timewasting | open post 2k4.

[ He is absolutely being agreeable. Way more than he usually would be—in the past he'd at least pretend to have a fight. Even just to needle her a bit.

But, she's been gone for so long this time. The euphoria of having her here with him again is enough to override any of his grouchier tendencies. Maybe that should worry him, that the fight's gone out of him so quickly, so easily. Later, he'll be upset over it. Probably. There are other things he needs to sort through first. Which, he has to admit, a weekend away will help him with—it's easier, to get out of his head, when he isn't surrounded by all the trappings that cause him to pull his armor on.

For now, he sets that aside, chasing the soft kiss she'd brushed across his lips, returning it with one of his own. ]

Still playing the seeker of my secrets, Wraith? [ Not that she ever stopped. Just like he always has her in mind, when scouring the city for information, digging up anything and everything he can for her cause.

With one hand on his cane and the other in Inej's outstretched palm, he levers himself up, blowing out a slow hiss of air once he's upright. The walk to the Lid had been a long one, aggravated by his lack of sleep over the past few days. Used to the pain, though, he straightens, offering her his arm as they begin the trek to the Slat. At her humorous jab, he gives her a quirked smile, huffing a laugh. ]

It's been known to happen on occasion. Slim occasion, but, the chances are still there.

There are a few yet that I've been aiming to collect. [ his secrets, that is. but it's really no secret at all that kaz brekker, boss of the barrel, has been utterly miserable to deal with over the last few weeks. the dregs had all but kidnapped her when she set foot in the slat to ask her to navigate one of his moods. nostalgic, really. not much has changed. ] But I'll settle with getting you into bed, first.

[ because that leg of his is complaining something fierce, even if kaz hasn't (and won't) say a word about it. she takes his arm easily, resisting the urge to loop an arm around his waist (both for closeness and also to give him a more stable point to lean on), keeping her steps careful and light to match his pace without making it painfully obvious she was walking slower than usual.

she squeezes his arm gently, nudging him down a side street. a slightly longer way back to the slat, but with a more even road, and skipping over a hill. his knee will thank her for it. ]

I worry about you. [ after a moment, deciding to broach the topic early - plenty of time for him to get his grousing out of the way now before they make it back to the privacy of the attic. ] When was the last time you slept?

[ For a brief moment, his pride chafes; he can tell, through her subtlety and the ache shooting up his leg, that she's slowed her steps to match his. But, he swallows it, the angry words kept behind his teeth. She was trying to make it easier on him. Not out of pity, but because she didn't want to see him wincing and off his feet tomorrow.

Sighing, he follows her nudge into the side street, well aware of the route they're now taking. It does avoid a steep hill, even if it's longer. ]

If there's any who can steal them away, it's you.

[ Not that it's really stealing if he gives them to her willingly. ]

Define sleep. [ The joke is a bit strained—he hasn't been sleeping well at all. Somewhere around month 4, the paranoia about her ship sinking had dug its claws in and gotten progressively worse. ]

[ her frown tugs a bit deeper, at his non-response, and inej steers him down another side street. less crowded, a bit more winding, but with an even road, the cobblestones a bit more tightly packed together. no matter how many months she spends away from ketterdam, she still has the map of the city branded into her mind, inej realizes as they begin their descent into the barrel itself. her city.

and kaz's, if he allowed himself the wherewithal to take care of himself long enough to enjoy it. ]

You will tell me what has you avoiding sleep. [ it is not an option to continue dodging it, thank you very much. but inej seems to let it go at that, realizing that she will need to pester him more when they are alone together rather than on the streets of ketterdam. but inej lets out a breath in a sigh, squeezing his arm a bit. ] You aren't invincible, Kaz.

[ however much it may feel like it, even to her. she falls quiet at that, focus on making their way through the growing business of the barrel. soon, she can see the crooked rooftops that she frequented surrounding the slat itself, and she tilts her head up at him as they walk toward it, arching her eyebrows. ]

The attic?

