timewasting | OPEN POST 2020.

[ The reassuring nudge of her knee is a welcome one. It's something to ground himself to amidst his own tension. Though he wants to argue that last point—he'd made so many mistakes with Van Eck. Trusting him to begin with, for one. So many things he'd missed and nearly gotten all of them hanged for it.

While he doesn't believe in luck, things had certainly fallen into place the day of the auction. They'd made it out. ]

If there's anything left when I get back. [ He could just make another gang, right? After all, he'd told Inej that maybe he'd build something and burn it all down. Between then and now that's changed. Frowning, he leans back against the pillows, anxious thoughts turning instead to how he'd go about rebuilding from the ground up. ]

You are going to have to learn how to trust the people you work with eventually.

[ mildly, as she flips to a different map, showing the sprawling lands of ravka. she feels him lean back against the pillows, but she doesn't lean back -- not yet, allowing him the space to get comfortable.

but she does keep talking, as she lets a finger trace a path over the map, nose wrinkling to herself in thought. ]

This will be good for you, the separation. You need a break.

[ else he'll wind up in an early grave. ]

Imagine how much free time you will now have now that you are not micromanaging every aspect of every operation that crosses your desk.

[ ........... okay so maybe she thinks he's being dramatic. ]

I trust them to do...certain things.

[ Which isn't saying much. So okay, maybe he does need to trust they'll be fine. That they'd listened over the past half year. Because she is right on all counts: he needs a break. Not just one that lasts a few hours in his quiet room. One that's actually pulled him away from working because he hasn't stopped moving in several years.

He sinks a little further into the pillows. ]

I don't micromanage that much. [ Kaz please. ]

You micromanage plenty.

[ and, finally, inej rolls up the map to slip back into the canister next to her, beginning to clean up her work station that is her bed. she should probably turn in for the night soon; she can hear her crew getting ready, and bunkering down for the night. the ship swaying lighting in the current of the sea.

and, as she begins to put away her paperwork, she adds: ]

It is not one of your endearing qualities.

It's better if I double-check things.

[ Does he sound wounded? Definitely. He's caught a number of mistakes over time. Possibly never anything so glaring or un-fixable but that's not the point.

Inej rolls up her map and starts to clean up the scattered paperwork and Kaz watches her steady motions, graceful even as the boat rocks. It's something of a lulling sway and he's mostly gotten used to correcting his footing. Laying down, he sees why so many say they sleep fairly well out at sea despite the cramped quarters. ]

How do you do it? [ Simply trust people to get things done. ]

[ kaz is only proving her point, so she allows him to dug that hole a bit more as she slips the paperwork into a bag that she belts shut, attaching to the post of her bed. everything can move, on a ship, and everything has to be belted down.

at kaz's question, though, inej hums to herself in thought before resettling herself to sitting, fingers moving to undo her braid as she talks. it was time, after all, to properly get ready for bed. ]

Here, if one person does not do their job, we may die.

[ it was said simply, and inej shrugs. ]

So if I cannot trust the people here with my life, then they cannot be part of our crew. We all must do our part, or it will fall to pieces. So the people here must support me as much as I support them, in order for this to work.

[ and inej offers kaz a small smile. ]

You are only here because of the support of others, and vice versa. So you have to trust them at least a little, just as they trust you. And you would not have left, if you did not trust them. So allow them to earn the trust you have placed in them, and relax.

[ boi chill. ]

[ She has a point. Out here, it's more important to trust each other and have each others' backs. A ship is a more delicate thing to care for than a building– the latter can be rebuilt with usually little casualty.

If a ship sinks, it's done for. Especially if it's out in the middle of the ocean. ]

Alright, alright. [ At the very least, he trusts Anika and Pim well enough to know they won't burn it all down by mistake. He'll have to take a risk and just let it all play out while he's here, unable to simply turn around and go back. Earlier, he'd thought about it. About going back– his worry had reached a peak enough to make him ill–but he wasn't sure if he could handle such a swift return. It felt cowardly and he had given her a promise to come with her.

