feeling the beginning tugs of exhaustion—the real kind, that he knows he'll be able to rest with—he toys with the end of her braid, looping the furl of it over two of his fingers. Maybe it's the sleeplessness or even the plan to visit the country; the words come loose, without much of a filter. ]
Next time we go to the country, I'll show you where I grew up.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-29 12:36 am (UTC)It's a date.
[ quietly, running her fingers through his hair again, a soothing gesture. it won't be long until he drops off to sleep, and so inej keeps her voice soft and light, along with her touch. ]
But you will have to plan that getaway; I only have an inkling as to where that is.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-29 01:05 am (UTC)The farmhouse and the fields beyond...it's a start.
Slowly, he places a hand on her thigh, drawing his thumb across the subtle stitching pattern on the sleep pants she's chosen. The motion is as soothing to him as her fingers in his hair, her nails just barely ghosting along his scalp. ]
Two towns over from Lij. Small enough it never got named. [ It could hardly even be called a town. Nor a village, really. More like a loose collection of houses and a general store. For anything else, they'd have to ride or take a carriage the eight miles down the road to Lij proper. ]
Bought the land back after my first big haul. [ It'd been stupid, really, to waste kruge on the deed. Even stupider, in the intervening years, to continue to make investments and trades listed under the false Rietveld name. At the very least, his sentimentality had served a purpose when they'd swindled Jan Van Eck out of everything he owned.
Still, he's held onto it this long. Might as well let Inej catch a glimpse of what his life had been like, before all of the misery had shattered him into pieces. ]
I think you'll like it. [ Kaz glances up at her then, imagining her sitting amongst the boughs of the tree he'd climbed as a child. She'd be much more graceful about it, of course. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-29 01:24 am (UTC)but when he glances up at her, seemingly searching her features for something, she meets his gaze with a brief questioning look before smiling again, tilting her head down for a brief kiss before brushing the hair out of his eyes. she has, after all, messed it up a fair bit in her ministrations. ]
It sounds beautiful. [ a little village with no name, with nothing but community and the earth. it sounded perfect, truth be told. ] Peaceful.
[ the perfect place to relax. and, well. seeing as he's being willing to share, inej decides to push a little bit. a question, as he lounges, practically using her for a pillow. ]
Is your home still there? The house where you grew up.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-29 02:16 am (UTC)It's chaotic, during harvest. [ They'd hire out for seasonal help and for a whirlwind couple of weeks, there'd be so much to do from sun up to sun down that he and Jordie would be nodding off during supper. Their kitchen would be completely overtaken by bundles of flowers and herbs, hanging from the rafters or sorted into stacks on the long bench by the bay window at the back of the house. ]
There's a small family; tenants. It sat empty, after– [ Kaz frowns, the easy conversation suddenly turning difficult. The words are there, frozen on his tongue. He opens his eyes again, staring unblinkingly at the colorful pattern on her socks and attempting to sear it into his mind to override the memory of his father's blood seeping into the freshly-churned soil. Drawing in a shuddering breath, he at least tries to finish the thought in some manner. This is what she'd asked of him, isn't it? To trust her with all these jagged pieces, all the soft parts he'd never bare to anyone else. ]
Didn't want it falling into more disrepair.
[ At that, he curls his arm around her a bit more, her solid weight a balm that keeps him in the present. ] It's not very tall, won't be much of a challenge for you to climb.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-29 07:10 pm (UTC)she can feel it, really, more than see it. his breath hitches suddenly, an almost imperceptible motion. his muscles tense, and inej pauses in stroking his hair to look down at him, to see him staring into seemingly nothing. then, just as quick as the moment comes, it is gone with a shuddered breath, continuing his thought. or, at least, finishing with something other than shutting down completely, drawing her in closer.
she frowns to herself, wanting to pry. after what, exactly? but she has known kaz brekker long enough to know that was there was a time and a place to pry, and as he was volunteering information of his own accord, it felt like a poor place to poke. so instead, inej smooths her hand to the back of his neck, then down his shoulders, a comforting sweep of her palm. ]
Still with me?
[ it's a quiet check in, smoothing her hand back up his spine to his shoulders, then to his neck. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-29 09:19 pm (UTC)Still, in moments like this, where the misery of the past rises up, those curated habits go crashing to the floor. She's seen him do worse. And in some cases, has done worse. Somehow, giving his history a voice is like breaking a spell. Or a curse, perhaps. He owes it to her, to finally hear it. Unlocking the tale takes more effort than it should, always seeming to choke him before he manages to get it out there.
So, he swallows and shudders minutely when her palm makes contact with his neck, dragging him fully back into the present. He blinks away the after-image of his Da's misfortune, sighing against her shoulder. ]
I'm here. [ At this, he turns his head enough to kiss the seam of her sleeve, more proof he wasn't lost in whatever thoughts had come to plague him. ] I'll take you, in early spring.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-29 11:00 pm (UTC)after all, she hadn't required of him that he be perfect, or empty his soul to her without hesitation. only that he pried his armor away, piece by piece. and he had done that, however messy a process it had been. he would tell her what happened on that farm when he was ready. she knew that much, and that was all that mattered. ]
I'll be there. [ quietly, pressing her lips against his forehead in a soft kiss. he was comfortable and warm, inches from dropping off to sleep. or so she assumed, anyway. ] But only if you promise me two weeks without interruption.
[ and she settles back into the pillows, amused. ]
I want a full tour, and you will need your rest.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-30 12:07 am (UTC)She's agreeing, though, to come during spring. It warms him through, even if there's a strand of anxiety over the decision. His desire to have her see a window into his past is stronger than the fear that was the starting iron for his armor. Wordlessly, he presses another kiss to her shoulder, mouth turned up in a smile she could surely feel. ]
Two weeks, hm?
[ Quite a bit of time. No more than he'd spent on her ship and their time in Ravka, however. Besides, south Kerch wasn't too far, just in case anything should happen.
As she settles into the pillows some more, he adjusts, turning to drape an arm around her middle and put his weight on his good leg. And to properly put his own pillow under his head. ]
The deal is the deal.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-30 12:31 am (UTC)she hums to herself, a nameless tune as she rests her cheek on top of his head, eyes traveling to the ceiling. the familiar wooden beams and the odd cracks in the wood that inej has long since memorized. her fingers brush his hair back again, and her eyes shift to kaz, to watch him slowly drift into sleep. or, well. on his way to it, anyway. ]
I will wake you up when it is time for dinner.
[ she whispers, kissing his forehead. ]
Sleep well, my love.