[ assuming he hasn't moved his bedroom to the ground floor in her absence, anyway. ]

[ Tilting his head just a bit, he catches the frown pulling at the corners of her mouth. She's disappointed. Or upset. Or a little of both, for the fact he hasn't gotten much rest. He'd known she would be, knows it worries her when he pushes himself too far. And truthfully, Kaz had tried to sleep. But, it had evaded him, even if he tried to lie down. He'd find himself waking from a nightmare or tossing and turning until he'd given up sleeping entirely for the day. ]

Later. [ Kaz concedes, not wanting to get into it right now. His leg is in too much pain and he hasn't had enough time to sort through his thoughts without saying something that would spark an argument. Probably. ] That's still a work in progress.

[ The invincibility. Since he'd taken down Rollins, most people haven't even tried anything against him. There would always be some idiot with an ambition, though. And he knows there's only so much time he'll be as healthy and strong as he is.

So, he's working on it. Sorta. It's more of a joke than anything else. ]

I'm a creature of habit, Inej.

[ The attic it is. As they make their way, he allows himself to lean, minutely, on her strength. And once they arrive, to a thankfully quiet Slat where no one bothers them, he doesn't put up a fight when he gets nudged into sitting on the bed.

All at once, he has a familiar urge to just forget this whole venture. To burn it down and start again. Or perhaps to just remake himself a third time, escape to the country and be someone else.

He won't, but on days like this, with little sleep and the exhaustion leaking into his joints, he's tempted. ]

Come here and kiss me?

[ bless him, he looks quite nearly pathetic as he settles himself on the edge of his bed. she considers him for a long moment before melting into a soft smile, stepping in between his legs to put her hands at the base of his neck, running her thumbs along his jaw. ]

I suppose I could grant such a request. [ she murmurs, leaning in to give him a kiss, sighing against his mouth. it's slow and gentle, without much more intent behind it. after all, he was in quite a bit of pain. and after a moment, she pulls away enough to press a kiss to his forehead, tone fond: ] Come on, you need to lay down.

[ and, as she begins to push his coat off of his shoulders, gently tugging it off to fold over her arms carefully: ]

I will pack for you.

[ wouldn't be the first time, won't be the last. ]

[ She gives him a slow smile, the one filled to the brim with affection, and he feels his heart squeeze at the sight. He missed her keenly, this time, the months driving in the sharp edge of that particular ache. So, there's only the slightest of hesitation—a check in with himself, to be sure her touch would be welcomed—before he relaxes into her hands, settling his own loosely on her waist. ]

Generous as ever.

[ Her sigh is mirrored as he happily returns the kiss, moving to loop his arms around her middle. Just to be able to feel the solid weight of her. With some reluctance, he does let her go, helping to shrug his coat off.

Next, he loosens his tie and slides the fabric from around his neck, giving it a toss towards the nearby bureau. He uses his cane to steady himself as he unlaces his shoes, pulling them off and tucking them under the bed frame.

Satisfactorily undressed for now, he settles back against the pillows, wincing as he stretches his bad leg out. Reaching down, he starts massaging right above the knee, grimacing at the way his stiff muscles complain. There was no way he was going to get any further in undressing with how it was currently. ]

Where's this place we're staying?

[ Because there is quite a bit of countryside, despite how small Kerch was in comparison to other places. ]

A secluded bed and breakfast named Evermore Farm.

[ she says as she picks up the loose tie from the top of the bureau to smooth it out, laying it flat on the piece of furniture. it only takes a few more moments to fish out a bag, setting it on top of the dresser. after a few moments of exploration, the bag is packed than less than fifteen minutes -- everything in its proper place. as she tucks another shirt into the bag, she says: ]

Less than a day's ride from Ketterdam, though close enough to come back swiftly, if anyone has need. [ which inej really doubts, given the people they're leaving in charge. she zips up the bag neatly before turning back to the bed, settling herself on the side of the bed as she undoes her own boots, eyes shifting to his leg. ] Was the waffle worth it?

[ moron. ]

[ An hour's ride—not awful, honestly. It's nice to know they were close enough, in case anything should happen.