Kaz didn't go back on his words.

Sitting up, he takes a page out of her book and starts getting ready for bed, forcefully turning his thoughts away from images of the Slat being in shambles when he got back. Instead, he's distracted as he takes his shoes off, surreptitiously watching as she undoes her braid for the day. As always, he wants to reach out and comb his fingers through the undone strands, liking how it lays along her back like a heavy curtain.

Which brings him to the other thing making him nervous: this situation. ]

You're sure you're fine with me in here?

[ inej was already out of her shoes -- the only thing she had left was her hair, as she shook out the plait. and while she feels temporarily victorious at kaz's dropping of the subject of trust, her fingers pause in combing out her hair at his question.

truthfully, she isn't sure. it's jumping off a cliff that she hasn't yet tested, to see how she feels, sharing space in such an intimate way. but eventually, you need to just jump. ]

I will tell you if I am not.

[ reassuringly, as she shakes out the rest of her hair. and she adds, honestly: ]

I think I will sleep better, with you here, than with you elsewhere on the ship.

[ she would rather know he's safe here, than freaking out somewhere else. ]

[ He knows she'll say something if she's uncomfortable. Truthfully, he's gotten fairly good at sensing when she's having one of her moments, when she's thinking about her past. Just as she knows when he's receding back into those horrible moments in the harbor.

Still, they've been pushing the boundary, little by little. As much as sharing a bed with her fills him with anxiety, there's a part of him that's glad to. It puts them a little closer than usual, something like when he's given her a hug. ]

Do you want me to brush that out? [ He starts unbuttoning his vest and shrugs it off but doesn't make any further moves to undress. ]

[ she’s come to expect Kaz’s volunteer by now — why he enjoys her hair so much, inej has no idea. and the question distracts her from the unbuttoning of his vest while seated on her bed— the moment almost causing inej to tip into the tides of memory. ]

Sure.

[ easily, as she gestures toward the bolted down end table next to her bed. ]

My brush is in there.

[ The vest gets draped in his lap for now and he leans down to tuck his shoes under the lip of the bed, making sure he wouldn't trip on them come morning. Inej indicates where her brush is and he opens the drawer, pulling it out. Really, he isn't sure what his fascination with her hair is, but it's the one thing he's been aware for a while. He's liked the shine on her braid and the sway of it when she walks for as long as he can remember.

Even if he wasn't willing to admit as much until recently.

There's also the matter of it being a part of her he can touch without worrying. Just like he can hold her hand without revulsion, her hair is safe. ]

Come here, then.

[ she watches him fetch the brush and she soon unfolds her legs to shift around, so her hair is well within his reach. she rests her hands in her lap, fingers intertwining with one another as she closes her eyes.

relaxing. finding something calming in having her hair brushed. ]

Do you think you could climb to the crow’s nest?

[ said absently. ]

[ She's close enough that he can feel a bit of warmth radiating off of her. As he starts to gently pull the brush through her hair, he feels a similar calming effect. He's tempted to lean forward and press his face to it but he keeps brushing instead, getting all the tangles out bit by bit. ]

Probably. The netting helps. Why?

You should see the view.

[ quietly, her eyes closed as Kaz goes through her hair. ]

It will make you feel insignificant, but powerful.

[ it is (with no surprise) Inej’s favorite part of her ship. ]

You can see everything, to the end of the world.

Like the spires of Ghezen's church?

[ Though probably even better, out on the ocean. No buildings blocking the view or breaking it up along the way to the harbor.

With her braid having just been undone, there aren't as many tangles to brush through, so he ends up brushing it for a few more strokes just because he can. Because he likes the weight of it on his hands. Leaning forward, he presses his forehead to the back of her neck, her hair in the way of the skin. A little affectionate nudge before he leans away again and puts the brush away. ]

I have to change.

Better.

[ she says, a faint smile appearing as she feels a weight against the back of her neck, the small action of affection not unnoticed. and at his statement, she doesn't move. ]

Go ahead. [ and then, she continues, after a small pause. ] It makes you feel small. But in a good way.