Though, he doubts it will be a problem. Ever since he'd taken the trip to Ravka with Inej and come back to find everything mostly intact, he's relaxed a bit in micromanaging every part of the Dregs.

(Much to their relief, he's certain).

Anika has proven to be a competent second, and the Dregs he'd specifically recruited over the years have all stayed incredibly loyal. Going away for a weekend was hardly reason to worry.

At her provocation, Kaz rolls his eyes, continuing to dig his fingers into the sore muscles on his bad leg. ]

It was either a walk or lose my temper on the next podge who darkened my doorway. [ So yes. Worth it. ]

With your astounding intellect, I am certain you could manage to do both.

[ dryly, taking care to push her boots underneath the bed so kaz would not trip on them in the night if he needed to get up. that done, inej turns her attention to kaz himself, who... still looks to be in pain.

she frowns slightly to herself before she scoots herself closer to him, gently nudging his hand away from his thigh. ]

Here, let me. [ enough of a nudge for him to argue, if he didn't want her to touch, but she soon gently begins to feel along with her fingers to determine where the knot is, massaging in loose circles with her thumbs. ] So what caused you to turn your office into a mess, hm?

[ she saw those scattered papers on the floor, sir. ]

Sometimes it's doable.

[ Today had not been one of the days where he'd succeeded. All of his anxiety had been stewing for too long, sitting at the back of his throat; it had felt suffocating. Trying to work through it as a distraction hadn't worked. Neither had making a list to rationalize his fears. That had actually accelerated his worry.

Inej comes over, gently nudging his hand out of the way and he lets her, leaning back to put more weight on his palms so there was less on his hips and leg. Her deft, strong hands slowly feel out where his muscles tend to lock up, thumbs carefully circling the tension to try and loosen it. He's so wound up that his entire leg jerks at the pressure, pain lancing up his thigh. Kaz hisses out a breath, concentrating on keeping still so she could work at it. Soon enough, he knows the sharp jolt along his nerves will dull, relief on the heels of that.

Head tipped back and brow furrowed, intent on ensuring the tension doesn't work its way up, he frowns, not particularly wanting to give his worries a voice. Because he knows they're stupid. Or rather, that there isn't anything he can do about them. Not anything a sane person would do, at any rate. ]

You were gone a while, this time. [ He starts, choosing his words carefully. His tone is quiet; the last thing he wants is for her to feel like there's any kind of fault on her shoulders. ]

[ the sudden jerk of his leg causes her hands to still a moment, her frown deepening. but she soon resumes her gentle motions, thumbs slowly working the muscle as he relaxes into the pillows. soon, he'll feel better -- but the pain to get there first will not be pleasant.

her eyes flicker up to meet his briefly at his statement, his words slow and purposeful. a small tug of guilt shifts through her chest, and inej exhales slowly, smoothing her palm along his leg. ]

I know. [ her tone is quiet as she continues to work on loosening the muscle, fingers finding the knots with a skilled precision. ] The weather turned poor, and we had to dock for longer than expected in Ravka. Then, we found new leads to chase... more poor weather lead us to Novyi Zem. [ after a few more moments, inej pauses in her ministrations to glance up at him, her frown turning into a soft smile. ] So some time ashore is welcome, especially with you.

[ she shifts herself up to sit next to him properly, shoulder to shoulder, her legs crossed at the ankle as she stretches out next to him, to allow him a moment to give his leg a rest. ]

You were worried about me.

[ it's a statement of fact. ]

[ The pressure of her hands is working; he can feel muscles starting to give way, loosening their pinch on his nerves. With the mix of pain and relief, though, there's a beading of sweat starting at his temples. Kaz grits his teeth through another of her circular motions, taking a deep breath so he can actually concentrate on what she's saying.

It all makes sense, when she lays it out. Because of course it would. Bad weather kept them along Ravka's coast and then far out by Novyi Zem, which meant the return trip had taken longer than it usually would. After all, the stretch of True Sea between Kerch and Jesper's home country was fairly significant.