[ it's humbling, and awe-inspiring. ]

It's freeing.

[ Really, he's not eager to part from being so close. But he does need to change out of these clothes—he's fallen asleep in a dress shirt before and it's not exactly comfortable.

So he manages to pry himself away, untucking his shirt and undressing. He pulls on sleeping pants and a shirt, turning her words over in his head. Vast and freeing. The ocean was freedom to her, full of possibility. A future she's already begun to build on.

In the morning, he'll climb up to the crow's nest. ]

Don't most things make you feel small? [ Sorry Inej, that was too easy. He flips back the covers on one side of the bed, sliding under them and trying to ignore just how close she'll be. ]

Ah, like how most things make you feel slow.

[ without missing a beat, as she tosses him a look once she feels him sink into the bed, and inej turns to settle against the pillows herself, but she doesn't slip under the covers just yet. she just sits there, stretch out her legs and crossing them at the ankles, tone dry. ]

I almost had ramps installed to make it easier for you to get below deck.

[ Her retort makes him laugh, a short and dry sound, a grin pulling at the corners of his mouth. Trust her not to think of his old injury as sacred, as something to avoid.

As she settles against the pillows, he turns to face her, head tilted up, amusement still clear in his expression. ]

Stairs aren't so bad. These aren't crooked, at least. [ Oh, also: ] And there aren't three flights of them.

[ there are a lot of things inej avoids, when talking to kaz. both delicately and not. but his leg has never really been one of them, mostly because it doesn't seem to bother him that much.

besides, a dose of humility is good for him. probably. but the comment about the three flights prompts a roll of her eyes as she looks down at him, unimpressed. ]

And who put your office and room on the top floor?

[ eyebrows arched, as she reaches out to gently brush a piece of hair out of his eyes. ]

Because I am pretty sure it was you.

The silence up there is worth it.

[ It's private, which is really what he wanted. But he also gets more work done without the louder sounds of the Slat echoing through the first and second floors. Not much reaches its way up to the attic.

As she reaches out, he tilts his face towards her hand, liking the casual nature of it. ]

Besides, I know someone who likes to climb through the window. [ She wouldn't be able to make nearly as many dramatic entrances if she had to knock on a door. And climbing through a first floor window is a cinch for just about anyone. ]

You had the attic before I climbed through the window.

[ mildly, as she lets her fingers run along his cheek. and she lets her hand drop next to him, giving him a knowing look. ]

And my point is that you cannot complain about a situation that you deliberately created.

[ so there!! ]

Maybe I keep it because you do.

[ He runs the Dregs now, he could have any room he wants. Possibly he could even move out, have a space that's completely his—it's not like he's lacking the funds for it. For now though, he likes it. There's space and quiet, despite the long walk up. ]

I'd rather complain about the stairs than the noise. [ He takes hold of her dropped hand, pressing his cheek to the backs of her fingers, wanting the bit of touch for once. ]

[ she allows her hand to be brushed against his cheek, and she smiles at him thoughtfully. ]

There is no shortage of noise, here.

[ it's a small space, and you hear most things. but the sound of the ocean is soothing on most nights, and tends to drown everything else out.

but after she says that, inej lets go of his hand to shift, so she can slide underneath the quilt too, turning so she can face him, her cheek resting against her pillow as she watches him.

step one is achieved, at the very least. and she remains still for a moment before she reaches out to take his hand again, squeezing his fingers. ]

What do you think awaits us in Ravka?

I don't have to concentrate on plans here.

[ Or on balancing the books for the club. He's good at numbers but trying to do them when he can hear shouting and raucous laughter can be annoying.

He lets go of her hand as she moves, a bit of nervousness spiking when she lays down and turns to face him. This feels so intimate, so little space between them; he's tempted to shift closer as much as he's repulsed by the idea. Still, he doesn't pull away when she takes his hand again. ]

I'm not even sure. Cold weather? [ That seems to be the one thing that sticks in his mind about that country. ]

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