She moves then, to sit next to him, the warmth of her shoulder and arm a welcome one. The nerves in his leg are singing and he carefully flexes his foot, letting out a slow breath when he senses the sharp pain has lessened. And maybe he is a bit mollified by her saying that she was glad to be back on solid ground with him.

Of course, it does mean he's being read like an open book for the first time in eight months. Kaz has always been able to see her, no matter how much she tried to stay hidden. For his talents, she's learned how to do the same to him. Sometimes, he hates it. Right now...he isn't sure how he feels. Relief, maybe. ]

I can't save you from a storm. [ Not one in the middle of the ocean, anyway. As for how it all connects to him losing his composure and shunting his papers off his desk: ] The idea you could be swallowed by the sea, with no one the wiser—every day I didn't hear from you or see your sails on the horizon, the worse it got.

[ Carefully, he reaches over and takes her hand in his, two fingers seeking out the pulse point on her wrist. ]

I'm not asking you to stop. It's difficult, is all. When you aren't here.

[ she lets him take her hand in his own, letting him work through his thoughts. her expression softens further as he speaks the truth; he works himself into an anxious fit imagining the worst possibilities imaginable when she is out at sea. it isn't any wonder, then, how his office ended up as it did. and, really, inej supposes it was a good thing that he stalked his way out to the lid. better be be furious in private than take it out on the next poor soul who stumbled into his office.

so inej slips her hand through his arm, hugging it close against her before taking his hand again, squeezing his fingers gently. her cheek rests on his shoulder, being as close as possible while still paying mind to his leg. ]

You have saved me enough. [ a gentle reminder, her free hand running down his arm in an act of comfort. ] But you should know by now that I will always come back to land. Nothing will keep me from you, the sea or the slavers.

[ that being said: ]

You have me. [ another reminder, squeezing his arm. ] So come with me, to the country? Before the festivities begin.

[ Her weight shifts enough on the bed that he's ready for her to loop her arm through his. He relaxes into the hold, appreciative of the warmth of her hand in his. It's funny—a couple years ago, this much contact would've been a recipe for the revulsion to climb up his throat. For the harbor water to rise above his head and threaten to drown him.

And now, it's a comfort. Most of the time. ]

It'll never be done. [ Him saving her. She's plenty capable these days of doing it on her own, they both know that. But, he'd told her: knives drawn and pistols blazing. He'll never stop watching her back and ensuring she was safe in whatever ways he could. At least, not until the both of them were in the ground or burnt to ash.

So, while he wants to argue about her assertion that the sea won't keep her from him, he's simply too grateful that she's here to start down that stubborn road. ]

You just want to see me wear something other than mercher black. [ Not that he'll deviate too much, but the unrelieved angles of his suits were out of place in the country. Kaz is aware, at least, that she enjoys seeing him more relaxed in his dress, his hair loose and without the usual wax he put in it. ]

[ it'll never be done. she supposes that is true. he'll stop saving her the moment she stops saving him, which would be . . . never. so she lets it go, though she does toss him something of a look, at the rebuke. said look turns into a slight grin, at his jab, and she rewards him with a kiss on the cheek. ]

I want to see you sleep. [ there is a difference!! ] And you will sleep far more comfortably in something that is not a tailored suit.

[ and, well, there is something about kaz looking undone, which really only happens around her. she's rather possessive over those moments; for her eyes only, however much she thinks the rest of ketterdam would benefit from a more relaxed and genial kaz brekker. unfortunately for them, she steals all of those moments for herself.

she considers that for a moment before she gently pats his thigh -- the offending limb that had been giving him so much trouble earlier. ]

How's your leg?

I wear different things to bed, Inej. [ Most of the time, anyway. He doesn't think bedclothes will be suitable for walking around in public. It would be akin to public indecency, especially in a small country village. The Kerch prided themselves on propriety, after all. ]

Unless you're asking me to go without a shirt at this bed and breakfast? [ Kaz teases, knowing what she's actually trying to get at. But, it's so fun to needle her sometimes.

At the gentle touch to his thigh, his muscles tense instinctively, though he soon relaxes, slowly flexing his foot again. ]

Could walk on it. Not very far; it'll cramp again. Anika's likely cleared my schedule.

[ She knows the routine, when the Wraith docks. It used to make Kaz bristle, that she'd do such a thing without his permission, feeling like his vulnerability was on display. Now he knows better, trusts Anika isn't going to spill his secrets to the first person she saw on the street. She's loyal to the both of them, after all, and is familiar with how there's rarely a time when one is without the other, when they're both in the same place. ]

[ saints, he was annoying. his teasing is met with a roll of her eyes, most of her attention diverted to the flinching at the touch to his leg. she resumes her gentle massage of it, though only uses her thumb to work out a particularly nasty knot, talking all the while. ]

I should hope you would get out of your shirt at said bed and breakfast, else you'll have a poor time relaxing.

[ punk. ]

But good. [ at anika clearing his schedule. she finishes her second (and likely last) attempt at getting his leg to relax further with another gentle pat before she shifts a bit, settling on her knees to give the collar of his shirt a gentle tug. ] Speaking of, you should try to get out of these clothes before your leg protests further; you won't be walking at all.

[ and, before he starts: ]

I can pick up dinner to eat in later tonight.

[ And of course, her eye roll is met with a grin. It was about what he expected. The easy banter helps to take his mind off of her resuming the massage on his leg. Due to her efforts earlier, the knot has loosened somewhat, but it's still taut enough to be painful at first brush.

He uses their conversation to focus, dragging a sleeve across his brow to wipe away the misting of cold sweat that's sprung up. ]

If you were so eager to see me undress, you just needed to say so.

[ Though he knows she's right (as usual). He swallows whatever protest he might've had at her picking up dinner, trying to be better about these things.

And, well, the residual pinch of his nerves is starting to radiate upwards towards his hip. Even if the muscle has started to release, the inflammation is a warning sign to stay off of it unless absolutely necessary.

With a gentle pat, he nudges her hand away so he can get up and change. As much as he'd like to tease her more, swapping his suit for his bed clothes is a perfunctory affair. Soon enough, he's settling back onto the bed with a long sigh, cane close at hand. Needy as ever, he loops an arm around her waist, slouching enough to press his cheek to her shoulder. ]

I am going to remove your tongue and feed it to your crows.

[ she says, informatively, before she too rises to her feet to properly change out of her traveling clothes. really just looser pants and a looser shirt, folding her clothes neatly to set aside as she settles back onto his bed, scooting herself up to sit. but she isn't left lingering for long, as kaz worms an arm around her waist to tug her closer. the movement sparks a chuckle, and inej adjusts her arms enough to hold him, a hand running through his hair lazily. ]

What am I going to do with you. [ she murmurs, nose at his temple as she relaxes into the pillows. ] My stubborn fool of a man.

[ she has half a mind to just take her with him, the next time she sets sail. ]

My crows? [ He says, voice full of amusement and disbelief. ] Says the woman who's been encouraging the skivs for years.

[ Nevermind that they haven't gone away in her absence. If pressed, he'll say it's because they were noisy when they were demanding to be fed.

His attention soon goes elsewhere, focused in on how warm she is and how the salt from the ocean has stuck to her skin. Later, he knows she'll want to rinse it all off with the hottest bath imaginable. For now, though, he breathes her in, glad for the familiar scent. ]

Mm, whatever you like. [ Kaz murmurs against her shoulder, giving her a small nuzzle. With her tucked so close, all of his anxiety has quieted, the adrenaline finally starting to ratchet down. Perhaps it should be embarrassing, how quickly her presence comforts him and allows him to calm down.

Instead, he's just relieved.

Feeling the beginning tugs of exhaustion—the real kind, that he knows he'll be able to rest with—he toys with the end of her braid, looping the furl of it over two of his fingers. Maybe it's the sleeplessness or even the plan to visit the country; the words come loose, without much of a filter. ]

Next time we go to the country, I'll show you where I grew up.

[ the sleepy offer sparks a warm smile, and inej presses the smile into his hair. it's not that she's surprised at the offer, but kaz is still learning to open old wounds without pain attached to them. so the offer, while not surprising, is... a delight. ]

It's a date.

[ quietly, running her fingers through his hair again, a soothing gesture. it won't be long until he drops off to sleep, and so inej keeps her voice soft and light, along with her touch. ]

But you will have to plan that getaway; I only have an inkling as to where that is.

[ There's a small smile mirroring the one she presses to his hair, curling the corner of his mouth. Another piece of armor, shorn away and placed at her feet. Later, he might be anxious about it. For now, though, it feels like the right time. He doesn't think he'll be able to tell her everything—his history here in Ketterdam is still bottled up, locked behind several doors on the inside.

The farmhouse and the fields beyond...it's a start.

Slowly, he places a hand on her thigh, drawing his thumb across the subtle stitching pattern on the sleep pants she's chosen. The motion is as soothing to him as her fingers in his hair, her nails just barely ghosting along his scalp. ]

Two towns over from Lij. Small enough it never got named. [ It could hardly even be called a town. Nor a village, really. More like a loose collection of houses and a general store. For anything else, they'd have to ride or take a carriage the eight miles down the road to Lij proper. ]

Bought the land back after my first big haul. [ It'd been stupid, really, to waste kruge on the deed. Even stupider, in the intervening years, to continue to make investments and trades listed under the false Rietveld name. At the very least, his sentimentality had served a purpose when they'd swindled Jan Van Eck out of everything he owned.

Still, he's held onto it this long. Might as well let Inej catch a glimpse of what his life had been like, before all of the misery had shattered him into pieces. ]

I think you'll like it. [ Kaz glances up at her then, imagining her sitting amongst the boughs of the tree he'd climbed as a child. She'd be much more graceful about it, of course. ]

[ the news that kaz had purchased his family's land sparks a warm smile into his hair, touched at the thought. she had always known that kaz was good, deep down. this is just another piece of evidence to add to her folio, a hidden little gem of sentimentality and warmth that kaz has given her to safeguard. she will guard it zealously, with her life.

but when he glances up at her, seemingly searching her features for something, she meets his gaze with a brief questioning look before smiling again, tilting her head down for a brief kiss before brushing the hair out of his eyes. she has, after all, messed it up a fair bit in her ministrations. ]

It sounds beautiful. [ a little village with no name, with nothing but community and the earth. it sounded perfect, truth be told. ] Peaceful.

[ the perfect place to relax. and, well. seeing as he's being willing to share, inej decides to push a little bit. a question, as he lounges, practically using her for a pillow. ]

Is your home still there? The house where you grew up.

[ At her quizzical look, he shakes his head minutely–nothing was wrong. His chin tips up to meet her kiss, the imprint of her smile left on his mouth. He lets his eye drift closed, then, as she brushes his hair back, the hand on her thigh lazily drawing patterns on her pajamas. ]

It's chaotic, during harvest. [ They'd hire out for seasonal help and for a whirlwind couple of weeks, there'd be so much to do from sun up to sun down that he and Jordie would be nodding off during supper. Their kitchen would be completely overtaken by bundles of flowers and herbs, hanging from the rafters or sorted into stacks on the long bench by the bay window at the back of the house. ]

There's a small family; tenants. It sat empty, after– [ Kaz frowns, the easy conversation suddenly turning difficult. The words are there, frozen on his tongue. He opens his eyes again, staring unblinkingly at the colorful pattern on her socks and attempting to sear it into his mind to override the memory of his father's blood seeping into the freshly-churned soil. Drawing in a shuddering breath, he at least tries to finish the thought in some manner. This is what she'd asked of him, isn't it? To trust her with all these jagged pieces, all the soft parts he'd never bare to anyone else. ]

Didn't want it falling into more disrepair.

[ At that, he curls his arm around her a bit more, her solid weight a balm that keeps him in the present. ] It's not very tall, won't be much of a challenge for you to climb.

open post 2k4.

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